Not telling my only family member

[Slimsoon1988 123]

My mom passed away a year and a half ago. I currently consider my grandma my only family member. I don't have a relationship with anyone else. My grandma is still distraught over my mom's passing and I fear if I told her that I was getting surgery late next month she would absolutely lose it. Although I've decided not to tell her I feel absolutely horrible about it. We talk on the phone every other day and each time I feel horrible that I'm withholding this big surgery. Although she hasn't cooked for me in months I dread the day that I'm post op and she invites me to dinner, which I'll find a way to lie out of. Idk what anyone thinks but I had to vent because I'm really struggling with this.

[Susanjoyce392 66]

If you are withholding it out of concern for her, you shouldn't beat yourself up!

[Pepper123 320]

Don't beat your self up...u are not telling her because of her recent loss...I was set for September and had to cancel because i loss my father...i was afraid to tell my mum...but i told her two days after surgery....

[Slimsoon1988 123]

Thanks. This is hard for me because I'm an open book kind of person so sitting on big news is not my expertise.

[JWheel1989 21]

Are you planning on telling her after the surgery? Once a little time has passed?

[Slimsoon1988 123]

No. I think she would be deeply offended that I hid something like this from her. She would think I should have consulted with her about this . I still remember when I told her I was going to see a nutritionist a month ago and she demanded that if they offer me diet pills I shouldn't take it because people die from diet pills, etc.. She would completely lose her mind if I said the word surgery.

[JWheel1989 21]

It's a tricky situation to be in. I contemplated telling my sister because sometimes she can be extremely difficult with certain things and react very badly. But I also knew that if I told her down the line she would be upset that I didn't tell her before then. I guess it's working out which is harder for you, stressing your grandmother out or maintaining the lie. Personally I couldn't take the stress of the lie, and I luckily discovered that once I confessed to my sister she was very supportive. Your grandmother might surprise you?

[Slimsoon1988 123]

I would say yes if she still wasn't dealing with my mom's death. She has become more overly protective of me since then. There is no way I can see her supporting them putting me to sleep and cutting out a part of my stomach. I think I just have the live with the lie unfortunately

[changes1 14]

Maybe u can sit down and explain to her why u are doing it..I'm sure she will be ur biggest supporter..and ur gonna need that! Tell her u want to be able to live a long healthy life and be there for her. This is about your health...I think let her know

[Elisabeth TheQueen Smith 3]

First let me say how sorry I am on the loss of your mother.

My mom panicked the first time I told her about my surgery. I brought her to appointments and had things explained to her not just by me and my research but by them. Maybe if you talked to your doctor and set up an appointment to have them explain things to your grandmother it would put her mind at ease?

[Slimsoon1988 123]

I think because I'm a guy she sees nothing wrong with a big man. She just won't get why this is a medical necessity. Although I currently do not have high blood pressure, heart diseases or diabetes, they all run in the family. I'm doing this surgery to take control of my life and change my family pattern.. I'm also 26 years old so I can def see her telling me to just stop eating and run more. Unfortunately, I can't see her understanding or really wanting to understand this surgery. If I told my grandma that I will be having surgery in 30 days she will def make it the toughest 30 days of my life. And going into surgery I want to be surrounded with nothing but positivity. Maybe after I lose the weight and looking healthy/good I may finally work up the strength to tell her.