female only an interesting talk about singles meeting

[CowgirlJane 14,260]

Using kindle so have to write real post as a reply..sigh...

[CowgirlJane 14,260]

I was at a Halloween dance party on Friday. I just started dating someone (although we are not to the committed relationship stage..only been a month) and he wasn't there due to a back injury. Anyway a small group of acquaintances, mixed company were talking about dating. Me and the other woman (younger than me,trim, pretty) both admitted we are seldom asked out. I mean out at a bar you always get some drunk trying to touch you and imply free Breakfast is included, but that is NOT being asked out. I don't hookup so I don't count those as "asked out" . Anyway at first the guys were incredulous....they couldn't believe it. Then, the hottest guy in the group looked at me and said "if I saw you at the checkout line or coffee shop I would assume you are taken and I don't stand a chance. It was quite an ago boost but confirmed my theory that I need to really be clear in expressing my interest in a man. I wonder if this happens to many of us...I do want to be asked (I don't want to be the pursuer) but if I chat with a nice attractive guy I shoud say something like.."I'd like to talk more" like I did when I met the guy in the parking lot. That opens the door and they can either ask for my number or not....low risk on both sides.

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

That just makes me wish more and more that I could move to Portland. There would be opportunities like that in the city.

Around here, I have to make sure they have teeth before I would even want to start a conversation. I so wish I could be a snow bird. I'd love leave here every winter, and find a hip, cool town where people who are over 60 don't have one foot in the grave already.

[hadouni 301]

I hear you. Men ignore me for the most part. I'm a bit reserved and definitely don't give off the "helpless and available" vibe. But it's hard to be other than you are, right?

[CowgirlJane 14,260]

Hadini, your post fits with a recent weird conversation. A good friend of mine was telling me about her cousin (who i have met) who has MORE THAN ONCE interferred with a marriage by the guy "falling in love with her". Apparently, she is really ditzy and helpless - not an act, an idiot.... and for a certain type, they fall over themselves wanting to "save her". It is interesting because i met her and she is average/cute, in her 60s, definately an appealing and fun woman, but not exactly a super model either. It is happening again... the husband of a neighbor is at her beck and call. Example, she was gone for a few months and before she headed back home she called him to vaccum her place because she can't stand the dead bugs. I don't think I have ever been in a relationship with a guy I would ask to do that, much less the husband of a neighbor!

I try very hard to be independant, and this little story makes me realize that I need to be true to myself, but perhaps allowing people to see my genuine vulnerability wouldn't be so bad. Perhaps there is something attractive about it.

[bikrchk 1,313]

I struggle with being "too strong" and "too independent" as well. I was out with my girlfriends discussing this when I first started dating again and here's what they said after reading my online profile... "I wanna BE you, but you'll scare the hell out of men"! Seriously? Then they went on to explain that in a relationship, the other person needs to feel like they have something to offer you. THAT part made sense to me. The me I was putting out there was SO "together" that guys were intimidated or didn't feel they had anything to offer me, so I toned it down a bit. Still "me", just take pains now to be a bit more vulnerable. I had to learn to let down some of those defenses. Been kicked in the stomach a couple times, but it helped a lot in my dating life!