My boyfriend just told me I limit our relationship.

[CajunCutie 1]

He told me that I limit our relationship and that he is tired of waiting for me to lose weight. I am not banded yet, but hopefully will be in the next few months. I told him to go find a girlfriend that is not limited by her weight. I am very hurt...and feel like I am worthless b/c I am fat. He has no clue how hard it is to be over 400 pounds and addicted to food. All of this because he wants to go to Disney World next year. And we can't go if I don't lose weight. We can't do a lot of things he wants to do b/c of my weight. He probably thinks this will encourage me...when it makes me want to go grab some chips and stuff my mouth.

I had to vent....I am just very very hurt by all of this...

[keiko 1]

Cajun,

How long have you two been dating? Does he know you are looking into getting banded in the next couple of months? If you're definitely going to get banded and he knows you will, I don't understand the blowup. Threats never worked for me either, it just made me more stubborn just to spite them!

[Lucy 0]

You are MUCH better than that. You deserve someone who does not hurt you and treats you with respect, love, and kindness. If a man thinks that Disney World is more important than his girlfriend, then maybe he should be dating Minnie Mouse.

You are more than your body. Fat sucks and it's in the way, but it does not comprise who you are. If he can't see past that, then don't let him in your life. Especially now -- the process of losing weight is difficult, even with the band, and you need to surround yourself with positive, supportive people. Kick this jerk to the curb and open yourself up to people who will love you and support you, Space Mountain or not.

[kadrianmatthews 0]

He told me that I limit our relationship and that he is tired of waiting for me to lose weight. I am not banded yet, but hopefully will be in the next few months. I told him to go find a girlfriend that is not limited by her weight. I am very hurt...and feel like I am worthless b/c I am fat. He has no clue how hard it is to be over 400 pounds and addicted to food. All of this because he wants to go to Disney World next year. And we can't go if I don't lose weight. We can't do a lot of things he wants to do b/c of my weight. He probably thinks this will encourage me...when it makes me want to go grab some chips and stuff my mouth.

I had to vent....I am just very very hurt by all of this...

I understand how you feel. Don't let him get you down Look at me in [/url] January I wieghed 489 lbs and for a long time I just let go tried not to think about. But my boyfriend he likes big women so for a long time I thought it was ok. But there comes a time in your life when you have to take control for you and no one else.

Don't let your boyfriend make you feel this way. Words of encouragement you can do anything you put your mind to. Just keep on working on trying to get banded but getting banded will not be a quick fix. You have to work hard and will defiently need SUPPORT so he needs to lay off the hurtful words because it doesn't help.

You can do this. And if you ever never someone to talk to you can send me private messages and we can talk. GOOD LUCK JUST KNOW YOU HAVE A NEW FRIEND

[Elisabethsew 50]

Is your BF overweight? If not, have you tried to explain to him the restrictions that being morbidly obese places upon you? Why be so upset with a trip that is a year away? You could be a whole different person by then. If your BF has been loyal and understanding, maybe you just need to step back and see things from his perspective so you can talk it out with him.

[marjon9 6]

Cajun, I do sympathize with your pain, but it sounds to me like you do need to take a little bit of a reality check right now. You are 28 years old, over 400 pounds, and addicted to food. It sounds to me like you are currently facing what amounts to a life and death struggle that really overshadows boyfriends and Disney World.

In fact, I have serious doubts whether the lap band is the right answer for you. The band is nothing but a belt around your stomach. It does nothing else. It does not change your head, or eliminate your addiction to food. If you overeat with the band you can seriously harm yourself. In fact, with a BMI as high as yours, I doubt if insurance would be willing to cover the lap band. Many doctors would refuse to do it because there is too great a risk that you would hurt yourself overeating with the band.

You talk about how your boyfriend "doesn't understand how hard it is to be over 400 pounds and addicted to food." From the sound of things, you are blaming him, and not taking responsibility yourself for your own situation. A few weeks ago people on this forum were talking about a T-shirt that was for sale that said "Why won't somebody do something about how fat I am?" It's a funny t-shirt, but it is also a little scary. It sounds like that is sort of like what you are saying. Like the problem here is what somebody else is and is not doing. But Cajun, that's not the problem. It's up to you to do something about this, not your boyfriend. If you "go grab some chips and stuff your mouth" it is not your boyfriend's fault. It's your choice, your life, your responsibility.

I'm scared for you, Cajun. You are in a situation that is a grave risk to your health. It would be very, very difficult for you to find a path back to health even if you understood that it was your responsibility to find that path. But if you blame other people for your problems, and don't understand that this is your problem, and your responsibility, I am afraid that it will be almost impossible for your to find a path out of your prison.

If I were you, I would forget about boyfriends and Disney World, and just devote your entire life to finding a way to save yourself. Being 28 and 400 pounds with a BMI of 66 is gravely serious. I hope you find a way back. My heart goes out to you.

[isabelle290 0]

You should get the band for yourself and not for him. He needs to be patient and understand that, or maybe you need to find someone who will value you for who you really are- I hope all goes well with your band in the future!

[kadrianmatthews 0]

Cajun, I do sympathize with your pain, but it sounds to me like you do need to take a little bit of a reality check right now. You are 28 years old, over 400 pounds, and addicted to food. It sounds to me like you are currently facing what amounts to a life and death struggle that really overshadows boyfriends and Disney World.

In fact, I have serious doubts whether the lap band is the right answer for you. The band is nothing but a belt around your stomach. It does nothing else. It does not change your head, or eliminate your addiction to food. If you overeat with the band you can seriously harm yourself. In fact, with a BMI as high as yours, I doubt if insurance would be willing to cover the lap band. Many doctors would refuse to do it because there is too great a risk that you would hurt yourself overeating with the band.

You talk about how your boyfriend "doesn't understand how hard it is to be over 400 pounds and addicted to food." From the sound of things, you are blaming him, and not taking responsibility yourself for your own situation. A few weeks ago people on this forum were talking about a T-shirt that was for sale that said "Why won't somebody do something about how fat I am?" It's a funny t-shirt, but it is also a little scary. It sounds like that is sort of like what you are saying. Like the problem here is what somebody else is and is not doing. But Cajun, that's not the problem. It's up to you to do something about this, not your boyfriend. If you "go grab some chips and stuff your mouth" it is not your boyfriend's fault. It's your choice, your life, your responsibility.

I'm scared for you, Cajun. You are in a situation that is a grave risk to your health. It would be very, very difficult for you to find a path back to health even if you understood that it was your responsibility to find that path. But if you blame other people for your problems, and don't understand that this is your problem, and your responsibility, I am afraid that it will be almost impossible for your to find a path out of your prison.

If I were you, I would forget about boyfriends and Disney World, and just devote your entire life to finding a way to save yourself. Being 28 and 400 pounds with a BMI of 66 is gravely serious. I hope you find a way back. My heart goes out to you.

I dont feel like you should not get lapband. Like I said I weighed 489lbs and I am currently 441 and just had surgery on the second. So you do what's best for you. At this point anything will help. PLEASE PLEASE BE POSITIVE AND KEEP YOUR HEAD UP.

[marjon9 6]

I dont feel like you should not get lapband. Like I said I weighed 489lbs and I am currently 441 and just had surgery on the second. So you do what's best for you. At this point anything will help. PLEASE PLEASE BE POSITIVE AND KEEP YOUR HEAD UP.

That is great kadrian. Congratulations. I do so hope I am wrong about this.

[areellady 1]

awe....I am sorry he said that to you!!! My hubby has NEVER EVER said anything mean or derogatory about my weight and he has been with me for 14 years...NEVER ONCE!!! I dont think I would of been able to handle it!!! It is so hard to be fat and not be able to do things that are fun. The last time we went to an amusement park, I was the coat hanger....Everyone used me to hold everything....I couldnt go on any rides...and I CRIED!!!!! I know that next year....I am taking the kids and we are going again and I am going to have a freakin blast!!!! I cant wait!!! I did get to go on one ride...the haunted house...and I almost got stuck...the little teenage boy that was helping people out of the rides just sat and watched me struggle to get out...I COULDNT..my daughter helped me finally...talk about feeling like a LOSER!!!I was thinking, just wait little skinny boy, you will get yours one day...but I dont feel like that now...I wouldnt wish fat on anyone...Its just too bad that people say things like that to someone who already knows all the limitations....maybe he was really frustrated and just needed to vent....good luck to you...Deanna

[kadrianmatthews 0]

That is great kadrian. Congratulations. I do so hope I am wrong about this.

I will say nothing works if you havent made up your mind that you are going to do what it takes to get it done. Even with Gastric Bypass it's no quick fix the wieght can come back. I just say do what's best for you that's all that matters:D

[jackie506 1]

I am so sorry that he said something like that to you. Sounds like you need to kick him to the curb and start loving yourself. Try thinking about the long term effect he will have on you. Will he be supportive of you after you are banded? Doesn't sound like he is doing that now, do you think that will change? Does he think once you are banded that you will loss the weight over night? Come on, we didn't gain it over night so obviously we won't loss it over night either. I guess my advise to you would be, love yourself and be true to yourself. You have to do this for YOU not him or anyone else.

I too am waiting to be banded but I blame NO ONE else for the way I am. I take full responsibility for it. I got myself into this and now I need to get myself out. I am looking to get banded as well for that extra support and right now I am in my supervised diet AGAIN!!! Frustrating but I will do what ever they require of me to get this help. I do have to say though that in 4 weeks I have lost 11 lbs so I am happy about that.

Anyway, this is not about me. Please take care of yourself and forget him if he can not be a positive in your life. We all need help besides getting banded. My opinion is the band is a 'reminder' when we have had enough but we still have to try to fix or learn to deal with ourselves emotionally.

Take care of yourself. Good luck to you on this journey.

[gingersnap 11]

Cajun,

My heart goes out to you. Both my siblings were over 400lbs when they decided to have gastric bypass and my sister has a very judgemental husband who has said some cruel things over the years. I personally think one of the best places to get started is by seeking counseling to talk thorugh all these feelings. One of the hardest things to do in this world is to make a change.

I wish you all the best and please keep us posted to your progress.

[CathyMDS 0]

Cajun... Dump the pig and have the lapband surgery, but do it for YOU. A guy who will say hurtful things to you now will never change. Even if you loose weight he'll find something else to complain about. Sounds like his selfishness is bigger than his character.

As for you Mark.... you are and idiot. You are cruel and I find it pathetic that you seem to find pleasure in saying hurtful things to someone who is already hurting and just wants some encouragment. If you don't have anything nice to say, keep your fingers in your lap and don't type! I hope the monitors of this forum delete your post.

Cathy

[MkUSmile78 0]

No offense Cajun, but you BF sounds like a total and complete jerk face and you deserve so much better than that.

Now take this from a complete DISNEY FREAK, there is absolutely nothing at Disney World that has a weight/size restriction and you can rent a scooter if you can't do alot of walking around the parks. You need to get rid of the BF and take a friend with you to Disney World and have a great time!!! If you have any questions about anything at Disney World just send me a message and I can tell you anything you would like to know!