Fed up!

[flmommyof2 79]

I am so tired of being the fat one! I have a family member who I love dearly but she hurts my feelings so bad when she says, yeah he/she would make 2 of you. Even though the remark isn't directed at ME , why do I have to be the one you are comparing anybody to. And it's rude as hell to be judging anybody anyways. She doesn't know their back story. And I just love this one....I recently said yeah I lost 5lbs in the last few weeks and she says really, I can't tell. Really? Wth? She is about 5'6 and about 150-160lbs. I am doing this for me and my health but if I get smaller than her...it's going to feel good putting her in her place. The rudeness of some people just piss me off. No wonder so many people suffer depression when they are overweight. It's people just like that!

[lisacaron 5,075]

@@flmommyof2 I'm sorry, you have to be the one to endure these comments from your family member. Just know that all her comments say more about her insecurity, immaturity, fear and views of life then they do about you.

If you can think of a duck and let her comments roll off your back, you will only be stronger and wiser and guess what...eventually thinner!!!

You have the right outlook you are doing this for you, and you are strong and amazing and she is someone to be pitied because she has a lot to learn and her lessons are going to be difficult and painful indeed with her narrow points of view it would be hard to imagine otherwise.

You my friend are going to do wonderful, and if you want to/need to vent come on back!!! That's what we are here for, and we probably all have this family member or friend in our lives somewhere!!!

More power to ya!!!

[flmommyof2 79]

You @"lisacaron" are so very kind. Thank you so much for your encouraging words. The way I feel about it now is...You just wait and see what I can do! What I WILL do! Thanks again ma'am. You made my day! Hope you have a blessed day:)

[JaGo 16]

flmommyof2,

I share your concerns. I too had a close family member who was not supportive. I wouldn't even share with them when I lost weight because their reaction was of a jealous nature. They weren't as harsh as what you describe, but in my efforts to lose weight, I learned not to share with negative influences around me - they will try to bring you down.

This journey is YOURS and if you need validation, get it from this forum or your medical team. If they offer support group mtgs, take advantage of it an go!

You may have to speak to your family member at least once to let them know how you feel about their comments. They may surprise you and apologize. If that doesn't happen, you may need to limit your contact with them for your own wellbeing.

Once you lose weight, don't feel compelled to "get even." You don't need to stoop to such a low. Your success will show on the outside!!

Stay positive and focused on living the most healthiest lifestyle as you can... FOR YOU AND YOU ALONE!

Wishing you much success in your weight loss journey. Love yourself.

[flmommyof2 79]

You're right JaGo. I really don't need to rub in her face although I feel it would feel good sometimes but I will just be healthier and happier and it will show. I HAVE made the decision that I will at some point talk to her about it. Thanks hun..have a blessed day:)

[JaGo 16]

That-a-Girl!!!

[gowalking 10,790]

When I was still on the liquid diet just after surgery, my dad said something so juvenile that I couldn't believe it. He was relishing in telling me that he, mom and sis were having a delicious eggplant parm dinner. I heard my sister admonish my dad for being such a d**k.

I vowed to 'get even' once I lost the weight, but as JaGo says, the need to get even goes away the smaller and happier you get/feel. I'm chalking my dad's stupid comment up to a bad day because now he tells me all the time how proud he is of my accomplishments. He's not just talking about the weight loss, but all the improvements I've made.

If you think a talk with this person will help, go for it. Otherwise, just focus on you and your needs and you'll be surprised how 'revenge' will not matter much as you reach for your goals.

Good luck and keep us posted.

[JaGo 16]

@@gowalking, AMEN!!

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

Living well. That is all.

[The Candidate 3,215]

Being the only one in my immediate family who is overweight, let alone morbidly obese, I know exactly how you feel. I have two sisters and one brother who are and have always been of normal weight. For the most part they've never judged me, certainly never harsher than I judge myself.

Since I've undertaken this journey and have become my own advocate for WLS I find myself much more emotional than I normally am. All of those repressed feelings of inadequacies are much closer to the surface now. I cry at the drop of a hat whereas before I was like a suit of armour, nothing could penetrate my self-imposed shields. By opening myself up to hope again I've found that I'm also much more vernerable to off hand remarks and thoughtless insensitivity than I was before. It's almost like you have to step back a few paces before you can move forward again.

The other day I burst into tears and was putting myself down over my weight and my brother gets this panicked look in his eyes and blurts out: "Don't cry, you're fine. In fact, you know who my favorite actress is? Melissa McCarthy!" At first I was thinking, are you kidding me? That's your idea of comfort? But then I just burst out laughing. The bottom line is someone who isn't obese themselves can never understand how horrible it is, and no amount of love will ever give them the inside scoop. Doesn't mean they don't love you and it doesn't mean they are deliberately trying to hurt you with inconsiderate words and actions. They just live in a completely different world. Hang in there. Things will get better!

[flmommyof2 79]

I guess we all have someone in our family that can be negative or ignorant to our feelings but like y'all say, maybe they just don't really understand that it hurts the way it does. I guess someone who does not have a weight issue just doesn't understand how something they say could hurt so much. I have been overweight all my life. I watch carefully of how I speak of and to others. Thank you all for your comments. The support here feels amazing!

[Bandista 7,466]

@flmommyof2 That's what I love about this forum -- I can come here for support from people who really understand the issues and are compassionate, non-judgmental. food is such a hot button for all of us -- overweight or not -- and people can really be idiots sometimes. We have chosen ourselves and our healthy futures -- that's what's important.

[flmommyof2 79]

Amen to that @@Bandista! I love the support I have and feel here. So glad I found this forum. I can't wait to post before and after pics and tell everyone how much better I feel. I wish January would get here faster! Procedure class tomorrow!