I caved today.

[Grateful_Love 114]

My last diet doc is on Feb 5th. I've been trying to do powders?utm_source=BariatricPal&utm_medium=Affiliate&utm_campaign=CommentLink" target="_ad" data-id="1" >unjury shakes 3x a day until my weigh in just because I want to get used to doing shakes and Water (and shakes and Water and shakes and water some more). I'd gone strong for 7 days, but then my boss brought in KFC for lunch. And I felt weird not eating with everyone and at first I thought I could just eat the chicken part and leave the extra crispy--but I caved. I hate two drum sticks, three potato wedges and a little cole slaw. I didn't over do it like I would have in the past.

Then, three hours later, I ate a snack size bag of pretzels. And then, I came home and I ate carrot sticks and oatmeal.

I know I didn't like--go crazy buffet style Chinese smorgasbord. I didn't stuff myself to the point of discomfort. But I still caved on my own goal shakes til my diet doc.

I'm feeling guilty. And weak. And I didn't "overdo it" per se. But I definitely self sabotaged. I still have plenty of time to get the few pounds that I'm sure I've gained off. I have like 3 weeks until my next diet doc, so I'll just be really good and really strict. And I haven't looked at the scale or anything. Maybe the number tomorrow won't even be that extremely awful--but the number doesn't matter so much as that I just...caved to a craving and I'm scared that I'll fail.

So, I'm back on the wagon first thing in the morning and I'll re-commit. Buy do any of you guys have any insight or advice or similar stories? Am I the only one that caved this close toward the end of the process?

I'm bummed out with myself. I'll bounce back I'm sure. But mannnnn. This was like my own test to see if I could do it.

Any similar stories? My doctor didn't tell me to start the shakes or anything. I just wanted to test myself. And now I feel like i failed myself.

And--I've already contacted my old therapist. So that'll start up soon.

[anaxila 501]

I did something similar in the 10 days before surgery. My surgery was done at a teaching hospital, so I was invited to participate in a research study along with the surgery. The study used three different methods of calculating body fat, one of which was a full-body low-level x-ray (DXA, for the curious). They gave me a copy of the results, so I have a full-color outline of exactly how much and what kind of fat I'm carrying where on my body. And unlike airline x-rays, they don't use a generic human form - they used my actual body shape. I didn't fully fit on the scanner so we have my head and torso, one arm and leg, and about 3/4 of the other arm and leg. No "before" photograph in the world could show in such detail how bad things had gotten with my body.

On the way home from the appointment, I stopped at McDonald's drive-thru for a quarter pounder with cheese, fries, and diet coke. I didn't make the connection until later about feeling ashamed by the body scan, and eating crap food. It's ironic that my reaction to seeing (really seeing) my body was to fill it with garbage. But who ever said we were rational?

Don't let yourself get hung up on the slip. Be grateful for it, because it showed you where you are vulnerable, and what triggers you to eat what you know intellectually you should not. This is incredibly useful information and you'll need it if you are to be successful after surgery.

This is a hard road we've all chosen. One of the benefits of the long ramp-up to surgery is to learn lessons like what you learned today. Be grateful for it, get back on the horse, and move on. Cheers!

[esskay77 785]

I'm sure that we have all had our slips! I'm a year post-op and our company just had a party and they brought in Chinese food. I didn't take a lot like I normally would have but I took a crab rangoon, an egg roll, a spring roll, some barbequed pork--I left the Entrees alone. Luckily I only took some bites of each and then threw it away but I shouldn't have had any of it. I knew it but couldn't stop myself! Sigh. But, all you can do is get back on that wagon and start over. It's going to be hard some days. The thing that is helping me is going to a support group where they talk about food addiction. Because that is the thing that makes us eat that stuff! I'm a work in progress and I assume you are, too. Well, we all are. Don't beat yourself up but use it to be stronger the next time. Because there will be a next time.

[Djmohr 6,965]

Don't be so hard on yourself. It happens to everyone at some point on this journey. The great news is you recognized it right away and are getting yourself back on track!

Most people who don't do well do not recognize when they slip, they just reintroduce their old behaviors little by little and before they know it they are in trouble again.

Good luck on the next phase of your journey and hope you have a speedy recovery following surgery. Keep us posted on your progress!

[RobinL123 7]

Hi Grateful,

Don't hate yourself, get back on track. Isn't it a horrible feeling knowing that you put all the hard work into something and then caved. I did that with cigs for 3 months prior to surgery and caved. I have 3 more months or more if I want to get back on track. I will try the same things you've tried prior to surgery just to see if it can be done. However, if it's not required right now. I think you need to do the shakes for one week prior to surgery, wouldn't you agree doing it sooner is self sabotaging? How do you feel about that? I'm asking because I want to learn by you because I see myself doing the same thing. In other words, eating like you've already had the surgery for months beforehand can be self defeating and take a toll on your self esteem. How long until your surgery?

[Grateful_Love 114]

Robin, I have my last supervised diet visit on 2/5/15. Then they will send everything in for approval. My doc seems to think there will be no hang ups. A girlfriend is going through the process with me and actually gained 9 lbs for this month of diet doc. I feel so so bad for her because it's almost a certainty that she'll have to start back at the very beginning and we are almost done. All I want to do is take her to a lunch buffet and tell her that she's beautiful. It's so odd how ingrained food is to our success and failure.

It's really hard for me to get back on the wagon in practice. In theory I can say I'm just gonna take one step at a time and plan to do better tomorrow and blah blah blah. But the first few days it always feels like punishment. I'm excited to start therapy next week because it's going to be even more difficult after surgery.

Intellectually, I know the shoulds and shouldnts and always have. In theory I could be a beach babe. In practice,however....

One day at a time. Hopefully I get myself back together.

The idea of doing shakes before my actual pre op liquid diet was like a test to see how quickly id fail...with the intention of failing. So I'm gonna drop the notion of "only shakes" til the doctor says only shakes. It's just better that way.

Thanks for all the support guys. <3

[WendyMay 13]

You are being too hard on yourself. Everyone slips up at one time or another! Maybe the shake thing is too much (unless your doc told you to do it) and you need more to eat in a day. I don't know. But are you taking Vitamins with your liquid diet? I worry about your health.

My doctor will just put me on a liquid diet 2 weeks before surgery if I don't lose 5% of my body weight.

Wendy

[Grateful_Love 114]

I am taking my Vitamins

I started doing two shakes and a meal a day. It just made it easier. I'm just staying the course.

Thanks for the kind words everyone