How I Prepare for Surgery Part 3 - My Soul

[Jonathan Blue 311]

The final thing I did to prepare myself for surgery was probably one of the most emotional and religious experiences for me. This is a very tough topic to write about so I will do my best to do so with tact and reverence. This part of preparing for surgery made me look deep into my soul and ask some really tough questions. The last thing I needed to do before surgery was prepare my soul. The hardest question I had to ask myself was what if the worst should happen? How would I handle it?

With surgery there are risks and having a full gastric bypass is no exception. It is a risky procedure and you need to be prepare for any of the complications that arise. How worth it is it to you to be skinny if you could never keep solid food down ever again and had to drink your nutrition? How worth it is being healthy to you if you wound up needing a colostomy bag for the rest of your life? How would you handle it if you woke up in an ICU attached to machines and tubes? What happens if you are in a coma, how long do they wait to pull the plug? WHAT IF I DIE?

All of these questions are really really scary and I wouldn't blame you if you were thinking about calling your surgeon right now to tell them to shove off. Believe me I thought about it. I also thought about all the things I wanted to do and realized there is a small chance of these things happening and it was worth the gamble. I was taking a chance on me and my future, my health, and my life. I wasn't going to have much of a life if I didn't so I had nothing to lose.

The point of this post is not to be morbid or to scare you. It is simply to prepare you to think about every aspect of this surgery. That includes the worst. There will be plenty of people talking about these things with you, but you will ultimately need to come to terms with them on your own and in your own way. There will be people asking you to sign paperwork to say how long to keep you on life support before they pull the plug. There will be papers asking who will make medical decisions if you are in a coma and can't answer. That is something to really think about. Your life is in their hands. You also will need to sign paperwork, should go south, if you don't want them to try and save you.

This is why I say that you need to prepare your soul. You may be heading straight for a code brown in the pants with me talking about all of these horrific things to think about, but let me tell you that it is worth the risk. Many of us got to the size we were because we gave up on ourselves and just stopped caring. IT"S TIME TO START!

I was in a support group with Phil, who had surgery 4 months before I had met him at the group. I changed the gentleman's name for his protection and HIPPA. A woman had pushed him into the room sitting in a wheelchair. I was interested to see what he had to say when it became his time to speak and I was completely shocked by what I heard.

Phil explained how his pre-surgery weight was over 680 lbs. He was wheelchair bound, housebound, and had even contemplated suicide. He decided to have the surgery and worst case scenario he would get his wish and his life would be over. He said the surgery was rough with the surgeon needing to do a hand assist on him. The nurse had told him that the doctor was up to his shoulder in his abdomen trying to get everything where it needed to be and patched up. By this point I was just transfixed by his story.

Phil went on to explain how in the last 4 months since surgery he had not been able to keep anything down at all. Everything he ate, including Water sometimes, would come back up within a few minutes of eating. He told the group how he had been in the hospital on nine separate occasions because of dehydration during which time and how he struggled a lot with why things had not gone according to plan. I was feeling really guilty at this point that my surgery had gone so well and I was supposed to share my story right after this.

Then to my surprise Phil smiled. Not just a faint grin, but a giant ear to ear, light up the room kind of grin. I was even more confused by this. He explain how he didn't want anyone to feel sorry for him. I thought he was crazy. Crazy Phil, I thought about calling him. It was at this point that he stood up from his chair and started walking around the perimeter of the room. As he walked he explained that he had not been able to stand up and walk without pain in almost 15 years and that in the 4 months since the surgery he had lost almost 180lbs! He said that the stuff he had been through since surgery had sucked, but that he would go through all of it every day for the rest of his life if it meant he could keep walking like he was.

You see, Phil made the decision going into surgery that he was worth the risk. His life was worth risking. The benefits far outweighed the gamble. To him, the ability to walk and move and do all the things he thought he would never do again were worth not being able to keep down solid food. It was worth the hospital stays. It was worth every single complication he had to endure since having surgery.

Phil is my hero. That day in group his story just floored me. It has truly been one of the most inspirational stories I have ever heard from another weight loss patient. I have done a lot of amazing things in the last year, but I did all of it with no complications. I just can't say it enough. Phil is my inspiration.

Keep in mind moving forward as you prepare for surgery that what you are doing is not free of risk. Bad things can happen. Complications could arise. Though the risk is very small there is still risk, you could die. Just remember, like Phil demonstrated to me, it is worth the risk. You are worth the risk. So pull up your funderwear, rub some dirt on it, get tough, and take the risk because you are worth going all in for.

If you have an questions or comments feel free to post them below and I will try to answer each and every one of them. Also, please share these posts around so others can benefit from the knowledge of how to prepare for their weight loss surgery.

[NewJeffrey 84]

Wow!! That's an awesome story. I really needed to hear it. My surgery is November 4th and I was very excited about getting on with the next phase of this journey, but as I get closer the REAL fears of potential complications confront me. Especially after sharing with my children (ages; 14, 11, and 6) of what Daddy is getting ready to do, and why? I was faced with my own mortality. Thank you for sharing "Phil's" story.

[Jonathan Blue 311]

Jeffrey,

No problem. I think it is a story that needs to be shared. We all face these same questions going into surgery and none of them are easy to answer. My one year surgiversary is on November 4. Keep up the hard work and check out some of my other posts on how I prepared for surgery. The would probably be very helpful for you. If you have trouble finding them on here, they are all on my blog as well.

Best of Luck,

[NewJeffrey 84]

Jonathan,

Thank you once again. How do I access your blog?

[Jonathan Blue 311]

Here is the link. You can also follow me on Facebook and Twitter from there as well as sign up for email alerts whenever I post something new.

http://wakingupfromheavysetdreams.blogspot.com/

[ShonIsLove 64]

Thank you for your transparency and for sharing Phil's story. My surgery was October 20th and all the questions you listed ran through my mind. I'm very thankful that I have not had any complications thus far. Today I am truly Inspired by your post and I am looking forward to the days, weeks, months and years ahead on this journey.

[MisforMimi 760]

Gaaaaaaaah!!!! Jonathan! I've been following happily along with this series and this the one I've wanted to skip. I have truly not wanted to go full into the depths of these questions. I've been more wanting to think about how I will make a weekly date for grocery shopping and food prep, how I could avoid taking my blood pressure mediation, how I would avoid getting my toes or legs cut off, how I could get down on the floor with my 4 year old, the list goes on and on. But for the morbidly obese and relatively young (I turn 38 on Sunday) and relatively healthy, I've only got two disease processes threatening me (arthritis I acquired very young) and high blood pressure, the process has not been so much thinking if the risk outweighs the benefit in the moment but more like if I continue down this path toward more weight and health complications THEN does the risk outweigh the potential benefits?? The answer is Yes. All day every day. But what about the time between the now and then? I'm having a hard time admitting defeat accepting that in all these years I've only gained it back. But again relatively young and relatively healthy NOW. It's this decision making based on forward leaping, or the fast forwarding that I get stuck on sometimes. I think I've accumulated a fair amount of luck in this life, resilience or some people call it. My grandmother lived til she was in her nineties and her heart just slowed to a stop one night. The diseases of my parents are lifestyle diseases, sleep apnea, diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol- loose weight and they go away. No-one other than my grandmother has died in my family. No complications with surgeries, no infections, no problems with anesthesia, no cancer, no systemic lung, heart, kidney problems. Nothing. The odds feel stacked in my favor, but statistically I feel like I'm knocking on wood.....don't want to get lost in the gravity of it all, but these are things I need to think about. So, thank you.

[Jonathan Blue 311]

MisforMimi,

I agree with you completely. It was a very hard post to write. I get a little choked up even now that its over just thinking about it. The best part about it, is though it is rough, it will be one of the parts of your journey that will begin to show you just how strong and just how determined you are. Thinking about it now, I am so glad I had to deal with it because it made me realize all the reasons I was doing the surgery and that it was worth every risk I was taking.

Thank you so much for your kind words. I know you will do amazing. I promise it will be something you will never forget. Taking back your life and experiencing this amazing journey is a privilege very few have. Savor and enjoy every bit of it, the good and the bad.

[Fireweed56 8]

Thank you. Your post has helped me tremendously. I will probably come back to it several times up to my surgery. And I'll remember post surgery to feel lucky to have made a change in my life no matter the outcome.

[little_mrs 145]

Thank you for posting!!!????

[gwunderle 25]

It is a good idea to look at the condition of your soul prior to a major life changing event like WLS. I believe that our soul is eternal-goes on forever. Our bodies are temporary. I plan to go on a retreat a few days prior to my surgery. I want to get right with God. If the surgery goes well, I will have, Lord willing, a strong mind, strong body, and strong soul. Please pray for me- my surgery date is Jan 6- I will pray for you.

Peace!

Greg

[MBM1Forever 107]

I really have to believe that there is so much variation in practice and this must have to do with these kind of horror stories. (I get the point that Phil didn't think that). I see or read or hear of those who start eating solids within a few days with seeming no restriction, I hear about those who have had zero preparation, have done no psychological work, and those who think this is the magic bullet. I wonder if these are not in the same group of folks who have the ulcers, strictures, and bowel obstruction? I am not casting judgement on those who do not have the benefit of an obesity program. I do think that the process I have had to follow (which is about a year long if you hurry) will prepare me to give the surgery the best shot at being successful and at me being successful with the new restrictions. I actually worry for those who just sign up and have the surgery in a few weeks. It seems unconscionable to me to have surgeons do this life changing surgery without properly preparing the patient. I am not saying this is what happened to Phil or to others I have spoken with on this site, it just strikes me that some of these issues might be avoided when the patient is better prepared and has ALL of the information. Frankly, my program is driving me crazy with the waiting, but I do know one thing, I will have given it the best I can.