Psychological help?

[Bandista 7,466]

I benefitted from seeing a therapist while I was going through the research stage and then getting surgery. Discontinued after a while but boy was it helpful for me to have that third party objective person to help me break down specific behaviors related to overeating. I had worked so hard before on this kind of thing but this time the brutal self-honesty it takes to admit a problem big enough for surgery -- wow. No victim talk, indeed (love that above, whoever that was). I went from yes, I eat to tamp down my feelings to very, very spefic ways I was doing it -- this was tedious and I was a bit resistant. But the therapist got me to really spell it out. E.G. (Now past tense, thankfully): I'm in the car, behind the wheel, on my way to an appointment, I'm stressed, I want food, I stop for a treat and chooses one thing an naughty....because? And how does it taste? Um, don't even know, just had to do it. We'd go back and it turns out there was a lot of dialogue in that brain chatter. I deserve something......for me, a lot of my anxiety eating connected back to being worthy. Getting WLS was such a major leap -- choosing myself, giving myself this gift -- I think it plugged me back into something that had short circuited long ago. Sometimes I still have a bell go off in my head that sends me looking for food or thinking about it in that way -- I recognize it, smile and relax because I don't do that anymore.

[IcanMakeit 1,318]

I have not yet gone to a support group meeting. My town is so small, and the one in the nearby small city is a 45 minute drive and inconveniently timed. I need to make this more of a priority. I tell myself that my bad eating habits were caused by a combination of carb addiction and an inability to feel full on a normal recommended serving of food. And since my surgery, both issues are currently resolved. But I know that as I get further out, I might be dealing with those issues again.

[BLERDgirl 6,417]

Hey guys, I've just had my sleeve done, and I am wondering if it is it necessary to have a psychological support for some time. I consider that we have 3 factors for not losing weight: a physiological one (the fat cells that try to keep us in the same weight forever), a psychological one (the stress or anxiety is turned into hunger), and a genetic one (there are people who get stressed and get thinner - envy that!). With the surgery we cut the physiological, but the others remain.

What do you do to avoid getting fat again because of the psychological factors?

Thanks!!

Caio

You are the best judge of this. Some of us deal just fine. We do the work and adjust pretty well. For some food addictions and bad habits sabotage our WLS. I've seen people eating things they shouldn't days after surgery.

Some people are okay with the support they can get here on the forums, others needs to attend in person support group meetings or OA, and yes others need counseling with psychologist or therapist. In the end it takes self examination and being honest enough with yourself to admit you need help and seek out what type of help is best for you.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Wow, killer posts above. Loved every one of them. Thanks.

[Kris068 21]

I found a website that gives a really good description given by a man who has decided to lose weight. To really get the best out of this, scroll to the bottom and click on "older posts" until you reach the first entry. (so read them from the bottom- up to follow it in order). Dave Sullivan is a comedian, actor who has decided to take the weight loss journey and has been writing about his experiences and getting to know who he was before weight loss and where he is now with it all. I check every week to see how he is doing, and have been saving them on paper so I can read them occasionally as a reminder to myself. http://narcissistsrevenge.com/

[Kris068 21]

I found a website that gives a really good description given by a man who has decided to lose weight. To really get the best out of this, scroll to the bottom and click on "older posts" until you reach the first entry. (so read them from the bottom- up to follow it in order). Dave Sullivan is a comedian, actor who has decided to take the weight loss journey and has been writing about his experiences and getting to know who he was before weight loss and where he is now with it all. I check every week to see how he is doing, and have been saving them on paper so I can read them occasionally as a reminder to myself. http://narcissistsrevenge.com/

[4Anna 7]

Thank you to all for the ideas. There are great posts and info!

I myself went through a 2-month intensive outpatient program (IOP) in Sep-Oct at an eating disorder clinic this year, and it was thankfully 100% covered by insurance. It was intense but so beneficial because we had 3 hrs a day, 3 days a week of 6 different types of therapy including DBT - Dialectical Behavior Training - which proved one of the most helpful. Just like the person who suggested CBT therapy, it's great to learn the skills of how to make better choices rather than just talk about it. However, sometimes people with issues that stem back years do need to get to the bottom of things before we can move forward. It really depends on each person's history, experiences, and sense of self-worth/self-esteem.

I do feel more prepared with knowing how to make better choices - but it's also key to recognize triggers when they are happening and know how to avoid them & eating. There is a great app - "Before I Eat" - which is helpful. It has different sessions to help with what you're feeling, support, a tracking tool, notes, a progress journal, motivational quotes, etc.

I head into surgery on 12/15 and am starting to freak, so I will be using any and all support systems/tools that I need. That includes continuing counseling, probably taking an all-inclusive DBT program as well as the group support sessions with my hospital. I loved reading about the people who started losing weight, felt better, developed new habits & hobbies, and could stop obsessing about food & weight. I hope everyone who has issues, including me, can experience that.

All the Best to you on your journey!!

[NewLife'sGr8 241]

@@Bandista You hit the nail on the head- for me:

"Worthy".

My worthiness over the course of my life has been like Hamlet's Wheel; That 26,000yr cycle of the Cosmos, that goes from positive trends to negative trends, round and round. The trick with Hamlet's Wheel is to stay centered, otherwise that darn wheel will swing you around- barely able to hang on. I've done both. It's hard to remain centered though, especially when the unexpected hits you.

I started my ride on the wheel at a young age (like 3yo I remember things) feeling happily confident in myself, then whap! something major happened that sunk me into the dredges.

Of course, "Major" is different when you're 3yo, adolescent, teens, 20's, 30's, etc.. The more 'major' things I experience, the less major a lot of those other things seem.

"Major" is different for everyone- all valid.

So round and round I went, and round and round I go - squished like a "toon", then spring back up, pull up my proverbial boot-straps, get myself back to: Yes! I AM worthy of all good things life offers, succeed like a banshee, then BAM! Another Major life-thing.

I'm not bi-polar btw.

By major, I'm talking about out-of-the-norm, really hard-hard things, for example: my sister's murder (she was 16yo - I, 14yo). Still unsolved.

Without a doubt, that certainly had something to do with all my yo-yo-ing; , fat/thin, fat/thin, round and round.... centered/barely hanging on, repeat.

Other things too.

I'm glad I've had all the counseling I have & thankfully, no longer suffer survivor's guilt. At least I got rid of all the self-destructive behavior associated with that. Good riddance! But there's still a cavernous pit that will probably always be there- it's part of me now. I'm grateful I can live with that pit now, regardless of where I am on the wheel.

So in this moment, I'm on another down-swing with another WTF? - out of left-field-thing. Feeling pretty exhausted. I'm glad I'm no longer dealing with my 'head-hunger' bottomless pit anymore- my former go-to when life got whack. Such a relief! I have plenty of pits to deal with and am so happy to finally let that one go.

On the up-swing, I see the light ahead of me. It's right around that next switch-back (thank goodness!), nice and bright and calling my name. YAY!

Over the years, I've had lots of counseling. I agree Bandista. IMO, It doesn't do much good for me anymore. When I found myself counseling the counselor, I knew it was time to jump that train.

That's why I'm SO happy I discovered BP! It's my 'group therapy' which I've also done a lot of over the years.

Right now, It's refreshing to re-direct my focus & energy on my band, the semantics of weight loss, head-hunger, body image, getting answers to help the inflammation, etc & with a wonderful group of people who post so openly & honestly- from way, deep down. I'm blessed!

I haven't had the presence of mind in some time, to really think on that level, much less share my inner most self with 'strangers'. This site has been pivotal in guiding me around these last couple switch-backs, where I can finally get a glimpse of that oncoming light, beaconing me.

For all those people who either haven't had any counseling, or not much counseling, I think it's a good 1st step towards self-awareness. A must in the WLS experience.

Groups are a great component too. Hearing other's similar stories and sharing your own in a safe, trusting environment is truly liberating. Finding answers to long sought-after questions- even better!

Soooo in conclusion (sorry so long), IMHO, Each person has their own path to take- but, where to begin? Counseling, groups, spiritual guidance, or online- it's ALL good, all beneficial.

Of course, EXERCISE really does help a LOT!

Very therapeutic, plus all those other physical-health benefits too.

(Def. need to do more of that, myself)

I've done, and recommend, all the above.

Whatever it takes to make you feel whole

and WORTHY!

THAT's where it's at!

Good luck!

And Thanks for reminding me @"Bandista"!

Edited December 5, 2014 by NewLife'sGr8

[AgentShepard 88]

I for one have found therapy an invaluable part of this whole experience. Every person is different, has different issues related to their size and health, and different things that will be emotionally difficult. People talk a lot about things like stress-eating, but that isn't everyone's issue.

For instance, I have been big my whole life and that is a fundamental part of my self-image. I spent many difficult years coming to peace with the body I had and working on repairing the damage that years of cruelty about my size had done to my psyche. I had reached a place where my weight was high but stable, I was getting in a good amount of activity and was in good shape, my health was good, and I was satisfied.

Then, I had an injury that made it difficult to get exercise, and I started gaining weight again, and it was like I passed a tipping point - I started having more and more health problems that made it harder and harder to do anything and then got bigger and bigger, which made the health problems worse, etc., etc. - you probably know the vicious cycle. I finally decided that I could either have the surgery and hopefully get my health back on track, or I could continue sliding into more and more disability and poor health.

I chose the surgery, but it wasn't an easy choice. I felt like I was betraying all the work I had done to accept myself, that I was literally choosing to maim my body in order to make myself into a different person. That I was making a desperate sacrifice. That I was giving in to all the people who had been cruel to me in the past, that I was validating everyone who had told me that I wasn't good enough the way I was.

My therapist is a key part in helping me to work through these issues and come to terms with my feelings.

Everyone is different. Just because you don't have binge eating disorder (I don't) or a food addiction (I don't) or a serious stress eating problem (not really) doesn't mean you may not benefit from therapy of some kind, whether it's individual or group.

Just something to think about.

[built2livenotexist 119]

I see a therapist weekly for about an hour and a half and have been seeing this particular therapist for about 18 months. She employs both DBT and CBT techniques and has really helped me to become aware of not just who I am, but who I'm not, my life experience and more importantly how that transfers over into some of my behaviors, and responses to stressors. I've learned that a lot of the messages I've believed about myself, my worth and my body are seriously off-road and we've been working weekly on these specific issues since before surgery.

I was diagnosed with an eating disorder but whether someone has this diagnosis or not I think that there are always underlying issues that are unresolved. In my opinion, when you're killing yourself forkful by forkful slowly over a period of years or even decades, there is a disconnect with self.

[Jackie is gaining 4]

Having an addiction to something in your life no matter what the substance is is a disease. I found that food made me happy, and approximately a year and a half post surgery I begin to become unhappy from not being able to indulge in my addiction. Slowly and painfully I became addicted to drugs. Somehow someway I had to replace that happy feeling that I no longer was able to accomplish with food.within 6 to 9 months I became physically dependent on the drugs and became a full fledge drug addict instead of a food addict. I found myself drinking a lot more alcohol,smoking a lot more cigarettes, just doing whatever was necessary to achieve that high I was missing from food that I no longer was able to indulge and such quantities to be happy! in conclusion my very sad story, I'm five years post op lost 144 pounds gained 27 back during the drug detox and now I'm clean and sober.the reason for my post sticking to the subject I couldn't have gone through any of this without professional psychological help counselors support groups etc. A lot of times obesity is caused by an underlying mental problem that we have to address in the behavioral health portion of our lives. A psychologist or therapist will help prevent a lot of you from trading one addiction for another. Utilize their help.

[4Anna 7]

Thank you for posting such an honest post. And congratulations on your success! I'm sure you know but that's called addiction transference. No matter if your addiction from food goes into shopping, drugs, sex, alcohol, etc. It can find it's way somewhere if we don't confront the issues that are making us want and need the high. I have also been in therapy for 17 years and couldn't have lived a lot of my life and made the good choices I have without it. I also went into a two month intensive outpatient program for eating disorders that greatly helped and was thankfully 100% covered by insurance. Good luck to all because it's a challenging journey at times but so rewarding if we get the help we need :-)

[Caio Peret 4]

Jackie is gaining, very nice of you to post your story. Probably it will help s lot of people like me who are just beginning the weight loss after the surgery (in my case sleeve). We really need to address what caused us to gain weight! Congratulations and thank you!

Edited December 25, 2014 by Caio Peret