did you tell people?

[brr 17]

I am just starting this process and am not really telling people. I have my husbands support and am not concerned with that but I expect a lot of people would be negative about it (because they have been with other people getting surgery for weight loss). So, wondering if you were someone that told others or just kept it to a few people. I don't want to deal with the judgement and have to say I am concerned when I start to actually lose weight that people are either going to start asking 20 questions or making the assumption. Just curious what other's experiences have been .

thanks

[SuzeMuze 338]

I told my family, my boss, and a couple of close friends right away. Initially I too thought I wasn't going to tell anyone because I didn't want to be judged. But after a lot of soul searching I came to the realization that for me, doing that would be admitting that I carry the same stigma about bariatric surgery that so many others do. Rather than not telling people, I'm ok with it, because through educating folks, I'm possibly removing those stigma one person at a time, rather than letting it flourish through my silence. Who knows... maybe someone close to me is considering it and is afraid to talk about it- I could be of great help! Honestly, I haven't had anyone ask me what I've been doing, or how much I've lost.... just that I look great. I'll take that

Edited January 11, 2015 by SuzeMuze

[joatsaint 2,814]

I told only those that had to know - my best friend, my mom and dad. That was it. I wasn't ready to deal with negative people or those that might try to talk me out of it. I always figured I could tell later if I needed to, but I could never untell anyone.

[Kindle 8,667]

I told my family and close friends before surgery. There was naturally a lot of shocked reactions and concern over the safety of the surgery (especially since I was going to Mexico). But everyone supported my decision once I calmed their fears. I even got several "good luck with your surgery" sentiments in Christmas cards. Postop, it took about 40 pounds before people started noticing my weightloss. I see 10-12 different clients everyday and every one of them had comments and/or questions about my appearance. When they asked how I was losing weight I told them I had surgery and answered any questions they had. Most people know about Lapband and bypass, so it was nice to be able to educate them about VSG, as well as my Mexico surgery experience. I simply was not comfortable letting everyone think I did this just with diet and exercise. Although that is a big part of it, I know my weightloss would not have been possible without surgery. And like SuzeMuze, I feel hiding it does perpetuate the stigma surrounding obesity and WLS.

For me the questions and comments lasted about 9 months. By then, several hundred people knew about my surgery and everyone was getting used to seeing me thin so the questions slowed down. As for the feedback, almost everyone has been supportive and thrilled for me. Some people throw out "you're too thin", "when are you going to stop losing" "You're skinnier than me, b***h", etc. But all with good intentions and friendly banter. I only had two truly negative comments...one from a gal that was jealous and is a confrontational b***h anyways, and one from a girl who is terrified of doctors and surgery in general. In both cases, the other people in the room jumped to my defense and I never even had to say a thing in response to their comments. And those comments are more than balanced out by the three people that have had WLS themselves as a result of hearing about my experience. We are all doing great!

You just need to figure out what you feel comfortable with as far as to tell or not to tell. And you're right, you will encounter a LOT of questions once you start losing. After reading about other's experiences with telling about their surgeries, I realize how lucky I am to have such loving family and friends and to live in such a non-judgemental, supportive community. I really feel sorry for anyone that has negative, petty people in their lives that have made them feel like they need to hide their surgery. Good luck with what you decide and with your surgery!

Edited January 11, 2015 by Kindle

[Miss Mac 6,262]

"Stop telling your BIG dreams to small-minded people." Steve Harvey

[k9nana 50]

I told mybest friend, and a very old best friend (we've known each other for 50 years) my old best friend was ans is very supportive but to my surprise my best friend isn't. She gets defensive when I say anything and comes up with "well you just watch what you eat and work out" how about this and that and something else........ grrrrrr ive been struggling for years and not getting anywhere. She just doesn't back off.

I just logged onto my fitness pal for day 30, I've been eating under 1200 calories and burning 250 of that on the treadmill I've lost 3 pounds :-(

Anyway, I'm glad that I only told a couple of people because I really don't like the negative remarks and the doom and gloom. I'm scared as it is.

People do know that I'm working on my weight loss so maybe when I have my surgery they won't even think about it. And if they ask...... I'll tell them.

[Elode 8,093]

@ I told some friends and family. Only problem is my aunt wanting weekly stats. I told her sorry you can quit asking I'm not weighing every week so no clue...she stopped asking

[brandy31 32]

I only told the people I'm utterly comfortable with & my boss. Definitely didn't blast it over Facebook or anything. Everyone I've told has been super supportive. There were people in my life who I knew would be negative, so I didn't tell them & probably never will.

I think it is such a private personal thing, & you should really think hard about each & every person you tell.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

This is one of the most hotly debated topics on this forum.

Nope. Did not tell anyone except hubby and two very close, very close-mouthed friends who live out of state. I am soooo glad I didn't publicize my WLS.

I had zero interest in become the WLS poster child or spokesperson or fielding questions, sincere or snarky, from everybody and their brother or enduring (or even just wondering) what everyone was saying about me behind my back.

After a lifetime (I'm 69 years old) of yo-yo dieting, losing and gaining very publicly, the LAST thing I wanted was people who don't know squat about WLS regarding my very personal, private WLS journey as info-tainment.

If you keep your WLS on the down-low, you can always tell people later. But know this: If you tell "just a few people," it's very likely one of those will blithely tell others. And that's the end of your secret.

[YourFriendJess 34]

Yes, I have.

[Band Aid mom 64]

Funny you should ask that. I made my decision to do this and the next thing I know my husband's family (cousins, sisters, mom, aunt, etc) start calling me and talking about what a great thing this will be and wishing me success and support. At first I was annoyed that my husband told God and everyone but then I simmered down because I realized I didn't tell him it was a secret. So, originally I had not planned on telling too many people but now the cat is out of the bag, so. . .

Actually, it is refreshing to speak freely about it and the people who haven't had good things to say, I just avoid that subject or tell them I really don't need their advice or negativity. All's good!

[Midtown girl 44]

I told it only to my closest circle. People saw me over the years losing and gaining, so it is not such a surprise that I am losing weight again.

[Kindle 8,667]

Funny you should ask that. I made my decision to do this and the next thing I know my husband's family (cousins, sisters, mom, aunt, etc) start calling me and talking about what a great thing this will be and wishing me success and support. At first I was annoyed that my husband told God and everyone but then I simmered down because I realized I didn't tell him it was a secret. So, originally I had not planned on telling too many people but now the cat is out of the bag, so. . .

Actually, it is refreshing to speak freely about it and the people who haven't had good things to say, I just avoid that subject or tell them I really don't need their advice or negativity. All's good!

It's funny, that's how it started for me. I told my parents, sister and 2 friends several months before my surgery. Within a week I was getting phone calls and texts from friends and family even several states away! And you're right, having it out in the open proved to be a relief and talking about it helped me get over any embarrassment I initially felt.

[lovedXJesus 27]

I have not had the surgery yet but I have told some people. I figure people will ask when they notice I am losing and I have decided to tell them I am only eating 700 calories a day. Then if I need to I will clarify and tell them that I can only fit that much in because of weight loss surgery. ..........or at least that is my plan!!! lol I am trying not to be too secretive because it feels much better for me to be out in the open.

[JulieA 8]

When I started the process only 2 people knew: my husband and a close co-worker who had also had the surgery. About a month before the surgery, I told my best friend, my kids (ages 16-30) and my parents. The week before I went in I told my sisters.

Personally, I don't like it being referred to as a "secret". I'm not ashamed of my surgery. Like others on here, I struggled with who and when to tell. I also came to the conclusion that lying by omission meant that maybe someone else who was considering it would falsely conclude that they were weak by not just continuing to diet and exercise.

I've lost 80 pounds and gone from a size 26 to a 16. I'd like to lose about 50 more pounds. When people ask, especially if it's someone I see often, like a co-worker, I tell them the truth. I explain that I had weight loss surgery and have totally changed my lifestyle. NOT ONE PERSON has said anything negative about it, but many have questions. If someone does say something about it behind my back, it's not very juicy gossip because I've already discussed it. For those whom I run into occasionally or rarely I just say that for the first time in years I'm taking care of myself, which is very true.

To each his own, but I encourage you to step forward and be brave. We can end the stigma regarding WLS. I tell people that I made the decision that worked best for me and have never regretted it. It gave me my life back. If that helps one more person start a new chapter in their life, my initial uncomfortable feelings would have been worth it.

Congratulations on taking this step, and best of luck to you.