Need advise badly

[sbtanewme 6]

Hi I've done all my preops

Started in February and had a surgery date in October

but backed out from nerves.

Now I have a date of Dec 12 and I'm ready to back out again !! I am so undecided , I cannot make up my mind! Driving myself crazy!

Here's a little about my situation ...

I'm in a very bad marriage of 18 yrs that is on the verge of ending but we are living together for our. 3 kids , on top of that husband is non supportive of surgery. I've already lost 1/2 my hair during the past 10 yrs and Drs. still trying to figure out why. I am extremely attached to the hair I have left which I may lose if I have this surgery. I'm scared if I have complications my husband will bail on me, since he's already said he wants to separate although he says to go do it if I want and that he's not in a rush to divorce yet. I am completely dependent on him as a home maker with 3 kids, I'm worried I may regret the surgery but I've tried for 20 yrs to lose this weight with no success.

So I know I need this drastic change but it seems my situation says damned if I don't damned if I do!

Please I really need some sound advise without criticism , I'm already pretty down. Thank you in advance for your input .

[sbtanewme 6]

Oh btw my stats are weight 292

5'4 47 yrs old female

[old_rn 110]

As the primary care giver for you children you need to think of your health and longevity. I know that everyday was a struggle prior to surgery for energy and ease of movement. I am still a long way from goal but feel tons better. I am losing hair at an alarming rate but it is just hair and will grow back. I have so many positives they are too many to mention. It is your choice but really think it through. Surgery wasn't scary or too uncomfortable. Learning to eat with your new tummy can be difficult at times but I have done way harder things. It doesn't seem like your man is going to be there for you either way so do what you feel is best for your health and well being. I would do it again a million times over.

[roundisashape 712]

It sounds like you may be in a position of having to start over soon anyway - if that's the case, things like looking for work and having to keep up with everything as a single person might be easier when you've lost the extra weight.

Either way, it's a big decision and I wish you the best!

[SherB 220]

I would have the surgery while you have somewhat of a safety net. You are still together and if he has insurance do it ASAP. My stats were very similar to you, same height and surgery weight 285 AND same age. I am happy that I am losing and you need something to give you a boost of confidence. I wont lie, I am losing a lot of hair but know it isn't forever plus my hair was not very thick to start with. If you and your husband were meant to last then you will, if not you will be well on your way to feeling more confident and you will feel like getting into the world and supporting yourself if you need to. I am a single mom with a deadbeat ex so it can be done! Best of luck to you.

[jacileggs 402]

I may be biased but I say go for it. What ever happens will happen eventually anyways. Best to look after your health and well being first. That way you are able to be the best mom you can to your kids. Just curious though why you are afraid of divorce? Sometimes it's the best thing to happen to a person. Yes it's hard to go through emotionally and often financially, but who wants to be with someone that doesn't want to be with them. Personally I am much happier alone than I was with a husband that treated me like crap. I have been a single mom of 3 for 15 years and my youngest is 15. We can survive hard things. You are stronger than you think.

[chrissguinea 6]

I'm sorry you are in such a hard place right now. I'm also sorry to have to tell you that you're the only person who can decide if this is right for you. You can talk to your doctor, your friends and family, and people on forums like this one, and that infomation can be helpful, but when it comes right down to it, your the one that must decide. I suggest that you think through what the worst case scenario would be if you had the surgery, and your husband left. Could you manage? Do you have family nearby to help with the children? For me, the first month was tough, but not devestating. I returned to work (at a sedentary job) ten days after surgery, but everyone is different. What is the worst case scenario if you don't have the surgery? How is your health? Do you have weight-related health issues? If so, they will probably get worse as you age. Maybe by weighing these two sides of the issue out, you can make the best decision.

As far as hair loss goes, I too, had lost a good bit of hair before the surgery, due to genetics, I think. I am 62, much older than you. I have lost hair since the surgery. It is getting pretty thin, and I may have to go to a wig. I've done some investigating, and wigs are much better than they used to be. At this point, (almost 4 months post-op), I have lost 60 lbs. and feel wonderful and have more energy than I did 20 years ago! My blood pressure is normal, and I have been able to discontinue several medications. I do not regret my decision in the least.

I hope this helps. I will send some prayers your way.

[Rebecca Friesen 80]

I am sorry :-( I cannot imagine being in that position. Do what is best for YOU. And remember to breathe!

[Essence46 493]

I typed up this long comment and decided to delete it. Only you can decide what is best for you.

[Rogofulm 2,440]

I'm sorry that you are in an awful situation. But it sounds like having the surgery might set you on a positive path. As others have said, at least you still have him for insurance and to help out with the kids while you recover for a week of two. After that you'll be on the mend and getting healthier and more energetic every day. And if afterwards he goes, don't let it sabotage your program. It's really important for you to have your head in the right place for this to work, no matter what else is swirling around you. If you think stress will lead to making bad food choices, you may need to reconsider. Because that will add additional guilt to your plate. But if you go through with it, I would hope as you feel better physically, you'll feel better emotionally too. Best wishes!!!

[Rebecca Friesen 80]

On a positive note if you find yourself on your own your grocery bill would be small!!! :-)

[Account deleted 22]

this breaks my heart. please remember that any decision you make in your life is going to benefit you and be good for you! you are worthy of having a happy and healthy life, shit you deserve it!! leave it in God's hands I've learned to do that over the years and things have always worked out! don't be afraid to take on this challenge that's what he wants you to do is to be afraid show him you're not afraid anymore!! you got this girl we all support you ☺

[BeagleLover 1,020]

I agree with @@SherB and the previous posters. You have insurance now and a partial safety net for the immediate post-op period. Your marital status is not relevant to whether or not you need to get healthy for your kids and yourself. By the second day, I felt as though I hadn't had surgery. I filled the pain prescription, but didn't need to use even one.

To minimize hair loss, make sure there isn't a span of time in which your Protein intake drops really low. For 2 or 3 days I was required to have a clear liquid diet, so the Protein shakes were too heavy. During that time I used the Isopure clear drinks which have 40 grams in each bottle.

Also, I suggest that you prepare yourself in advance to make it pleasant--- get good tasting Protein powder, sugarless flavorings and search for recipes on this site and the blog, The World According to Eggface. Besides having confidence in your research and the experience of so many folks on Bariatric Pal, the rest is a leap of faith that everything is going to be OK.

[kyrickchick64 468]

If it were me id do it sweetie. You need your health either way. If you do need to get a job, I hate to say it but it will be easier if you don't have to worry about the fat bias. Change is scary but you have face it. It will empower you to lose the chains. You've come this far. As far as the hair girl that's what wigs and weaves are for. You can try out every hairstyle you've ever wanted. Im already losing hair fom my thyroid issues. I will throw a wig on my head and a hot new dress and be on my way. Whatever you decide do it for you not cause you are afraid of "what ifs" Crap is always hitting the fan in my life. If I waited for everything I'd never get anything done. Good luck

Edited November 14, 2014 by kyrickchick64

[onmywaytoonederland 236]

Be brave! Be a warrior! Realize your self worth and others will realize it too! You can do this. It is a gift for yourself. It is a gift for your children. Take advantage of this wonderful opportunity that others would love to have. Think of how much better your life will be with the gift of health. Job hunting will be much easier without the bias people have of overweight people. You are having to cope with so much stress, take being obese off the list. I cannot wait for you to come back to this site and say "I DID IT", I am strong and made a decision to take back MY life. You can do this. It is a gift to YOU! Take charge and don't let fear overcome you. Find your independence and fly!!!!