Lucky # Sevens- July 07 Bandsters

[salsa1877 10]

So I only had 1 cookie yesterday before I typed my message. But we will not talk about what happened afterwards. I kind of had a melt down. I was frustrated after watching DH eat a BUNCH of Cookies and when he went out to get milk, well...I ate and ate and ate. Then I went to bed feeling terribly guilty and horrible about myself. But knowing that I didn't have to get up early today I read the entire book that was on the website I posted yesterday. WOW...did it hit home.

I am still a fat person. Not physically anymore...but I am still a fat girl in a thin body. My attitude toward food really hasn't changed. I pick better choices usually and I physically can't eat as much but the reasons that I eat have not changed. My motivation to eat has not changed. And lately even the food choices have not been good. So I read the book with some hope and by the end I realized that this is definetly what I need to do. I am glad that I am going to a therapist cause I don't think that I can do this on my own. But I am going to try to start in the next two weeks. The major point of the book is that we often eat for comfort and not true hunger. To be honest, I haven't felt much real hunger since being banded...but in the last 4 months I have been hungry for a lot of things.

Mainly I am bored and frustrated. Even though I spend hours and hours and hours at work doing something, it is not challenging my mind...just my patience. The work doesn't challenge me. It is just monotanous and tedious. I love working with students and when I am actually teaching and doing something that I feel is productive then I have no desire to eat. However the last 2 days the students have been doing research in the library and I have been "starving". I have eaten WAY more now than I normally do because I am so damn bored.

Then there is frustration. I am frustrated with so much right now. Mainly the people that I work with, but also with what is going on at home. DH is going to school and trying to get his teaching license and the program is so terrible that it frustrates me. I wear my emotions on my sleeve and when things aren't fair or just I get frustrated. I can feel the frustration in my body. I am always tense and non-confrontational me has yelled at several people over the last several weeks. I am pretty certain that there are some customer service agents that wish that they had not taken my phone call! Things are really bad at work and any time I try to say or do anything to fix it, there are a couple of people who tell me that I just need to "play nice in the sandbox." Well I am sick of it and since I can't really say anything anymore I turn to food because at least when I am eating I don't have to deal with the problem. The issue is that I am consuming WAY more calories than I need, I am eating more than I want, and I am reinforcing the use of food to make me feel better.

There was one major part of the book that I really liked and that was the part about being selfish. Basically it says that we have come to believe that being selfish is a negative aspect, but in reality, thinking and caring about yourself is more imporatant than anything else. We don't consider babies to be selfish and yet they exist for themselves only.

I can't ever remember a time when I put myself first...except for last year when I was losing weight. My PS changed a lot in me. Others made me feel selfish for having the surgery because it wasn't necessary for health. Comments have been made at work and as a result (because of my upbringing) the negativity caused a shift in my thinking and I began believeing again that putting too much time into me was a bad thing.

So over the next two weeks I am going to spend a lot of time on me. I do need to do some work for school so that I can continue my current work hours and not be at school all the time. But other than that I am going to start working on the mental shift that I need in order to maintain the hard work that I have put into me.

I have already started my food journal and each time I eat I write down what it is and why I am eating. So far today...boredom and frustration have won out.:biggrin:

Well I should go.. class is over and I have to get ready for the next one.

[IndioGirl55 32]

Karri

I gotta say too that I haven't really dealt with my food issues - I still feed them - Nights - but for me I just do it in such a way that I an not consuming too many calories

As you all know I am allowed Snacks - but I usually save them for night time - most nights when I am eating my popcorn or sherbert - it's not cuz I am hungry - it's cuz I am bored and also to self-medicate to be able to sleep - sugar makes me sleepy - I crave sugar at night..

But that being said - I really find that head hunger manifests it's self in to physical hunger - that's why so many fat pple say it's true hunger and not head hunger - for me my body is craving wanting demanding to be fed...

I also eat past full at times - I was real proud of myself the other night ate 1/2 of my scallop/lean cusine meal - was full and stopped and put the rest up for lunch the next day.. Most days I can eat the whole thing with just the last few bites being too much.. So maybe my restriction was just a little tighter that night - who knows..

Also, like on the weekends - I can go all day without eating then at night once I start I know that I can go over board in the calorie dept cuz I haven't eaten all day..

So let it be known that I am at goal - and have maintained for a while now - but can't say that I am perfect - I just have learned how to feed my hunger/head issues within a certain amount of calories a day - so in away - I am walking a very slipper tightrope - and in the back of my mind - I am waiting to fall off... or should I say - very aware of the fact that I could -

Frustration - I have that at work that's why I don't keep food at my desk cuz I would munch all day...

Maybe tonite I will ck out that link - last night I was on Facebook - tons of other banders are there - Jackie - Donna - Linda - Kathy - Phyl - Step - and that had me going last night trying to figure it out and that kind of stuff keeps my head hunger issues at bay - so much so that I burnt my dinner - but was able to salvage most of it :biggrin:

[mikesmom 0]

Kari- I am new to the 7's but I wanted to comment on your post. It helped me to see that others are having the same "head issues". I thought by being banded it would all magically dissappear. It is still hard work. I get what your are saying about eating when you are not challenged. I am home all day with my kiddos. Although I know it is the most important thing to do as a mom, I am sooo board, and feel like I have more to offer the world. Anyways, your post helped me see that I have to get something to fill the void other than food! Thanks for that and keep on trucking.

[IndioGirl55 32]

Good Morning Gang

Yes it's your Rooster (up at 5) Telling you to rise & shine..

I love it when we talk about our issues - even this far out we all still have them - and most likely always will - I think that this battle of the buldge will be a lifetime battle. It will get easier someday and other days we will have more struggles - but we are educating ourselves - which will help us on those struggle days.

I forgot to speak to the selfish issue - Which I really wanted to - cuz I have been saying it since day one - yes it's ok to be selfish - loving yourself really isn't being selfish imho. Like I alway say - sometime it is about you... :laugh:

Well, I am waiting for 7 to go to the gym !!!! Then to the airport to p/u GD (Kaitlin 14) then finish my shopping - in talking to my dil last night they need some thremals - and if I can find one maybe a Wii & fitness - I love it they wait til the last minute to tell me things... Heck my dil hasn't done shopping for ds - but I doubt that ds has shopped either - he's not the most best gift giver when he has to come up with the ideas...

I made this great new one pot wonder - sorta inspried by a Soup that Phyl told me about - but mine wasn't a soup cuz I didn't have the stuff to make

Onion, bell peppers, jalapeno, rice, zuchinee, shrimp & scallops, corn - tomatoe sauce & el pato (spicy mex Tomato sauce) = Oh it was very very good ate 1 1/2 cups !!!

Ok the dryer just buzzed -so gotta go fold clothes - cbl:w00t:

[kirajh 0]

Everyone must be out finishing up their Christmas shopping. I just need to get stocking stuffers.

Well, Janet wished us all a good morning. I'll bid you all a good night.

GOOD NIGHT.............SLEEP TIGHT

I'll check back tomorrow.

[IndioGirl55 32]

Gang - How is everyone today !!!

Well, yesterday 3.5 miles:thumbup: - p/u GD, went out for lunch insides of a taco and 1/2 the shell - went to bed bath & beyond looking for something to roll out Cookies on - as I have tile counter tops - OMW a piece of plastic (large type cutting board) $50 + couldn't beleive it - found some silicone mat that I am going to try.. Went to Coscto and got prime rib & veggies for xmas dinner - today wil get the rest of the stuff I need

Candice are you home yet ??? Did you and DH have a good time...

[kirajh 0]

Hello ??? Anyone out there? Guess it's just the two of us again, Janet. Can't do much here. It is cold. B-r-r-r-r-r And the wind is blowing and the roads are a mess. I'm staying home today.

HAVE A GOOD DAY. TTYL

[phyllser 3]

Hi, Gang!

Busy day today, but a temporary break of a couple of hours. Church this morning, then went out to lunch with friends. Get to watch a little football this afternoon, but, I'm singing in the choir now, and we're doing our Christmas musical tonight, so have to be back at the chapel by 5:15 p.m.

Every year we've come here I've wanted to sing in the choir. You know what stopped me??? I was worried about having to go up a couple of steps to the platform and I was worried about having to stand up too long! So, this year I decided to give it a try. The steps are not a problem. Standing sometimes is... 3-4 hymns in a row and then the choir sings! Too long. But, I just sit down and take a break before it's time for us to sing. And after I came close to passing out when we sang at the Christmas dinner the other night, the choir director has become a little more attune to the fact that standing for a long time is a problem for some of us! So he is giving us opportunity to all sit down periodically. I don't know what happened, but my knees locked up that night, back started hurting, then my face got really hot, started sweating, etc. When things started going black and I felt light headed, I slipped out and went and sat down. It was either that or I was going to be on the floor! Might have been just anxiety because my knees and back were hurting, or maybe it was too hot in there... I don't know, but it was scary and embarrassing! So, tonight we are singing the WHOLE musical.... and I hope we will be able to sit for some of it because I will NOT last that long on my feet!

[IndioGirl55 32]

Good Morning Gang....

Omw Phyl - how scary - how did is go last night? How did your dessert come out...

Kari - It was cold here for us but nothing like what you have to deal with.. It's 43 right now 7:30 a.m.

Well, yesertday got my gift cards - target stuff - food for the week - while at Winco - called DS to see what he wanted to eat - I expected them around 2 a.m. last night/or this morning however you want to look at it - I called him about Noon and asked if he wanted pork chops - well - come to find out they were on their way and would be here around 4:30 ish - Thankfully I called cuz they were going to surprise me by being here early - but if I hadn't known they were coming - I wouldn't have had anything for them to eat for dinner - cuz I was planning a chippino (sp) for me..

When I woke up this morning - I feel like oh just another day at work - didn't seem like I had a weekend at all with all the running around - will be busy now with the house full and holidays - As I was sitting here waiting for the computer to boot up - I was thinking how very blessed I am and how much I have to be greatfull for even with all that has happend this past year...

Well just cking in - will cbl :biggrin::scared2:

[salsa1877 10]

Well it is -8 degrees here and our pipes have frozen. I am done with this weather. When I was fat the cold didn't bother me. Now...I can't handle it. I had my electric blanket on HOT all night and still couldn't get warm . We have 2 heaters on and it still won't get above 60 in the house.

On a good note the new way of eating seems to be working. I am starting to become okay with my weight (between 150 and 154). Yes it is higher than I wanted but I seem to maintain really well there without too much effort. I haven't been able to get to the gym because we have over a foot of snow on the ground and frankly it is not work risking my life to go to the gym. I have been doing the wii but in reality it isn't strenuous enough for me.

I have been writing in my food journal not just what and when I eat, but why I have been eating. It is interesting. I have had 1 cookie each night and I realize I am eating it not because I necessarily want it but because I see DH eating them and I don't want to feel left out. I think that is why I have a hard time with food at the monthly parties that we go to. I see everyone eating and if I don't then I feel left out. Since I have always felt "invisible" my entire life, I feel like if I do the same thing as everyone else then I won't be so invisible.

Wow...I have a lot of work to do with the therapist! Well I am going to clean the house in case we need to call the owners! Keep your fingers crossed that the pipes don't break!

[phyllser 3]

Good Morning Gang....

Omw Phyl - how scary - how did is go last night? How did your dessert come out...

Kari - It was cold here for us but nothing like what you have to deal with.. It's 43 right now 7:30 a.m.

Well, yesterday got my gift cards - target stuff - food for the week - while at Winco - called DS to see what he wanted to eat - I expected them around 2 a.m. last night/or this morning however you want to look at it - I called him about Noon and asked if he wanted pork chops - well - come to find out they were on their way :wub: and would be here around 4:30 ish - Thankfully I called cuz they were going to surprise me by being here early - but if I hadn't known they were coming - I wouldn't have had anything for them to eat for dinner - cuz I was planning a chippino (sp) for me..

When I woke up this morning - I feel like oh just another day at work - didn't seem like I had a weekend at all with all the running around - will be busy now with the house full and holidays - As I was sitting here waiting for the computer to boot up - I was thinking how very blessed I am and how much I have to be greatfull for even with all that has happened this past year... Well just cking in - will cbl :smile::wink:

Hi,

Went fine last night. He gave us sitting breaks during narration at the beginning of almost every song and once when he didn't, I sat down for a few seconds anyway. We sang the WHOLE book, 104 pages of musical scores! MY back hurt really bad when I got home from all the standing. And I did break out in a pretty good sweat, but I didn't get light headed this time and I made it through! Maybe when I get more weight off it will be better, but I think it's going to take getting the knees fixed, too.

My pumpkin dessert turned out really good. Lined the pan with ginger snaps. Probably could've put i a little more pumpkin, but was afraid to get too much so only used 1/2 can w/4 pkgs of cheesecake pudding.< /span>

Well it is -8 degrees here and our pipes have frozen. I am done with this weather. When I was fat the cold didn't bother me. Now...I can't handle it. I had my electric blanket on HOT all night and still couldn't get warm . We have 2 heaters on and it still won't get above 60 in the house.

On a good note the new way of eating seems to be working. I am starting to become okay with my weight (between 150 and 154). Yes it is higher than I wanted but I seem to maintain really well there without too much effort. I haven't been able to get to the gym because we have over a foot of snow on the ground and frankly it is not work risking my life to go to the gym. I have been doing the wii but in reality it isn't strenuous enough for me.

I have been writing in my food journal not just what and when I eat, but why I have been eating. It is interesting. I have had 1 cookie each night and I realize I am eating it not because I necessarily want it but because I see DH eating them and I don't want to feel left out. I think that is why I have a hard time with food at the monthly parties that we go to. I see everyone eating and if I don't then I feel left out. Since I have always felt "invisible" my entire life, I feel like if I do the same thing as everyone else then I won't be so invisible.

Wow...I have a lot of work to do with the therapist! Well I am going to clean the house in case we need to call the owners! Keep your fingers crossed that the pipes don't break!

That is so true for me, too. And even a food commercial on TV will make me want to eat something! Like... they're eating ________, I want some, too! Thank God for TiVo and fast forward!! Don't watch very many commercials!

Hope your pipes are okay!!!!

  

[IndioGirl55 32]

I FF thru the commercial too and rarely watch the food channel anymore - sometime I do with my popcorn..:smile:

Karri - Hope the pipes are ok - As to being colder - yep I think we all do - we have less insulation :wink: now a days..

You are on vacation for the next 2 weeks - lucky girl - but I bet a million dollars that you will be doing school stuff while you are off - well maybe not so much since you are going to Vegas for a few day.

Phyl - I agree with you I think the knees are going to have to get fixed - and do you have arthris in your back - Last night my knees sorta ached - My DIL said it's what happens when you get old (loving way) arthrist sets in

[IndioGirl55 32]

Hi - 10 guest - I see we have 10 guest lurking :smile: reading this thread right now...

You otta join LBT - It's a great site and we will tell you all about the band... It's a great tool....

Good luck on your journey....

[Donna113 2]

Hi - 10 guest - I see we have 10 guest lurking :smile: reading this thread right now...

You otta join LBT - It's a great site and we will tell you all about the band... It's a great tool....

Good luck on your journey....

Guests, I lurked for a while and was unsure whether I should jump into the fray since I was banded in July '08 but they've welcomed me with open arms so come jump in -- the water's fiiiiiiiine!

[IndioGirl55 32]

Guests, I lurked for a while and was unsure whether I should jump into the fray since I was banded in July '08 but they've welcomed me with open arms so come jump in -- the water's fiiiiiiiine!

I must have scared them away - it show's members names - but just guest when unregistered pple are reading our thread - I just couldn't beleive it that we had 10 guest - but we do have one of the most popular thread on LBT - something like 200,000+ pple have veiwed this thread..