Friendships and Gastric bypass surgery

[leag78 469]

I was wondering if anyone could tell me if your attitude changes after surgery??? Are your friends still supportive or jealous??? Do they complain that you've changed??? My long time best friend of 20 years, she's like a sister, but she is self absorbed. She's the slim and fit friend and have always been the center of attention when we would go out, meaning that guys were more attracted to her because of obvious reasons in my mind. I'm just worried that our friendship isn't going to be the same??? Please let me know what you think and if you understand what I'm getting at.

[teacherlady2133 258]

Be prepared for it to change... You will change, your outlook on things will change, and how you allow others to treat you will change...I have had only one friend that I lost.. But I think it was a combination of things going on... Her own issues of fitting in and proving herself as good enough... She has taken up working out and eating different and changing her life which I am glad, but I am not competing with anyone anymore... I am too old for that high school stuff... My family has been very supportive even when they can not relate to my issues... They try... I have one friend that supports the changes in me... Tells me all the time she likes the new me.. How I am more out going and voice my stuff more...

This is more than just a physical change... I wish I knew before surgery more how my thoughts and feelings would have to adjust...

[SuzeMuze 338]

@@leag78

I've read through your post several times, and will offer my thoughts with the disclaimer that it's not my intention to offend anyone. At. All.

While I do believe that some friendships/relationship will change as a result of bariatric surgery, I think the causes can be quite different. I can't say that I've had the experience of a friend suddenly becoming jealous or try to sabotage what I'm trying to do- in fact, they've been some of my biggest cheerleaders. Then again, I'm not a young person anymore, which may come into play as well. My circle of friends and I are comfortably nestled into our 40's, and none of us play the part of the "hot friend". At the risk of stepping on any toes here, it's my thought that if one of my friends suddenly became distant or resentful of me making a decision to live a healthier life, I'd question the friendship itself. If it's a friendship that's really special to me, it would definitely be worth having a heart-to-heart to find out where the insecurities lie. Truth be told, weight loss seems to bring out a lot of insecurities in other people, just as our weight revealed a lot of our own insecurities. Friends who were once close can become distant. Significant others can suddenly feel left behind, wondering if you'll "trade up" once you've lost your weight. I try very hard to remain cognizant that while my decision to have WLS was primarily for health reasons, there may be those who only focus on the physical changes that accompany it. I would hate to see anyone go through relationship changes that are negative- but we're worth being good to ourselves, and removing not only the "toxic" food from our lives, but also the "toxic" people who can't understand what we're going through, or feel threatened by our decision. Just my 2 cents

[Cupcake 801]

I agree with Suzemuze once I started loosing weight my once best friend begin to have insecurities about herself the more weight I lost the bitter she became, despite the fact that I had offer to have her come to the gym with me , not to mention she was always a gym person and always was getting the attention and now she is the one that has gained the weight while i loose and all the male attention is on me now. I do not apologize for me wanting and being healthy I am happily marriage and has been for 20 years. You will see that true friendships are based on people loving you for you and wanting the best for you no matter what your size is. But I have learned that my weight has built my self confidence while it has help others realize their flaws in themselves.

[leag78 469]

@everyone, first I would like to thank you all for weighing in on this subject. Let me just give you all a little background. I've always struggled with my weight my whole life. I'm 36 yrs. old, 5'8 and weigh 334lbs. My best friend/sister is 5'7 and weighs about 140lbs, and she is 34 yrs. old. I've always been insecure about my weight for obvious reasons, and currently single and some, mainly my mom believed that I'm going through a depression stage. My best friend is currently in a relationship. When we would go out to clubs she would always get the attwntion, and if any guy, which is very rare show me any attention she would say to me that he is only talking to me because he knows I am insecure and he's just going to use me. So because of my insecurities I would believe her. She is the type of friend that if I got my hair done or got a new designer purse she'd seem to be jealous and turn her nose up at me like I don't deserve it. I've never been like that with her. Don't misunderstand, she has a lot of good qualities and they do out weigh the bad but I just fear that when I start to lose weight our friendship is going to go downhill.

[Pac-woman 325]

@@leag78

That friend wasn't a friend all this time. That is simply an aquaintance. Real friends will support you big or small. Those kind of friends are hard to come by.

[leag78 469]

That's what a lot of people tell me, but like I said she has good qualities that out weigh her bad qualities.

[SkinnyLaRodgers15 5]

@@leag78

That friend wasn't a friend all this time. That is simply an aquaintance. Real friends will support you big or small. Those kind of friends are hard to come by.

I agree @Pac-woman. Hopefully, she will be supportive throughout your journey to a healthier you.

I too am interested in how my relationships will change. Only close family members, my husband since he drove me there and back *lol* and my boss, know about my procedure. Everyone in my family (I was adopted, so non blood related) is obese. Years ago when I was smaller, they kept telling me I was too skinny. After a depression, I gained it all back and then some. Now I find that I was actually at a healthy weight. So with them, I kind of know how its going to be. Both my husband and I are dieting (he refuses to have surgery). We married less than 5 years ago, so I don't know how it will be when I'm his "hot" wife.

As far as co-workers, they are already judgmental and don't like to see other people happy (98% of them are also obese. Mostly gaining the weight since starting our profession). So I can already anticipate how it will be with them when I am healthy.

With all that said, true friends, will be supportive of your endeavors and Celebrate your accomplishments.

[Pac-woman 325]

I only have 3 supporting people in my life. My boyfriend, my concerned sister and my boss (she had bypass 15yrs ago).

Everyone else? Can kiss it. The few "friends" that know hasn't even checked on me. I am 7 days post surgery today.

[Robin Shaw 1]

I had my bypass December 18th. The friends I thought would be the most supportive are the least. I am really shocked to see how people react to me having a healthy lifestyle. I have already been ridiculed even by so called " church members".

[Pac-woman 325]

Love those churchy people (wink)

Don't sweat it. Tell them to pray for you and to move on.

[Jersrose43 837]

I lost a friend through this process she's also morbidly obese and very happy. She was at around 350 when she started doing Zumba and adopted a vegetarian lifestyle. I supported her jn this by attending her classes with her and when she started teaching it I supported her there too. She lost 80 pounds. I lost 5??

I decided to do surgery and she got different. Really bitter. And I know I am emotional during this journey but her comments have been offensive and hurt my feelings. They weren't always weight related. Comments were about everything and usually a little slide of you like to find the easy way to things huh I dropped her finally I can't have toxic in my life.

By the way yes I like the easy way. I like to keep it simple stupid in all things.

[Pac-woman 325]

There is absolutely NOTHING easy about a sleeve journey,pre or post. If anything, we work harder than an average dieter. Physically and most of all emotionally.

Until your friend can dare to go on a liquid diet for 2 weeks, then bare the pain and triumph of holes in your stomach and recovery, teaching a new stomach to eat with out barfing, and then eating like a chipmunk for the rest of her life while having a exercise regimen...i think she needs to shut the heck up. And i am being nice here.

Nothing more irritating than hearing a reformed fat person saying "easy way out".

Glad you kicked her to the curb.

[leag78 469]

@@Pac-woman well said. I totally agree with your post. You think that you r friends, especially the ones closest to you would be the most supportive because they can clearly see how your weight plays a huge role in your insecurities, but they also were comfortable knowing that you were no competition for them when you're about 200lbs heavier than they are. I'm just curious to see how are friendship will change after surgery and if it will survive.

[Pac-woman 325]

I can tell you that my childhood friend hasn't even bothered to ask if i am out of the hospital or if i am okay. ( today is 8 days out). My skinny friend at work has not bothered to see if i am okay or not. When i get back to work, i will remember who is who.