Sick and tired of explaining myself...

[Stephanie Kandace 69]

No one understands unless they go through this themselves. I am sick and tired of my family and their comments and afraid I will end up blowing up on them. Surgery was 10/29 I lost 25lbs in the first 3 weeks and stalled. Doctor says it's normal but on Thanksgiving a few family members asked my sister why I wasn't losing any weight yet. Then last night at a family gathering there were pork chops, rice, brownies a whole bunch of crap and I didn't have any, just ate my Protein pack and my aunts are telling me I shouldn't be eating cheese and had the nerve to say, 'You know you've been eating this stuff', I was boiling inside so badly but was saved by the doorbell. None of them have a clue about anything regarding this surgery and/or my body. How do I tell them all to shut the hell up and stop watching me in a respectful way because I'm ready to blow up on everyone. And the problem is my family has so many functions, I have to be around them so my daughters can participate also.

[barriej9 61]

I hate you have to go through that. Maybe your sister could be your voice and tell them not to talk about weight at family events. Another idea is talk to them at a non event. Families can be tough when it comes to weight so I did not even tell mine about it. Keep up your hard work.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

If you haven't told them yet that you don't want to talk about it, then they'll probably keep picking away, thinking you'll continue to tolerate their comments.

You should lay the new law down -- either "respectfully" or by having a hissy fit. You have to tell them (however you do it) to just STFU!

[MichiganChic 3,262]

That's why a lot of people don't tell others. I didn't tell many people to start with because I didn't want to constantly feel like my intake is up for discussion or under scrutiny. Even the extended family I did tell who are supportive do watch some. We had a Christmas party last night and they commented, surprised that I can eat bread. They are not malicious and I am not having to deal it the way you are, but once people know, they observe and some feel free to comment. Since your cat is out of the bag, I think I would just tell them to keep their comments to themselves. It's not their business, and you are not obligated to discuss it. Probably if you just tell them you don't want to hear it when you can be calm and respectful (probably not when they just said something), they'll keep their comments to themselves. You might even ask for their support and encouragement, if you want it. They probably love and want what's best for you. At the end of the day what they say or think is not going to influence your outcome - you have control over that. You are doing awesome, so keep up the good work. Incidentally, it took me about 60 pounds before it became evident I lost weight.

[thesuse2000 698]

I think you can do it perfectly respectfully, if that's what you want to do. If it was me, the next time someone makes a comment I'd pipe up loudly and make an announcement to the whole group, saying something like "Thank you all for your concern. I know you want to help, but I'm following my surgeon's diet, and working really hard to make some big changes in my life, and I really don't want to explain how I'm eating all the time. I am asking you all not to comment on my eating anymore. Please just support me. Thank you."

Or whatever works for you to say. You've got the right to create boundaries and set limits about what people can and can't say to you. I hope they respect that!

[downsizingdiva 459]

No one understands unless they go through this themselves. I am sick and tired of my family and their comments and afraid I will end up blowing up on them. Surgery was 10/29 I lost 25lbs in the first 3 weeks and stalled. Doctor says it's normal but on Thanksgiving a few family members asked my sister why I wasn't losing any weight yet. Then last night at a family gathering there were pork chops, rice, brownies a whole bunch of crap and I didn't have any, just ate my Protein pack and my aunts are telling me I shouldn't be eating cheese and had the nerve to say, 'You know you've been eating this stuff', I was boiling inside so badly but was saved by the doorbell. None of them have a clue about anything regarding this surgery and/or my body. How do I tell them all to shut the hell up and stop watching me in a respectful way because I'm ready to blow up on everyone. And the problem is my family has so many functions, I have to be around them so my daughters can participate also.

Another perfect example of why my surgery is a secret and will stay that way. I despise people knowing my business, uneducated opinions, and uninvited comments or advice.

[Jersrose43 837]

I agree with vsgann. You need to lay down the law. Your family thinks this is a cure and expecting to see hundreds of pounds melt overnight and then will talk about how you regained it all.

Fuck them

Tell them next time the concern is appreciated but not a topic for discussion with ignoramuses and change the subject.

Continue on your docs plans. Don't call it a diet that just fuels their bs

It's a lifestyle not a diet

[BitterSweet* 835]

Since everyone already knows and they apparently think free reign of unsolicited opinions accompanies this knowledge of your surgery, I'd opt for a grown up tantrum. And I'd do it at one of the big family functions the minute someone opened their mouths to comment.

It's not cool at all and they know better. I wouldn't buy the just trying to help argument from any of them. How much were they "just trying to help" when you used to previously sit at the table with a mound of food on your plate? Did they comment then? Were they concerned and made comments at that time?

This is going to eat away at you until you say something and personally, I like adult tantrums, especially if throwing one is out of character for you. We tolerate too much sh!t from family sometimes.

[finediva 979]

AND THIS IS WHY I TOLD NO ONE IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD! Ok, no longer screaming. So you shared your decision and now your family is on fat loss watch with you. They are also policing your food intake. Three ways to handle these issues. One, stop going to the functions, when asked why you didn't attend......"I want to attend, but don't want to spend the entire time time discussing my surgery, weigh loss and food choices". Two, go, but don't respond to comments, just keep moving away. Yes, it sounds rude to do so, but its rude for them to focus on and point out your weight l Ioss or lack of. Maybe they will get the hint and realize you don't want to discuss it. Three, go off on the the first person that brings it up as vsgann said....hissy fit. Put them on blast and be done with with already! Hope your daughter is still a little goober so mummy having a hissy fit will not be remembered.

[BLERDgirl 6,417]

Simply say, "Thank you for your concern, but my doctor's have approved my current eating plan and are carefully monitoring my process."

Personally unless it's someone I want to share this process with I tell people " I don't discuss my weight, but thanks for asking. " But some people may find that rude. I rarely get those types of questions since so the people I would say that to deserve it.

[ProjectMe 909]

I feel your pain and frustration. I have gone through something very similar and I also had difficulty speaking up for myself because in my family...respecting your elders and family is serious business. May I suggest a more respectful response? Is their an elder in your family that everyone respects? If so. That is the person you express your concerns with in PRIVATE. That person will take it from there and before you know it, your weight will not be mentioned anymore. in my opinion, public declarations and/or going off on family you love is not respectful nor will it result in a positive outcome in the long run.

[BitterSweet* 835]

@@ProjectMe, I think your idea is very sound and if the OP has a family dynamic like that, your solution would probably work.

The people in my family are quite dysfunctional. I can only imagine the OP sitting at the table basically being ridiculed and questioned, and I doubt that her discomfort was invisible and oblivious to them, but they still persisted and have done so on other occasions as well. They lack boundaries and if she doesn't have that elder role model in the family to silence this BS, I would squash it myself, and it wouldn't be pleasant.

[ProjectMe 909]

@@ProjectMe, I think your idea is very sound and if the OP has a family dynamic like that, your solution would probably work. The people in my family are quite dysfunctional. I can only imagine the OP sitting at the table basically being ridiculed and questioned, and I doubt that her discomfort was invisible and oblivious to them, but they still persisted and have done so on other occasions as well. They lack boundaries and if she doesn't have that elder role model in the family to silence this BS, I would squash it myself, and it wouldn't be pleasant.

I'm sorry to hear about your family...I also have more than a few dysfunctional members. I choose not to meet them at their level, because I always feel bad afterwards and it has never been worth it in my experience. In my humble opinion, start with giving respect...then go from there

[Lindsayloo1103 89]

i actually eat cheese at leasssssttt once a day. Its easy to digest, tasty, and a source of protein!!

[Miss Mac 6,262]

If you must go and have no one who will intervene on your behalf, then start monitoring the crap they all eat and then expound relentlessly on your new found knowledge of human nutrition......then bite off a big ol' piece of cheese and enjoy it. Then give them your doctor's number so that they can call him/her to complain about your post-op plan. It is ok to get mad, especially when they are being rude to you. They are not thinking about your feelings or bothered that they are humiliating you.......so you have Miss Mac's permission to have that grown-up hissy fit. Even Jesus turned over a few tables when people pushed his buttons.