I failed myself yet again...

[JerseyJules 862]

I just met with my surgeon and I feel so much better. Most of my worries and anxieties have been calmed. I wish my boyfriend could have gone so he would be less worried about me. Talking to the man who I'm trusting with my life really helps. He's never had a patient die and promises I'll be fine. I think that's all my bf needs to hear. I know it's about me, but if he was having a surgery, I naturally would also be worried.

I was disappointed to hear that my surgeon does use a catheter :/ I am not looking forward to that.

I hope your not doing the surgery for anyone else but YOU. Dont give a shit what others think of you, dont fall victim to society and how it fat shames us into thinking we all need to be super thin. Dont do it for acceptance and dont do it to look good...Fuck what people think of you or how you look...Who cares...

Do it for YOU and only YOU..If your doing it, do it to feel better physically and be healthier down the road. Do it because you want to and have exhausted all options first. believe in yourself first, let yourself fail a few times to be sure its the right thing for you...Im telling you, its a really hard decision to make and go through with mentally, at least for me it was. I dont know if you read all the way through the thread, but I backed out of the surgery literally the last minute cause I was not 100% sure I was ready...Make sure you are 100% ready and don't feel you HAVE to do this for anyone other than yourself.

Good luck in your journey whatever path you take.

[kimmeesue 41]

Being in therapy for years help me to realize that my issues with food came from my family from a very young age. I was caught in a battle after my parents divorce. An overweight grandmother who taught me that food was comfort and a mother who badgered me to be thin as a very young child. As I got older I was put on every diet imaginable even when I was thin. I was actually a model and when I look back at pictures of me in the seventies I looked pretty damn good. But I was never good enough to suit anyone. I've been married a man who used my baggage too emotionally abused me. Once I what single again, raising three children by myself, I was maybe 20 pounds overweight but in my head I was an obese monster

[kimmeesue 41]

This is exactly what I would do. I would be full in my gut, but my head would tell me to eat because it's what Im supposed to be doing, or what I was used to doing. As human beings we are creatures of habit it's just the way we are. I sat back back and looked at my routine/ritual of brewing a cup of coffee after dinner every night and sitting back with a sugar laden double portion of my favorite garbage, because "hey, there's always room for dessert right"?? And then looked at the fact that about 2 hours later I was eating a huge bowl of my favorite Cereal, frosted mini shredded wheats, with a big handful of raisins while watching TV, I realized 2 things...

First- this right here is adding about 1000-1500 sugar laden calories to my day at the absolute worst possible time of the day to eat and

Second- I was not even hungry when I was doing this, hell 90% of the time I was full and just eating to eat out of habit.

I know now that my issue is 100% in my head and not a physical issue and until I conquer the mental aspect of it, no amount of surgery in the world will prevent me from attempting bad habits all over again down the road. I am in therapy trying to discover why I eat that way and what it means to me...

There may have been a partial addiction caused by the added sugars I was eating, but the beginning of it all was 100% mental and the sugar just caused a physical reaction to my mental eating.

I applaud everyone and anyone who has had the courage to do WLS and succeed, its a big choice to make and definitely a life altering experience. I will never use the term "the easy way out" cause having sat there ready to do it, it is the exact opposite of the easy way out. It actually was the hardest decision I have ever had to make and I am 100% happy that i backed out and didnt do it right now, because if and when I do decide to do it down the road, I will have at least explored ALL my options for sure and realized that it is definitely the only choice and the right choice for me at that time. Bottom line is, I wasnt ready and to tell you the truth, I dont know if I ever will be ready.

[kimmeesue 41]

I have been in therapy for years trying to sort out a multitude of issues beginning in early childhood. The one that has taken the greatest toll is my relationship with food. One thing that I have found, so far, with the surgery is that it has literally obliterated hunger, both mental and physical. Because I had a handle on my emotional relationship with food this was the next logical step. I have a number of comorbidities so it was just not a question of getting thin but literally of saving my life. It was not an easy decision and while waiting 4 hours I found myself second guessing my decision. Ultimately, I knew I was doing the right thing. You have obviously done the right thing for you and you should have no regrets. Just as we are not one size fits all we are not one solution fits all. I wish you all the best in finding your solution and being happy with you.

[JerseyJules 862]

I have been in therapy for years trying to sort out a multitude of issues beginning in early childhood. The one that has taken the greatest toll is my relationship with food. One thing that I have found, so far, with the surgery is that it has literally obliterated hunger, both mental and physical. Because I had a handle on my emotional relationship with food this was the next logical step. I have a number of comorbidities so it was just not a question of getting thin but literally of saving my life. It was not an easy decision and while waiting 4 hours I found myself second guessing my decision. Ultimately, I knew I was doing the right thing. You have obviously done the right thing for you and you should have no regrets. Just as we are not one size fits all we are not one solution fits all. I wish you all the best in finding your solution and being happy with you.

Thank you..I do honestly know that my decision was the right one "for now" as it gives me time to explore myself and see what really makes me tick. I have gained confidence in myself and feel as if I am beginning to take back control of my life all by myself. Im sure there will be hurdles and obstacles, but that would be there with surgery also. For me the timing was just not right and the mentality was just not there yet.. Maybe in the future it will be my only option, but as of now I honestly know having come so close to it, that WLS is not the answer for me at this time..

[JerseyJules 862]

Just wanted to update everyone, so far without surgery I have gone from 307 lbs a week before New Years Eve to 277 lbs this morning..Prior to NYE I was 42%BMI, and I am now around 39% BMI.

I have been getting Vitamin B12-MIC injections and eating 1200-1600 calories a day with all Protein and very low carbs. I usually do 3 meals and 2 high Protein Snacks. All I have been doing is walking my dog twice a day for a total of about 3-3.5 miles...

I also got this test where you breath into a tube for 10 minutes and it tells you your resting metabolic rate. Its supposed to be very accurate and specific to your body, and the results said just getting up out of bed and sitting around all day my body burns 2650 calories a day. With intense exercise I will burn 3790 calories a day.. (they did not specify what intense exercise was..)

I have been going to behavioral counseling and trying to figure out my feelings when I would over eat and the triggers to avoid. In fact I had my first cheat meal Superbowl Sunday, I consumed 3 slices of pizza and about a 6" Italian sub and a few beers over the course of the day from 4pm till about 12 AM. I felt like crap the next day and really have no urge to eat like that anymore for some reason... Cheat meals once and a while actually assist in releasing hormones in your body that assist in speeding your metabolism up. When you diet your body gets used to it and slows down thinking it is being starved, the occasional cheat meal, tricks your metabolism and helps you keep on track with your dieting!!

When my shoulder heals enough for me to lift weights in the Gym I will add about 400-500 calories the days I work out.. I sincerely want to thank everyone who replied to my thread and wished me well, I too wish you all well in whatever your choices and journey takes you!!!

[swimbikerun 1,045]

@JerseyJules You go!! It doesn't matter whether or not you do or don't have surgery, wishing you the absolute best, keep on posting. Your comments can still support those who need to get back on track, have regain, etc.

[BLERDgirl 6,417]

@@JerseyJules - I admire your commitment to health. With or without surgical assistance I hope that is the goal for everyone on this forum. I hope this continues to work for you. Thanks for the update.

[xmaleengyx 25]

1 day post op and pain is very minimal. Thank God. I'm glad I got through it! I'm home now and not hungry. Forcing sips of liquid to stay hydrated.

[BLERDgirl 6,417]

1 day post op and pain is very minimal. Thank God. I'm glad I got through it! I'm home now and not hungry. Forcing sips of liquid to stay hydrated.

YAY!! Welcome to the loser's bench! Keep taking those sips.

[JerseyJules 862]

1 day post op and pain is very minimal. Thank God. I'm glad I got through it! I'm home now and not hungry. Forcing sips of liquid to stay hydrated.

Glad to hear your doing great!!

[kimmeesue 41]

Woohoo! And the journey begins. Congrats!

[JerseyJules 862]

Well almost 2 years to date and Im back here revisiting WLS. I havent gained any weight since my last post but I also have not lost any weight since it either. I tried a few things over the past 2 years and realize I do need the help that the WLS will give me. I am leaning heavily towards the Lap Band and have my consult this Thursday.

I think the Lap Band will give me the little boost I need to get me going and reach my WLG of about 50lbs. I feel once Im there and beat the mental side of it, I will be ok. Im physically active and work out regularly, I only slightly overeat not allowing me to reduce my body fat. I like the idea of the adjust ability of the Lap Band and the ability to reverse it if I'm miserable.

Wish me luck people!!

[ella37 455]

Well almost 2 years to date and Im back here revisiting WLS. I havent gained any weight since my last post but I also have not lost any weight since it either. I tried a few things over the past 2 years and realize I do need the help that the WLS will give me. I am leaning heavily towards the Lap Band and have my consult this Thursday.

I think the Lap Band will give me the little boost I need to get me going and reach my WLG of about 50lbs. I feel once Im there and beat the mental side of it, I will be ok. Im physically active and work out regularly, I only slightly overeat not allowing me to reduce my body fat. I like the idea of the adjust ability of the Lap Band and the ability to reverse it if I'm miserable.

Wish me luck people!!

Best of luck! Many people have lost their weight with the lap band. I carefully considered all the options and decided to go with the sleeve because I didn't like the idea of going in for fills and whatnot when my insurance didn't cover the surgery. I hope you have nothing but success!

[Itsmytime23 50]

If you had doubt you made the right decision to back out on an IRREVERSIBLE surgery!

It's an emotional decision too as we have to accept WE NEED HELP & that's a tough pill to swallow for many of us. All I can say for myself & literally 40 years of yo yo dieting is that a switch flipped in me when my only son turned 13 - instead of being afraid to have surgery I am afraid NOT to!! I want to be here as long as I can and this will increase the odds. Staying at my current weight or losing/gaining yet again will never help my body & increases my risk not my odds. Good luck whichever way u go- we DO understand and you are not alone!!

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