This is my ultimate fear...

[Ky89 86]

So, I'm having gastric sleeve surgery on December 17 in Tijuana. I'm excited and nervous of course. My plan is to not tell anyone I'm having the surgery, I'm talking about zero people. I have a month off from work so I don't have to worry about that, and I live in Japan so I also don't have to worry about my parents or any other family members getting concerned about rapid weight loss.

But what I am most worried about is dying. Yes I know, many people have that fear, but I'm more afraid of a plane crash flying over than the actual surgery. And I do know planes are safer than cars, and I did make it safely on a 16 hour flight to Japan,back to America for visiting and then to Japan again, but that doesn`t mean my fear will go away anytime soon. I have this warped feeling that I am bad luck. Ever since I was a child people were dying on my birthday or after I've seen them recently and I do know the statistics of how many people die every second, hour, and day, but back then it was a little scary and that feeling has followed me into adulthood. I do know its silly and when its your time to go its just your time to go, but I've always had the notion that I'm not supposed to be happy in life. Like whenever something good happens something bad inevitably follows.

`Oh, Kyesia, you like this guy and he seems to like you too, NOPE, the army is going to station him in Alaska.` or

`Congratulations on passing that difficult exam...oh wait sorry that was a computer glitch, you failed` or

`Good for you, having the confidence to go out of your comfort zone and do something different...we cant have that so we`re going to have the most horrendous thing happen to you in front of thousands of people.`

Things like that. I know those examples aren't really bad, but for me they are/were.

But my fear is just I'm going to do something that can possibly make me feel happy and good about myself, but to not even make it there to see. And if nothing happens with flying over, then some type of complication during surgery. (knock on wood)

I wish I didn't have these fears, but its so hard to believe that if everything goes perfectly I would have the opportunity to be happy like normal people. Its what I want most in life. To be happy. And I would really like to think everyone has a purpose in this world, including me.

So if there's anyone who has continued reading my long ridiculous post, I would like to ask a favor...

If no one hears from me during the week of December 15 or the week after, could someone notify my parents?? Ahh I really hate to think like this, but its just in case some complications come up. I am on Facebook, Kyesia Green. My mom is on there also.

Sorry for being a debby downer guys

[GreenEyes604 753]

@@Ky89 Sweetheart it is quite normal to be nervous and afraid, but I promise you the last thing you need to worry about is an airplane crash. I am a certified meeting professional, and I have planned meetings all over the world, requiring me to travel to places like, China, India, Korea, Italy, Germany, just to mention a few. I used to have the same fears as you about long flights. That was until I watched a documentary on everything that an airplane is put through before it is allowed to carry passengers and take flight. Not to mention all the stress tests that every part of the aircraft are taken through.

After seeing that, I no longer had the looming fear that something bad was going to happen. Even in the event of some unforeseen accident aboard an aircraft, you would be stunned to know everything that can be done to avoid any serious accidents.

I have been on planes that have caught fire mid-flight, de-icing systems have completely failed, and even flew all the way to the United States from Paris, France after the electrical panels of the plane blew out of the rear of the plane, and the engines had to be "jump started".

After your flights are over, and you are safely back at home, you will look back and laugh at yourself. Don't worry about your flights. Worry about where you are going to get all the money from that you are going to need to buy all these new clothes that you thinner body is going to need.

You will be fine my dear. Don't put unnecessary stress on yourself. YOU GOT THIS!!

[Ky89 86]

Wow!!! That seems scary, but good to know things like that can happen but everyone is still completely safe...Maybe I should find some documentaries too, I think that would help. I already go over the statistics before I fly, so I bet watching a doc would help me even more!! Haha You have a good point, I should be concentrating on saving my money for clothes!!! Thank you!!!

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Seriously?!

I'll guarantee you that nobody here is going to send your mother a Facebook message and say: "Hey, your daughter must be dead, since she hasn't posted lately on a social media site I frequent."

Notifying next of kin in case of death is what airlines, hospitals, doctors do.

If you want to leave a message for your parents in case of your death, hire a lawyer who can forward your message/letter on to them in the case of your death -- and leave your lawyer's name as the contact person at the hospital when you check in. Or let your attorney know a month or two after your surgery is over that you're not dead and ask him not to send the letter to your parents.

If you're going to go this route and let no one know, then you have to make some grown-up arrangements. This is not a Facebook matter.

Edited November 5, 2014 by VSGAnn2014

[*Lexie* 1,486]

I have dealt with anxiety in the past and deal with it currently with my son. When I was pregnant, it intensified and I'm almost embarrassed to admit the things I worried about. I worried about getting in a car accident and having a miscarriage. I worried about falling and having a miscarriage. I worried about someone trying to steal my baby by cutting it out of me (saw that on a show once).

My point is, the brain fixates on these things when you have anxiety. Worrying that you might get in a car accident and die every time you drive, etc. And guess how a lot of us deal with anxiety? Oh yeah, with food. I read a book before surgery that helped, it's called Mastering your Anxiety Workbook. My psych recommended it because she could tell I still had some small anxiety issues.

I am not at all implying that you have anxiety. It's just that I have worried like that before and it's an awful feeling.

I have also had issues with flying and Xanax helps a lot. Just saying...

[Ky89 86]

Haha I definitely have anxiety. Self diagnosed. I think Xanax would definitely help me with flying. Thanks for the book title. I'll have to see if I can find it. I do wish I wouldn't stress so much about things, but I will say each time I fly it gets a little better. But still a long way to go before enjoying a flight and not crying as I board the plane ????

[deftonestiffany 17]

Oh sweetie, I feel for your worries it's not easy I just had surgery 6 days ago and went into it with an existing heart condition...and I was just fine go into this adventure thinking only positive thoughts, I know easier said than done button if u really feel it, it will happen they are going to take good care of you and u will be back here tellig is about ur experience in no time!

[Ky89 86]

I'm going to try to stay positive and read up on my safety statistics, that actually seems to help. How are you feeling right now? I assume everyday gets easier and better. I am definitely ready to just get this over with so I can start doing things normal people may take for granted.

[Miss Mac 6,262]

You could get flight insurance and name your parents as the beneficiaries. That way, if something did happen, the insurer would contact them. Also when you are doing paperwork to allow the surgeon to work on you, there will no doubt be section on the paperwork to name a contact person.

Having got that bothersome detail out of the way, work on building up courage (yeah the Xanax may help). John Wayne said this about having courage to get through something tough:

"Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway."

Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe said: "Whatever you can do, or dream you can - begin it. For boldness has genius, power, and magic in it."

Baby girl, you are worth whatever angst and aggravation you have to go through to get happy and healthy. Now get out there and enjoy your flight and the scenery below.

[Ky89 86]

@@Miss Mack I love those quotes!!! I'm going to try to enjoy the trip. I've never been to California so I am excited about seeing a little of it before waiting for my ride to Mexico. I'll try to look on the bright side of things.