Divorce after plastic surgery and/or bariatric surgery

[My Bariatric Life 764]

I'd like to hear from those patients whom have faced divorce after their plastic surgery or bariatric surgery. Did you go through with it? Why or why not? What is it that made you consider divorce after plastic surgery/bariatric surgery (versus sooner in your relationship)? Are you happy with or do you regret your decision?

Thank you.

[Alex Brecher 10,512]

Surprised you haven't received any responses on this one.....I know MANY of our members have been through changes after surgery, including divorce.

[fashionstylist 458]

Well I am going through a divorce now. I don't know if it is a direct result of my lap band surgery but my husband would make reference to me being a diva . I think he likes it when I was insecure and super overweight. It gave him control but as soon as I got some power and started to feel good about myself. He tried to take me down. He complained about my weight but then still had a problem with me losing it.

I am not having plastic surgery next week. I am having a Tummy Tuck and fat transfer to butt and Lipo. U couldn't be happier about it. He has other insecurity issues . he was never satisfied anyway. It's sad that I am in this situation but I am learning to take Care of myself. He would love to see me gain the weight back but not gonna happen.

[My Bariatric Life 764]

Perhaps they do not want to open old wounds for themselves. Especially at this time of the year.

Surprised you haven't received any responses on this one.....I know MANY of our members have been through changes after surgery, including divorce.

[My Bariatric Life 764]

Sometimes there is a status quo that is upset when one person changes.

Well I am going through a divorce now. I don't know if it is a direct result of my lap band surgery but my husband would make reference to me being a diva . I think he likes it when I was insecure and super overweight. It gave him control but as soon as I got some power and started to feel good about myself. He tried to take me down. He complained about my weight but then still had a problem with me losing it.

I am not having plastic surgery next week. I am having a Tummy Tuck and fat transfer to butt and Lipo. U couldn't be happier about it. He has other insecurity issues . he was never satisfied anyway. It's sad that I am in this situation but I am learning to take Care of myself. He would love to see me gain the weight back but not gonna happen.

[fashionstylist 458]

Sometimes there is a status quo that is upset when one person changes.

That Can be so true

[HawaiianTexan 44]

Problems in my relationship was the finally straw that convinced me that I needed a whole life change and so I made an appointment to see a surgeon. (Bariatric surgery is something I wanted to do since 2010.)

Anyhow we aren't 100% broken up at the moment but I don't know what that future holds.

Im curious are people getting divorced because they are prettier so they attract some new prospects? Or because a bad/mean/jealous/unsupportive spouse...

Edited December 8, 2014 by HawaiianTexan

[fashionstylist 458]

Problems in my relationship was the finally straw that convinced me that I needed a whole life change and so I made an appointment to see a surgeon. (Bariatric surgery is something I wanted to do since 2010.)

Anyhow we aren't 100% broken up at the moment but I don't know what that future holds.

Im curious are people getting divorced because they are prettier so they attract some new prospects? Or because a bad/mean/jealous/unsupportive spouse...

My situation just brought out the insecurity in my husband. When u start to feel good about yourself and confident there are things people can no longer do to you. You realize you matter and that you are beautiful. Sometimes 8 found that my husband didn't like me knowing I was worth more.

[My Bariatric Life 764]

@@HawaiianTexan there are many reasons why. Sometimes it is as simple as the person who looses the weight changes. They have new interests, maybe working out, actives like that, and have shed their old couch potato and foodie lifestyle. Whereas the partner has not changed and may not want to change. S/he may miss the former life had with the spouse. There may be jealousy issues.

Sometimes people just fall out of love.

[parisshel 1,892]

My sense is that some incompatibility issues can arise when one person in the relationship becomes more active, more health-conscious and starts doing activities that no longer revolve around thinking about food, preparing food and eating food. The other person can either jump in and embrace this new way of living, or resent it. In any case, what I've seen is that when you change this one thing, it changes everything. My BF and I are completely incompatible in the way we eat, spend our leisure time and do athletic activities. He basically spends his weekends on the couch, and me I'm out and about. Not much fun nor very fulfilling for me. It's only a matter of time before I just leave, I'm convinced. No amount of talking about it and trying to get him on board with living life more fully has worked so....

[My Bariatric Life 764]

@@parisshel so true... I am glad that you recognize what you want for your life and are not afraid to make it happen. While leaving a BF is much easier legally and financially than leaving a spouse, I am sure that emotionally it can be a hard thing to do. I did an interesting interview with a patient who after her weight loss surgery did the mental work to find herself, to love herself, and determine what it was she wanted for her life. It was not until she had that part figured out that she entered into dating relationships and ultimately found love. She offers some really good advice: http://www.healthcentral.com/obesity/c/276918/173276/finding-obesity-patient?ap=831

I learned a few things from her and I think many patients will. She is an inspiration!

[spiritedcowgirl63 108]

I've been together with my husband over 30 yrs. I have accepted his insecurities, critism, (he jokes) for years. We have different likes and always have. It has work for us, I think. Lol. What I mean, I'm starting to see things are getting more of a difference. Or my acceptance is going away. I have seen a councilor for years and have learned to live, love without judgement. My husband likes to be the big kid in the room, joking. And I'm more on the serious side. He lately makes comments "where are we going in this marriage"

I feel the weight loss and opened my eyes to what really is being present.

Good luck.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Some people are sleeping through their relationships. Others are awake and aware of the ride. Still others are actively navigating, with their partners, where the relationship is going.

WLS tends to wake people up. So if you're asleep in your marriage, you may open your eyes and for the first time in a long time, as the old song lyric goes, see what condition your condition is in. You may also choose to do something about it.

However, it also seems apparent that some sloppy "journalism" about WLS pushes the clickbait concept that the majority of WLS patients rush right out post-op and end their marriage or relationship. From reading online boards, I know that is NOT the case. I also know some patients on this and other boards who've ended their marriages--or whose spouses took the initiative to do so. And I know others who aren't WLS patients who are getting divorced. C'est la vie.

For those of you going through a separation or divorce, I wish for you all only the very best.

[My Bariatric Life 764]

@@spiritedcowgirl63 are you deciding what it is that you want, or are you set on staying in your marriage? Thank you.

[My Bariatric Life 764]

@@VSGAnn2014 very good insights, thank you. I really have not seen this topic discussed on the boards. I once interviewed my bariatric angel for a patient success story and she and her husband had gotten a divorce after her WLS/PS. This is the reason she gave:

"Sadly it accentuated what already existed. Our marriage was suffering; the major change in me prompted me to make a change. I know that I felt like I had to put up with things that I no longer was willing to tolerate. I shouldn't have tolerated it even when I was overweight but that was the self-esteem connection kicking in. I gained a feeling of control in my life with the weight loss and I think that control crossed over into other areas of my life." - See more at: http://www.healthcentral.com/obesity/c/276918/159465/transforms-beauty-bariatric?ap=831#sthash.g20mKfII.dpuf

I know only one other WLS/PS patient who said to me privately that she and her husband were getting divorced. I am not sure if she went through with it or not. On the other hand I know three WLS/PS patients whose relationships deepened with their spouses. Other patients that I know have not had a change in their relationship with their spouses, for better or worse, or at least not that they have discussed with me.