Family disclosure time

[anaxila 501]

This weekend, I told my parents that I'm having surgery on January 6. I hadn't shared anything with them up to this point, so there was a lot of catch-up to do. As expected, my mom was concerned and skeptical and listened with a furrowed brow, and my dad just listened for a bit before expressing his unconditional support.

My weight problems are reflected in dad's side of the family and he's always been able to understand my experience better than mom does. He's gone through a few rounds of weight loss himself, but generally manages okay just by being extremely active and athletic. My mother and her side of the family are all very slim. She's 65 and maybe weighs a few pounds more than when she graduated from high school, but not much.

When I was 16 I asked my parents to pay for Diet Center, which mom dismissed it as silly and wasteful. Dad came to me later and said she didn't understand what it was like and of course they'd pay for it if I wanted. That was around the time he tried Nutri System, and it's the last time we discussed my weight, until Saturday.

Mom has generally done a great job of keeping her opinions about my body to herself over the past 40+ years, but I know there's a lot she would like to say if I gave her an opening. One of my goals for this weekend was to tell her what was happening without giving her that opening to pass judgment, and so far so good.

[esskay77 785]

I'm very proud of you. It's hard to have that discussion with someone who doesn't understand and you did a great job. And I'm glad you have made a decision for yourself and are sticking to it. ANd really glad that your dad is so awesome. Best of luck and we are all here for you when you need us.

[amylynns 802]

Good for you! I too struggled with telling my parents. I told them 3 days before my surgery!

My mom totally understood, her and her whole side of the family is overweight. But even though my Dad has had up and down times with his weight, he's more of the mind set, "Just be active and eat less." Yeah....cuz I haven't tried that!!

I actually emailed my parents and told them. I was really chicken! And I told my Dad, even though I didn't expect him to accept it, I wanted NO judemental comments from him at all.

Much to my surprise, I got just the opposite from him. He texted me the morning of surgery, called to check on me and even came on his own to the hospital to see me. If you knew our past relationship, this was a BIG thing for him to do and it meant the world to him.

The couple weeks after surgery when I was so sick and regretting having the surgery, I was afraid to even utter those words to my parents for fear they'd say, "I told you so..." But nope, all I got was support.

It really made getting through that stage a lot easier!!

Good luck with your surgery!! It sounds like you for sure have your Dad in your corner!

[ready2B 263]

I didn't tell my Mom. Even though she has had weight issues her whole life, and even had lapband surgery in the past, she is "difficult" and I just didn't want to deal with her judgments, unsolicited (and usually very off-base) advice, intrusive questions and all that. So I purposefully didn't tell her or any of my siblings. (My dad is deceased.) But then, my son called my mom and told her even though I had expressly told him not to! That just made me nuts. So, when she called and said she heard I had surgery, I told her nothing more than that I was doing fine, but gave her no details at all and refused to get into a discussion about what I was eating, how much weight had I lost so far, etc.

Even though I am in my 50s, this is very new territory for me - setting personal boundaries and calling my own shots in regard to my life! It's a huge step for me to take back that control and not let toxic people into personal areas of my life, especially when I need to be focusing on my own physical and emotional well-being!

[emsgirl114 88]

I didn't know other people had these experiences. My mom is my best friend. But she can be snarky and judgmental. Especially when she is worried. I'm 46 years old. My mother is 65. She became pregnant with me after a two year battle with cancer as a teenager. It was Vietnam and my father was drafted before I was born and they were divorced by the time I was 4. Basically my mom and i moved in to a house with a whole bunch of other people who put flowers in my hair and sang a lot of folk songs. Yes we were a hippy commune. The house included two of my mom siblings. And my other aunt was down the road. My mom needed to make up for a lost adolescents so basically we grew up together. We've always had the sibling relationship unless the mom who at around 27 decided to go to nursing school abd become a super powerhouse of a modern woman and mom and she married my step dad. All of he sudden I had a traditional like family. Bottom line is never sure who I'm gonna get when I approach with new news. At first she was not thrilled. I should be strong and just diet. Exercise more. We've all heard that. And my bod comes from my dads genes. She's a whole 120 lbs. but she has been incredible. She did try to make me eat something on thanksgiving. 3 days post op. My boyfriend intervened and reminded up food really is not love. But she's helped me so much. Amazing how I missed judged her on this. I can't thank her enough.

[amylynns 802]

@emsgirl114--Your childhood sounds very interesting!!

I love the family atmosphere I'm picturing.

I'm so glad your mom ended up being a great support for you!! It really helps to have someone helping you during the rough days!!

My mom called or stopped every day I was home to see if I needed anything, or just to hug me.

[emsgirl114 88]

@@amylynns I couldn't agree more. And yes my childhood was an adventure to say the least.