Need help - What did I do wrong

[BigDude 22]

I am telling very few people about my surgery because for some reason I am worried about what they will think of me. I found out that my wife told some people (work, friends, her family) when I haven't even told my dad! When I told her I wanted to be in control of who knows she got upset at me! Am I just being unreasonable?

She is supportive and is even doing the preop diet with me. I don't want to lose her support but I feel like I need this control right now.

[smiley922 447]

I think it is your decision who to tell, but as you wife did not understand, make sure she does now, and forgive her. As they say, it can not be undone, but make sure she understands from here on out.

[MBM1Forever 107]

I agree that it isn't ok for your wife to tell. It is your body and your private business. She probably didn't think about it and that is why she became defensive. Maybe you could agree that going forward, no more telling!

[micmt 120]

I feel the same way. I have told my family but not hers. I spend more time with them than mine. I have not personally told them. I just did not want to be judged by them since they are all skinny. But she has been keeping them up to date. I did not realize it until last week. But what can you do. It's done. I'm not going to divorce my wife over it. Arguing about it is pointless. Let her know how you feel and tell her you love her and enjoy the make up session.

[BigDude 22]

As always, good advice. Thanks

[carriekos 25]

I haven't told anyone in my family or my husbands family. Less than a handful of friends know. I don't need nor what their opinions about my body and what I am choosing to do. My husband is supportive of my desicion and that is all that matters to me.

[cc1967 25]

I have told very few people and agree it really is your decision to tell or not to tell. Fact is, for both of us, once we begin having extreme weight loss, the questions are going to come. Then, we can lie and be judged, or tell the truth and be judged. I don't know about you but I know people already judge me for being 100 lbs overweight so if they judge me for "taking the easy way out" which this by no means is, to heck with them. I can't worry about it anymore. Surgery scheduled a week from tomorrow - woohoo!!!

[rmckellips 23]

I agree. For me, I started out not telling anyone about my decision except for husband and kids. After awhile, I thought I don't give a crap what people think and they would find something else to judge me about. Now, I don't care it's my decision not theirs. I had a Dr. I work with say, that seems so extreme to have surgery for weight loss. Wow! I wonder how he advices his morbidly obese patients? Oh, just diet and exercise..( been there done that!!!)

[Darcie46 32]

Oh THANK YOU for posting on this. My husband started out by "going to do the 2 week liquid diet with me". That can't and doesn't last. I even asked him to go back to eating so that one of us was in a normal state of mind for our kid.

But up to 3 weeks before my surgery date, I still had not told my Dad. As everyone on here has said - it's a mixture of reasons and fears. As days went by I expressed my hesitancy to tell my Dad. Finally one night he just yelled out "JUST TELL HIM - GOD!" Naturally, I shut down. I did tell my Dad. And ever since then (about a week or so) my Dad is well, reacting somewhat how I feared. A mix. Ugh. I don't think anyone understands unless they have been through this. There's just no way.

[DanFiero 3]

I have a co worker that let it out from day 1 what his plans were, at his highest weight people made comments and jokes(which is sad) but now almost a year post op he looks good and co workers have been more than supportive of his decision. I'm sure the comments about me are the same behind my back but I'm not worried about it and I have not told anyone at work about my plans and I'm sure I'll be supported when it comes to light what I'm doing. My family has been told and is very supportive, especially my parents. Surgery is on Monday so the journey really begins soon!!

[ready2B 263]

It's not unreasonable at all to want to decide who you tell and who you don't. I've purposefully not told certain people too. But on the other hand, I do understand a little why a spouse would want to tell a few people, because your spouse will need support too! This will be a very big life change for both of you. Your wife probably has some fears about your surgery, the risks, how it will change your lifestyle together, how you might change as a person, etc. So, she likely needs people she can talk to about all that. Because of this, I haven't put any restrictions on my husband as to who he can tell, I just asked that he be respectful, treat this as he would any other medical condition, and only tell others on a "need to know" basis.

[ladypoohbear 123]

I didn't tell anyone , but when people started noticing weight loss they asked how I'm doing it. I told them I had a gastric bypass. They are like....wow cool.

[Mommabird 367]

My husband and kids know that I'm having an RNY. I also told my sister as she has scheduled her vacation to come visit and I might be having surgery during the time she's here. My husband doesn't want his family told as neither one of us want to hear all the crap we'll get from his oldest sister, Miss Doom and Gloom.

[Darcie46 32]

My surgery is on monday (Nov 10) as well, dan! Cheers to a great monday!

[Lkk0158 39]

I have 4 children. My oldest is a girl she new and so does her husband. My son 21 new also because he's in college and living home. My husband did not want me to tell many ppl. I just told my other 2 boys this pass weekend and their wives. So with that said I have come to a place in the past 5 months that I really don't care what ppl think. As my daughter would say at the end of the day you have to be happy. Surgery December 4th