My Confession

[freshair 135]

I've been over weight since the age of 5. I was a chubby kid always and started dieting at the age of 8 as per my pediatrician and nutritionist, so you can imagine how hard that might of been for an 8 year old. My mom tried her best but of course i would sneek food any chance i had. After a while my mom stopped the diet and again no restrictions. I was taught that food was reward especially unhealthy fast food. Any time i did something well that was my reward. As a teenager i developed poor eating habits never eating Breakfast and buying only junk as lunch at school (but school really only sold junk) as i became independent in my late teens early twenties these habits just got worse I've gone years without eating breakfast or if i picked up something it was soda and doughnut (Gross). With the crazy life of college and working i would sometimes not eat till 3pm but i was on the go from 6am!! Than when i would eat i would want to eat a horse! I than was living alone and making money so i indulged in food as i didn't want to cook for 1 or even do groceries at that my fridge pnly contained leftover containers and soda. Again would mostly eat once a day but really unhealthy stuff or to much of normal food and take out and fast food was my life. In my mid twenties I weighed 220lbs i was still a self confident woman and didn't really mind my weight and i loved being able to eat what i wanted when i wanted because it made me feel independent and again it was my reward for all my hard work. I broke my ankle tibia and fibia and was sedentary for 4 months baring little to no weight on my ankle so i spent 4months on the couch eating and wacthing tv. Let me just tell you i gained 40lbs + in those 4months. From than on i tried all kinds of diets spent all kinds of money and I've yo yo'd ever since. last year at the age of 29 i was diagnosed with diabetes insulin dependent, i than started my journey for WLS i wasn't even 30 and was starting to have all kinds of health complications which I knew were greatly because of my weight ( i also had PCOS, insomnia, and sleep apnea) so i began this journey and today i am 24 days post op. Things are going better each day but i am still fearful, fearful of food. I'm scared i won't make healthy choices I'm scared i can't reward myself anymore, I'm scared i wont be able to eat what i love or as much as i would qant to eat. It takes a lot for me to express these fears because I have just now after surgery become more aware of them. Prior to surgery i was motivated excited ready for this new life style and to get healthy, and i still want all those things but i don't know if it's the season that we are in and all the food related festivities or just knowing that finally i actually have a restriction in my life is making come to terms with all this. I'm on a waiting list for a new psychiatrist because my old one only wanted to give me pills and would only talk about himself so i need someone who can listen and help me not just push pills and walk me out of the office. I am hopeful that my relationship with food will change but i am also fearful. I had RNY 12 / 01 / 14 SW 295 weight day 24 264 down 31lbs

I feel great about the weight loss but im still in the liquid/puree stage i fear the real food stage which still a month and a half away. Thanks for reading my confession.

[krisstep 31]

Congrats in your new journey. I had my rny in 12/17/2014 and I can tell you a lot has changed for me as far as food goes. I look at everything differently. I am on full liquid stage and for some reason after I eat something 20 minutes later I get this terrible stomach pain that comes and goes and I has me on my knees asking Jesus to take me... I don't know what the cause to this is but I am in horrible pain. A friend of mine who has had the bypass said maybe my body is just not ready for the full liquid stage and I should go back to Clear Liquids and as far as I am concerned I don't think I will be eating anything at all for a while. This pain freaks me out to even put anything in my mouth. From this point on I know I am going to have a very hard time incorporating new foods in my diet. This pain freaks me out. I'm just miserable right now...

[freshair 135]

@@krisstep I'm so sorry to hear you're having so much pain! Have you talked to your surgeon yet? Cause that doesn't sound ok. I hope the pain does go away for you. Thank you on the good wishes i truly hope i too start to look at food differently. Please keep me updated on your progress

[esskay77 785]

Great journey! Even though I didn't have a weight problem until around college, I see a lot of siimilarities in our stories. The bit that really resonated with me was how you wanted to express your independence and that came out as eating what you wanted when you wanted!! WHen I was in college, I had a roommate who was bullimic. BUt I didn't know that at first and we would indulge in crazy food. I just didn't realize she was purging later. lol. We would have strawberry cheesecake ice cream and screaming yellow zonkers for breakfast!! Crazy! Anyway, from then on I yoyo'd with my weight.

I can tell you that at first, it's easy because food doesn't taste the same and you really can't eat much. But, later, that changes back so you really need to use this time now to change your habits. You need to learn new ways to reward yourself--how about a great pair of shoes or a cool pocketbook? A scarf or jewelry?

And I highly recommend joining a support group or 2. Probably something like Overeater's Anonymous that talks about food addiction, which sounds scary but is a really good group. ANd definitely find a different shrink. Once they start talking about themselves, either speak up about it and/or change to someone else.

One think I'm considering is trying to find a cooking class to learn how to cook interesting foods that qualify as WLS recommended foods. I don't know if this exists but I'm going to look around. Of course, this could also be a great business opportunity!!

A friend of mine teaches cooking classes at her house so I may approach her to see if she can put something together. She was also just named something like newest YouTube celebrity or something like that so her videos have been doing really well. I should probably look those up, too.

So, I think it's very important to start to change your habits now, find a new shrink, and join a support group or 2. Oh, and when you can, really start an exercise program!!

You can do this!! Keep us updated on your progress. We believe in you.

[freshair 135]

@@esskay77 thanks so much for your support! I'm gonna start attending the support group my WLS clinic offers in january and definitely can't wait to get my appointment with the new shrink. I will most definitely keep you updated. I haven't started exercising yet as not cleared for yet, but yes a gym membership is in the works with a few training sessions i found a guy who works with plp who have jad WLS so I'm excited about that. I want to face my demons and battle them head on! I'm i scared yes i am. But i think I'm ready to defeat them once and for all! Again thank you so much and happy holidays

[tamg26k 479]

Congrats on your decision and your progress!

Your childhood story is my childhood story. I could relate in so many ways. Finally after 45 years I decided to start the process for WLS in April and had my surgery in July. I could not be happier. The weight loss is a huge factor, yes, but the total 180 degree lifestyle change I made is what I am most proud of.

Can't wait to read about your progress.

Best of luck!!

[freshair 135]

Congrats on your decision and your progress!

Your childhood story is my childhood story. I could relate in so many ways. Finally after 45 years I decided to start the process for WLS in April and had my surgery in July. I could not be happier. The weight loss is a huge factor, yes, but the total 180 degree lifestyle change I made is what I am most proud of.

Can't wait to read about your progress.

Best of luck!!

Thank you! I'm 30 and really just want to be healthy and i know that if o didn't make this change things would only take a toll for the worst. Thank you again for your support and encouragement happy holidays

[maggie0210 117]

Fresh air,

You just described my entire life! If I wouldn't eat before school, my grandma would give me cake or pastries. If I didn't want dinner, she would get me whatever I wanted. pizza and McDonalds were weekly events. Friendly's sundaes very prevalent if I ate dinner. Started gaining most of my weight in junior high. Stress due to bullying in school. Diet after diet, up and down over and over again. I unfortunetly waited until health problems arose in my fifties. You are so smart to get a handle on this while young. You will find the strength to go forward. Your health problems will resolve themselves. And you need a doctor who puts YOU first! I see a therapist monthly and a psych every 3 months. The post-op classes are great sources of information, go to them if available. Your story is a tale of winning over adversity. Thank you for sharing.

Maggie0210