Telling about surgery

[thesuse2000 698]

Show me where I've been abusive or broken forum rules. I've been quite civil and have simply sought to debate an issue.

OK, I think the only proper response in this situation is to report Steve and thesus2000 to the administrators of this board. I have already done so and the more people who do the more likely they will be to get kicked off.

Secondly, I suspect that both of them are getting off on fighting the fight. They are drawing energy from the conflict. Therefore, it is best to ignore such people. Let them say whatever they have to say and don't respond. Don't let them make you lower your emotional vibration down to their level. If they make any more posts DON'T RESPOND, simply report them as being abusive and maintain your positive supportive attitude.

Edited November 16, 2014 by thesuse2000

[Stevehud 1,790]

I apologize to Elode for wasting your time.

To cynthiarm, please show anything abusive I have said.

I am appalled that you dare to insult me , so, down to my level? I think you should be reported for reporting someone needlessly.

I tried to explain how I was hoping we as a group of bariatric patients could educate people about what this surgery entails, how much work people have to put in etc. So that the next group of patients wont face the stigma currently attached to WLS. for that I was attacked and people even questioned if I was really a bariatric patient, and now to have someone not even involved in the discussion report me. its repulsive. Ill stick to helping people with my blog and my book, and my taste test videos and Ill leave this forum. ok Cynthia, evidently that makes you feel better. Ill stay on the mens forums, where unlike you, people care about others and like to help, not hide.

Enjoy.

p.s. if I do get kicked off, and I don't think so, I will still be successful at my surgery and journey, and some people will help, even if you, wont.

[GreenEyes604 753]

@ I just blocked both of them so I don't see anything they say. Ain't nobody got time for their foolishness!

cynthiarm2000, on 15 Nov 2014 - 22:24, said:

OK, I think the only proper response in this situation is to report Steve and thesus2000 to the administrators of this board. I have already done so and the more people who do the more likely they will be to get kicked off.

Secondly, I suspect that both of them are getting off on fighting the fight. They are drawing energy from the conflict. Therefore, it is best to ignore such people. Let them say whatever they have to say and don't respond. Don't let them make you lower your emotional vibration down to their level. If they make any more posts DON'T RESPOND, simply report them as being abusive and maintain your positive supportive attitude.

[angierue 214]

Folks could also just unfollow the thread if it was getting on their nerves... It's like a battle to see who can get the last word in instead of just walking away.

This has definitely become a battle of semantics.

[Mrs. Reid 392]

@ Your intentions are good, but you must realize your dealing with grown people so I wouldn't bother "reporting" them. I would just move on to a different thread. It's Not worth losing your hair over! You "liked" that comment towards Kimpossible67. All poor Kim was trying to do was get her thread back on a peaceful track! I hope they Come in and read all these post along with the people Who "liked" the bickering. REPORT Me please! I had no idea what a **** show this site would become.. This isn't support, this is a bickering playground...blowing my email up with this nonsense..... a damn shame. Done.

Bullying deserves consequences. Yes, block them, but also report them. I am entitled to my response and you are entitled to yours.

[kimpossible67 608]

Most everyone made some great points. I realized by reading these posts, there's one common denominator, y'all have jobs. Not so sure I wouldn't agree to keep it quiet in those circumstances. I am disabled and I don't work. My situation is much different then the rest of you.

I never meant to start such an explosive thread. I apologize for all the upheaval. I respect everyone's wishes. I was only trying to share mine. I hope you all have a wonderful day and will let this go.

This is no way to represent this most helpful board/app. Again, I apologize

Edited November 16, 2014 by kimpossible67

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Kim...

No apologies. You did nothing wrong. I welcome discussion and debate as long as it stay respectful. I totally support your choices and hold no judgement over those who want to tell the world about their personal decisions, I just wish it was the same in reverse.

If the "other side" were to say, "I choose to tell everyone because **I** would feel dishonest or as if **I** was lying", this discussion/debate would be much more civil. Instead, there are a few here that insist that anyone who doesn't do what they do are "liars/dishonest" and that's rude, judgemental, and offensive.

Big difference between "I would feel like a liar" and "YOU'RE a liar", don't you think?

Edited November 17, 2014 by LipstickLady

[kimpossible67 608]

Yup! Thanks!

[thesuse2000 698]

I feel badly about how things went in this thread and I regret hurting anyone's feelings, but at the moment anyway, I still hold my same beliefs that I've shared here. And I still assert that I never called anyone a liar. I judged certain statements while acknowledging that there are perfectly good rationale's for people to make those statements (thus not being liars).

The only thing I'll add is that I've been really cranky lately. Might be due to not using food to soothe me anymore. Not sure. Honestly I'm not sure if that's impacted anything I've said on this thread or not. But I'm mentioning it because I wouldn't be surprised if in a week or two I look back at this and think "why did I get into such a tizzy about all this??"

I will continue to consider the perspectives expressed here and re-evaluate my perspective as well. That's the best I've got right now in terms of seeking common ground and mending fences. I truly wish everyone the best in their journeys, and (as I've said in my prior posts) for everyone to feel comfortable discussing their surgery as they fit based on their own lives.

[Grandma2tweeties 108]

While I was deciding on my decision to have bariatric surgery, I told no one! Not even my husband my reason was simple I wanted to be sure it was 100% my choice and no ones positive or negative support would affect my decision. Once I was sure told my husband, my children and my parents, best friend and my two sisters. But expressed I'd answer any and all questions but really wanted everyone to understand that my mind is positive of having the sleeve. Once I met with my doctors and got the go ahead. I tell everyone and not because I need praise. But I maintain very positive people in my life and I want to share my excitement with them too. It's been so therapeutic for me offered such great advice. Everyone has their own reasons why or why not they want to share personal choices. I respect all reasons. I do however get the argument from both sides. I know after my struggles I would love to share it all because I know I might help someone make a life changing decision that they may otherwise not make thinking if I can lose that much with diet, exercise and not surgery then why have a surgery that could not only change but save a life!!!!

[HaddocksEyes 205]

Are you an attorney?!

LOL Kindle! I have a J.D. but I have not passed the bar.

Another good one - "it depends" (when you ask an attorney a question).

[HaddocksEyes 205]

Every single person here feels differently about their personal struggle with food, which is ultimately how most of us got to a point where we sought out a pretty hard-core tool to assist us in losing the weight that has come as a byproduct of our addiction/lack of control/whatever you have.

For me, personally, I am humiliated by the fact that I have gotten to this point with my weight. There are an awful lot of people out there who lose 100 pounds or more by JUST diet and exercise. But, I'm not strong enough for that. I need this extra tool of having 80% of my stomach removed. I feel embarrassed by that fact - by my lack of self-control and discipline to do it WITHOUT major surgery for assistance, so I DO NOT feel the need to be open to ANYONE about what I'm doing to lose weight. This "invisible" tool will be the #1 driving factor to why I will be eating significantly less, and gaining motivation by that to work out more, and I certainly don't think it's being dishonest by just telling people I'm watching what I eat and working out.

Being overweight is an extremely personal, and embarrassing, situation for me. I barely want to even discuss it, much less tell the world just what I needed to do to get it under control.

Please be reminded that I am not saying that people should feel embarrassed by needing this extra tool for weight loss. I'm just saying that is how I, PERSONALLY, feel about it, and why I'm not going to broadcast it to anyone who asks. At least not at this point in time.

Thank you so much for sharing that...this will be the tool you need, make no mistake!! And in time, you will replace that embarrassment with a new sense of self and a renewed self confidence!

[Grandma2tweeties 108]

I totally understand the embarrassment of needing the extra tool almost talked me out it. Like why can I after such drastic measures and yet not have the self discipline needed to succeed without it. Frustrating at least but then it turned pride and determination as we've all said a tool indeed the success still lies on us with this boost of confidence to succeed. I have told close circle now proud of my decision and though I don't think this is by any means an easy way out. I feel it's a desperate plea for that boost of help I need. I don't know that I'll tell everyone or maybe I will who knows. But I will respect why so many may or may not , it's definitely a personal choice to have this surgery and just as personal as to whom you trust to tell!

[HaddocksEyes 205]

I don't think anyone would deny there can be good reasons to hide it, the nosy boss who won't give you time off, of course that makes sense. But it is not comparable to having "female surgery" it is not in the same realm at all. As i said before and a lot of people here are admitting it. People are hiding the surgery because they do not want people to think they did not have to work at weight loss and it was all the surgeries doing. SO they want people to think they did it all by themselves with no help. I am very sorry ladies, but that is a lie and a cop out because it means you are simply reinforcing the belief that the surgery does it all and you do nothing. To say that you are worried people will talk about you behind your back that you had surgery! OOH, first off. who cares? people will talk about anything. the kind of person who will talk about you in that way is not going to suddenly start talking about how wonderful you are because they think you did it without some help.

Wow - appreciate your honesty but it's really hard to take a one-size fits all approach to this procedure and the people that have it done.

My biggest issue with what you said was your statement that women have this done and don't tell merely to make it look like it was "easy" to lose weight. It is not a fair statement and not representative of the majority of non-tellers in this forum.

Some of us really *DO* want to avoid the questions, the gossip and the bitchy attitudes of others. You know this is a stressful process and having someone put you down (i.e. "you took the "easy" way out" comments and other just as useless observations) does not help. I've been open and honest with people outside the office about what I had done. I told a gal I didn't even know yesterday I had surgery because we are regulars where she works and she commented on my absence over the last three months. I was right up front, open and honest with her.

People at work HAVE asked me why I am losing weight and I tell them exercise and proper eating and I tell them it has NOT been easy! I'm honest about that - it has not been easy.

[HaddocksEyes 205]

Oy... if you honestly feel that your weight loss success is due simply to better eating choices and exercise - than why did you have the surgery? it just doesn't add up.

The two of these CAN be mutually exclusive, you know. Lumping them together for the mere purpose of comparison denigrates them both.