What's wrong with me?

[Ky89 86]

So, last night I went to my friend's bar because Thanksgiving was Thursday and I made some food for him and another friend. And this guy comes and sits next to me at the bar wanting to talk. But I'm not much of a talker and very shy so that was just awkward. But he keeps talking and I get more and more nervous as the minutes go by. Long story short, it got so bad that I started to cry and ran out of the bar!!

He was nice enough but not my type and he was making me very uncomfortable, trying to touch me and staring at me. I don't like that kind of attention but I never say anything because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

My friend ran after me asking what's wrong and what did the guy do? And how pathetic am I, that when a guy expresses interest in me I run away and cry?!?!

I think maybe I was having an anxiety attack or a panic attack or something to cry like that because that has never happened before.

I hate that my friend had to see me cry like a baby because of a little unwanted attention but I am glad to know that he said he will never let anyone hurt me. That made me feel better.

So I'm actually a little nervous about how I will react if I get more attention from guys after my surgery. Of course I want a boyfriend but I'm not sure how that will happen because I'm so shy. I think my shyness scares away guys anyway but if I run away and cry with a guy I actually like I will really have a hard time.

But I think my shyness is part of my personality so I can't really change it much but I hope after surgery I can gain some confidence to overcompensate for that fact.

[mobailey68 15]

I understand where you are coming from. I have used my weight to keep people away for so long and now that I am getting thinner I am getting attention from men. Although it is flattering it is really uncomfortable. When I do get attention my first response it to grab something to eat. Therapy is a good for me. I need to work on my head as well as my physical health. I wish you the best.

[ProjectMe 909]

I don't think anything is wrong with you. I remember my single days and how uncomfortable it was to talk to the opposite sex....particularly in that type of atmosphere. I found bars to be completely not my thing. But, if I was talking about something that interests me (I.e. books, sports, politics) and was in a comfortable environment, I could talk with anyone. I am now married, with 3 kids, a husband, a dog and a mortgage. I began this wonderful life by arguing with a guy (my future husband) which made me forget how shy I am

Life & dating isn't like a movie. There's is no right way to talk with someone. Just relax and be yourself. Believe you are worthy and he should be honored to have a moment of your time. Peace & Blessings

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

You're not wrong. Don't give in when it's uncomfortable for you. When you want physical attention, it won't scare you. Until then, it's unwanted, and nothing wrong with leaving. Stay true to yourself.

[joatsaint 2,814]

You think you got it bad?!! Listen to my story. Here I am 2 years out from WLS and finally work up the nerve to talk to a pretty girl I see in a bar. So I sit down next to her and try to talk a little. Next thing I know, she starts crying, jumps up and runs away??? WTH......

But seriously Ky89, I know where you're coming from. I'm finally at a weight that I feel thin enough to start dating. This dream of finding my life partner has been in my head for over 20 years. And now that I feel like I look good enough that a woman will find me attractive, I'm afaid to start a conversation because I don't know what to do after I finally find a lady that wants to go out with me. I've spent so many years just trying to get replies on the online dating sites that when I do get a reply, I'm scared cause I don't know what to do next!!!!!!!!

So, last night I went to my friend's bar because Thanksgiving was Thursday and I made some food for him and another friend. And this guy comes and sits next to me at the bar wanting to talk. But I'm not much of a talker and very shy so that was just awkward. But he keeps talking and I get more and more nervous as the minutes go by. Long story short, it got so bad that I started to cry and ran out of the bar!!

He was nice enough but not my type and he was making me very uncomfortable, trying to touch me and staring at me. I don't like that kind of attention but I never say anything because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

My friend ran after me asking what's wrong and what did the guy do? And how pathetic am I, that when a guy expresses interest in me I run away and cry?!?!

I think maybe I was having an anxiety attack or a panic attack or something to cry like that because that has never happened before.

I hate that my friend had to see me cry like a baby because of a little unwanted attention but I am glad to know that he said he will never let anyone hurt me. That made me feel better.

So I'm actually a little nervous about how I will react if I get more attention from guys after my surgery. Of course I want a boyfriend but I'm not sure how that will happen because I'm so shy. I think my shyness scares away guys anyway but if I run away and cry with a guy I actually like I will really have a hard time.

But I think my shyness is part of my personality so I can't really change it much but I hope after surgery I can gain some confidence to overcompensate for that fact.

[amponder 396]

Nothing is wrong with you, I wouldn't like someone invading my personal space like that either, perhaps meeting guys in a different scene than a bar would be better. Like a church group, or something like that. I'm so sorry you had this experience.

[EverLearning 22]

I know shy! Been there and lived it. Until I moved to my home I am in now. With the move I thought I need to have friends here, that means I need to talk or at least smile at people! I have worked really hard at that and now my neighborhood can't believe I was ever shy. I am still often uncomfortable in social situations, and I make plans of how I am going to handle situations, but I am more outgoing then I ever thought I was capable of. I have grown in this area - it is not a strength yet - I still don't like small talk or parties, but I can fake it until I make it and doing so has increased my skills and my confidence.

Take each situation as it comes, plan for escape if and as needed, and don't give up on you.

The best is yet to be - but it has to be worked at to be achieved.

[Ky89 86]

I think some type of therapy would really help me after I have surgery. I could use some now or at least a little Xanax when I have to go where people are ????.

But honestly I don't like bars, they're loud and someone is always smoking and I don't really drink a lot either so there's no reason for me to go other than day hello to my friends.

Haha @joatsaint. I'm exactly like you!! I do feel really bad that I may have hurt the guy's feelings by my actions.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

There's nothing wrong with you. You're just trying to learn how to do something new.

The great news is that you have a safe place to go practice meeting people again (at your friend's neighborhood bar). And way cool that he is looking after you so well.

It actually seems like a pretty ideal situation in which you can get back on the horse.

And BTW, I wouldn't make it a goal to find someone to date in a bar -- but just to practice meeting people you don't know yet. You don't need to put so much pressure on yourself -- it's just conversations.

[emsgirl114 88]

I can relate. After I had my band people did treat me different. Like they did when I was skinny and young. It was uncomfortable and actually made me angry. I'm not a better person cause I'm thinner. I'm the same inside now as I was then. And then someone made a fat joke about a girl who had just left the room I was in. I about lost it. After that I found myself gaining weight and sabotaging all my hard work. But I'm back and now realize I can advocate respect and dignity when I hear those things and remember the people that loved me at 260 pounds and still love me when I get to 160 are the ones I want in my life. The new ones that come in to my life and understand this journey and or treat it or me and others with dignity and respect can stay. Those that don't will not be a part if my life. Good luck to you. Love yourself. Be in control of your own life :-)