Dating issues... is this normal?

[Rena's got this 274]

I've finally begun to date again. The first guy was gushy about thinking that we were made for each other and even mentioned eventual marriage... on the FIRST date! I didn't go out with him again. I've just met someone a week ago who is pretty nice, but he has been calling and texting me much more than I am comfortable with and is also talking about when "he and I can become we". It has only been a week! He is also very physical and I feel like I'm starting to have to insist on not being so touchy feely.

Is this normal? I'm almost to the point where I don't want to date, and am wondering if it is just me or just the luck of the draw in meeting these two guys. Also.... (TMI alert)... I don't like french kissing and both of these guys seemed to want to chase my tonsils down my throat!

Forgive my rant. I'm just not quite able to handle myself in this area yet, especially in handling the kissing issue. Any suggestions?

[cdenney123 103]

I think its the guys who are too needy..Not normal in my experience its nice to be in a relationship but not in the first week. It takes awhile to get to know someone in order to make the choice if you want them as your boyfriend.

[Packerfan61964 293]

I don't think that neediness is gender based. Some men are needy.....some women are. It just depends on their personality. The first date mentioning "WE" is not really a sign of neediness in my opinion....its a sign of lonliness and desparation. Keep looking and have fun dating......MR RIGHT will come along when you least expect it

[Rena's got this 274]

So any advice on how to tell him that 1) he needs to take things slow with me and give me space, and 2) keep his tongue in his mouth...(not quite sure how else to put it!).

Maybe I should just let him know that I'm just not feeling it with him, and not let it drag out. He really is a nice guy, tall, attractive, and appears to have his life in order, but I'm dreading spending time with him and not wanting to return his calls. It could just be me, not wanting to get into the dating scene yet, but I've been divorced for 7 years now, and it should be time to get back in the game....

[Kindle 8,667]

Not sure what to tell you. My nail tech set me up with a guy several months ago. We went out for dinner once and that was enough for me. Nice enough guy, but WAY to intense. He would text me ALL the time. I might respond once to every 10 of his texts, which of course, would lead to 20 more from him. He was seriously begging for a "sympathy date" (his words) when my team (Packers) whipped his team (Eagles). I finally quit responding at all, and I actually haven't heard from him in over a week. I told my nail tech she owes me 6 months worth of nails sets for doing that to me.

Oh, and the date I had prior to that turned out to be a guy that was prosecuted for assault for beating up his previous girlfriend. I too, haven't dated in like 10 years (by choice). And these two experiences helped remind me how happy I am to be single and I really have no desire to date again for another 10 years.

Edited December 8, 2014 by Kindle

[Rena's got this 274]

That might be the least confrontational way to do it, and I'll probably do that too. I would kind of wonder though if I should just let him know and not let him be "hanging on" waiting for me to return his calls and texts. I'm very much non confrontational. I also think that, like you, I'm probably really happy being single, and shouldn't just date because I think it is what I SHOULD do.

[HawaiianTexan 44]

Be happy you even had dates! Lol many of us are trying to get that.

Edited December 8, 2014 by HawaiianTexan

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Yeah, I wouldn't care for all that either. But I'd urge you to keep dating. Don't let two duds stop you from finding someone whose company you would really enjoy and vice versa.

Bottom line: Dating is hard work.

[mary314847 0]

I sympathize as well. I haven't been in a relationship for about 10 years. It wasn't until the past two years or so that I really just stopped wanting to be in a relationship. Now, occasionally, I think I want to date, but it is quickly thwarted by a dud or a jerk. Just wondering when guys began to think it would be a turn-on to "tweet their meat"? They either want to jump into a relationship on the first date or into bed. Where do you find a good man these days?

[Kindle 8,667]

Bottom line: Dating is hard work.

Exactly! The hardest times of my life all involved being in a relationship. Everything from a couple dates to a 7 year live in boyfriend, whom I would have married if he'd asked. But in the end, the companionship is not worth the sacrifices (IMO). My parents have been happily married for 52 years, and my brother 25 years, so I certainly see the other side. Really, I think I just like ME more than anyone else (besides my horse and dogs and cats).

Besides, being single is easy and you all know how we like to take the "easy way" ????

[AvaFern 3,516]

Go read this article: http://markmanson.net/fuck-yes

Ok yes it has the F word, lol, but it is very true. Why do anything in life that is not an F yes? If you aren't passionate about something, why waste your time? You said you're dreading seeing this guy...why would you even consider going out with him again? If you don't like his tongue shoved down your throat the first week, tell him that. If you think they're being needy, tell them that too. If you don't get a good vibe and you are not excited to see them, don't waste either of your time by trying to push through. A good relationship is two people who want to be together even though times can be hard- that doesn't generally start when you're not into the person the very first week.

Past that, I hear you on the dating thing. I had a really bad relationship a few years ago and I got fat and hid under that for awhile while I avoided men. Now I'm back to being normal sized again and I also have doubts about dating. I really like being single. On that note though, you don't need to be in a relationship. The whole idea is that being with someone else makes you better, it makes you happier, you would rather be with them than be alone at least most of the time. If you're happier alone than you are with someone else, then be single! Go out, date, and in an ideal world you will find a man who does not annoy you the very first week. I am very content being single, but if I find a guy that I enjoy spending time with I would go for it. I just have no interest in compromising on my happiness simply to say that I'm in a relationship.

So...my rule, if it isn't a F yes, then it's a F no.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I don't think you should feel like you "should" date. I mean, if you are happy and content wihtout it - who needs the drama and hassle?

I have found dating to be challenging at times, for lots of different reasons. I do it because I missed out on dating in my youth - I basically had two long term relationships of nearly 15 years each. When the last one ended, and here I am looking attractive enough, I felt like I wanted to do this. I have had some fun going out and about, but i discovered that I don't really enjoy the "first dates" where you meet a complete (or nearly complete) stranger and try to get to know him. It isn't my cup a tea - the 100 first dates that seem to come with online dating. I am also not ready to dive into another 15 year relationship with just anyone... so at the moment i am in a happy middle ground of dating one man and getting to know him.

So, honestly, i wouldn't kiss on the first date. I don't mean to sound like a prude, but other than a good night peck, I am not ready to kiss someone I just met because normally I feel like I don't even know them at this point. when you get to the point of seriously making out/deep kissing hopefully you know someone well enough to verbalize what you like and don't like. It isn't cool to feel "manhandled" into a pysical situation you don't enjoy and you can't really blame the guy if he doesn't know.

I don't know how old you are, but I think dating is a bit harder as people are older. Lots of reasons for this, but it is tough. I think you just need to keep carefully looking, know your own mind and your own boundaries and you will find someone you like.

When I first started seeing the guy I am dating I felt like he texted me too much... well, more than I was used to. As I have gotten to know him over the months we have found a comfortable middle ground. I think his previous girlfriend really wanted lots of contact so he was actually just trying to please me - when in reality it was a bit much for me. This is what I mean by it is great when you get to know someone, you can gently give feedback and find a middle ground that is pleasing to all.

Good luck, as was said before, dating is hard!

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

For 15 years, after a disastrous 12-year marriage, I was rather successfully single and committed to remaining single. From time to time, I had boyfriends who were worthy, interesting people, but none of them was even remotely husband material, at least in terms of the qualities I thought a good husband (for me) should possess.

Shortly after I turned 50 years old, it occurred to me one night that, as much as I enjoyed being single and as happy as I was at being alone, that under any likely scenario at the end of my life I would probably wind up alone again ... so why shouldn't I at least entertain the idea of not being alone during all those years between 50 and ... the end of my life?

It was one of those struck dumb moments. I still remember all the sensations I was having, the angle of the light, the time on the clock, and other details of that moment.

A few weeks later, I met online the man I married later that year. He was perfect for me, and I for him, and the timing was perfect. The fates, guardian angels, or intersecting parallel universes might have been responsible for everything. Or perhaps my opening up to the possibility of having a partner and being a partner had something to do with it. I will never know. But I know I will never forget or diminish the power of that moment.

Edited December 8, 2014 by VSGAnn2014

[Wendyfm 494]

I've been separated for three years,can't find my ex to divorce him, that's a long story. Basically I do not want a relationship or to date,even at this point. Maybe never. I seem to be really bad at relationships.

[Forsythia 882]

Dating is right up there with interviewing for jobs and going to the dentist on my list of things I don't like doing. Thank god I'm married.

I had the worst date once. This guy and I went out. Only he tells me that he ate before we went to dinner. So he didn't eat anything. He only got a beer. Then he took two phone calls during the date. And then was all, "Hey can you pick up the tab" (mind you I'm okay with picking up the tab but at least offer to pick up the damn tab). Then he walked me to my apartment and had the unmitigated gall to ask if he could come up. As in for sex. NO. NO. NO.