Freak out pre-op... tell me I am not alone.

[Sassafrassa 33]

I am 29 years old and weigh 146.6kg as of this morning. Today I started my shakes. Im also allowed salad and veg. My surgery is scheduled for 19 Dec... 2 weeks. I am freaking out. I go through phases where I am super confident in my decision to have the gastric sleeve then other times I wonder what I was so decisive about. Why can't I do this on my own - that's my own FAQ and I know if I could, I wouldn't be approaching 150kgs. I am committed to changing my life. That part I am 100% sure of. It's the how I do that .. that's the confusing part. I know the surgery will change my life and maybe that's what I am afraid of too. I am also afraid of feeling different because I cant each much food. I dont want to binge or gorge anymore or have huge portions. I just want to feel normal. Do people feel normal? Everyone I have spoken to has no regrets apart from not doing it earlier. I know it's not easy. Its just such a big decision and I dont know why i am questioning myself on something that will improve my life. Do other people go through this same phase?? All the doubt and questions??

[LAG50 46]

Absolutely! You'll be glad to know that you are perfectly 100% normal. Don't second guess yourself. You've made the right choice for yourself at this time in your life. Fortunately, you're still young enough to have a long healthy life. Many of us did it later in life and WISH we had done it when you did. I actually enjoy eating out and in company now because I'm no longer the first person finished, I can conversate and eat at the same time and not over eat. Because, when I'm full my body tells me so. You'll do great. Go with your first instinct and enjoy your new life.

Best wishes to you..

[momohime 121]

Honestly, I still don't feel normal. I feel normal-er.. but, I dunno. I think it's mostly just a head thing. While I'm much happier to be smaller, going out to eat with friends can still be a challenge for me. If I'm not careful, I can make myself sick very easily. It draws attention that I definitely don't like. I've had several friends comment that I don't eat much.. Not that I'm saying any of this to try to discourage you! Like most other people, I would make the same choice over and over.. at least now I go out to eat with friends instead of avoiding them completely like I did before because I was so ashamed of myself. True, it's not all sunshine and roses.. but still, no real regrets. Sometimes I feel like I'll just always need something to complain about.

[Amina 22]

Im also behaving the same way. My surgery is planned for January.

All I do Is wonder if I should really risk it.

Its really hard as you get closer.

[WL WARRIOR 692]

Normal is just a setting on the washing machine. It is typical to get nervous before major surgery. I got to a point when I was fed up feeling sick and being mentally and physically unhealthy. I am a single mom with a 10 year old child. His father died due to some circumstances that were controllable if he had only dropped his pride and tried harder. I don't want to die in 10 years due to obesity related illnesses. That would be a hard blow for my son to bear knowing that his other parent died of something that was controllable. This surgery helps put your destiny or future in your hands. Yes, there is a complication chance. But statistics show that the chances are incredibly low. The chances of dying from obesity related illness is larger if you continue on the same path. Others have written a list of pros and con's to help remind them why they are going through with this surgery. If your list doesn't help put you at ease, maybe you aren't ready yet. I wish you luck no matter whatever decision you choose!

[nanf1962 1]

I have scheduled my first appointment to discuss having the surgery next Friday. I have done every diet known---in fact right now I am paying for Weight Watchers. I have the typical story---will lose about 30 pounds then slowly the weight creeps back. I have worked really hard---have gotTEN my blood sugar levels almost normal, I exercise regularly etc but I am stuck. I am motivated but I just need some help. That being said, I am scared beyond belief. My family doesn't see me as I truly am just like I don't when I look in the mirror. My son who is a Doctor told me that I didn't meet the criteria. When I told him that I do, he got real quiet. I keep my weight a big secret---at my highest I was 310 lbs and now I am 284. Of course nobody knows how much I weigh. My Doctor son tells me it is a drastic decision. My husband told me he loves me as I am but if I am making the decision for better health he supports me. I want to be able to jog with him, cross country ski, run with my future grandchildren. I am just so afraid of the surgery. My extended family keeps telling me how drastic it is. I want to have energy. I want to feel healthy. I want the pain in my knees to get better. I want to zip line if I want to. Again---I am afraid of the surgery and complications. Have any of you had severe complications?

Edited December 5, 2014 by nanf1962

[Sassafrassa 33]

After my post on here I really lost it. Cried for hours. Confusion and indecisiveness cause me alot of upset. Maybe day 1 of shakes sent me crazy. But how do you know that you can't do it on your own? At what point do you say Ok - i really have tried and my quality of life is poor and i need this to improve. How do you know?? I was in a really bad relationship for 9 years and then was diagnosed with depression and since i started the meds i gained and gained and gained - to where i am now. I stopped taking my meds a few months ago and since this time i havent put on any weight - after consistently gaining for 2.5 years. I wonder if i need to give myself the chance to do this on my own now that i am off the meds? Whats so wrong with another 6 months? What if i do great... but what if i dont? I wish i could get out of my own head because i am sick to death of it. And the surgery was something i was going to look at considering one day until a close friend talked to a woman who had the sleeve and told me i should get it too. Thats what started all of this. When people stop believing you can change - it makes you feel pretty crappy.

[BitterSweet* 835]

@@Sassafrassa, What's funny about folks like us is that we always think we're alone. The very first post I ever made was almost identical to this. Almost verbatim. I just KNEW I was unique and that no one felt like I felt or worried as much about the same things: Losing weight on my own; VSG surgery is barbaric and too extreme; I can overcome my emotional hurdles and then I can lose weight and won't need surgery; complications; dying and leaving my children motherless (one of which is medically fragile with a million severe conditions); etc. etc.........

Kind folks like the ones here gave me the same type of feedback that you've received. Bottom line for me......making a decision was simply being completely and totally honest with myself. And the truth of the matter is my food addiction and out of control emotional eating spans 30+ years. It took many years for my fat to catch up with me, but it has, and it always does.

It's very simple for me. I do not want to be a diabetic. Once diabetes sets in, the human body just starts to go downhill. I do not want hypertension. Both of those diseases kill your kidneys which then turns your life into an amalgamation of meds, procedures, doctor visits, dialysis etc.... Can't do it. I do not want to go blind. I do not want to have renal failure. I do not want congestive heart failure, and I can guarantee that is the path that all of us who are morbidly obese eventually end up on when our massive weight is if left unchecked.

I can't live that way. And once I sat and cried about it for days, I realized that I really do need help. I need a stop sign and the VSG is my stop sign. I continue doing "the head work" with therapy, and I encourage everyone else considering surgery to do the mental work as well. Without adjusting the mental aspect of obesity, it's like preparing for a wedding but never preparing for the actual marriage - which is where the real work is. The surgery is just one day. You will go home in the same body with the same brain and way of thinking and that is a recipe for disaster.

It's a hard decision to make because it makes you feel like you have given up on yourself. That you are a failure. Many of us have felt that way and those feelings are hard to accept and deal with. You just have to reach deep within yourself to know if this is right for you.

[Lindsey Skinner Abbott 97]

I am feeling the same way. I am really scared to have surgery but the thought of not seeing my kids get married or have kids makes me more scared. I am 35 and haven't always been overweight. I to have talked with people and they have told me that I don't look like I need surgery. I am taller so my weight is hidden more. I have a 41 BMI, high blood pressure. and a herniated disk. When I went to get a MRI on my back the radiologist told me I was way to young to have a herniated disk! Because of these issues I started my journey in November. I live in Germany and am a military spouse so things are different with the approvals. I am hoping to be on the surgeons schedule for February! Since starting my journey I have had, what I like to call, therapy sessions in my own head! This are the things I came up with for reasons to have the surgery and why I got where I am today...fat and unhealthy!

Being a military spouse for 15+ years I haven't had control over many aspects of my life...where I live,where I work, will my husband be home for dinner or even christmas! Eating was something I had complete control over...so I would eat whatever I wanted! I have tried to lose the weight but haven't been successful.

During my so called "therapy sessions" I have realized what a profound effect being over weight has had on my life the last 8 years. I am depressed because of the way I look. When I truly reach down to the depths of my mind I find there are so many things I have missed out on because of my weight. Sure I probably came up with a different reason but I know the truth.

So sorry for rambling...my bottom line for having surgery is I know that there are risks but the outcome far out weighs the risk. I want to run with my husband on these beautiful trails in Germany. I want to see my kids graduate from college and get married. I want to be healthy and not take blood pressure medicine. I want the old me back with a different outlook on eating and my heath!

[MarieMarie 346]

I wish I had done something sooner. At 55 it is way more difficult

[nanf1962 1]

I too was a military wife. My husband just retired after 28 years. We had a conversation---he has always been against any type of surgery. For him, losing weight is just put your mind to it and do it. He loves me no matter what my size. I told him yesterday that it is not a vanity thing.....I want to be healthy. He loves to run, cross country ski, hike, kayak. I want to be able to share all of that. Of course I try but with the weight some of it is just impossible. That being said, I am so afraid. Don't know if this happens to you all, but the first things family members say is that is drastic. When you read that they remove 70 to 80 % of your stomach you realize that IS drastic. When I consider my sore knees, stiffness, hypertension , and pre diabetes I realize maybe I am in a drastic situation. Just plain scared!!!! I love hearing that you can get back to a normal life. Those who have had surgery---do you have many complications. Not to be too graphic but do you have to run to the bathroom immediately after eating? Do you have severe reflux? Is your quality of life a lot better? Think my biggest hurdle is to get over being afraid of the surgery and recovery.

[Midtown girl 44]

I too am scheduled for Dec 19, but I just want to have it over with. I don't have second thoughts. I know that I can lose weight I just can't keep it off. I have tried so many times, losing 60 to 80 pounds and then regaining it back with some extra. I am just hoping that everything goes well and I know it will suck for a short time after, but I am working in regaining the rest of my life. Head up, soon we will be on the other side and in smaller jeans!!!

[Berlee 10]

I had thoughts of the same thing and surgery is tomorrow, but I remind myself that this is forever. I have done the diet yo-yo for years getting down within 30 lbs of where I should be, but then gaining it all right back and then some. It's the gain back that has me convinced that this is the right thing for me. I am type 2 diabetic, and the up and down swings are not healthy, so I need a tool to assist me with a balance so that I can live a longer and healthier life. I can't wait for my semi annual blood tests without hearing, that I need more of this med or that med, and add this medication, or that my insulin levels are finally normal. I can't wait until the healing is done and years of stomach aches, pains and exhaustion are gone.

[Aussie chick 12]

@Sassafrassa Hi Sassafrassa - I hear you loud and clear. I get everything you are saying. I too have depression and I have been on meds for 3 years and in that time, I have gained 30 kilos (on top of already being about 20kg overweight). I have also second guessed my decision to get sleeved (16th January) - I swing from supreme confidence to dread and fear and then back again. And then it hit me - my fear and dread and questioning my decision was just another way of sabotaging myself. I deserve to be healthy. I deserve to be happy. I don't want to be like this anymore - obsessed and imprisoned by food and my weight.

All I can say is take a deep breath and just exhale when ever you feel yourself getting overwhelmed by it all. Don't try and rationalise it or question why your weight is what it is now or how things are going to be in the future. I am in Perth and always happy to chat if you need to - we can get through this together :-)