I haven't done anything right

[ELI.p.m 44]

I agree, don't give them any power over you.

8 1/2 years ago, I fled an abusive psychotic now ex-husband (who kept six loaded guns in the house) in the middle of the night. My dear sister (who had just lost her husband to cancer four months earlier) took me into her home 300 miles away.

I will forever be grateful to her for giving me shelter. I had not had my surgery then, but I was trying really hard to lose weight. I bought special groceries for myself because her house was full to the rafters with junk food. There was nothing nutritious in the house and she and her kids were (and still are) obese like I was at the time.

Hard as I tried to get them to eat healthy, she insisted that the kids would not eat fresh fruits and veggies and lean meat that did not come from KFC or Burger King. But guess what? It seemed like no matter what I brought in for myself and shoved to the back of the fridge, the kids would dig that out - eat my stuff, and then eat their stuff too.

I love, love, love my sister, but it got to the point where I just had to love her from across town.

Obviously you do not have control over the household, but you do have control over yourself and need to stand up for yourself. Do not worry about hurting their feelings since they clearly do not care about yours. You need to just shake hands and come out fighting. There is nothing easy about this walk at all.

Stay tough and spend as much time as you can fixing up that house. As soon as you have enough plumbing and electric to get an occupancy permit, move in. It doesn't matter whether you have interior walls and closets and new hardwood floors. The peace of mind will be worth it.

Your absolutely right as soon as I have the power on I'm moving out

[ELI.p.m 44]

In your original post you say, "I haven't done anything right", nonsense!, it sounds like you're hanging in there and you have a plan for getting out of your current situation. Great to know your husband supports you too! As for the inlaws, just keep fighting them off, easy way out? Not when you have someone there sabotaging your efforts, is there a reason they want you to fail? No matter, you can conquer their best efforts with a little encouragement from the peanut gallery here. This is about you and your health, you need to heal that hernia and get your body healthy. Keep up the GOOD work, this is going to be a better year for you.

I wouldn't say they're jealous because they like to eat they all are obese ... Morbidly obese ...my sister in law had diabetes at 14 .. Now 21 she has to inject insulin. My other sister in law she's 14 and she has cholesterol and high blood pressure . My father in law has both diseases plus liver damage from alcohol abuse . ALTHOUGH my husband is morbid obese he doesn't have any diseases YET..... I think it's because they just want me to fail ... Idk really Myb it's just their personalities. Iam 5'0 205 starting weight 235 I've lost 30 lb in the last month. They notice I know they want to lose weight too because they're always in" diets ".

[tomi71 581]

Please be careful. If you are eating this way you could end up damaging your wound and with other issues and thats when real pain begins.

You need to seek food counseling. Even if everyone in your house ate cake morning, noon and night, the power is in your court to decide what goes in your mouth not theirs. They cannot sabotage you if you don't let them.

Start at least by planning. Make sure the next thing you eat or drink is in line with what your NUT and/or physician advised. I am 5 1/2 months out and still have trouble with many foods so I can only imagine what you are doing to your sleeve.

Good luck to you. Tell those saboteurs to back up out your way.

Edited December 26, 2014 by tomi71

[vincereautmori 323]

I wouldn't say they're jealous because they like to eat they all are obese ... Morbidly obese ...my sister in law had diabetes at 14 .. Now 21 she has to inject insulin. My other sister in law she's 14 and she has cholesterol and high blood pressure . My father in law has both diseases plus liver damage from alcohol abuse . ALTHOUGH my husband is morbid obese he doesn't have any diseases YET..... I think it's because they just want me to fail ... Idk really Myb it's just their personalities. Iam 5'0 205 starting weight 235 I've lost 30 lb in the last month. They notice I know they want to lose weight too because they're always in" diets ".

Well, there's a lot of history in that family and there's nothing you can do about that. ELI, you take care of yourself, unfortunately these people are not part of your support system, they may not be bad people, but they are not going to help you achieve good health and you know its more than just losing weight. Who knows, you might one day inspire one of them by your success. Plato once said, "Good actions give strength to ourselves and inspire good actions in others."

[bobbyswife 862]

Nobody here can talk you into "behaving". You're going to have to muster up some internal strength to do this. Stop blaming others in your house for your inability to put down the fork. Do you want to stay fat? It's up to you. You have been given an amazing gift and I'm sure you're a wonderful person. Do yourself a favor and get your stuff straight. You only get one shot at this first "golden year".

[pinkbunies 359]

I have no idea why people feel the need to taunt their food and try to make you regret what you have done. There is no shame in ensuring your going to stay on a healthy path and actually make changes. Screw them. If its your husband I'd threaten him with a divorce, if its your kids, ground them...no internet, no car, no tv... nothing. If its your parents cut them off and teach them to behave. If its others, consider disowning them until they can be respectful. If all else fails, you could always put an ad out on craigslist to have someone rough them up. LOL. but seriously, when people do that, they think they are so much better. Focus on Water, Soup and Protein drinks. If family starts bugging you, grab your phone, headphones and go on a walk.

[Forsythia 882]

Eli, remember that you cannot control the actions and reactions of others. You can only control your actions and reactions. Since you know your in laws are jerks about food around you, change your routines. If they eat dinner at 6pm, cook your own meal (even if that is a lean cuisine) and eat it at 5:30. When they get on you, leave the house and take a walk. You get to clear your head and you get in your exercise. Don't give them your power. And lastly make sure your husband is your advocate. He needs to really talk to his parents. They may respond to him better than you as the DIL.

[AngelaE 104]

I understand where you are coming from, yesterday I had 3 small chocolates as a treat for Christmas and a very small glass of champagne. I'm nearly 11 weeks out. I was aware what I was eating and recorded what I ate on MFP and reminded myself while I was eating the chocolate why I started this journey. Today I will be off to the gym to work it off. I'm sure I will eat chocolates again but today I'm very much aware of what I'm fuelling my body and try not to get into those bad habits every day.

[AngelaE 104]

I wouldn't say they're jealous because they like to eat they all are obese ... Morbidly obese ...my sister in law had diabetes at 14 .. Now 21 she has to inject insulin. My other sister in law she's 14 and she has cholesterol and high blood pressure . My father in law has both diseases plus liver damage from alcohol abuse . ALTHOUGH my husband is morbid obese he doesn't have any diseases YET..... I think it's because they just want me to fail ... Idk really Myb it's just their personalities. Iam 5'0 205 starting weight 235 I've lost 30 lb in the last month. They notice I know they want to lose weight too because they're always in" diets ".

I don't think they want you to fail, it's just they don't know any different. You just have to show them the way with a lot of self control and let them see how much you have improved your well being by loosing the weight and making healthy food choices.

Edited December 27, 2014 by AngelaE

[altraoiche 26]

Iam sorry but don't let this discourage you. I'm NOT over eating that's impossible

It might be impossible now, but every time you eat crap food you are stretching your pouch and allowing for overeating later in a matter of months. You've got to establish healthy eating habits now. NOW. Get counseling.

After reading about your in-laws, they sound like an extremely dysfunctional bunch. I'm so sorry for what you and your husband have been through, but you guys have got to get out of there and get a healthier life. And perhaps they'll see that the "easy way out" is what they are doing: not doing anything but destroying themselves. Success is something you work hard at and I know that that's what you will do. I truly feel sorry for those teenage girls in that house who are already so sick. Deep down they've learned what healthy eating is, why it's important. Deep down they know what they're doing is wrong. They are incredibly sad.

Edited December 27, 2014 by altraoiche

[Debbieduck4 399]

I've been struggling with the Christmas Cookies around lately and have eaten one almost every day for a week! I know it's not the fault of other people but I also know that if they didn't bring them around, I wouldn't be eating them. Sooo... here's what I did and maybe what can help you too... I am writing my meals for the day in my food journal ahead of time. Then that is what I am eating. No if's, and's or but's at meal times. This ensures I get my Protein and eating healthy. Then and only then if I have room, I'm having ONE Christmas cookie. That may not be the proper thing to do, but it is what it is. After, the 1st when all this family leaves I'm dumping all these holiday treats in the garbage so it won't be around tempting me!

[Tammylb 174]

You won't reach your goal until the swelling of your stomach goes down . Just sip as much as you can. I made myself take a sip every 5 minutes. As your swelling goes down you will be able to consume more nutrients . If your Protein Shake is too thick thin it down with 2% milk

[4Anna 7]

I love all of the positive posts in support of you and what you're going through! I also suffered emotional abuse for years with people waving food or telling me what I should/shouldn't have. It started when I was a child so I didn't know that I didn't have to listen or give them any power But now, I absolutely stand up for myself and (try to) kindly tell people that I'm trying to improve my health & co-morbidities. If they don't listen or keep being negative, I stop the conversation.

I also think you're doing great! And I hope you give yourself credit for having the surgery & making all of the strides you have made. I understand not having money/access to a nutritionist. So if you want to watch some great YouTube videos from Dr. Weiner, who is a bariatric surgeon in Detroit, below is the link. He has some Great info on everything - nutrition, the timeline, and a great, healthy mindset/philosophy.

https://www.youtube.com/user/DrMatthewWeiner/videos

I am only 11 days post-op & I am also having challenges of food cravings, being bored with what I am having, etc. So I will try to get in with my counselor asap. I have appointments set for every Friday in January. Since you don't have insurance, there should be a local, possibly community counseling for you that is on a sliding scale. Hopefully you can find that because therapy can be a great additional tool.

All the best to you!!

[flab2fabulous 18]

I understand. I have screwed up too. I have eaten chips, although they were whole grain chips, and I've also had a taste of some fried foods, ice cream, cakes, etc. Although I have eaten a substantially lower amount than what I would've eaten in the past, it still isn't good for me to eat any of it. I got this surgery because I want to live a healthier lifestyle. So, I have to remind myself of that daily. What kind of support system do you have through your surgeon? It sounds like you don't have any of support. I have support, and I have yet to utilize it because I'm doing my best to do this on my own. But, it's not working for me. I haven't lost any weight in three weeks. I have to look at the bright side because I haven't gained any weight and I have lost quite a few inches. I need to buckle up my bootstraps and get myself together. So do you. You are not alone in your struggle. food was my best friend. That's how I got into this situation. So, I understand. The only thing that you can do is learn from your mistakes and keep pushing through.

[bewell 222]

@@Kindle

I'm getting ready for revision lap band to sleeve. (Complications with lap band) I know the games I can play in my head and I really appreciate your tough love. I needed to hear it.