Telling about surgery

[Tashabella 52]

I have not denied the surgery nor have I said I did at any point. You might want to go back and look at my posts before you attack me, Steve.

What I said about denial is the absolute truth. Before I could get help with my weight problem, I had to admit it was a problem that I needed help with and then ask for help. I've been fighting this for 30 years on my own and had not been winning the battle.

In any arena where people are trying to be free of something that is weighing them down (alcohol, drugs, FOOD), they have to WANT help. I would not have been ready until I was ready to do it. People have been telling me about surgery forever. I had to get to this place on my own.

I would be glad to be helpful to others, but I will never urge someone else to do this. People have to come to it on their own. I wouldn't want someone to regret doing it because they thought that what I told them about it was the gospel according to sleeve surgery. If something went wrong during their surgery, I would never forgive myself.

[BaseballMamma 17]

I guess I don't understand... if you want to save the world.. then why are you pointing out people and their flaws? Being bullied into other's way of thinking and depression is just as hard a struggle as people that are overweight. So live and let live. Honestly if you wanted to help others so much, why be so hard core on telling them they are in denial and that they are wrong? One would think you would be happy for the other person in taking steps toward a better life. Which is what you did say you wanted.

Hearing the things you have to say and being so critical is EXACTLY why many of us keep things to ourselves. Because there is always someone to criticize a decision, regardless what it is...I can just see you at my job saying" She is trying to lie and act like she didn't go under the knife" WHO NEEDS THAT? It's no ones business what I do with my body. Period. I prefer to just be happy. This is supposed to be a SUPPORT group, so can we support other's decisions to do as they choose? Tell or don't tell... everyone is allowed to choose for themselves and I don't slight anyone regardless how they go about it.

[Tashabella 52]

Steve, I think since you are so passionate about this that you would make a great coach (kind of like a life coach, but a bariatric surgery coach). You probably could do a lot of good out there -- people could seek you out and they could get total support. A lot of people need that. I am sincere in saying this.

I am wondering, however, have you actually had the surgery? Your profile says "undecided." Maybe we could encourage you if you have not.

[GreenEyes604 753]

@@BaseballMamma very well said! Maybe he'll get the message if it comes from someone other than me, because he's hatin' on me something fierce.

I actually think he's sort of funny and pathetic at the same time

[GreenEyes604 753]

Inquiring minds want to know….

I am wondering, however, have you actually had the surgery? Your profile says "undecided." Maybe we could encourage you if you have not.

[Stevehud 1,790]

First Tashabella, i was never attacking you i asked if someone denies they have had surgery doesnt that put them in denial. I wasnt saying you did that i was asking the question in response to what you said aboout denial. thats all.

Baseball mama

I never said I want to save the world that phrase was used as a way to insult me since i want to help other people know what overwight/obese/fat/ whatever word you want to use, people go through with these surgeries. for some reason because i said that if someone asks you how you lost the weight and you do not mention the surgery then its a lie. and some people say its not a lie because its not their business, if it isnt their business then say "none of your business" thats not a lie then. But if you say oh i did it through diet and exercise, you are lying. the surgery is a part of it, and I wished that people instead of hiding it, would embrace it and educate people to show them all the things that you must go through. Yes I want to help people, I have a blog where I a currently being very frank about thing I am going through and have gone through. I along with video taste tests of powders, mixes and ready made drinks etc. I am doing this blog because I am compiling this blog into an ebook, and 1 year post surgery I will release it for free to help men especially overcome the fears and societies bias against the surgery.

No I have not had my surgery yet, I am preop sleeve in the pre op diet phase, my weigh in is next Thursday with my surgeon at St Elizabeths hospital in boston mass, at that time as long as i meet my weight goal, ( i had to lose 18 im down 23 as of today. ) my psych eval is done and is fine, my nutritionist has passed me as well. so on Thursday we make my date for surgery, we are rushing it as my benefits maybe changing at the end of the year due to company changing hands, so our target is 2nd or 3rd week of December. I have done tons of research, and knew the lap band would not work for me and i was reluctant to go full bypass, the sleeve is almost made for me in its design. I have been on shakes for Breakfast and lunch with pretty much a salad with extra Protein in it and no sugar in my diet or as litlte as possible for 3 weeks now. I hope that answerrs that i sdidnt want to say pre op on my profile because it asks for a date, and i wont have that until thursday. if you wish to know my pre diet weight was 361 pounds i was at 338 today.

AT my heaviest i weighed 408 and that was my wake up call. Since then ive had my gll bladder out, my shoulder rebuilt, my knees are shot i have a herniated disc in my back l5-l6 and venous insufficiency in my lower legs. along with chronic pneumonia, sleep apnea and asthma. oh and narcolepsy. Hopefully that tells you all about me.

my blog if you wish to find out even more is at http://cuttingthefatwithaknife.blogspot.com

Edited November 14, 2014 by Stevehud

[BaseballMamma 17]

As of his post yesterday- he hadn't. I find it interesting that just yesterday he was commenting on a post that discussed just this- judgement...

http://www.bariatricpal.com/page/articles.html/_/healthy-living/no-a-daughter-reacts-to-moms-decision-to-have-wls-r301

Let's be civil to each other, regardless how well anyone does, or how anyone gets through it. Many of us made the tough decision as to whether to do it or not... and we all could use a little encouragement

[Stevehud 1,790]

i added my stats as ell as posted them.

[Thinkingthinner1109 485]

I am one of those people who isn't telling. There are only 2 people who know about my decision. One is my daughter (because she lives with me), and a very dear friend who had the surgery a little over a year ago and is my sounding board.

I'm not ashamed by any means of the decision that I have made to have WLS, I'm just a very private about my personal life. If someone asks me I won't lie about it, I'll just say that I am eating less, exercising, and eating healthy which is all 100% true. Anything past that I really feel is no one's business but mine.

My friend Grant who had the surgery a year ago was completely transparent to everyone he came in contact with that he was having the surgery, and kept everyone informed step-by-step during his process from day one until today. He posts pictures all the time, how much he's lost, and everything he does. He is so opposite from me in that regard, and I asked him why did handled it that way. His response to me kinda shocked me, but I totally understood where he was coming from. He said that he tells everyone everything because he needs the validation from others that he's doing a good job, and looks great in order to stay motivated.

I don't know, maybe because I've always been a self-starter I've never really needed the approval or validation from others about what I do. I've never needed the "pat on the back" for a job well done, or other types of accolades. I just do what I do, and I love doing it, and I'm proud of me for doing a great job.

Maybe I'm just weird!

No you are not weird! You just explained me to the T.

[kikicoates78 220]

I am far from ashamed, but I chose to not tell people other than my immediate family. No it's NOT a lie if u omit certain parts of your weight loss journey. I do a food diary, I count every calorie, carb, Protein, and sugar. I worked hard at the gym and I make the right dietary decisions in my weight loss. I am a very passionate person. I get a little heated and excited. So I know the first snide remark I was given I would kick someone in the throat ☺️ that's why I chose to keep it to myself ???? I think Steve is just a bit righteous and long winded!

[kimpossible67 608]

Okay okay!!! I didn't start this topic in order for it to all go so wrong. I'm SORRY! Can we all just get along now?

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Oy... where on earth did I say that anyone had to do things my way? I've actually repeatedly said quite the opposite. For some reason some of you believe that the surgery did not have any impact on your weight loss. That's the only explanation for thinking that an honest answer to the question of how you lost weight does not need to include it. Again, for the 5th time maybe? - I'm not at all saying that everyone needs to give everyone the honest answer. As I said above, I don't always give honest answers to personal questions. I think everyone has the right to fib to protect their privacy. I personally prefer to keep the fibs to a minimum, but that's neither here nor there. What I'm disputing is the stance that there can be an honest answer that doesn't include surgery. And the question I've asked, that no one seems to answer, is - if you honestly feel that your weight loss success is due simply to better eating choices and exercise - than why did you have the surgery? it just doesn't add up.

Never did I say that WLS has nothing to do with my success. Nor do I fib. I'm not sure how much clearer I can be than that.

[Tashabella 52]

Hey, Steve.

I wish you the best of luck with your surgery. I had mine four days ago. It isn't pretty, but you get through. I think you will be fine. I know what you mean and understand your health issues you have had to deal with lately. It sucks, but everyone tells me it makes us stronger. I suppose there is some truth in that. We all have some hope now in this surgery.

You don't need to be spending your time negatively with this arguing that is going on here. You need to be positive right now. People are going to do what they want to do, whether we want the best outcome for them or not. The reason I gave the drug and alcohol analogy is because I have a young nephew who has screwed his life up so bad for the last few years no matter how much good and useful help he gets. He's going to do what he wants to do. I have accepted that. I would love for him to change his habits and turn things around, but I have done everything I can do and it just isn't up to me. A year ago, if he had told me to put down the doughnut and go get surgery, I would have told him to go screw himself.

I think denying you have had surgery doesn't mean you are in denial, it means you have some reason that you don't want people to know the truth. Women's dynamics are difficult. Men just say stuff to each other and move on, but it isn't that way with women. (Ask your wife.) We have to protect ourselves. If protecting ourselves means that we are going to be successful with the sleeve and get the weight off, then that is the best outcome. Once you have had the surgery, you have to do whatever it takes to reach the best possible outcome. None of us can afford to let anyone get in the way of that.

Good luck with your surgery and I wish you great results!

[dw40 6]

I think some of y'all are being extremely rude to the original poster who was sharing her positive experience & the bickering here is the opposite of her personal life experience. And I thought this site was for support...

Why don't you take your dispute to it's own topic?

[Stevehud 1,790]

look its a simple point, not teling the truth is a lie. period that is the definition of the word. its not omission or partial truth telling etc. if you don't want people to know just tell them its None of their business. its simple.

I do not understand why you would rather lie than just not tell the person anything. and I already said one person mentioned a person that would prevent them from getting the time off, which is a great reason not to tell. I agree you don't have to announce it. that's fine great I agree! tell them nothing. that's perfectly respectable to NOT SAY ANYTHING.

Maybe I am saying it wrong. do whatever you wish. its your right I have never denied it. but I have been castigated for saying that not telling the truth, is a lie. The reason behind the lie is your business, Im not disputing that, do whatever you want I have no say in it. My personal opinion is that I want to remove the false belief that the surgery is cheating or a failure, and instead show people what it really takes, so that other people who come after will have their choices made easier. Why is it so bad that I would like to see the bias against the surgery be eradicated?