Help with Nay-sayers

Melissa S · June 6, 2007

See...this is the very reason why I have not told ANYONE in my family except my Daughter and Mother. A few select friends know... only my best friends..

I had a cousin who had bypass surgery about 3-4 years back. When I tell you that she is a piece of work... I'm not kidding. She is the black sheep of the family..not because of being big...but because overall she is a bad person..and I dont say that about many people... I mean.. compulsive liar, ignores her 3 children...basically has someone else raising them, and the worst of all... she nearly had my aunt and uncle (her father and stepmother) thrown in jail for a HUGE lie she concocted. Anyhow.. she is the butt of many family discussions and jokes.. again, not because of her weight. Yes, she had weight loss surgery... but never lifted one finger to exercise... and it wasn't as successful as it should have been. I do not want to be judged as they judge her regarding her surgery...and IF by any chance the lap band does not work well for me.. I do not want to answer questions as to why.. and "I thought you got the surgery to HELP you lose"... basically I do not want to be compared to her.

So.. what I'll tell them is this... I'm on a diet.. strict diet...and everyone in my family knows that I wanted to lose a good amount of weight before our wedding in November. Or that I ate before ...Or that my stomach is upset..

isabelle290 · June 6, 2007

I have gone through the same experience when I told friends. You will reach a point when you know this is right for you and no matter what anyone else says, you will move forward and make this positive change in your life. Remember that 98% of people are successful with the band, so the odds are in your favor! Keep a positive attitude and do what is best for you. All those people making the comments don't have to live with the extra weight and saddness it brings. Good Luck!!!

June 7, 2007

Since I began this thread I feel I need to share a bit more of my stuggle. My true belief is that I believe I need to be reprogrammed to 1.) eat to live rather than live to eat, and 2.) stop eating like I was still in high school playing football. I come from a family who celebrates everything with food. And I believe somewhere along the way, the Great Depression and a farming community had something to do with grandparents and parents encouraging you to "clean your plate, son!" or "Here, have a second helping! Atta boy! Eat up. You'll be a strong, tall man some day!" Some people will rightly say, you have made every decision to consume each bite, and you can also decide not to eat so much. I truly believe they are right -- only partly. Eating the way I did in high school served me well, but every since then (+25 years ago) not being reprogrammed to eat only what I need to eat has had this adverse effect on me that I recognize. The Nay-sayers do not understand this dilemma. I simply was trying to get an idea of how others have handled their family and friends when the negative comments come. My family history with obesity-related medical issues from mom's side of the family tree is horrible - filled with diabetes, kidney, and heart diseases. Some of mom's family has even lost their legs due to the diabetes. My intention is to head off this trend for my own life. One concern, I still have is how my daugthers (who are follwoing my plump example) will view me going through the lapband procedure. I am wondering if they will see it as a "quick fix" or if they will see the ordeal I must endure and learn from the example.

michellyoh · June 7, 2007

Too Large, you're not alone!! There are many reasons why we allow our weight to spin out of control. Weight was always an issue for me growing up (even though everyone else in my family was heavy). My mom fixed my plate for me until I was 17, and I was never allowed to have seconds. I was on the drill team in high school, and well. . that scale had to be less than my magic number or I was unable to perform (even though I didn't look any bigger than the other girls). My line officer checked to see what I ate for lunch EVERY day! One time I opted for 1 slice of pizza. I happened to gain a pound that week, and was cut from the 1/2 time performance at that week's football game! Neat huh??!!?? When I was finished with that, I decided that if I wanted a Royale with cheese, I would have one. . and boy did I!!!! I DO know that I made the choice to eat like I did, but there comes a time when you no longer have control over those "choices"!! As for your daughters, once you start the pre-op diet, and they see what you have to go through, they will understand that this is not a quick fix!! My mom went with me to my appt with the nutritionist, and when she left, she cried. She couldn't believe what I was about to give up, and what I was going to have to go through just to lose weight. She didn't think that she would be able to do it. When people say "it's just a tool", it's true!!! YOU will have to make it work! The important people in your life will see that. The others, well. . .does it really matter?

One other thing. I'm not sure what type of pre-op diet your dr. will have you on, but mine was low carb, high Protein. I had a really good time finding new recipes online and trying them out! Who knew you could make a Pizza Crust out of cauliflower? Maybe this could be a time where you and your family learn to cook healthier, which will in turn, help your daughters.

Much luck to you! Just always remember. . .you're not alone!

allwright · June 7, 2007

I am soooooo....glad I listened to my gut instinct and kept my mouth shut about what I was going to do! This is a personal decision and one not to be taken lightly. I decided to tell only the people I would trust with a checkbook. This is a short list! Actually, I told my husband, mother, sister-in law(all 3 because if I needed help they would be the ones I called on) before I had the surgery. If they had not been supportive of my decision, I would not have told them when I actually had the band. Of course, my husband would know as we discussed it and researched it together. He was 150% on board.

Like any other major decision, you are the one that needs to do what's right for you and your particular situation.

Ask yourself the question....would I let these same people chose the home I live in, the car I drive, the places I shop, etc. Probably not, so why let them decide who you are and what you should do with your personal weight situation. If they had all the answers, why did they allow you to get to this point in the first place before trying to interfer?

Sometimes we get caught up in the excitment of what we are going to do for ourselves that we allow others to try and burst our balloon. Is this jealousy on their part.......

Sweety · June 7, 2007

I also agree with everyone. When I first told my husband I wanted to be banded, his first response was "you aren't even fat you don't need to do anything". It's funny, that other people, such as the people that love and care for you always see you a bit differently than we see ourselves. I know I am overweight, and that the band would be the safest thing for me to lose the weight and actually keep it off. It turns out he was afraid about the whole thing. I asked if he would go to a seminar w/me, and he agreed. Now, he is my biggest supporter. My mom was also hesitant, but talked to her doctor about it and asked questions. Her doctor told her that it has done wonders for people and that it was much safer than any other weight loss surgery. Now, she can't wait for me to get a surgery date. She is still a little scared, but knows that with my diabetes and all, that this would really be good for me. In the long run for me, I don't really give a rats tale what anybody else says. This is about me and my health, and not about theirs. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do.

Sweety

Nuff · June 9, 2007

I havent told anyone that my 'solitary discovery holiday' in 3 weeks is actually a hospital appointment in another town.

I figure that no-one needs to know. That way I'm not pressuring myself to fufil what I think are their ideals of how I should progress. Sure it's a little lonely not sharing this HUGE thing with anyone, but this is mine, my little secret...

grandmasoon2b · June 9, 2007

I haven't had surgery YET! But am also being very careful about who I tell. I have 5 daughters, all teenagers or in young 20's. They see the tv shows about "skinny" people and feel that they are "fat". They have seen me try and try and try again to lose weight over the last several years and every time I started a new one I got "another diet?" They would roll their eyes and bulk and laugh and ask how long it would take. Over the last couple of years my weight has gone even higher than it has ever been, I have been fighting severe depression, sleep problems, severe arthritis and pre diabetes. I have a huge family history of diabetes and heart problems, as well as high blood pressure. My mother died at 56 from complications of a surgery, stroke and sudden death. She was obese and in her autopsy, it stated that she looked at least 10 years OLDEr than her stated age of 56. THAT was 9 years ago 4th of July weekend this year and since then I have openly balked at being fat. I'm exhausted from the trials I have put my body (and family) through. who ever knew that one so desperate would literally try anything (cabbage Soup? ICK!, apple cider vinegar to drink with every meal?) to lose weight. The best I did was with Richard Simon's food mover, and that only worked to get 60 pounds off and I was still about 75 lbs over weight. I gained it all back and now I am over 310 lbs. NEVER in my life did I believe that I would get this FAT! I've lived through my kids refusing to go to the bus stop for school because of the names other kids would call me, or that we didn't HAVE to go to a school program because I couldn't sit in the chairs. I have cried over all of this. I have given 21 years to my girls (all 5 are girls!) and hubby. I have come to the conclusion that if I don't have the band done I won't have another 21 years to give them, and having lost my mother while I was in my 30's, I know how hard it is on a child. I love my girls, my soon to be grandson in August and my hubby, but it is time that I, as a mother, learn to love myself enough to take care of ME! I have to put ME first, probably the first time in my life, but if I want my children to be happy, my hubby to be happy and most of all ME to be happy, I have to do this! I have told my kids, my best friend in the whole world and my hubby. I have the support of my hubby, my best friend and two of my daughters. Two of the girls don't quite understand the whole thing, so they are not against me as such just not sure about the whole thing, and the fifth, believes like the rest of the world does about fat people. She tells me to get up and EXCERISE AND QUIT EATING SO D**** MUCH and I wouldn't have a problem. Need I state that this child is a gorgeous size 11 with all the curves in all the right places? My oldest daughter has had her fight with weight problems and knows already the pressures of life. My hubby is 300% behind me, though he reminds me that he loves me no matter what size I am. My GP looked like he was going to dance for joy when I suggested it. He said that he will do whatever he can to get me the surgery and is thrilled that I have researched it and know what I want and that I WANT to take control of my life.

I can't wait to get moving on the road, but I have a couple of things yet I have to do before the balls really rolls.

I have three brothers, and I have told only one of them. I don't care what anyone else says, knows or what they care. This I am finally doing for ME, MYSELF AND I. Me? I want to be happy, off of medications and enjoying all the things in life that I love to do. Myself? Heck, I'm selfish, I want to wear some of these cute clothes that are out there, I want to buy OFF the rack instead of having to hunt and hunt and hunt for things to wear. I? I am ME and I want what I want and I am willing to do whatever I have to do to get it! As for what the rest of the world has to say about it, screw them! Have they lived my life? Do they deal with MY problems? Do they understand the REAL explanation and consequences of obesity? If they haven't walked in MY shoes, eaten at MY table or talked to ME, they have no clue what it in my head, heart or sole.

Power to everyone who has taken this walk, I am proud of you!!!! For those of you who are stepping quietly and carefully like me, you have everyone's support here and from me, and I hope that we can all be the support that we all need and can use. This is a scarey step, a worry of what if...and a look at the other side of a new lifestyle. I'm excited, scared and worried, but if we all chose not to do things that gave us these feelings, there wouldn't be alot of things, or children in this world. :girl_hug: You can't be successful if you don't try! :target:

Hugs (sorry so long winded lol, I have a problem with not just eating but with shutting up!)

Laurie