What and how much should I tell my kids about my surgery?

[Kabby_Chick 17]

I'm scheduled for surgery on Feb 10 th. I have two young children, ages 7 and 4. Trying to decide what and how much I should tell. I'm going to be in the hospital for 2 days so I have to tell them something and my son equates being on the hospital as being very sick.

I'm trying to get healthier for them but their not quite olde enough to understand all of it. Any advice as to what to say to little ones?

[Pepper123 320]

I told my son and niece who are both teens..what i was doing and why...and they were both there the day of surgery..

[BLERDgirl 6,417]

CCLS here. You start at their level. Your son associated hospitals with being sick?

Explain that sometime doctors try to help before people get really sick. So you're going to see the doctor and he's going to fix your tummy. He wants to make sure he fixes you right so he's going to keep you in the hospital for 2 days to make sure everything is right. Then you'll come home but your belly may be sore for a little while so they'll have to be careful not hit your tummy for a while. After that mommy will be fine.

Edited January 23, 2015 by BLERDgirl

[scstxrn 213]

I'm with blerd girl... awesome explanation.

Depending on how far away the hospital is, you could also walk the 7 year old around and let him see where you'll be resting so the nurses can keep an eye on you before you come back home.

I was pretty graphic with my 8 and 11 year olds.. they knew how much tummy was coming out and we had great fun counting the staples on my leak check video. They also watched the surgery video with me.

I was clear with them that this was a pre-emptive strike so that I could play with them on the slide again.

The only bad part was when, 12/22, my Christmas tree wasn't up, my 8 year old said, "Mommy - did they take your Christmas spirit out while you were in Mexico?" hehe. Had to go buy a tree.

[HealthArtLove 13]

BLERDgirl hit it dead on. I used the same approach with my 7 year old. The only thing I added was that the doctors were going to help me lose weight. The night before the surgery she wanted to know how skinny I would be when I got home? Glad we had that conversation, she probably would have been disappointed/confused if I walked back in after surgery and still looked the same. ????

[chrispina 18]

My kids are 10 and 7 and I told them I was having surgery to help me make better choices so my body would be healthy. We looked at some illustrations of the surgery and talked about how I would eat afterwards. They seemed like they understood and were comfortable with it.

[Stevehud 1,790]

Tell them the truth, kids are remarkably understanding when you don't hide anything.

[BLERDgirl 6,417]

Just a few things:

I wouldn't recommend adding the bit about losing weight because I wouldn't want to give children the impression that the only way to lose weight is surgically. These are young children and they could make that leap in thinking. Part of speaking with children is to keep it honest and simple.

If the hospital you are having surgery at a hospital that has a pediatrics department you can call the Child Life Department and ask them to arrange a pre-surgical tour. This is especially helpful if you plan to have the kids visit you in the hospital so they are scared or intimated by the things they see. Most major hospitals have Child Life Departments. I used to prepare children for everything from short procedure like getting tubes in their ears to visiting relative in the ICU.

[MisforMimi 760]

My 4 year old had already surgery herself at 2. Tonsillectomy. She had a fundamental understanding that surgeries make things better. I chose not to tell her before. I told her I visiting a friend. I told her the night I returned. I showed her the scars. They explained perfectly why there will no jumping on mama....or rough play....

[GEAUX SAINTS 143]

Besides what's already been said, tell them that it's so hard for you get down on the floor to play with them and run outside with them because of your extra weight. Your doctor is going to help you so you will be able to play with them and not have to sit and watch. I'm sure they'll be excited about that!

[happymama2014 206]

I told my son my dr needed to look at my tummy. I already had been on a preop diet for months so he saw me losing weight and making better food and exercise choices. He has no idea exactly what happened he just knows my life is changing I'm healthier I eat less and exercise more.

[BLERDgirl 6,417]

I told my son my dr needed to look at my tummy. I already had been on a preop diet for months so he saw me losing weight and making better food and exercise choices. He has no idea exactly what happened he just knows my life is changing I'm healthier I eat less and exercise more.

Perfect! You want to keep it simple.For children, especially young children they make leaps in association they may not be entirely correct. It's part of the "magical thinking" that occurs at this age.

I would shy away from diet and weight talk. Hopefully as parents you are instilling in your children better food choices so they never have to face WLS. Really all they need to know is that you will be safe and you will come back. You don't want them associating hospitals and doctors with bad negative thoughts and feelings.

[Elisabeth TheQueen Smith 3]

my surgery is 2/2 and I'm opting not to tell my 5 year old daughter until after. Unfortunately she associates hospitals with death. She is going to stay with my mother while I'm in the hospital. I've decided to tell her afterwards to save her unnecessary worry. She does question why I'm not eating 'regular' food. Me and my husband have explained to her that my doctor is trying to get me 'healthy' We dont' use the word 'fat' in our house. I certainly don't want her to have any issues with weight or dieting but being healthy.