Cold feet

[hcruce 13]

Hello guys and gals. I am about one month away from surgery and I am doubting myself on this decision. I had a moment of panic and uncontrollable crying last night. I'm afraid of the surgery itself and what I am going to be like after. I know the good outweighs the bad on so many levels. I'm ready to make the change, but I'm also terrified of it. I read through all the paperwork I was given when I first started the process and it just freaked me out. I have so many silly questions and what if scenarios playing out in my mind. Has anyone ever felt like this or is it just me? Up until now, I was so excited to have the surgery done. I tried talking to my husband about it (he's very supportive), but it didn't help ease my fears. Any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you!

[saj54539@yahoo.com 8]

Hi,

I am exactly in the same frame of mind that you are. My surgery is next, having completed all of the requirements thus far. I am doubting the same things you are also. I am afraid of the surgery and the ever-after lifestyle. I read everything I can get my hands on...all the pros and cons. I am afraid I will be one of those people that throw-up daily, that I will test the rules of eating, smoking and diet coke, that I can't eat from a baby spoon, that most of all, that I will never enjoy food again. food and smoking has been my comfort zone for years, I panic at the loss of control over what and how much I can eat. I ask myself if this surgery is really worth giving up the only things I draw comfort from. Then... I think how I wheeze and loose my breath walking more than 10 feet, how when I sit and try to get up and it hurts, how I clean my home with a continuous backache, continuous sweating, my borderline diabetic problems, how people look at me and how I feel about how I look and all my meds for high blood pressure, wheezing, and pain. Sooooo....is the trade off worth it??? Today I think so.

[Beni 1,484]

I had my surgery 10 weeks ago and I have lost 54 lbs.

I felt just like you too. Scared out of my mind but then a peace came over me. I realized I was choosing life over a sick existence. After losing 30 pounds I felt like a new woman. I didn't realize how horrible having all that extra weight was until it was gone. It's hard to explain how good physically it feels. I did have a little set back this holiday season. Not the best time to do this surgery because there are too many distractions and you have to focus on what you eat and how much you drink. You have to follow a plan but it's not that hard. Women love to imagine the worst. I know I do. My husband calls me the master of the hypothetical horrors. But the reality is the chances are really good that all will be well. My surgery went really well. Today was a great day and I cannot tell you how much energy I have compared to pre-surgery.

[Beni 1,484]

I forgot to mention nearly all my co-mobs are gone my blood pressure is normal and my pre-diabetes too. The CPAP is a 1/3 of the pressure and in another 20 lbs I will do a sleep study and my doctor says I have a 80% chance i won't need it anymore. I used to take Aleve at least 5 times per week. Even to go shopping. I have had no aches or pains in weeks.

Now the food:

1. It's not hard to eat so little because I am not hungry. Imagine you took a pill to go on a diet and hunger was gone. Would it be amazing? Well that's how it is.

2. I don't get the full feeling I had before and I do miss it a little but it's a feeling I don't need to be happy

3. I have thrown up a few times but it was always because I hate too fast and too much. Trying to push the envelope just a little I guess.

4. I can eat anything in small amounts even sweets and chocolate. Just a bite will satisfy completely. I kid you not. However, I must disclose, I don't think I can eat onions.

[hcruce 13]

Thank you sooooooo much! This really helps ease my mind. I keep thinking that I'm going to be giving up so much, but then I realize I'll be giving up things that got me into this body in the first place. My husband loves to kayak and I've gone twice. Both times were hard because of my weight. Sitting in an airplane seat without a seatbelt extender....not a chance. To do these small things once I lose weight, well....that would be a huge achievement for me. That is what I look forward to. To have energy and join in all the activities I avoid would be amazing. Being healthy, that's my ultimate bottom line. It is so nice to know I'm not the only one out there who feels this way. Thank you again!

[Delirosie 22]

Hello Everyone.. This blog is exactly what i needed to hear... hcruce... i am feeling the same way as you.. COLD Feet... i am scheduled on January 26 for my GBS.. I had lapband surgery in October 2006 275lbs .. Did lose weight at first then slowly it came back .. I had my Lapland removed this past November.. Surgery went fine..just the healing from the incision sites were a bit tough .. but my surgeon tells me the ones for the GBS site will be small.. Just looking at the pre-op diet scares the heck out of me.. I need to be soooo strong and not give into the food demons...

saj54539@yahoo.com you said some interesting things that hit home... My Mom passed away March 2014 and she had so many complications.. I don't want to live like she did... in a bed .. not able to walk..taking so many medications.. not able to have surgery due to high risk complicatons .. I am insulin resistant.. and don't want to deal with diabetes in my future...I really need to get my head straight before and after this surgery so that it is successful.. i have taken care of my Mother most of my life and now it is time for me to start to live the right way.. Being Hispanic is a bit hard due to the great foods we prepare.. Any suggestions out there.. i welcome ...

[Beni 1,484]

Oh one more thing, I can cross my legs now. Imagine that! I can not tell you how good that feels.

Went shopping yesterday and the leggings I tried were an XL. No more women's sizes for me.

Went on a 3 day trip and walked around all day. Just 2 and 1/2 months ago I would have lasted an hour or two on my feet and Aleve would have gone on my trip. I would have needed my husband to drop me by the door which he always did without even being asked. He knew I would start hurting and I would have let the rest of the family go on while I took a break and found a place to sit somewhere. I did eat something that didn't agree with me. The onions take 3. It took me 3 separate meals to realize I can't do onions. Slow learner, lol.

The 3 most difficult things I have gone through were (i'm 10 weeks post RNY) :

1. Drinking enough fluids in the first 2 weeks

2. Constipation. I didn't start taking a stool softener right away. Now it's fine because I eat more Fiber but in the first few weeks you don't.

3. Eating too much. I am supposed to eat 1/4 cup to 1/2 cup per meal. Sometimes I forget and I eat too fast and since it takes a bit of time for your tummy to tell your brain you are full I end up taking an extra bite and that makes me nauseous and I have had to throw up a few times. But if I pay attention to what I'm doing I am totally fine. I don't know if you are like I was before surgery. I had a tendency to eat too fast and at times wouldn't even realize how much I had eaten standing around the kitchen. It's that sort of behavior. But if I place the food on my plate and sit down with a mindful attitude, all is well. I have to chew well and keep my portion size to the guidelines. It's not like I am hungry and need to eat more, it's just mindless eating. food still does taste good. The pleasure of eating is still there. You kind of have to learn to eat the right way. To be honest it's the way we were supposed to eat in the first place but we got off the wagon. Well, RNY is the wagon and it screams at you if you try to get off. It doesn't let you. it keeps you accountable. Hurray! I have a friend that cares and tells me - "NO, you can't eat more and I mean it."

[prairie 34]

thread this morning that is great. Let me find the title and I'll repost it.

[prairie 34]

http://BariatricPal.com/index.php?/topic/329063-Health-anxiety

[anaxila 501]

@@hcruce, I went through exactly the same experience. I knew it was the right thing and I never got close to actually backing out, but the closer the surgery got the more frequently I would experience waves of panic. The unknown is very scary, and there's so much unknown about each individual's experience even though we know in general where the journey will take us.

Don't ignore your fear. Live with it, explore it, study it. Try to figure it out. I, for one, had a lifelong habit of dealing with anxiety and emotional discomfort by eating, so taking that away in the run-up to surgery was extra stressful. And the times I went off the reservation with eating, it was always triggered by some new anxiety or shame about the upcoming surgery.

It's absolutely worth it. YOU are absolutely worth it. Don't ignore the fear, but don't let it take your eye off the ball either.

Edited January 10, 2015 by anaxila

[anaxila 501]

I keep thinking that I'm going to be giving up so much, but then I realize I'll be giving up things that got me into this body in the first place.

Yes, this is brilliant! We talk so much about the things we have to give up to be on this journey, but there are so many other things we've already given up as a consequence of our weight. Getting some of those things back (mobility, agility, health, energy) is worth everything new I have to give up, a thousand times over.

[anaxila 501]

I have a friend that cares and tells me - "NO, you can't eat more and I mean it."

That may be the most level-headed and generous description of a Grouch Pouch that I've heard. I love it!!

[Mbstas 57]

So so normal to have second thoughts but very few have regrets long term. Real complications are rare and most of us wish we had had it done sooner.

[rosalinda0323 3]

Hello everyone my name is Rosalinda I would be having my gastric bypass January 26 I am terrified of what could happen to me during surgery and after and what have me so worried is that i don't want to leave my nine month old baby boy behind he's my everything but I need to loose this weight I'm 281 can some please guide me through this or any advice please thank you

[hcruce 13]

@@Beni - Congrats on your surgery and weight loss! Thank you for sharing your journey. It has helped me a lot. Oh em gee!!!!! To be able to cross my legs!!!! That is on my positive list. I haven't been able to do that in.....well.....forever! I have always been overweight. I don't really know what it's like to be smaller and healthier with energy, but I can't wait. My husband and I went to Vegas three times. I had to stop several times because my feet and back hurt sooooo much. I could tell he was getting frustrated with me. He never said anything or made me feel bad, but I could just tell. I will take all your advice and put it into action. I know everyone is different, but like I always say, "knowing is half the battle, G.I. Joe." lol Good luck with all you do!

@Delirose - Good luck with your upcoming surgery!!! I'm so sorry about the loss of your mother. I don't want to overstep my boundaries, but I'm positive she is proud of you and will watch over you forever. I understand what you mean about food. It is my comfort. I'm working with a therapist to break my habit of comforting myself with food. It's a battle but with all my newfound knowledge and this surgery, I think I beat it down. I'm sending you well wishes and prayers. Good luck!

@@saj54539@yahoo.com - Good luck to you as well with your surgery. Like you said.....today, it IS worth it. And tomorrow will be too. I am also sending you well wishes and prayers. Thank you for sharing. Good luck!

@@Rosalinda - I wish you all the luck for your surgery. Congrats on that beautiful baby boy. Just remember, you are doing this for him as well as yourself. You want to be there in his life for a very long time to come. I am find out that worry is a normal part of this procedure. The way I am dealing with it is, I'm making sure everyone I care about knows that I love them and that no matter what, I want them to be happy. Just a suggestion, maybe you could write your son a letter. Pour all your love and hopes and dreams into for him. He probably will never have to read it because you'll do great. Make sure that no matter what, he is taken care of and loved. The chance that something will happen is so rare. This procedure has come such a long way over the years. Trust the doctor, trust the program, trust that it WILL work. I'm not an overly religious person, but I think praying is a good form of therapy......for me at least. Trust in God as well. (Honestly, I normally do NOT get into religious discussions, but I feel like it could help. It's helped me.) I wish you all the luck this life has to offer. I'm sending you love and prayers for you and your precious son. You go girl!!!!

To everyone I didn't mention above, thank you for all your wonderful words and advice. It has really helped ease the majority of my fears. I wish you all the best!