Has anyone become single as a result of their weight loss surgery?

[Eclectick 129]

You guys will get a kick out of this story: I met this guy about 5 years ago, we started off as friends which turned to friends with benefits, while all this was going on..he kept telling me we were just friends....well we did EVERYTHING together including 1.5 yrs later moving in with each other but it only lasted about a year when problems arose with his adult kids (that's another story) but I moved out...we didn't talk to each other for about 6 months I actually was so mad at him for the way things went down, but anyway.. from what I heard, he was miserable after I left but didn't hesitate to have sex with every female he could find, including with the 2 most hated women in my life.

We started talking again, and became "weekend" friends with benefits AGAIN, eventually I was asked to move back in...I hesitated but since I fell so head over heals for him the first time..I couldn't let go. Little did I know, when I moved in..the sex stopped...no kissing, no hugging...nada...so I asked him...um..whats up? He said living together is one thing...he didn't want things to get complicated by having sex since we are just friends. I was like in shock..now that I had given up my apartment to come to this?..I told him, had I known you were going to do this..I wouldn't have moved in...no response from that.

Anyway...I let it go..but we have been living together now a little over 2 years...we do EVERYTHING together, we sleep in the same bed..we go to family outings (both sides) together..he goes to the store and actually thinks of me...he buys me some of my favorite goodies I like....we actually have a friendship that is 100% similar to a marriage, everyone we know...introduces us as boyfriend & girlfriend and he doesn't correct them. .but yet to him..we are just best friends.

He is so supportive of my surgery....and knows that I am so excited about this...being thinner and healthier that I am afraid that when I do lose weight he might start getting closer to me..would I like that? sure since I love him so much..but why wont he admit that we actually have a relationship? Was it my weight preventing him from announcing to everyone he was in a relationship with a fat girl?...is he just a commitment phobe? Or will this be my chance to actually find someone else...who knows.

Kinda weird huh? would love to hear your thoughts on that icky situation!!

[Sleeve_Sistah85 193]

@@RDYNEWME

I am so sorry you guys are going through this. Maybe taking your spouse to a support group will help.

[LidiBell 86]

I am 6 months out from surgery and my husband and I have started having problems. I have actually already put a deposit down on an apartment. He gets so upset about anything I do. If I post a picture of just me on Facebook, he says it is all about me. He says I have changed. Of course I have, I am more confident, I care more about what I look like all the time. I am not ashamed to say, "at this time, it IS ALL about me". I feel better than I have in a very long time. I love him more than life, but I cannot deal with the issues at hand. I feel great physically and want to feel just as great emotionally.

[robga999 129]

ok,I have to say that I really wanted to do this surgery and im very happy I did it.but my husband is extremely over weight also and sorry to say I told him he needed to do it also because I was not going to do this by myself if he wasn't going to be able to work with me.in other words I told him that his health issues along with mine are not worth the food and that all we have in common the past few years is eating out all the time.its like everything revoves around food!so anyway he is scheduled for dec 3rd.im so happy because I really don't think it would last between us if we wernt in this together.its hard when your tryig to make yourself healthy and your partner doesn't.his health issues far outnumber mine and hes 9yrs yunger then me!i just couldn't sit back and watch him killing himself with all his issues while im trying to be healthy.so yes I ve him the ultimatum.get healthy with me or im out of here.

[Introvert 53]

@eclecktic---- no sex at all in 2 years? While sleeping in the same bed? I don't know, I'm thinking there's gotta be more to this. He can't be ashamed because like you said, he doesn't correct when people introduce you as a couple. Does he mind if you see someone else since your JUST friends? ....

[chellede 352]

As some have said the divorce rate after surgery is high.

Not necessarily because someone has more confidence... there's MANY Factors...

But you can take a person, have them lose a significant amount of weight, and not expect THINGS to change.

Here's some of the things... there's a lot more

- WL person has more energy and wants to do more. Spouse hasn't changed and so a separation begins

- Spouse becomes jealous ... either they can't lose weight, or of other people.. or hundreds of different reason for them o be jealous

- WL person is getting more attention and not sure how to handle it

- Change of interest from WL individual.

- biggest. Non communication about the issues and feelings of the changes the WL person is having.

PLEASE.. if you are thinking of having surgery or just had surgery. Get counseling. Make sure your spouse and you have a good head on your shoulders. If problems come up, get yourself to counseling before things escalate.

[Jersrose43 837]

@chellede. Couldn't agree more. Many folks have commented and sounds like you had a rocky relationship or stressed one already and this was just a catalyst for change.

I am very lucky that my hubby is completely supportive and on board.

He loves me today and 62 pounds heavier too.

Not jealous now or then.

Together for 25 years just last week and 21 of those married.

[Eclectick 129]

@@Introvert I am serious, although he did try to have sex with me when he had too many beers about 6 months ago, and needless to say..it wasn't very good nor was it like we used to have, but in turn, I used to drink along with him..and it was a fun thing for us...but I don't drink anymore..and I don't really care when he gets drunk..I don't mind him having a few beers every now and then..but to get drunk around him..is not fun anymore..but that was the first and ONLY time he/we have had any intimacy...since I moved back in. I have never brought up seeing someone else, he knows how I feel about him so I am thinking he knows I would never see anyone else unless I moved out.

You would think there would be more to it, but that's it..in a nut shell...honest to god.

I am just guessing that he has me around so he is not alone..but if he should find someone else...he can honestly say we aren't in a relationship so I owe you nothing...not really sure he would play it that way...it's very difficult for me to understand as well...I have no answers!!

I just turned 50, and have told him plenty of times, I am tired of games...and if he doesn't want to just live life with me and be happy than we can part ways...he just turned 45 (but looks 50) still handsome in my eyes..but he doesn't seem to be looking or wanting to look for someone else.

As I said....very weird!!

[Babbs 14,681]

This may not be a very popular opinion, but I truly believe if you are having or had problems because of WLS, you had problems before WLS. I think the surgery just exasperates the issues in a relationship/marriage. People don't split up BECAUSE of weight loss surgery. Hind sight is 20/20, and I'm sure those of you who's relationships have ended after weight loss surgery can admit that there were problems before.

That being said, this is why it's VERY IMPORTANT for some to seek some kind of counseling before and after this surgery. It is a huge upheaval to you and your families lives, and if you have a tumultuous life anyway, this surgery will throw one more wrench in it. I think a healthy mind is just as important as a healthy body.

[woo woo 872]

@@Eclectick my thoughts are that he is telling you straight up, he just wants you as a friend and not as a spouse or real relationship.

Move out, get your own place.

You can stay friends with him if you want, but you're not giving yourself a chance to find a real relationship as long as you are living with this man in this quasi-relationship/friendship.

Just my thoughts!

Edited October 28, 2014 by woo woo

[Eclectick 129]

@@woo woo I agree, it's time to move on....however, I am financially not in a position right now to move out...I have surgery coming up in 24 days which requires my $2,000.00 deductable...but I'm thinking a few months after surgery when I am through the rough spots of post-op....just have to work around my car & motorcycle payments that I aquired after moving in...before I moved in...my other car was paid off, and my first motorcycle was paid off...silly me..traded both in for new...and the payments that come along with it...arggg.

I was reluctant to do this, because he knew eventually I was going to move out..but again..silly me..allowed him to talk me into it. He got a new truck and motorcycle as well.

[Jacqbult 112]

@@Introvert I am serious, although he did try to have sex with me when he had too many beers about 6 months ago, and needless to say..it wasn't very good nor was it like we used to have, but in turn, I used to drink along with him..and it was a fun thing for us...but I don't drink anymore..and I don't really care when he gets drunk..I don't mind him having a few beers every now and then..but to get drunk around him..is not fun anymore..but that was the first and ONLY time he/we have had any intimacy...since I moved back in. I have never brought up seeing someone else, he knows how I feel about him so I am thinking he knows I would never see anyone else unless I moved out.

You would think there would be more to it, but that's it..in a nut shell...honest to god.

I am just guessing that he has me around so he is not alone..but if he should find someone else...he can honestly say we aren't in a relationship so I owe you nothing...not really sure he would play it that way...it's very difficult for me to understand as well...I have no answers!!

I just turned 50, and have told him plenty of times, I am tired of games...and if he doesn't want to just live life with me and be happy than we can part ways...he just turned 45 (but looks 50) still handsome in my eyes..but he doesn't seem to be looking or wanting to look for someone else.

As I said....very weird!!

I was in a relationship like this, kinda. I was sick of being unsure of where things were going when I knew where I wanted them to go. I finally just said...I want more from a relationship and we are wasting each others time. I went on to say the ball ins in his court and moved back to my Apt full time. With in 2 weeks he was back and committed and we have been married for 14 yrs.

[Seymour1971 55]

I met my hubby at 18... I was FINE FINE. We went our own ways for 20 years and got married 4 years ago.. he still loved me 100 lbs Heavier. He is quietly supportive of the WLS. I love him and we have never been happier. I wouldn't mind if men flirted more, and I don't worry about my straying eyes. Even at this weight I have guys trying to flirt. Not tempted at all.

[Mrs. Reid 392]

I'm not in a relationship (thankfully) but I am losing my best friend. She has turned into a painfully polite person at work, but doesn't talk to me like she once did. She had the bypass a decade ago but gained back a lot of weight. She has been working out for the past year and has lost a bit, but when she found out I was going for the surgery she has since started distancing herself from me. It was hurtful at first but now I feel like she was not a real friend in the first place. Hindsight is 20/20 and now I see that there were problems in the friendship that I glossed over because she was my BFF. After the surgery, my life is going to change, and how I pick my friends is also going to change.

[Dmclaren83 21]

I met my current boyfriend just as I had decided to do the surgery and starting the program. He has some worries about how I'll be when I'm skinny, and we've talked about it. I could not see myself caring less for him as I get smaller, especially after the way he has taken care of me post-op. Only made me care more about him.