How to tell my 4 y.o. about surgery

[altraoiche 26]

I am single mom to an almost 5 y.o. and I have no idea how I am going to explain my surgery to him. My parents are going to take care of him for a couple of days, but I am dreading explaining to him why i have to go to the hospital for a night or two. Don't want to scare him. also have to explain that we can't physically play for a couple of weeks. any advice?

[bobbyswife 862]

Why do you feel like you have to explain it to him? Simply tell him that you have to go somewhere and you'll be right back. You'll still be able to play with him after. You just can't lift him for a while. Telling him too much might cause more damage than necessary. Don't overthink it. You got it momma!

[altraoiche 26]

I should explain that our play is pretty physical. We play a lot of sports outside and wrestle some times on the floor so those are the things I have to explain we can't do for a few weeks. I guess I should just keep it simple like you said

[BLERDgirl 6,417]

I worked as a Child Life Specialist. Part of our philosophy was to explain things to children in the most simple yet honest way possible.

So you say:

"Mommy's going to see a doctor who going to fix her tummy." If he ask if it will hurt, you tell him, "No because the doctor will give me special medicine to make me go to sleep so I won't feel anything and hen he's done, he'll wake me up." If he doesn't ask, don't volunteer it. Explain he's going to stay with grandmom for a few days while you are visiting the doctor. Let him know when you go home you won't be able to ___________ (whatever you call it when your rough house) because your tummy will be sore for a while. Let him know you can do other things like read books together some other less physical activity. Remind him it was like when he got his boo-boo_______ and for a few days it was fun to touch that boo-boo. Keep it all matter of fact and non scary. Children pick up non verbal cues. If your scared and nervous, he will sense it.

You may need to have this conversation more than once. In fact I recommend it. Post op whenever he want to initiate rough play remind him that you can't do _____ right now, but you can do _____ offer reading or an alternate non physical activity.

[heynowkc 329]

@@BLERDgirl This is ace advice.

[Quest4TheNewMe 225]

I told my 7 yr old that I had to have something in my tummy fixed and that I was FINE and that we'd have to be careful for a while after. She asked what was wrong and I told her not to worry about it, that I'm fine.

I showed her and my 3 yr old that I had owies and that they have to be gentle.

That's pretty much been the end of it.

[altraoiche 26]

I LOVE child life specialists!!! Such sage advice from all of you. Thank you!!!

[bellabill 253]

Short and simple is the way to go.

[mrs kaje 347]

Mine will be 10 and 8 and I don't think they need to know what I'm going in for. I don't want to put the idea in their heads that if they put on weight they can just go and have surgery to fix it, and I don't want them telling their friends or anything.

[BLERDgirl 6,417]

You don't have to tell them specifically what you are going in for but you need to tell them something. Especially at their age. You're going to come home sore and tired. Their imaginations will be much worse.