Lucky # Sevens- July 07 Bandsters

[salsa1877 10]

Just checked my voicemail...I AM WORKING FULL TIME AT THE CHARTER SCHOOL. No more working 2 jobs. It is a pay raise, I teach less students, work with AMAZING people and will have PLENTY of time to RUN, RUN, RUN. I am lovin' life right now. This is so much weight off my shoulders. I am going to resign as late as possible though so that it doesn't come public until after school is over. Then when the nasty phone calls start coming in about "abandoning" certain people and students at the school...my mommy can protect me! The plan right now is to clean out my classroom on the last day of school, check out as early as possible on June 10, drive over to the district office to drop off my letter of resignation, and then drive to Indio to spend a week with my mommy. So when people find out that I have "left the building" I will be a state a way havin a blast! Thank you for all the well wishes and patiences while I dealt with this.

[salsa1877 10]

Is there are cruise out of the gulf of mexico (leaving from texas) around Dec 13 because I will be there to run my half marathon with losingjusme?

[Twilight 2]

Is there are cruise out of the gulf of mexico (leaving from texas) around Dec 13 because I will be there to run my half marathon with losingjusme?

OOOOOOOOO OOOOO OOOOO. I like it! I really like it. The other teachers in the group might not though, but hey, most times the contracts just say you can't take leave the DAY before or the DAY after a vacation. You can take 10 days, come back for one or two, and THEN have Christmas (Winter for the politically correct) break.

[Twilight 2]

Good morning ladies! I'm up early. Not happy about it, but I think it has been a long time coming. I want you to know that this is not going to be a happy post. There are going to be some ugly things said here. I ask that you all step on me as badly as I am about to. It is time for an intervention. I don't need kind words, I don't need pats on the back, I don't need nice. I need some serious tough love. I need people to kick my ass! Karla keeps saying that Michael acts the way he does with me because he knows he can because he is loved unconditionally. Maybe subconsciously I need to test your guys' depth of love. Do you think I'm worth it to yell and scream and get in my face?

I sat down this morning and wrote out some cards. Enough to put on all my cabinet doors, the fridge, the mirror. Some tough questions. Ones that I truly need to answer. Here they are:

Have you REALLY moved today? Where's the sweat?

Is it your head, your heart, or your stomach that is hungry?

Can you look in the mirror today and say you are proud of you?

Doesn't healthy taste better than crap?

Are you REALLY hungry or are you JUST unhappy?

Can you meet your goals with your mouth full?

Since when did you become good with mediocre?

Do you look good in your fat pants?

What weighs more? Guilt or happiness? What are you full of?

If nothing sounds good, why are you chewing?

What does $13k taste like?

How many chins does it take to make you smile?

Can you all see where I am going with this? I am in self-sabotage mode. I think I have been since December...and I'm doing a mighty fine job of it. I justify everything that goes into my mouth with, "I'm not where I was 2 years ago." but know that if I keep this up I will be soon. Who is this crazy person inside my head who wants to stay fat? Why would anyone WANT that?

Lay it on....lay it on hard. I need to be shaken, not stirred. I need to be kicked in the ass, not hugged. Please love me enough! I guess I don't!

[cramerk 1]

First Steph...fat is where we are comfortable. It is were our security blanket is. We KNOW how to be fat, and how the world is going to treat us. What we DON't KNOW is how the world is going to treat us when we are thin!! They may find out all our secrets. What is going to be expected of us!! How can I handle those expectations?

Okay now the bitchy part. As you said..TOSS IT ALL! Your kids don't need that crap either, do you want them to have the weight issues we have. Notice I said we, because I'm in that boat with you. My two youngest have always been super thin, but now that they are hitting 19 and 23, the are having some weight issues. Nothing big, but since I got rid of the JUNK, they are doing much better AND they say that they feel better to. When they want a treat, I make Protein smoothies for us all. NO MORE ICE CREAM. You want ice cream, there are FF fudge bars in the freezer. They naturally have their own pocket money because they work, they feed their junk habit out in the world. The best thing,,,they say how much they look and feel better!!!

Although I love the 'how many chins does it take to make you smile',,, ask yourself, Those extra chins may even applaud when you smile (jingling that is), but do your eyes smile also?

Stephanie, you are one of the most sexy wemon I have seen, stay that way. Now for the really harsh and tough reality and it is said with true love. YOU are my role model...you are my light at the end of the tunnel, is it a train, is it all just a bad joke, if YOU CAN'T beat fat, how can I? I need you to NOT let me down. I NEED to know that I can beat Doris, I need to know that if Stephanie can do it, so can I.

Please say you can beat this, I am counting on you. Do you really think I could have gotten the band with out seeing your success. Remember the pride you showed when you told us at the math meetings how much you had lost.

DON'T YOU DARE LET YOURSELF DOWN!! YOU ARE WORTH IT!!

[cramerk 1]

Okay, now that I am done crying, yes Steph I cried, because I feel your hurt, but also because I am scared. Damn I am still crying.

Steph, so here's the deal. Today while I am at work you are going to find out where I can board the train close to Missoula and how long it will take me to get to your house. I am coming up as soon as school gets out!! We are going to go do yard work. We are going to buy a butt load of flowers and we are going to plant. Do you have big pots??? If not start looking. Pots take daily care, if you are on the couch they will die, you have to go out there and Water, and dead head, fertilize. When you get hungry, go work your pots. How about an herb garden? Fresh herbs to use daily. What about a garden for your little ones. They pick the plants and make it their own.

I have to get to work so I better hear from you by the time I get home at about 5 pm.

Steph, I love you. Make me proud!!

[Twilight 2]

Okay, now that I am done crying, yes Steph I cried, because I feel your hurt, but also because I am scared. Damn I am still crying.

Steph, so here's the deal. Today while I am at work you are going to find out where I can board the train close to Missoula and how long it will take me to get to your house. I am coming up as soon as school gets out!! We are going to go do yard work. We are going to buy a butt load of flowers and we are going to plant. Do you have big pots??? If not start looking. Pots take daily care, if you are on the couch they will die, you have to go out there and Water, and dead head, fertilize. When you get hungry, go work your pots. How about an herb garden? Fresh herbs to use daily. What about a garden for your little ones. They pick the plants and make it their own.

I have to get to work so I better hear from you by the time I get home at about 5 pm.

Steph, I love you. Make me proud!!

Karla, have I told you lately how great you are? I just love you. Thank you for the God Smack! I needed it.

Okay...so I started the day with an orange juice smoothie made with OJ, ice, and a "scoop" of Unjury. Added a bit of splenda after the fact because it was bitter. Got home from church, made another smoothie with V8 fusion, ice, SF vanilla Creamer and another "scoop" of unjury. I have to say the second was much better than the first. Have also had about 8 oz. of iced tea. Can you see where this is going?

I am going to recommit! 5 days of pouch test. IF I feel strong after those 5 days I will head back into the realm of real food. If not, it is 5 more days. I will not starve if my tummy grumbles. I will not die if I feel a little hollow. I will not faint if I burn more calories than I consume!

I am now going out to play in my flower bed. Yes Karla dear, I do have ONE. going to go separate my ground cover and plant the plants I bought today. Hopefully sometime next week I get my lily bulbs from QVC so I can plan those under my front window.

Karla, you can catch the train in Whitefish. Take it to Williston and we can go plant shopping there when I pick you up! Get your butt over here! Going to be in Vegas May 31-June 4, but you can come any other time! I miss you and I want to see how wonderful you are looking with your awesome weight loss!

YOU are amazing. How can you NOT lose this and win??? You are too fabulous to let yourself down like that. Really darling, look at your kids...those amazing girls. How could they have turned out so well if you weren't an amazing role model?

Going out to play in the dirt. Did I ever tell you ladies that I hate getting my fingers dirty? The rest of me, no problem, but hate to have dirt or mud or flour or meat juice, or egg or ANYTHING on my fingers. How odd! Okay...I'm off.

Btw, you all aren't doing your part of filling pages for Phyl!!

[salsa1877 10]

Good morning ladies! I'm up early. Not happy about it, but I think it has been a long time coming. I want you to know that this is not going to be a happy post. There are going to be some ugly things said here. I ask that you all step on me as badly as I am about to. It is time for an intervention. I don't need kind words, I don't need pats on the back, I don't need nice. I need some serious tough love. I need people to kick my ass! Karla keeps saying that Michael acts the way he does with me because he knows he can because he is loved unconditionally. Maybe subconsciously I need to test your guys' depth of love. Do you think I'm worth it to yell and scream and get in my face?

I sat down this morning and wrote out some cards. Enough to put on all my cabinet doors, the fridge, the mirror. Some tough questions. Ones that I truly need to answer. Here they are:

Have you REALLY moved today? Where's the sweat?

Is it your head, your heart, or your stomach that is hungry?

Can you look in the mirror today and say you are proud of you?

Doesn't healthy taste better than crap?

Are you REALLY hungry or are you JUST unhappy?

Can you meet your goals with your mouth full?

Since when did you become good with mediocre?

Do you look good in your fat pants?

What weighs more? Guilt or happiness? What are you full of?

If nothing sounds good, why are you chewing?

What does $13k taste like?

How many chins does it take to make you smile?

Can you all see where I am going with this? I am in self-sabotage mode. I think I have been since December...and I'm doing a mighty fine job of it. I justify everything that goes into my mouth with, "I'm not where I was 2 years ago." but know that if I keep this up I will be soon. Who is this crazy person inside my head who wants to stay fat? Why would anyone WANT that?

Lay it on....lay it on hard. I need to be shaken, not stirred. I need to be kicked in the ass, not hugged. Please love me enough! I guess I don't!

So I read this before I left for my hike and I was going to respond...but I decided to meditate on it while hiking since DH decided to not go with me cause he was too lazy. I wanted to find the right words to say to you, because they are not just words to you...they are words to me too. We are both very much in the same situation when it comes to food. So I put on my theme song and I walked for 5.5 miles and thought and thought and thought. I listed to the same song about 40 times on the way and I think I have decided what I want to say to us, and to anyone else in this situation.

First...I want you to go to itunes and download the song Change your Mind by Sister Hazel. It has become my new theme song and I want you to listen to it. I want you to REALLY listen to the words. The very last part of the chorus goes like this.

If you want to be somebody else,

If you're tired of losing battles with yourself

If you want to be somebody else,

Change your mind, change your mind.

Change your mind, change your mind.

Second...I am not going to slap you and I am not going to punish you because guess what...that is what we want, that is what we have been doing to ourselves EVERY damn moment before the band. I am going to use my story to illustrate this.

When I was younger I pretty much knew nothing BUT punishment. If something was wrong I was punished. If I did something right it was normally ignored. So I began to think that punishment was the norm. I never realized that you could be rewarded for something or the rewards didn't always have to come with strings. I didn't realize that rewarding me for just being the best that I could be is what we SHOULD be doing. So as I grew older and things didn't work out I thought that I was rewarding myself with food but in reality I was punishing myself. Every time I ate something unhealthy...I was NOT rewarding myself. How is filling my body full of unhealthy chemicals a reward. But it was easy to punish myself. Punishment was natural, punishment was what I felt comfortable with. So when I would eat that dozen doughnuts I would feel so terrible about myself that I was doing nothing but punishing myself for something that may or may not have been in my control to begin with. While maybe not conciously punishing myself I just did what felt natural and since punishment felt natural that is the way that I would proceed. It wasn't until I decided to reward myself for no other reason than to do something GOOD for myself and got the band did I realize the difference between reward and punishment. After all...if punishment WORKED we wouldn't have jails and prisons anymore.

Lately I have slipped back into that mode of self punishment. I dont think that it is as much that I have slipped into the bad habits of eating too much or the wrong things as much as I have slipped back into the habit of punishing myself. After all, when I eat crap I feel like crap. I get bloated, gassy, and all sorts of other nasty feelings. When I am filling my body with all that crap I am just punishing myself. So now it is time to reward myself. Reward my body for doing its job with proper fuel. Reward myself for taking time out for ME.

So I am NOT going to give you what you WANT. I am NOT going to slap you. You would feel better if I said..."Steph...get off your lazy ass, get that food out of your house. Don't ever let yourself do that again." Why would you feel better when people are yelling at your and tell you that you are bad. I am not going to condone the poor eating and the poor choices, but I am NOT going to let yourself punish you either. From now on "Change your mind" Don't fight the battles...win them by rewarding yourself with health. Yes... I know this is easier said that done. But look at it this way...if you are like me, you have been punishing yourself for years....and did that really get you where you wanted to be? Didn't you get closer to where you wanted to be when you REWARDED yourself by getting the band? In reality the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Well haven't we been punishing ourselves for long enough. When I continued to punish myself all I did was get bigger. Same thing is happening right now. I have been punishing myself for the stupid things that other teachers and the school board have done...but not now...I am rewarding myself. I rewarded myself with the hike this morning. DH didn't want to go and I could have punished myself for HIS actions and not gone as well. But then I would have missed out on the beautiful weather, the spectacular scenery and the GREAT sense of accomplishment that I felt when I finally got to the top of misery ridge.

So I am NOT going to step on you (cause you have allowed yourself to be stepped on too much which is why you punished yourself into being fat in the first place), I am not going to slap you (because the sting will go away too fast and you won't remember it anyways because you will find a way to punish yourself in a way that will hurt more than any slap I could muster up), I am not going to punish you because that is what you want. Instead I am going to challenge you. Do something today, tomorrow and for the rest of your life that will reward you. If one day that reward IS a piece of chocolate cake, then so be it. But make sure it is a reward and NOT a punishment.

So stop losing the battles and just change the way your mind thinks about you. Reward yourself for being a loving, caring mother, friend, daughter, sister, and human being. Reward yourself for being you.

[kirajh 0]

SMACK ME TOO! ! !

My food choices aren't all that bad, but my problem is Pepsi. I thought I was doing really good not having it except once in a great while as a reward. Dang, one of the reasons I got the band was because of diabetes among a host of other things. Now, I'm off all diabetes meds and a whole lot more and what do I do?? Drink soda. I never had a problem getting my Water down. I like water. But lately, forget it. I'd rather have a soda. Doesn't matter if it is pepsi, anything will do. I keep telling myself to start drinking Crystal Lite for the sweet taste but I HATE artificial sweetener. It literally makes me sick to my stomach.

Karla, feel free to hop on a train and come to my house in Michigan. I have lots of gardening to do.

I will check back later, if I can manage to tear myself away from FB. Loved all the sayings, Steph

[cramerk 1]

Karri, you said everything perfectly!!! I think what we all have to remember...the band is not a fix, it is a tool. We all say it, but we forget to listen.

Steph, what I find that really helps is to plan my food for the day. I know you know that, but with the little ones you have, it is easy to get wrapped up with them and then grab something quick. It is the quick grabs the are high in calories. Thank you for still being there there for me.

I am home from work, talk about a crazy day. It was one of the first nice weather weekends. I loaded tons, okay probably 20 loads of bark, soil pep, potting mix. My crowning moment was when I loaded a B&B (burlap & ball) spruce tree into a suburban. They weigh about 500 pounds and I have to use the loader without taking out the inside of the vehicle.

I found out that the building that housed the quilting shop that I would love to buy is for sale, a renovated church, for $300,000 AND that you can not get a business loan for inventory that can be 'moved' from the location. Thus, not having money to invest, I can't buy the business. In other words, I will have to let this dream go. So I will continue teaching, and maybe I can retire early. Lord willing, I will find something to keep me from getting negative. The kids don't deserve it.

Steph, I'll look into how far it is to Whitefish from here. If it is to far, I'll just drive.

I need to go find some dinner. It was so crazy at work that I only had time to snarf a quick Atkins bar. How can that go down without any problem, but I can't get a piece of chicken down.

I'm tired and cranky.

Steph, I really like the Syntrax Protein Powder, vanilla & chocolate. I've never tried the brand you have.

Catch you all later, k

[Twilight 2]

Karri, you said so many of the right things. You should spend more time alone walking in the woods. You are very profound. I will get that song downloaded tomorrow. I need to do that on Jeff's computer.

Karla, Whitefish is 20 miles north of Kalispel. That is a LOT closer than driving. It would be almost 600 miles from you to me.

So today was good. I had 6 Protein smoothies. 1 with orange juice, 1 with v8 fusion and SF creamer, 2 with coffee, creamer, and proticcino, and 1 with yogurt and v8 fusion light. I'm pretty excited that I "felt" the smoothies going down. AMAZING.

Then, this afternoon I spent 3 hours out in the yard digging in the dirt. There is even dirt still under my nails! I have about 3 more hours to do tomorrow and then I have to tackle the back.

Finally....are you ready for this one? I WALKED TEN MILES tonight!!!! My counterpart stopped at 9.1. I could have taken the short way home and it would have been about 9.6, but I took Karri's words to heart and rewarded myself with the feeling of completing TEN MILES. I didn't just get close. I did it! Nothing feels this good!

Okay. Now I'm vegging out in front of the computer and tv. Have a great night ladies. Here's to an amazing tomorrow!

[IndioGirl55 32]

OMW - I posted yesterday morning - But I don't see it...

Went to the outlets didn't get home till 8 - then today was out of the house by 9 didn't get on the computer cuz when I do I don't get anything done - and OMW - Stuff is hitting the fan !!!

Thanks everyone for your answers, they helped a lot. Today is the first day that I am home all day since my fill, so I am hoping that I will be more relaxed when I eat. I am sure that I am tensing while eating, waiting for the pain. Anyway, you know that I will let you know.

Steph, good luck on your speech. I assume that it is for the school's graduation, I missed what it was for. You must feel honored!! and you will kick some major booooooootae.. They will be honored to have YOU!!

So lets see, Phyll is off the the high seas, Karri is tramping in the wilds as bear Breakfast and the rest of us??? I am going to work on the yard, one of my favorite things. Get the roses pruned and epsoned salted, dig up the DOA's that I never got around to mulching, plant some bulbs, work on my pots...should be relaxing and fun.

I did email the lady who owned my favorite local quilt shop about selling. AND the shop is for sale..what is left of the stock and the 'name', and I am waiting to hear if the building is for sale as well. The shop was in a restored church building, complete with tower, thus the name the 'Bell Tower'. I talked to my nursery boss about buying a business in a lousy economy. She said that she bought the nursery during our worst economic slump in recent history, AND that the nursery had been hit by hail that stripped the branches and bark off of a good portion of the trees (we field grow most of our trees). But with hard work she has made it a success. Her advice is to go for it, and offered to work for me during the winter.

So folks, I am asking for a huge favor...Please pray about this. Doris does tend to be noisy about things like this..."are you crazy? Are you ready to work 24/7? What are you going to do when it fails? You have NO start up money." I know I need a change, I am becoming a disappointment to myself as a teacher. I just don't have the passion anymore. One thing that I would like to offer at the shop is kid's sewing/crafting classes. These are soon becoming the lost 'arts'. So I am asking for prayer to show me what is the right path. If I believe and 'call it to me' (The Secret) the right path will be shown to me. Please help me find the path.

Janet have fun with the trainer, is he a hottie??? I'd train hard for him if he was...

Ruby, go shopping, buy the good foods.

My kids are nagging me to get busy, I don't know what I will do with them gone next year. Elyse (soon to be 23) is transfering to a college in either Chicago or Spokane, & Alexa (the baby soon to be 19) will be in Missoula at the University.

You all have a good day

K

Karla - Below you posted about the business - well you might not be able to buy this one but doens't mean that there won't be another opporturnity - put $25 a week in a savings account for your start up $$$ ...

Well, about high speed?? Ask me tomorrow. I was told that if we hit our limit on downloads, it would punish us by going dial up speed for around 24 hours. Well, I've been on dial up speed all day. In fact, this is slower than the dial up I had. I've got to check this out. It's ridiculous that after only a day and a half this thing drops to dial up speed. $60.00 a month?? I don't think so. Gonna get some answers on Monday. At least they don't charge extra.

Karla - Here' something to think about ..........when you first wake up in the morning, you are well rested, empty mind......the band works great. 6 hours later, your mind has had time to figure out that you haven't had much to eat and you should be starving. And you are. Head hunger. I've found a lot of times, it is a case of mind over matter. I'm still trying to overcome the urge to keep eating, even though I know I am full. It's that empty plate syndrome. And, I even use a small salad plate for my meals.

Janet - Mexican cruise sounds great, but you know, it's just you and Phyl that don't put up with snow and cold weather. Canada, Michigan and Wyoming are all know for cold nasty winters. Why don't we go during winter breaks at school? Does it have to be July to Celebrate? Do you still have the smiley's from smiley central? They take up quite a bit of room on a post and they will go a long way in adding pages here. I don't have mine any more cause one of the virus thingys said I got a virus from it so I'm afraid to download it again.

Any estimates on how many pages we can fill for Phyl? FILLS FOR PHYL!!! Kind of has a nice ring to it.

Here's a cute story to fill space for Phyl. My one nd a half year old grand daughter calls her brother Gavin, Nonny. Now, how do you get Nonny from Gavin?? DD finally figured it out the other night. He asked her if he could have something and she said, "no, honey. I don't think so." And little Karina says "no, Nonny". Mystery solved. Honey, Nonny. Think she'll ever say

Gavin?

Okay, I've done my part tonight. Besides, this thing is so slow today. I'll be back tomorrow and post again.

Hopefully I'll be back to high speed.:laugh:

Kari - I have been using AOL Desktop and I can't find my smiles - If I go to the aol mail one - I can - but I like the desktop better - but I will insert some for Phyl - but since I quoted these big post I won't on this one..

Limited down loads WFT = what's that about - what are you down loading I would call and get that straighted out..

Ya out trip doesnt have to be july - we will figure something out...

Well we were not able to complete the full 32 miles...but not because of the distance. The weather was supposed to be beautiful...and it was...when the sun was out. But last night I didn't sleep for more than 10 minutes at a time because I was so f'ing cold. Finally Lee got up at 2AM and made a fire so that we could get a little warm. We actually considered hiking out at 2AM...but figured that we would be fine. Finally I fell asleep and it lasted for about 2 hours before I was up every 10 minutes again. The last time I woke up I was shivering so hard that I started panicking ( I now know what people who have hypothermia feel like and why they make dumb decisions. ) I sat straight up and screamed for Lee. I was shivering so hard that he thought that I was going into convulsions. He got out of his sleeping bag and put me inside of that as well. Then he quickly heated some Water to make one of our dehydrated meals. You pour the water in and then seal the bag for it to rehydrate. We put the bag inside my sleeping bag to try and heat me up. I seriously have NEVER been that cold in my entire life. He was miserably cold too but he has a bit more insulation than I do. I couldn't use my fingers to even get out of my sleeping bag which made me panic even more. Fortunately I was able to thaw out and we decided that we couldn't make it one more night. Though it turns out that it is supposed to be 20 degrees warmer tonight, but we couldn't chance it. Besides we were so tired from not sleeping last night that I slept the entire 2 hour drive home and then we both slept for 5 hours when we got home. Plus I could go to bed right now and probably sleep the whole night.

On a good note...I can now have the official PANSY title removed from my description (:tongue2: to my mommy). I slept outside underneath the stars. I did buy mosquito netting but there were not trees to tie it from (and fortunately no mosquitos attacking me.) I am EXTREMELY sensitive to mosquitos and they seem to love me. We went camping a couple years ago and in a matter of 2 hours I had over 150 mosquito bites that we could count. That doesn't count the ones that were indistiguishable from each other. We finally had to go into the tent and we could hear them hitting the tent. So we now have the netting for future use

Tomorrow we are going to go hiking at one of the more local hikes. We have done all of the trains there except one because it is a MONSTER. Going up will be difficult...coming down will be AWFUL...but the view will be soooooo worth it.

Well I am going to plan out our meals for the week so that we can go shopping after our hiking trip tomorrow.

Karri - I saw on FB where you had the nets and not tent... Yep no longer a pansy !!! Did you know it was going to be that cold - how cold was it = Ya I forget that other places aren't 78 at night in May...

Hi ladies. I had a great day! :w00t: My speech went off without a hitch! I only "almost" cried once. :crying: But I got it together and went on without any problems. :smile2: Maybe they were all just being nice, but I got a ton of complements on it. I think I'll post it on my Facebook page.

Jeff and I are going out to the drive in tonight. I just love the drive in. :biggrin: Not crazy looking forward to watching Fast and Furious 3. Not really my type of show, but I will go and enjoy it! :smile:

I'm all in for cruising at xmas time. :w00t: My family might not be crazy about it, but...they will get over it. I asked Jeff if he had decided if we could afford the end of July trip and he just looked at me. :wub: I'm guessing that means no...but I'm holding out hope. The only downfall to a cruise at xmas is we had talked about Vegas at Thanksgiving so that Karri could be there. I guess we need to figure out something. I'm sure the ladies at the July meeting will have it all figured out by the time they get done. We'll be waiting with baited breath to see what they plan! :tt2:

Karla, if you want to come here and work in my yard, it needs all the TLC it can hold! :thumbup:I have a spare bed...just hop on the train and come on out!! 3 days out here would be AWESOME!!!! :thumbup:

Well, I suppose I need to go get ready for the movie. Have a great night! I'll talk to you all in the morning.:wink2:

Steph - Glad your speech went well..

Just checked my voicemail...I AM WORKING FULL TIME AT THE CHARTER SCHOOL. No more working 2 jobs. It is a pay raise, I teach less students, work with AMAZING people and will have PLENTY of time to RUN, RUN, RUN. I am lovin' life right now. This is so much weight off my shoulders. I am going to resign as late as possible though so that it doesn't come public until after school is over. Then when the nasty phone calls start coming in about "abandoning" certain people and students at the school...my mommy can protect me! The plan right now is to clean out my classroom on the last day of school, check out as early as possible on June 10, drive over to the district office to drop off my letter of resignation, and then drive to Indio to spend a week with my mommy. So when people find out that I have "left the building" I will be a state a way havin a blast! Thank you for all the well wishes and patiences while I dealt with this.

See what did I tell you - Things have a way of working themselves out for the best - I am happy that they did so fast - and yes - I will come and beat them all up for you :0)

Is there are cruise out of the gulf of mexico (leaving from texas) around Dec 13 because I will be there to run my half marathon with losingjusme?[/quote]

Good morning ladies! I'm up early. Not happy about it, but I think it has been a long time coming. I want you to know that this is not going to be a happy post. There are going to be some ugly things said here. I ask that you all step on me as badly as I am about to. It is time for an intervention. I don't need kind words, I don't need pats on the back, I don't need nice. I need some serious tough love. I need people to kick my ass! Karla keeps saying that Michael acts the way he does with me because he knows he can because he is loved unconditionally. Maybe subconsciously I need to test your guys' depth of love. Do you think I'm worth it to yell and scream and get in my face?

I sat down this morning and wrote out some cards. Enough to put on all my cabinet doors, the fridge, the mirror. Some tough questions. Ones that I truly need to answer. Here they are:

Have you REALLY moved today? Where's the sweat?

Is it your head, your heart, or your stomach that is hungry?

Can you look in the mirror today and say you are proud of you?

Doesn't healthy taste better than crap?

Are you REALLY hungry or are you JUST unhappy?

Can you meet your goals with your mouth full?

Since when did you become good with mediocre?

Do you look good in your fat pants?

What weighs more? Guilt or happiness? What are you full of?

If nothing sounds good, why are you chewing?

What does $13k taste like?

How many chins does it take to make you smile?

Can you all see where I am going with this? I am in self-sabotage mode. I think I have been since December...and I'm doing a mighty fine job of it. I justify everything that goes into my mouth with, "I'm not where I was 2 years ago." but know that if I keep this up I will be soon. Who is this crazy person inside my head who wants to stay fat? Why would anyone WANT that?

Lay it on....lay it on hard. I need to be shaken, not stirred. I need to be kicked in the ass, not hugged. Please love me enough! I guess I don't!

Steph - I can't beat what Karri has said - it's so true and it's the I'm still at a better place than I was 2 yrs ago mentallity - the combination of the 2 - You aren't the lone ranger here - Karri - Ruby - Kari - Karla -Denise- Candice You and yes me - I think we are totally out of the honeymoon stage - and feel good about where we are at - and are allowing more treat - and then once that happens it a down wards sprial.. Then you pull yourself up but then you fall right back down..

There is no recovery without a relapse - so I love your renewed committment with starting the 5 day pouch test as you are back on the road to recovery..

1 day at at time - but I still want you to get the junk out of the house - No one needs it and you don't need the temptations - food is ours drug of choice remember we are food addicts - Would your family leave a bottle of booze on the table if you were an alchie - nope - so get your triggers out of the house....

So I read this before I left for my hike and I was going to respond...but I decided to meditate on it while hiking since DH decided to not go with me cause he was too lazy. I wanted to find the right words to say to you, because they are not just words to you...they are words to me too. We are both very much in the same situation when it comes to food. So I put on my theme song and I walked for 5.5 miles and thought and thought and thought. I listed to the same song about 40 times on the way and I think I have decided what I want to say to us, and to anyone else in this situation.

First...I want you to go to itunes and download the song Change your Mind by Sister Hazel. It has become my new theme song and I want you to listen to it. I want you to REALLY listen to the words. The very last part of the chorus goes like this.

If you want to be somebody else,

If you're tired of losing battles with yourself

If you want to be somebody else,

Change your mind, change your mind.

Change your mind, change your mind.

Second...I am not going to slap you and I am not going to punish you because guess what...that is what we want, that is what we have been doing to ourselves EVERY damn moment before the band. I am going to use my story to illustrate this.

When I was younger I pretty much knew nothing BUT punishment. If something was wrong I was punished. If I did something right it was normally ignored. So I began to think that punishment was the norm. I never realized that you could be rewarded for something or the rewards didn't always have to come with strings. I didn't realize that rewarding me for just being the best that I could be is what we SHOULD be doing. So as I grew older and things didn't work out I thought that I was rewarding myself with food but in reality I was punishing myself. Every time I ate something unhealthy...I was NOT rewarding myself. How is filling my body full of unhealthy chemicals a reward. But it was easy to punish myself. Punishment was natural, punishment was what I felt comfortable with. So when I would eat that dozen doughnuts I would feel so terrible about myself that I was doing nothing but punishing myself for something that may or may not have been in my control to begin with. While maybe not conciously punishing myself I just did what felt natural and since punishment felt natural that is the way that I would proceed. It wasn't until I decided to reward myself for no other reason than to do something GOOD for myself and got the band did I realize the difference between reward and punishment. After all...if punishment WORKED we wouldn't have jails and prisons anymore.

Lately I have slipped back into that mode of self punishment. I dont think that it is as much that I have slipped into the bad habits of eating too much or the wrong things as much as I have slipped back into the habit of punishing myself. After all, when I eat crap I feel like crap. I get bloated, gassy, and all sorts of other nasty feelings. When I am filling my body with all that crap I am just punishing myself. So now it is time to reward myself. Reward my body for doing its job with proper fuel. Reward myself for taking time out for ME.

So I am NOT going to give you what you WANT. I am NOT going to slap you. You would feel better if I said..."Steph...get off your lazy ass, get that food out of your house. Don't ever let yourself do that again." Why would you feel better when people are yelling at your and tell you that you are bad. I am not going to condone the poor eating and the poor choices, but I am NOT going to let yourself punish you either. From now on "Change your mind" Don't fight the battles...win them by rewarding yourself with health. Yes... I know this is easier said that done. But look at it this way...if you are like me, you have been punishing yourself for years....and did that really get you where you wanted to be? Didn't you get closer to where you wanted to be when you REWARDED yourself by getting the band? In reality the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Well haven't we been punishing ourselves for long enough. When I continued to punish myself all I did was get bigger. Same thing is happening right now. I have been punishing myself for the stupid things that other teachers and the school board have done...but not now...I am rewarding myself. I rewarded myself with the hike this morning. DH didn't want to go and I could have punished myself for HIS actions and not gone as well. But then I would have missed out on the beautiful weather, the spectacular scenery and the GREAT sense of accomplishment that I felt when I finally got to the top of misery ridge.

So I am NOT going to step on you (cause you have allowed yourself to be stepped on too much which is why you punished yourself into being fat in the first place), I am not going to slap you (because the sting will go away too fast and you won't remember it anyways because you will find a way to punish yourself in a way that will hurt more than any slap I could muster up), I am not going to punish you because that is what you want. Instead I am going to challenge you. Do something today, tomorrow and for the rest of your life that will reward you. If one day that reward IS a piece of chocolate cake, then so be it. But make sure it is a reward and NOT a punishment.

So stop losing the battles and just change the way your mind thinks about you. Reward yourself for being a loving, caring mother, friend, daughter, sister, and human being. Reward yourself for being you.

Karri - you are so elequonte (sp) I know those words are from your heart - I am going to go look for that song..

As to the punishment thing - I know that's why I stayed in abustive relationships with my Son's dad - Meaness = love - That's what I got from my mom - that's all I deserved - that was my life - I totally get it..

SMACK ME TOO! ! !

My food choices aren't all that bad, but my problem is Pepsi. I thought I was doing really good not having it except once in a great while as a reward. Dang, one of the reasons I got the band was because of diabetes among a host of other things. Now, I'm off all diabetes meds and a whole lot more and what do I do?? Drink soda. I never had a problem getting my water down. I like water. But lately, forget it. I'd rather have a soda. Doesn't matter if it is pepsi, anything will do. I keep telling myself to start drinking Crystal Lite for the sweet taste but I HATE artificial sweetener. It literally makes me sick to my stomach.

Karla, feel free to hop on a train and come to my house in Michigan. I have lots of gardening to do.

I will check back later, if I can manage to tear myself away from FB. Loved all the sayings, Steph

Kari - I thought it was diet soda - but you are drinking regular soda :w00t: 200 empty calories per soda.. Read Karri's post again - throw the crap away - and quit punishing yourself..

Karri, you said everything perfectly!!! I think what we all have to remember...the band is not a fix, it is a tool. We all say it, but we forget to listen.

I need to go find some dinner. It was so crazy at work that I only had time to snarf a quick Atkins bar. How can that go down without any problem, but I can't get a piece of chicken down.

I'm tired and cranky.

Steph, I really like the Syntrax Protein powder, vanilla & chocolate. I've never tried the brand you have.

Catch you all later, k

[/url]

Karla

it's cuz chicken doesn't have any sugar or carbs that's why   that's why we don't crave celery - we crave starches - sugar 99% of the time -

Ok gang - it's 8:36 and I need to eat - I have jury duty tomorrow - so I may not be on til evening...

Oh ya at the outlet yesterday I got a Coach purse for $119 - originally priced $328...

Also, I have a little blip - that I gotta figure out how to handle

- Andrew is moving - found out that he really loves me cuz he was crying about it - he knows he should leave so that he can get his crap together without distractions - but I'm home for him- (steph our kid's really do love us even though they don't show it) well he's moving 7/25 - I'm suppose to be in Canada then - and was leaving him to babysit the dogs (he's taking bear leaving angel & sheba (kaitlin is allergic)

But it will all work out - his Dad is very happy - Me - mixed - I think it's the best thing for him as there isn't much here and I wish I had left yrs ago.. but omw - my baby is going...   

Ok I gotta get off the computer

Also gang we need a big group hug - we aren't alone in this battle - I was lurking on the April 07 thread the other day and there are tons of pple there struggling too...

But with the love and support of each of us - we will win this battle...

Group hug

:cool::grouphug::mad2::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::eek::grouphug::mad::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: 

[Twilight 2]

Oh. I forgot to mention that I am 2.5 miles shy of 50 miles logged with my Nike+ for the month. If I hadn't had finger malfunctions 3 times...that would be almost 60 miles. WOW!!!! And the month is only half over!

[cramerk 1]

It bear repeating, THIS IS THE MOST AWESOME GROUP ON LBT! Three weeks until freedom!! And I'm only working 2 days a week at the nursery!! Next weekend is Memorial Day so it is a 3 day weekend!! Then alexa's graduation and I'm taking Friday & Monday off, so that's a 4 day weekend and even though both my ex's will be here for graduation, I can live through that because all my girls will be home together. This will be the first time since my eldest wedding 3 years ago that we will all be together.

Well it is bedtime, and the sleeping pills are kicking in so I best go. Love you all, and Steph, I will be there in June!!

Karla

[cramerk 1]

Steph, what you need is a good pair of gloves for the gardeing. I also HATE stuff under my fingernails, but we have these fabulous gloves that still breathe and allow you to 'feel' what you are doing, I'll bring you a pair.

Janet, it is so hard when our 'fledglings' leave the nest, even when we think it should have been years ago. My almost 23 year old has decided to go to Spokane or Chicagoo this fall to finish college. She is moving in with her older sister. I have been trying to convince her that Spokane is the better choice. Chicago is 'liight' years away. I know that it is goood for her to go, but I can't seem to picture her on her own. Her main goal is tomove in with her sister, daughter #3. DD #3 lives in Chicago, her husband is in the Navy and they were transfered from Hawaii last year. Unfortunately my DD found out that her husband is cheating on her and will be getting a divorce and DD#4 feels that she need to move in with her for support. Okay, that being said, DD#4 has a learning diability and Vocational Rehab pays for her college, she will lose that if she goes to Chicago. I KNOW it is time for her to 'fledge' and get out there on her own, but Chicago? I'll never be able to afford to go bail her out when needed. But maybe that is why she needs to go. So Janet, I to will be an 'empty nester' this year. We will just need to stick together.

On a different note, do you all realize how many muscles we have in our hind end? Saturday I pruned and weeded all day and Sunday I worked at the nursery. My butt mustcles hurt like hect this morning. I guess I used my butt for something other that sitting. I feel like I am moving like an old lady, Okay, I am one, but I hate feeling like one.

You all have a great day!! I need to go get ready for the thrillss of 7th graders. We may find out 'what' our next years schedule is today. I am hoping I won't have 5 differrent classes to prep for.

You all make good food choices!! We all will succed!! OOOOOOOOOOOOh, DD#4 is going to paint my toe nails this morning. I can't bend over to reach them.

k