Almost cried today

[highdesertblue 70]

Oh, I feel for you! I have to insist on them using my forearm now. I also have fibromyalgia and on the upper arm, my pain level goes up to a 9 out of 10. And then they do it again because it got an error. I also like when they use the type that go on the wrist. I can't wait until my upper arms are smaller! Keep up your momentum. December is not far away!

[della street 213]

Oh boy, do we all know how you feel -- the BP cuff; the large-size gowns that they have to go hunt for because they're not kept in each exam room; the one-size-fits-all (ha!) paper gowns that you need two of and that keep tearing as you try to fit into/cover yourself. My PCP once sent me to get a baseline bone-density scan - I arrived; signed in; woman called me back; first stop was the scale. I was actually pleased because I'd lost 9 lbs on my own (still was over 300 however). So I'm kind of happy to myself about my weight loss, then she took me into an exam room, I assumed to get into a gown or something to get ready for the scan. She chatted a couple minutes, and I began to think it was a little strange/just was getting weird vibes, I don't know how else to explain it - then she told me that their machine only goes up to 300 pounds, so they can't do my test and I'll have to go to the "special" scan place that has larger equipment. I found myself with a frozen smile on my face and profusely apologized for wasting her time (ie, apologizing for being too fat), and managed to practically run out the door to my car, where I promptly broke down sobbing. So, we do *get* it, so rant away --

[Leepers 1,195]

I went on a trip for work. I was so heavy I couldn't reach around my belly to get the seat belt on the airplane snapped. I had to have my coworker help me. Even then, it barely fit. Thankfully it was a female. I remember that moment with so much shame, but it has also been a very motivating memory, along with a few others. Best wishes on your journey.

[finediva 979]

@@della street. OMG! How horrible. I'm so sorry you had to experience that. Your story had me right there in the room with you, then in your car sobbing. Hopefully, you will never have to endure this type of humiliation EVER again.

[della street 213]

Thanks @@finediva - we've all experienced millions of humiliations like these, from BP cuffs to seat belts to everything in between. Here's one -- Toyota would only sell you a seatbelt extender if they measured you in your car to make sure you needed it and it fit right. On the one hand, I can see their liability concerns - on the other, NOT GONNA HAPPEN. I was able to order one online for my son's Ford, so when I drove it, I could buckle the belt. When I (rarely, thank goodness...) drive daughter's Toyota, I don't buckle up --- because I can't --- and I was NOT going to go the dealer and have some service tech MEASURE me -- yea right...

[della street 213]

Leepers, I totally understand -- feel shame every time I fly and ask for an extender -- and last time we took a trip, I bought two seats -- luckily, we had frequent flier miles, but every leg of the trip, I had to explain to the gate agent, and then to flight attendants, that the seat next to me was not empty, I bought two tickets -- and oh yes, can I please have an extender. UGH. Can't wait for surgery - orientation in a few days -- so at least I'm heading in the right direction...

[gowalking 10,790]

Oh...OK. We're gonna go there huh? Well...how about needing a special device to get an MRI of my knee? Yup. my leg was too large for it to fit in the leg rest that goes in the machine. They had to put a different rest on the table for my leg to sit on. And the last mammogram I had before WLS, I had to wear two gowns...one with the opening in the back and another with the opening in the front because nothing fit well enough to keep me covered. Oh god...the humiliation. Just thinking about that now makes me cringe. Hang in there all you pre-op folks. I have no issues anymore...not after losing 145 lbs. It will happen for you as well.

[Ky89 86]

Oh...OK. We're gonna go there huh? Well...how about needing a special device to get an MRI of my knee? Yup. my leg was too large for it to fit in the leg rest that goes in the machine. They had to put a different rest on the table for my leg to sit on. And the last mammogram I had before WLS, I had to wear two gowns...one with the opening in the back and another with the opening in the front because nothing fit well enough to keep me covered. Oh god...the humiliation. Just thinking about that now makes me cringe. Hang in there all you pre-op folks. I have no issues anymore...not after losing 145 lbs. It will happen for you as well.

Oh I can imagine how uncomfortable that was. My mom is an MRI technologist and she scanned me a couple of times just to check the machine and it's definitely a tight fit!! Not to mention having to lay on my back on the hard surface. It was so hard to stay still. I think all the pre-op peeps are anxious to start a new life, myself included. December can't get here fast enough!!

[OCSlim 63]

So I live in Japan, and it's a beautiful country but every time I step outside of my apartment All I see are beautiful and skinny Japanese girls. It does get depressing at times. But, on to my story.

I had to go to the lady clinic today, and after an hour and a half of waiting for a 5 second chat with the doctor for my refills, she says the nurse will need to check my blood pressure. Not so bad right?? Well that is actually the depressing part of my visits. My blood pressure is fine, but they always have to get the next size up on the arm thing to check my BP. And now that I write this I feel stupid for getting so upset over that but it's a little embarrassing to have this tiny size 0 Japanese girl attempt to take my bp only to try to shove my fat arm into the wrap and then have to go get a bigger size because it's too small.

I'm having my gastric sleeve surgery in December and I'm just ready to start my life over and not get so emotional when something small happens.

Sorry about the rant.

Bless your heart. I can just feel your shame and humiliation. You're safe to bring all that here, and remember...next year at this time, all those feelings will be behind you!

[Ky89 86]

Yes, I`m definitely excited to see how things are like next year!!

[Meme713 18]

does any of you have instagram accounts where you are sharing your journey through pics.

[Dabliss111114 180]

Bless your heart. I know exactly what you're feeling. I've been in that same situation more times than I care to count. It's so hard to be big in today's world, especially when everything is made for the "average person", who seems to be getting smaller and smaller in size.

I panic at the thought of going somewhere like a sporting event or a play, knowing that I'll be too big for the seat, but still trying to squeeze into it. I know people around me are judgemental and it makes me feel even worse about myself.

Right now I'm praying that my father in law, who is very old and ill can hang in there for at least 4-6 months because if my husband and I needed to go to his bedside, or his funeral, I wouldn't be able to fit in an airplane seat. This thought brings me terrible anxiety.

My surgery is on Nov. 11.. I'm so happy to have found this group. We all are on a journey towards a new life,,,, one that's long overdue for so many of us, and together we can all be successful, healthy and happier.

[della street 213]

...or there was the time a skinny-minny completely clueless new OB-GYN I was sent to for a biopsy kept shaking her head about 'how she didn't know if she could do the biopsy since when you're big on the outside, you're big on the inside too...' -- saying this while her gloved hand is inside me feeling for my ovaries - obviously already a pretty vulnerable position, both physically and emotionally -- then she started going on about how she might have to call in "a special team" to help her "because I was so big" -- but I just bore-down, gritted my teeth and did what I could physically to help her get what she needed (sorry if TMI...) -- then after getting my biopsy results (thank God was fine...), I NEVER went back to her -- she gave me some serious PTSD about OB-GYN visits, that's for sure... sooooo glad we're all on our way to a better life in so many ways ---

Edited October 31, 2014 by della street

[shellyd88 463]

Ok that pisses me off she did that just to make u feel bad. There is no truth to what she said at all I don't blame u for not going back however that's what they want to not see u again I've been told by many diff types of drs that they could not help me or that I'd have to lose weight and come back they treat elderly people the same way they are disgusted by certain kinds of people and would rather not have to deal with them so much for "do no harm" right it's like they can disrespect us and deny us care and it's perfectly acceptable

[definiendum 8]

I read your post and thought to myself -- I wasn't alone! I had a similar experience in Tokyo this past May after coming back from eating sushi with family in Shibuya. I'm half Japanese and very hyperaware of the societal pressure that particular culture places on being fit... I travel to Japan and back several times a year to see family only to constantly have to ford through the comments in Japanese (which I speak and understand in fluency) about my weight. In Shibuya, a young 20 something saw my husband and I walking towards the subway station and commented that I looked like a bowling ball rolling towards them to knock them over like pins... I can't tell you the mix of feelings it brought to mind hearing him say those things (assuming likely that I didn't understand Japanese). That incident was the one that pushed me to really begin the WLS process.

My advice to you (for your sanity) in Japan is to remember that despite its progressive appearance it always has one foot in the past... and because of that the Japanese can't always accept appearances out of their cultural norms. Aside from the normal foreigner discrimination you've probably had to put up with, I'm sure it's tough to always keep a positive mindset, but keep your chin up and know that we're all rooting for you! Hang in there! You can do it!