female only My Partner says "you took the easy way"

[bellabloom 2,467]

This week I almost did something really really stupid.

6 months ago I left my partner of 7 years and the father of my two children. He was verbally abusive to me our whole relationship. He used to tell me I was fat at 150 pounds. His nickname for me was buffolo and he told me things like I embarrassed him, I discussed him, I was lazy, incompetent, a gluttonous pig, just couldn't shut my mouth and didn't want to work hard at anything.

While we were together I had two children, three pregnancies, started a successful business, made friends and made a life for myself. I tried so many times to lose weight only to fail and many times he would sabatoge me. I was supposed to lose weight as long as I still cooked him amazing dinners, brought home ice cream and Cookies, didn't talk about it too much, and hit the gym every day at the time that worked best for him such as 5 in the morning so I was back in time to give him a blow job and get the kids ready.

I needed to have sex with him every day. He used to say he would "fuck the fat off me". He said if I gave out more I would lose weight. I was supposed to be all about sex while also taking daily insults towards my looks.

This went on for years and my weight steadily climbed from 140 to 240. I tried working out, Jenny Craig, personal trainers, juice fasting, phentermine, a month of eating disorder therapy and much more.

In eating disorder therapy they told me that I really didn't need to lose weight at all. I was about 180 pounds then and they were right. My health was good and I felt good. They preached self love and moderation, staying away from diets and working out for weightloss alone because it was causing me to gain weight and killing my self esteem. My partner made me leave therapy early, refused to attend with me and basically dismissed it because they weren't talking me into losing weight.

I became very depressed. I ate out of anger and resentment towards him a lot. I didn't want to lose weight and make him happy. I felt horrible. I stayed a long time for my kids but it was killing me.

I asked him last year how he felt about me having rny. He said if I did he would leave me because it was cheating, taking the easy way out and just another sign of my laziness. My lack of wanting to work hard for something or ability to take responsibility.

Well it's been 6 months and he has never stopped trying to get back together with me. I guess just in the happy state I am in I started to forget how bad things were or maybe it almost seemed impossible how he could have been so awful. I started to wonder how much was my fault because I was depressed about my weight. Maybe he acted that way because of how I was? Depressed and eating all the time....

I decided I would agree to go to counseling. I let him get closer to me and be back in my life a bit. I even told him about the surgery.

He acted fine about it until---- whoa. Wow. True colors come out. He started to show himself. He said he thinks it was "taking the easy way out " but that isn't even as bad as he said- "I know what you did. You planned this for a long time. You decided ages ago you would have the surgery and so you just ate whatever you wanted to get fat enough to have the surgery, basically you knew you could pig out and then you would just use the surgery to fix it. "

Oh man oh man. I can't believe what a huge mistake I almost made. Who says that to someone who had to have surgery to correct their weight? Using this as a way to hurt me. I mean I didn't even plan on having this surgery until October of last year. I was a few pounds short of 40 BMI but I would never gain a ton of weight to qualify!! I couldn't even gain the couple pounds I needed and ended up drinking tons of Water before my weigh in and then some! I barely passed only to find out I qualified for Comorbids anyway as I had liver disease.

He thinks I just sat around flippantly eating ice cream and donuts saying to myself who cares the surgery will fix this anyway. Like I had liposuction or something!! So ignorant.

I have given up my freedom to eat for life because it meant so much to me to be healthy for myself and my kids. I'll never completely be free of having to manage my weight. He thinks I am so superficial that this was just a fun little game for me. I just took the easy way because I am lazy like all fat people, we are just lazy pigs who can't close our mouths.

All I know is the whole time we were together that's the way he made me feel. He is like a walking eating disorder. He actually thinks weight loss is all about diet and exercise and anyone can do it. So easy. And guess what? He is overweight himself!!!

I am just shocked at myself. I can't believe how close I came. I can't believe I let myself get fooled and hurt by this person again.

Never never never again.

[The Candidate 3,215]

Congrats on freeing yourself from such a horrible abusive relationship. My sister was in a marriage similar to your own and after putting up with his horrible behavior for 20 years, he announced one day that he was leaving her for another woman. I told my sister that it was probably the best thing to have ever happened to her. It took her a few years to come to the same realization as she had very low self esteem. But once she started to come out of her shell she never looked back again. Today she happily remarried, independent, and and strong.

You deserve that same kind of transformation and I hope you get it. Just remember that you were never the problem. It's him.

[onmywaytobeingfound 163]

I am a musical person. I relate everything to music :-) Including a very recent bad choice of mine. Long story short, it involved me allowing someone to fool me for over a year. After 2 months my head is almost clear of the mental abuse and power he had over me. Anyways, this song came to mind reading the closing of your post. http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8v_4O44sfjM

Edited January 25, 2015 by onmywaytobeingfound

[Vanessa G 22]

It happens. Focus on the new you. Don't look back. You still have an amazing journey ahead of you. You don't need his baggage. He is the one with the issues. Good luck!

[Djmohr 6,965]

You do not need someone as abusive as that guy in your life. Run and never look back!

I used to have someone in my life that was toxic to both me and our children. It took me 6 years but I finally figured out how to get away from him. I remarried almost 28 years ago and I thank god everyday for my supportive spouse.

Even my kids have nothing to do with him, they call him the sperm donor!

[bellabloom 2,467]

I am a musical person. I relate everything to music :-) Including a very recent bad choice of mine. Long story short, it involved me allowing someone to fool me for over a year. After 2 months my head is almost clear of the mental abuse and power he had over me. Anyways, this song came to mind reading the closing of your post. http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8v_4O44sfjM

Your right that song is perfect thank you!!!!

[pupichupi 124]

@@bellabloom, All I can say is WOW, I have to say I sort of know how you feel, cause it may not have been my partner who used to say these things to me but my father used to say things about my weight and stuff like that to me, he started talking to my mom like that first, then as I grew older, and started putting on the weight too he would do it to me. I haven't been under 200 lbs since I was in 8th grade, and I have always played sports and worked out, and ate healthy, but I have a very under-active thyroid which made it very hard for me to loose weight like people with normal thyroids. It saddens me that people can be so hypocritical about this surgery, because it is the exact opposite to the easy way out. You have to give up so much more than just food when you decide to do this. Not only do you have to stop eating most of the foods you are so accustomed to but you have to learn a whole new way of eating and making sure you get in the right amounts of Vitamins and everything. I am very proud of you for finally putting your foot down for yourself and not letting him bring you down anymore. He doesn't deserve you, as you deserve someone who is going to be there for you and be strong for you through all that you are and will go through with this surgery. I feel sorry for him and who he is. As you said too he is overweight himself, so he should be put in front of a mirror and someone should tell him not to throw stones. That is just disgusting. I am sorry you went through that in your life, but It sounds like it has made you a stronger person, and a better person for it. Good luck and be happy!!!