My teenage sons

[allyray 108]

I've not yet had my surgery but have been trying to talk to my 2 teenage sons, who are very health conscious and very athletic, mainly due myself making sure they didn't end up with food issues like myself.

Anyhow, the discussion came up agsin today at dinner with my husband and they still are very upset that I'm getting the surgery. They truly believe that I should be able to do this with diet and exercise. Honestly, it's exhausting! I actually got emotional today as the discussion went on. I'm not sure if they are scared something is going to happen to me or what really.. I know my husband is very supportive of it but is very worried that I'll get an infection or something.

So I am very discouraged tonight and am very worried I'm not going to have the support required to have a successful weight loss. Has anyone out there experienced anything like this?

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Have the surgery.

Don't expect teenage boys who think they're immortal to understand ANY of this.

Later on, when you're getting healthier, they'll think this was all their idea.

[Elode 8,093]

@@allyray It's ok that they are concerned it's sweet, they love you BUT the fact of the matter Is they don't have to live in your body, and if they've been healthy and fit all their lives then they can't possibly know the struggle. You do however that's why this is ultimately your choice. I have no doubts that You will get the support you need once it's over. They are just worried about you and I assume they probably don't know a whole lot about WLS or have a personal experience with it so it's a lot of unknown for them. You have raised those kiddos to be teens now it's time to do something for yourself, a Unselfish gift that has the potential to keep around and health for them in the long run...I wish you nothing but the best of luck!

[allyray 108]

I know all this... This really is a decision I'm making for myself.. For once! They do love me but my eldest almost makes me feel like he's embarrass I'm doing it this way. I guess I think so much of them and it's hard when they really don't want to accept my decision.

[BLERDgirl 6,417]

Have the surgery. Stop talking about it. For some people they need to see you living the talk so to speak. Number one determination comes from within. If you are determined to make this work they will see it in your actions.

[allyray 108]

Oh I'm having the surgery. Even with my doubts of support after, my fear of the permanency, all this is being calmed to a certain extent by reading all your posts on this site.

It's just that for almost 18years, my boys have been my first priority. It's hard to hear them feel this way ,but like someone said in a previous post, they know everything at this age.

[Elode 8,093]

@@allyray Well tough tit!! They shouldn't be making you feel bad! And if he is embarrassed I'm sure you can come up with some embarrassing stuff they did growing up so he will just have to get over it!

[just4myra 18]

@@allyray I'm having the same issue. My sons are 15 and 17 and I waited til I was approved for surgery before I told them. I knew it would be a difficult conversation, and I was right. I would say their reactions were as expected. At first they were angry. Then I explained how this surgery was gonna help me be healthier and I won't be on medicine anymore. Then they were sad, saying you don't need this, just go to the gym and eat healthy. Then they became concerned about complications. Needless to say I was a basket case. I cried and cried. I talked to a friend who said, maybe I should show them some more info and let them see the results of others on this journey. Needless to say, it worked!!! That and lots of prayer. Now I feel a little more at ease. They are not 100% but I'll take it. I am scheduled for a Feb 2, 2015 surgery. My prayers go out to you. Good luck on your journey.

[I'mDoingIt! 88]

When I read your post, the first thought I had was "Are your sons straight A students?" I ask because their reaction is always out there - "Just lose it on your own. You don't need the surgery. You just need to try harder" So I think you should turn the question around. "If they are not straight A students, they should just try harder." Saying it doesn't make it happen and just because they want straight As doesn't mean they have the means to be successful. Some kids can get straight A's on their own, some can't. Some need extra help - (i.e. tutor).

We are in the same boat - we need the extra help to succeed. Does that make sense? In no way do I want to insult your kids - just trying to put into a perspective/analogy that they understand.

I am so grateful I had the surgery because I have now lost 80 pounds and there is NO WAY that would have happened without the surgery. I tried many times for many years. I was successful a few times but it always came back. Surgery is not a cop-out. It is a tool to help us be successful. I can attest that there is a lot of work involved. For me, the surgery forced me into the right mindset. It is not a miracle cure. I don't know if anyone can understand that unless they go through it.

Good luck with your family. I think once you get past post-op and they see you can live a "normal life", their perspective will change.

[VGB 130]

I feel your pain! I have a 18 yr old that is a football player and a 10 yr old that plays basketball! I hear the same thing and I have done the same as you by making them my top priority! I have decided to be happy with my decision and have the story so they can enjoy me better! It is hard trying to get up and down those bleachers and stadium step fat and uncomfortable! For once I am making me the top priority!!!

[619Raf 111]

I had the same problem with my 19 year old daughter, so I let her come to my appointments and she asked questions. She also told the doctor what she was worried about. He had me take her to the seminar they provide after that she was very comfortable and is now my number one supporter ????

[Elode 8,093]

Oh and if they keep it up SPANK.THEM.

Edited January 6, 2015 by Elode

[ProjectMe 909]

Part of the problem is that people do not understand that obesity is a disease. It is a very difficult one to resolve on our own because unlike other diseases Obesity is multi-faceted and involves: metabolic, genes, mental health, etc. there is no medication that can tackle all theses areas at once. If brilliant scientists can create cures to various diseases but cannot solve the obesity issue, then how do people expect to solve it themselves? This is why 99% people gain the weight back who lose it on their own. 50% of people who get weight loss surgery keep it off permanently. It only makes sense to go with the procedure that will result in the best odds.

I was concerned about how my husband and kids would respond to my choice to get the sleeve. But, I shared all of the info I learned from my nutritionist, surgeon, psychologist with them. I also chose to change my lifestyle ahead of time, so that they could see how committed to being healthy I was. As a result, my family supports my decision wholeheartedly, I lost 60 pounds prior to surgery, my husband lost over 40 pounds because he was actually listening to all the info I was giving him!

[allyray 108]

You guys are just what I needed! I only know of 1 person around my area that has had wls so support outside of my family is all bit non existent.

This past weekend, my 16 and 17 year old boys were in their home tournament and parents were expected to sell 50/50 tickets and since I have 2 of the players on the team I was required to do 4 games. That was hard for me climbing up and down the bleachers... Not physically as much but emotionally.

It's so nice to see others have the same issues with their children. I will try the "a" student approach in the am

[BeagleLover 1,020]

@@allyray, does your surgeon give informational seminars? Maybe you can go with them. They can ask all the questions they want.