Telling about surgery

[BLERDgirl 6,417]

Context. If I'm talking here I say WLS simply because we have a variety of people who have had different surgeries. It's a sort of short hand catch all. When I've discussed it in real life I've called it gastric sleeve. The one person who over heard a conversation simply asked if I had had surgery. She has already heard and knew what type of surgery. When she asked I simply said yes. I'm not going run from the words.

[***** 155]

I do love this topic so I will chime in. some people will take it personally but anyway. First off here is a great idea, lets stop calling it WLS or weight loss surgery. the surgery does not lose weight you do! if you have a knew replaced its called knee replacement surgery, not im running surgery. if we can stop calling it weight loss surgery and instead call it bariatric surgery, maybe just maybe people will stop hiding it. I know why people hide it, and whether they want to be honest with themselves or not is fine with me. It's your own mental well being that makes you want to do it that way. The man who said he was open because he wanted validation, well guess what, that is the same reason why people hide the surgery, they believe if they do the work, the surgery will get the credit if they tell people. So they don't tell people, then they feel they are the ones getting the credit for the weight loss. When indeed you should be anyway!

I can understand your point. I certainly embrace the decision, change and future I've committed to.

[angierue 214]

Pre-op, I told my parents, my oldest brother and his family, and a handful of friends. Plus everyone that I worked with. I am a manager for a wireless carrier in a retail store. My team at the store is small (9 of us total) and we are very close. I also told my DM, District Trainer, BSM, and Ops Analyst. I see these guys a couple of times a month and also am pretty close to them as well.

I didn't do it for validation, but I will say that the accountability is a huge factor for me. I have no problems with someone asking me if I should be eating this or that. Because you know what? If it's something I shouldn't be eating, then being reminded about that is A-OK with me! I know I'm going to have slips. But having a great support system helping to keep me on track is something I'm happy about.

The day of surgery, I went "Facebook official". I posted a hospital gown selfie for everyone to see (I have to admit, I looked adorable) and told everyone what I had had done. The response I received left me in happy tears. And I've had 5 different people message me asking for more information.

That right there was the reason I didn't want to hide it. I want to be a positive influence for someone else who's struggled the way I have.

You know how everyone always know someone who had WLS, lost 100+ pounds, and then gained it back? Well, I want to be the friend they talk about that is 3, 4, 10+ years out and still rocking it. (And I'm going to be... I'm badass like that)

I totally respect everyone's choices when it comes to sharing about the surgery. It's not an easy thing to do. But I'm glad I was open and I wouldn't change that for anything.

[kimpossible67 608]

Pre-op, I told my parents, my oldest brother and his family, and a handful of friends. Plus everyone that I worked with. I am a manager for a wireless carrier in a retail store. My team at the store is small (9 of us total) and we are very close. I also told my DM, District Trainer, BSM, and Ops Analyst. I see these guys a couple of times a month and also am pretty close to them as well.

I didn't do it for validation, but I will say that the accountability is a huge factor for me. I have no problems with someone asking me if I should be eating this or that. Because you know what? If it's something I shouldn't be eating, then being reminded about that is A-OK with me! I know I'm going to have slips. But having a great support system helping to keep me on track is something I'm happy about.

The day of surgery, I went "Facebook official". I posted a hospital gown selfie for everyone to see (I have to admit, I looked adorable) and told everyone what I had had done. The response I received left me in happy tears. And I've had 5 different people message me asking for more information.

That right there was the reason I didn't want to hide it. I want to be a positive influence for someone else who's struggled the way I have.

You know how everyone always know someone who had WLS, lost 100+ pounds, and then gained it back? Well, I want to be the friend they talk about that is 3, 4, 10+ years out and still rocking it. (And I'm going to be... I'm badass like that)

I totally respect everyone's choices when it comes to sharing about the surgery. It's not an easy thing to do. But I'm glad I was open and I wouldn't change that for anything.

It's nice to use our experiences with the sleeve to help others. Not many are familiar with the sleeve. They are totally intrigued with the process. I always say I've had bariatric surgery or the sleeve.

I remember the first informational meeting I attended for myself. I had been through the process with my ex, he had bypass done in '07. I was stunned when the surgeon brought up the sleeve! I was not liking either of my choices (band or bypass) but knew if I was to go through with it, it would be bypass.

He's telling about this new procedure the sleeve, my arms shoots in the air with many questions. It was perfect.

I had to wait a long time because my insurance wasn't covering the surgery, I waited it out. Impatiently lol. It was totally worth it. I also went to 3 different surgeons before picking Barix Clinic.

[Stevehud 1,790]

Lots of great comments, I used this analogy before I'll do it one more time. Basically when people ask why you are having the surgery etc, this is what I say, and it also works as to why I am open about it.

If you were a runner and you are out running and your tired and you see a hill coming up, you grin and bear it and push to make it over that hill. Well that hill is like losing our pre op weight loss. Its hard but for the most part we grin and bear it and get through it. If you were out running and you're tired and you come up to the base of a mountain, you would just turn around and run back to where you were. That mountain is our goal weight loss.

Professional mountain climbers use Sherpa guides to get them to the summit. Well this surgery is my Sherpa guide. He can't climb it for me, but he can show me the way. My friends , co-workers and supporters are my climbing gear they help me make the climb. I still have to do the work to get to the top.

[Tashabella 52]

Regarding the person I don't want asking me questions constantly and watching my food, it is not about accountability.

Another person at work recently lost a lot of weight on her own and this person has hounded her and hounded her constantly and she has said that it is very irritating. I don't have time for that at my job. We are not friends and I wouldn't discuss the details of my life with her on any given day anyway. I don't want to give her any reason to spend any more time with me than I get paid to spend with her. I'm happy to do the work she gives me and I do it with a smile, but I am not interested in having any other kind of relationship with her.

Edited November 14, 2014 by Tashabella

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Totally with you. For me, I feel relieved not to feel that I'm hiding a secret, and worrying that people will find out. That would be a negative factor in my life that I don't need. But of course not everyone cares about that.

Not everyone "cares" about it and not everyone feels that way, either.

I'm not "hiding" anything, nor do I "worry" that someone might "find out".

If someone asks you how you lost weight - you feel that saying you did it by eating less/healthier and exercising is an honest answer? If you could have comparable success by doing those things without surgery - why did you have surgery?

I'm not saying everyone needs to tell. You're entitled to withold information about your private life. But I just don't get those who defend this as being completely honest. It just isn't. There's more to your success than you're telling. Again - that's fine, but it is what it is.

Yeesh! Here we go again. <eyeroll>

IF YOU DON'T DO IT **MY WAY**, YOU ARE DISHONEST!!

It's amusing to me that the only judgmental people in my life about this surgery are those who are also WLS patients on a support board.

HA!

[GreenEyes604 753]

@@LipstickLady Oh sistagirl, let the ENTIRE church say AMEN!!!

[BaseballMamma 17]

I don't feel like I am hiding anything. When I had to have some female surgery done, I didn't tell anyone then. Honestly, I am just not a sharer of info like that. And I wouldn't ask a co-worker about their personal surgery or info. I do have a very critical boss that would say I CHOSE this and wouldn't need to be off work for it etc.. She would be googling what I am supposed to do and pretend to be my doctor. No thanks!

Also, when my best friend had hers done.. and people that see her now.. it's never " wow, she looks amazing" or " wow, she has worked so hard" it's " yeah but she had surgery to get skinny" It infuriates me to hear it said about her and I have defended it for so long. The last thing I need in the struggle of recovery is to hear negative comments.

I do get great motivation here, and from my 2 people that do know. Even though a few close friends don't know about the surgery, they continue to support me working out and eating well.

If I had someone working out with me and eating the same and was to get frustrated and not understand why they weren't losing the same as me- then I would tell them in private so they wouldn't be discouraged as though they were doing something wrong. Otherwise, this is my private journey

[Garifab_VSG 122]

Every single person here feels differently about their personal struggle with food, which is ultimately how most of us got to a point where we sought out a pretty hard-core tool to assist us in losing the weight that has come as a byproduct of our addiction/lack of control/whatever you have.

For me, personally, I am humiliated by the fact that I have gotten to this point with my weight. There are an awful lot of people out there who lose 100 pounds or more by JUST diet and exercise. But, I'm not strong enough for that. I need this extra tool of having 80% of my stomach removed. I feel embarrassed by that fact - by my lack of self-control and discipline to do it WITHOUT major surgery for assistance, so I DO NOT feel the need to be open to ANYONE about what I'm doing to lose weight. This "invisible" tool will be the #1 driving factor to why I will be eating significantly less, and gaining motivation by that to work out more, and I certainly don't think it's being dishonest by just telling people I'm watching what I eat and working out.

Being overweight is an extremely personal, and embarrassing, situation for me. I barely want to even discuss it, much less tell the world just what I needed to do to get it under control.

Please be reminded that I am not saying that people should feel embarrassed by needing this extra tool for weight loss. I'm just saying that is how I, PERSONALLY, feel about it, and why I'm not going to broadcast it to anyone who asks. At least not at this point in time.

Edited November 14, 2014 by Garifab

[Tashabella 52]

I forgot to mention that everyone I work with is a RN except for me (I do admin work). In my case, they all want to give medical opinions as well. Some of them give great advice and some of them I might not trust as much for medical information -- just like you don't trust every doctor just because they are a doctor. This factor also plays in to who and how much I tell at work.

My sister also works in the medical field and our whole family has to be careful what we say to her because if she thinks something isn't right with your health, she'll freak out and call your doctor or rush you off to the ER.

So many little things factor into our decisions of who to tell our business. We're all so different. When I was in my 20s, I wouldn't have told anyone. I was very private and shy and I would have been very uncomfortable doing that. Now that I'm almost 50, I have diarrhea mouth and say what I think.

We all need to be sensitive to each other's wishes. No one is wrong here.

[BaseballMamma 17]

Yes!! i work under 4 doctors and then my boss has her PHD. Soooo they alllllll know so much better than me. And they are all against surgeryfor this, well all but one of them. They are all psychiatrists, and only one will even do the psych evals for any bariatric surgery. Did I mention they are all stick thin? lol

[Stevehud 1,790]

I don't think anyone would deny there can be good reasons to hide it, the nosy boss who won't give you time off, of course that makes sense. But it is not comparable to having "female surgery" it is not in the same realm at all. As i said before and a lot of people here are admitting it. People are hiding the surgery because they do not want people to think they did not have to work at weight loss and it was all the surgeries doing. SO they want people to think they did it all by themselves with no help. I am very sorry ladies, but that is a lie and a cop out because it means you are simply reinforcing the belief that the surgery does it all and you do nothing. To say that you are worried people will talk about you behind your back that you had surgery! OOH, first off. who cares? people will talk about anything. the kind of person who will talk about you in that way is not going to suddenly start talking about how wonderful you are because they think you did it without some help. The biggest part of this is going to piss people off. I will bet you people talk about you now. And that they have for years. Not those same people, but people in general see you and think look at the fat lady or fat guy. they don't say hmm there's someone struggling with being overweight. No, unless they have been there and even worse if they are one of the few who did lose it on their own, they are WOSE!, its like an ex-smoker they are pains to smoker, I know i'm an ex-smoker, (15 years ago i quit yay) So you have endured years and years of people talking about you behind your back, and people staring, and many more embarrassing things, you made it through that, but cant take it if someone talks about you becoming healthy and fit and wanting live life? No. It doesn't fit. Now as i said obviously telling someone that would jeopardise you having the surgery is obviously a great reason. And even not announcing it, ok i can kind of see it. but yes if you were asked how did you lose the weight and you neve mentioned surgery as a helper, you lied, and you failed an opportunity to educate someone on what really happens. I told peole on my blog and my friends and co workers, what I will have to endure. liquids only, no more than 4oz of food , puree stage, never drinking within 30 mins before or after a meal, no alcohol, no carbonated soda ever, all these things, and once they learned what I had to do, everyone has said wow, i had no idea you had to do this. SO if you take the few moments to educate people, then maybe you will save the next person from going through any kind of ignorant actions from their peers. The reasons I am so passionate is because of the education issue, people actually back out of having surgery at an alarming rate, and the weight issue has become so bad that they now have new terms for obese people, we now have the SUPER obese, and the MEGA obese. People who have to be cut out of their homes, transported on flat bed trucks. Or who just die in their beds. We need to be the people who show that this is necessary, life changing and life giving. It is also because the more people who see me being open to i, then maybe they will pass along some information to someone who may then look into the surgery and keep it going foraward. I have a few friends who are young but weigh over 500+ pounds each, and they are still in that stage where you fool yourself with how big you are. We lose too many people to obesity. We shouldnt have to.

to those i have offended..tough, you can take it.

I love you all, We all can do this!

Http://cuttingthefatwithaknife.blogspot.com

Edited November 14, 2014 by Stevehud

[Garifab_VSG 122]

I see everything you are saying.

But I stand by the pretty basic belief that just because someone decides to ask you a very personal question does NOT mean that they are entitled to that information. If someone asks you how much you weigh, do you give them the real number, just because they were rude enough to ask? So it may be some people's belief that not mentioning having surgery is lying by omission. OK. So what! So you are sort of lying, or you are omitting, or whatever. The bottom line is - it is no one's business but ours. Someone asking does NOT MEAN that we have to tell, because it's not THEIR right to know! It's OUR right to privacy! So if someone says "diet and exercise" just to end the conversation? So be it!

Edited November 14, 2014 by Garifab

[Tashabella 52]

I wouldn't lie. I have no reason to lie about it. I hope I can help other people. I thought we were talking about who we told "before" surgery.