Dating again....met someone new

[bluesclues 49]

So I'm 6 months out from VSG, and met a guy online a couple of weeks ago. I'll keep this story short

So i've lost about 37 lbs and obviously look a lot better than before. So some background information, I was visiting home for 2 weeks and this guy lives in the same state, a few hours away. I live in a different country, planning on moving back home eventually (maybe next year). So I met this guy online and he knew I was in town for 2 weeks, so we literally exchanged a few emails, had phone convo, met for coffee which led to dinner. Went out again once more for the whole day (lunch, horseback riding, coffee, and dinner) and it was lovely. I'm diabetic and actually told him that already but didnt mention the surgery. He's noticed that I barely eat, and has commented and I wasn't comfy telling him about the WLS just yet. Only my family and a few close friends know.

I know I will have to tell him eventually, but not sure when....of course if things get serious. Has anyone been in this position before? When did you feel comfortable telling someone you were dating? In my culture, diabetes or any major health issue is a HUGE thing (been rejected before because of that....can you believe that?!) so WLS would be a big deal as well. I know I should be with someone who will accept me the way I am and etc. but it's rare that I meet someone that I do hit it off with. Been on tons of dates prior to WLS and just wasn't feeling it for whatever season.

ok sorry, babbling now. Guess I just needed to post this somewhere where people have gone through a similiar experience because obviously friends haven't gone through WLS.

any advice/suggestions?

[Miss Mac 6,262]

My dear sweet boyfriend and I (both in our 60's now) met online and have been together eight years and sharing a home for the last 4 1/2. I was new to the area and had been looking at Craigslist.com for a job. One day I realized that there are other catagories too, including personal ads.

So, as a twisted social experiment, I laid out the unvarnished truth, baggage and all. I got 93 responses! After sorting out all the ones that were inappropriate or did not hold my interest, I picked out six that I though might be worth a first date. I dated a couple of frogs, and then came across the kindest, gentlest man I have ever met. Second date was all day for lunch, a White Sox game, and dinner. We have been together ever since. Never did check out the other three.

I said all of that to say this: Just tell the truth and run. If he has an objection to your method of obtaining health and happiness, then you are wasting your time and his. You don't want to be a human bait and switch. At this point, you are hoping he is not holding back any deal breakers from you, either. Get the truth out there. Why start out with a unsupportive mate? Don't settle. You know what you want now. Go for that.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

As much as I do NOT tell relatives and work colleagues and most friends about my WLS, I would certainly tell someone I was dating about my WLS. That's not the kind of relationship I think should include serious secrets.

Of course, you won't vomit out every secret you have just after meeting someone. But from the point onward at which you think this could be an actual relationship, I think that's when you should open the kimono.

Please believe me, from experience, you need to NOT be in a relationship with someone who has extreme negative reactions to the kinds of weight history and challenges that most of us have.

[AvaFern 3,516]

This is a good question. Only my three best friends know I had the procedure done and recently I spent some time with my family, who now think I have an eating disorder, lol. Much as I could explain away the fact that I don't eat much, I don't think it's any of their business so let them think what they want. I had an abdominoplasty so all my sleeve surgery scars are gone, so no evidence! I suppose after dating someone for awhile and considering it to be serious I may consider telling them, but my personal opinion is that everyone has secrets and if there is absolutely no way that my secret is going to hurt anyone, then I am free to keep it. If someone doesn't like the way I eat or the fact that sometimes I get sick if I eat too much, well then they are free to date someone else.

I've tried to put myself in their shoes and if I found out someone I was seriously dating had once had a major bariatric procedure I would be a little annoyed that they didn't tell me, but I would also respect that it is part of their past and really none of my business. I suppose it is different for women in that we are expected to be very thin and not eating all that much is how that works, so men are less likely to question it. Comparably, if I went on a date with a man who ate like I do, I would wonder what was wrong with him. Sexist, I know, but there is def the perception that a man should eat, like, well a man, and a woman should eat like a bird. Therefore, I am fine with not sharing my secret and letting men think I am just very conscious of maintaining my weight.

Good luck with your new man!

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

When dating, I have chosen to reveal very early massive weight loss, maintenance for awhile but I really watch what I eat, and that I had plastics. I don't choose to share my sleeve story with someone I date. The massive weight loss and surgery scars have so far not dissuaded any prospects but they definitely think about it as many mens worst fear is of being with a fat woman in truth one of my reasons for getting plastics was maintenance motivation and that seems to make it all better.

What I really think is you should get to goal, get the hang of this maintenance deal etc before you get in a relationship. Boyfriends tend to be fattening ... they like to eat, drink etc and it is easy to get sucked into their ways.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

What I really think is you should get to goal, get the hang of this maintenance deal etc before you get in a relationship. Boyfriends tend to be fattening ... they like to eat, drink etc and it is easy to get sucked into their ways.

I agree with this.

New relationships are extremely distracting. If I were still single (I'm not) during my weight loss phase, I'd probably try to wait until I'd lost all the weight I wanted to lose before dating seriously.

Of course, love waits for no man or woman. Still ... looking for a mate mid-WLS is inviting trouble of many kinds.

[bluesclues 49]

Thank you ladies for responding! I do believe in being honest but not on the first couple of dates. I think I need to spend more time with him and bring it up soon because he totally noticed how I eat like a bird :S

[hadouni 301]

So... I told my first boyfriend post VS about it and he took it in stride and it was a non-issue. Once in a while he'd say "that's all you're going to eat" and I'd say "you know how I eat" and he'd smile and say "I know how you eat". End of story.

Now, I'm with a new guy and I haven't told him yet. I told him I lost a lot of weight, even showed him pictures (to which he made a comment to the tune of that would be a problem if I was ever heavy again). We were out to dinner and he sort-of asked if I'd had some kind of WLS and the little pager thing buzzed indicating our food was ready and it saved me from responding. I felt pretty judged by the way he said it all so I didn't feel like spilling the Beans. All this from a guy who could easily loose 30-50lbs... I just had some plastic surgery to fix my flabby belly and he knows all about that.

So my way of dealing with it is to tell who I feel comfortable telling. In the end, a keeper will probably be one you'll feel comfortable telling from the start and who accepts you as you are.

[bluesclues 49]

So... I told my first boyfriend post VS about it and he took it in stride and it was a non-issue. Once in a while he'd say "that's all you're going to eat" and I'd say "you know how I eat" and he'd smile and say "I know how you eat". End of story.

Now, I'm with a new guy and I haven't told him yet. I told him I lost a lot of weight, even showed him pictures (to which he made a comment to the tune of that would be a problem if I was ever heavy again). We were out to dinner and he sort-of asked if I'd had some kind of WLS and the little pager thing buzzed indicating our food was ready and it saved me from responding. I felt pretty judged by the way he said it all so I didn't feel like spilling the Beans. All this from a guy who could easily loose 30-50lbs... I just had some plastic surgery to fix my flabby belly and he knows all about that.

So my way of dealing with it is to tell who I feel comfortable telling. In the end, a keeper will probably be one you'll feel comfortable telling from the start and who accepts you as you are.

Not sure if I said it earlier but he totally knows something is up because we spent the whole day together and I barely ate anything. He commented and was like, "you barely ate anything" and I didn't feel comfy telling him on the 2nd date. We've been talking a lot more and I think the next time I do see him, I'll tell him. Def feel okay telling him now. Thanks for sharing @@hadouni

[MistyAnnMoon829 387]

I reconnected with a guy on online from my past (we went to HS together) and we hung out a few times, before our first real date but I gave him the heads up before our first meal together and he took it really well and he is very aware of my eating now and takes that into consideration whenever we eat together, by not picking bad restaurants and he'll make better choices as well. If he cooks for me, he picks better meats and will make my stuff pretty close to perfectly portioned.

A girl I was seeing briefly, actually was really excited to find out I had VSG because it turned out she too had had wls, granted she had the band, and I the sleeve, but I digress, it went well both times I had told someone that I was dating about my choice. I don't think I'd want to be with someone who was really judgemental or rude about WLS anyway. I don't like feeling like I have to justify my life choices. So when you are comfortable definitely tell him and give him the chance to step up and show how great he is, or reveal his true colors. Anyone you get with would end up finding out anyway down the line.