I actually asked myself.. is this really worth it?

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

So, I am hanging out right at my goal weight, which is higher than my lowest weight. I knew this was very likely to happen and so on the one hand, i am okay with it, but on the other hand, I feel fatigued by it. I know that I need to stabilize/re-lose a few pounds to keep that "cushion" between me and the 200s or 300s.... but I grow tired of it sometimes

In the past, that seemed very do-able. Buckle down, go back to basics, do Protein first, do 5:2, change up exercise. For whatever reason, right now, while it seems possible I had one of those pity parties where I asked myself what is fair about me eating a pittance of food, spinning on my bike and yet still struggling to keep a normal weight. I watch others eat a whole lot more than me and I sometimes want to eat with abandon too. The thought crossed my mind... is this REALLY worth it?!??!???

Then, I thought about the people I was comparing my eating to. Example - I went into the office yesterday and did a day long workshop so got to see people eat lunches - large portions and of course Cookies for snack later. The two ladies i sat next to are considerably younger than me - one is obese and the other is morbidly obese by my judgement. I had to remind myself that they are still healthy, but they are heading down my former path and I cannot let myself go back or else i go back to feeling ill, feeling like i was becoming disabled, feeling hopeless.

Anyway, it is worth it, but this is the first time I have ever really questioned it. I think I understand a bit more why people regain years out from surgery. We all know that you have to maintain a healthy lifestyle etc but I am telling you - my experience is that "lifestyle changes" UNDERSTATES the level of effort required. I don't even really eat junk food, but I still need to really watch what I eat - this is beyond "healthy choices" this is eating very small, eating the right things very consistently or else I will regain. This whole thing about an average healthy woman needing 1800-2000 calories a day to maintain is bogus. i don't eat anywhere near that and I know many of my fellow vets that are maintaining don't either.

So, as I used to say, but haven't in awhile...."carry on... what choice do we really have?"

[*Lexie* 1,486]

Not sure if you did this before surgery or not. But I remember those meetings where I was eating large portions and having a cookie (and chips) later and I would always look at the skinny girl in the room who ate the healthy salad and maybe some fruit for a snack and was so jealous that she had self control that I didn't have. YOU are that girl. I bet you someone in that meeting wished they had your resolve. Not sure if that's any consolation.

Good post, I'm still working through my food demons and it's a little scary to know that it never gets "easy". I should have known better. It isn't that easy now. The other day one of my friends said, "Don't take this the wrong way but I'm surprised how hard you still have to work to lose weight." Thank you! It sure is.

[Queen of Crop 1,103]

Good response to CGJ Lexie...yes, WE ARE ALL THAT THIN GIRL IN THE ROOM NOW! I like that! And yes, it is the pits that we can eat so little and struggle so much to keep our weight under control. But the fact is, it finally IS under control! How many years did we beat ourselves up when we tried so hard but failed at so many diets. These threads are good ones but I hope we don't discourage the newbies from having the surgery, because even though it's not a magic bullet, and at times it is hard, it is doable. And sorry, but a traditional diet for me was never doable for the long haul....so it's not perfect, but it's damn close! Hang in there CGJ....you've come such a long way!

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

@@CowgirlJane ... thank you so much for that post. Truly, thank you!

I'm with Queen. It's good to be a realist. Even though I'm not at maintenance yet (am only 5 months out), I am 16 pounds from goal. I have always expected to have to be an observant, mindful, obsessive freak about maintenance.

There's a guy on another forum who keeps saying, "We're not on a diet, so stop dieting!" This joker weighs 280 pounds *after* WLS and brags about drinking "several margaritas" every night in addition to the meals he whips up. His experience of what it takes to maintain his 280 pounds is blatantly different from everybody else's experience I've observed in the weight maintenance phase of this journey and is freakishly different from the experience of women who are trying to maintain a normal BMI weight.

Being normal-sized after being morbidly obese doesn't mean we no longer suffer from the disease of obesity. Given what we know about the metabolic effects of lifetime yo-yo dieting and obesity, I never expected I would be able to eat as much as my normal-sized friends when it's time for me to maintain my weight. And except for a few odd friends who are lucky enough to have strangely over-active metabolisms, even my normal-sized friends who've never been obese still exercise a lot, don't overeat often, don't clean their plates, and don't graze.

So let's keep it real.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I do like that image of modeling good behavior. Actually, it was funny but we were talking about mixed drinks at a local bar and i told them that I choose a vodka soda with lime - and my colleague said something about how that was pretty dang healthy for a mixed drink..ha

This is what success looks like. Well, one version of it anyway. I am not perfect, I fail pretty regularly in fact, but i get back up and keep going. It sometimes gets tiring, something I am not sure I related to even a year ago. I think THAT is an important message for newbies. I am astounded by the number of posts from people who never get to goal, or who get to goal and then have a regain and they are shocked by the experience - like they didn't "get" that the weight slides back on after the honeymoon period if you don't really manage it aggressively. The surgery is absolutely what I needed to get to where I am at, so I do not intend to be discouraging, but rather realistic. Anybody who thinks that maintaining a massive weight loss over the long haul is easy certainly isn't walking in my shoes. I hope it is easier for others, I really do. I thought for quite awhile that i could eat more than i really should (meaning, if i eat that much I regain)....

Some posts made by people in the honeymoon period make it sound easier than i think it really is over the long haul. I can think of a few people who don't actually post here anymore that were gung ho perfect exercise and "food planners" and I do wander if they have sustained that over time. I am determined to continue to walk a liveable balance between weight management and enjoying life. Some days are just harder than others.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Ann - good point - a man who is trying to maintain 280# is in a whole different "eating situation" than someone like me hoping to maintain in the 140s....

I never had the expectation that I would be able to just eat whatever I want. I was pretty realistic going in, but the reality of this day after day, year after year... well... it's real.

[windycitymom 60]

I do like that image of modeling good behavior. Actually, it was funny but we were talking about mixed drinks at a local bar and i told them that I choose a vodka soda with lime - and my colleague said something about how that was pretty dang healthy for a mixed drink..ha

This is what success looks like. Well, one version of it anyway. I am not perfect, I fail pretty regularly in fact, but i get back up and keep going. It sometimes gets tiring, something I am not sure I related to even a year ago. I think THAT is an important message for newbies. I am astounded by the number of posts from people who never get to goal, or who get to goal and then have a regain and they are shocked by the experience - like they didn't "get" that the weight slides back on after the honeymoon period if you don't really manage it aggressively. The surgery is absolutely what I needed to get to where I am at, so I do not intend to be discouraging, but rather realistic. Anybody who thinks that maintaining a massive weight loss over the long haul is easy certainly isn't walking in my shoes. I hope it is easier for others, I really do. I thought for quite awhile that i could eat more than i really should (meaning, if i eat that much I regain)....

Some posts made by people in the honeymoon period make it sound easier than i think it really is over the long haul. I can think of a few people who don't actually post here anymore that were gung ho perfect exercise and "food planners" and I do wander if they have sustained that over time. I am determined to continue to walk a liveable balance between weight management and enjoying life. Some days are just harder than others.

So well said @@CowgirlJane

[Stevehud 1,790]

the truth is, people who arent going through or havent gone through this just don't understand that while the surgery may be once ( or more depending) this lifestyle change isn't a one time event, it;s a lifetime event. While I don't relish the struggle, and i know ill have some pitfalls , none of us is perfect, ill accept that, but we have to do what we can when we can. And i have the utmost faith in you cowgirljane. and hopefully in myself. I can see how this can just throw anyone for a loop, it took me 4 years of constant soul searching to decide if i had the (excuse my words) testicular fortitude to carry this through . I do have those thoughts like, "Well, when I can I'll just have ONE sandwich and SOME french fries. Or ill just have a side salad with my turkey club. But the realization that even that is something that is seemingly out of my reach forever, is...depressing and always threatens to overtake me, but i lean on people. Here and my wife , friends, and coworkers etc.

Edited January 20, 2015 by Stevehud

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

@@CowgirlJane ... if you don't mind saying, what kind of maintenance food "budget" does your body tolerate at your ideal weight?

I realize that's not just a calories question, but also a Protein, carbs, etc. one. And exercise is a factor, too.

FYI, My Fitness Pal says that for me -- at 150 pounds as a 69 y.o., 5'4" female -- my "basal metabolic rate" would be 1,190 calories. To burn any more than that, I'd have to stand up and actually move. I don't know how realistic that calculation is. But I guess I will soon find out.

At http://www.myfitnesspal.com/tools/bmr-calculator BMR is defined as:

What is your BMR?

Your BMR (Basal Metabolic Rate) is an estimate of how many calories you'd burn if you were to do nothing but rest for 24 hours. It represents the minimum amount of energy needed to keep your body functioning, including breathing and keeping your heart beating.

Your BMR does not include the calories you burn from normal daily activities or exercise.

Our calculator uses the Mifflin-St. Jeor equations to estimate your BMR which is believed to be more accurate than the more commonly used Harris-Benedict equation.

[MichiganChic 3,262]

*sigh*

All true, and well said, @@CowgirlJane . That post is right about where I am, right now. I have a lot of will power, and I can pretty much do most things I put my mind to. I'm not one who even worries about difficulty, short term pain, or is short sighted when it comes to long term gain. The realization is really settling in for me that this is my life. Forever. I will go to my grave trying to keep from gaining weight by eating very little, and I'll be discouraged every time I eat a little more and gain.

I have also had to wonder if it's worth it. I'm trying to get to goal, which you know has been elusive for me. I'm struggling with a lot of stress in my life right now, and it's all I can do to maintain some days, let alone eat the 500-800 calories required for weight loss. In the grand scheme of things. it is absolutely worth it to maintain this weight, but I'm not sure getting to 140 pounds is worth the effort. I'm not ready to quit trying just yet, but I think it is a valid question. What am I really trying to accomplish?

So, for me, I pick the lesser of the evils. I REALLY don't want to gain any of that weight back, so I just keep doing the best I can....and not spend too much time thinking like this! I have to be Scarlett O'Hara in Gone with the Wind and just think about it another day

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Ann I don't track so I don't actually know. What I observe is I seem to need less than I did a year ago. I was injured by that lousy personal trainer and so stopped my uber high intensity workouts since I was in physical therapy and then summer came..and then I got distracted. So I am still active but haven't been working out hard like I used to. I suspect that I have lost muscle so that is part of the issue. I used to have very defined arm, shoulder and leg muscles....now, not so much. I am starting kickboxing next week though!

[Kindle 8,667]

@@CowgirlJane, thanks so much for this thread. At 13 months out and below goal for about 5, I'm not exactly a newbie, but definitely far from a veteran. I feel my weight loss and maintenance has been fairly easy to this point, but it's very good for me to read that this may not always be true. Knowing things will change and get harder in the years to come helps keep me grounded. I consider yours a great WLS success story and your post is a welcomed reality check for me. I hope you continue to have the strength to keep carrying on and to be happy with your choices.

And @@VSGAnn2014 I know exactly who you're talking about ????

[Bobby46 327]

I have been wondering about how I will handle the maintenance part of all of this. Thank you for a real glimpse of what its like. There aren't enough threads that point out the mental fight. It helps to see others are fighting this and winning. Its reality.

I am only 5 mths out now and am about 1/2 way to where I want to be. I have days that are super easy for me and I'm on track with everything and life is so good! "This is the best thing I have ever done for myself!".....Then I have days and sometimes weeks where I fight the fight and the scale doesn't move....that's when I start wondering about how this is all going to pan out for me.

I never expected the weight to just fall off quickly and I would be model perfect, yay me! I never for a minute had any delusions of being thin and being able to eat the way I used to. But....my little brain keeps messing with me. The whole "is this worth it" question nags at me on occasion because this is more a mental challenge than a physical one. But, its okay. I am not alone. Thank God for therapists!

I know I will reach my goal. I know I will fight until I get there. I pray that I will fight just as hard to stay there! I know my biggest battle will be the maintenance.

[Queen of Crop 1,103]

HI Bobby....you've lost 64 lbs and you wonder if it's worth it? Don't get me wrong, I know our brains work against us sometimes, but wow, 64 lbs in 5 months. That's fabulous! Look at all the strain you have taken off your back and knees and feet...you must be walking better, breathing better. Reaching goal is nice and good and all that, but you are getting your health back! That cannot ever be understated. And yes, maintenance is a bit of a challenge, but a lot easier than if we had lost (as if we could!) the weight in a traditional way. This forum keeps us all honest, so keep coming back and you will be inspired. And love yourself for how far you have come.

[HumanMerelyBeing 287]

I think this reality is critical to face and understand. It's very hard to be a grown up and really face this:

1) At 5'2 and 41 years old, I probably only need 1100 calories in maintenance mode and need to be under 1000 to lose

2) There is very little room for carbs, sweets or treats

3) food cannot be the answer to joy, celebration or sorrow

4) It is possible to out-eat your exercise and graze through your sleeve restriction

If we treat these realities like gross deprivation and loss and a sense of self-pity: we will probably not be able to maintain this. If we replace some of these "losses" with other exciting and joyful things in life, we stand a chance.

To me, this is a total brain re-train (and heart). As the Good Book says, "For where your treasure is, so your heart will be also."