Why? Why? Why?

[Band Chick 3]

Why am I so fat????!!!!! Why are other as big as me and bigger? It's not like I am enjoying a single minute of this. I am so miserable and can't function in life normally-- like even walking and breathing. Why can't I just stop bending my elbow?

Oprah says you won't be able to keep the weight off until you find the reason you over-eat. I can give a million reasons why I eat. I'm very busy with five kids and business. I love the taste of food. I eat to Celebrate. I eat when I'm emotional. I was raised in a house and society that was very superficial and pressuring. Bla, bla, bla... BUT I'm miserable this way and I have been trying to stop this for years and can't just stop overeating and lose weight. WHY?

Is it just lack of willpower? Is it genetics somehow? Is it a mental illness? It seems like it should be so easy to not get fat or lose weight. Why is this so hard? I work so hard and fail every time.

I would LOVE to hear your insights into this! Please post any thoughts you have.

[Wheetsin 714]

IMO - becaues in some way you get more out of being fat than being thin.

People confuse this as "You want to be fat."

But they're very different. Few claustrophobes want to be afraid of confined spaces, but they still are. That's because there are some things the mind takes care of autonomously.

Many people get many different things from being fat. Security, protection, control, etc.

"I eat to celebrate" and "I eat when I'm emotional" are the same thing, really - both focused on an emotional connection to food. Pay attention to how you feel when you're eating. Especially when you're eating without being hungry, or eating beyond the point of being full. What's on your mind? What emotional state are you in? Etc.

Most people can accomplish just about anything they really put their minds to. Few people can accomplish sustained weightloss on their own. So there's something interrupting that drive, eh?

[anonemouse 1]

IMO - becaues in some way you get more out of being fat than being thin.

People confuse this as "You want to be fat."

But they're very different. Few claustrophobes want to be afraid of confined spaces, but they still are. That's because there are some things the mind takes care of autonomously.

Many people get many different things from being fat. Security, protection, control, etc.

"I eat to celebrate" and "I eat when I'm emotional" are the same thing, really - both focused on an emotional connection to food. Pay attention to how you feel when you're eating. Especially when you're eating without being hungry, or eating beyond the point of being full. What's on your mind? What emotional state are you in? Etc.

Most people can accomplish just about anything they really put their minds to. Few people can accomplish sustained weightloss on their own. So there's something interrupting that drive, eh?

I agree. I was a very self-conscious child. Being fat meant that no one noticed me. It's protection, as sad as it sounds.

[areellady 1]

Wheetsin, that is such a good point to pay attention to your eating..you know most of the time the fork just has to be taped to the table or thrown away to quit eating...WHY? Who knows..it tastes sooo good that one more bite becomes just one more and one more...then its all gone...and I think some of it has to do with the "Eat everything on your plate" that most of us heard as kids...I NEVER told my kids to eat everything on their plate...My FIL used to get so mad at me because I wouldnt make my kids sit there and eat everything on their plate if they had taken it. So what? IF you think about it...you are really wasting food every time you eat because you just sh*t it out anyways...so who cares if it gets wasted....WOW...dont know where that big rant came from ..sorry..Deanna

[Band Chick 3]

I wanted to let you know I read your replies and have been thinking about them for days. I appreciate every last word. I'm still not sure that I really understand "why". Here's what I do know:

I do hide behind my weight and it has been a kind of self-filled prophecy-- I now look as big as I've always felt.

I was having a down day and couldn't get cheered up. I thought let's go get dinner from Baja Fresh and all of a sudden I was happy. I enjoyed driving to get it, eating it and the rest of the night went better. food made me HAPPY. Ugh!

[isabelle290 0]

I think a lot of it has to do with using food to cover up emotions and deal with the pain in life. Sometimes when I watch those shows about drug interventions, I think- I have a food adiction and the band is my intervention! I love Oprah, but it is a lot harder for lots of us because we can't afford personal trainers and chefs to help us along the way (nor do we have the time with kids!)

[Elisabethsew 50]

Food is your comfort. It's the medication that relieves stress. What you've got to learn to do is recognize what factors bring on the stress and then find healthier ways of dealing with it. It's what all food addicted people need to do. Actually putting it into practice is very difficult. Are you banded?

[Band Chick 3]

food is your comfort. It's the medication that relieves stress. What you've got to learn to do is recognize what factors bring on the stress and then find healthier ways of dealing with it. It's what all food addicted people need to do. Actually putting it into practice is very difficult. Are you banded?

That's it! You're absolutly right! O.K. So now I need to find healthy ways to deal with stress. Any advice? What do you do?

I'm not yet banded. I'm preparing to make this 100% successful.

[lor 0]

From my own experience, being upset about being fat, as painful as it is, is a distraction from being upset about other things...relationships, money, family, etc. I used to do most of my eating at night before bedtime, then get into bed and chastise myself for being fat and having no willpower. After I first was banded I had to be on liquids for two weeks. For those two weeks that I wasn't eating, I got into bed with an empty stomach and felt so sad and lonely and even cried myself to sleep once or twice. I realized that all the anger I had about overeating actually saved me from having to feel all the sadness and emptiness inside me. I am now able to eat (my first fill is June 4th) and I am definitely back to my old ways. But I now know that I have quite a journey ahead of me after my fil(s)l. I will have to deal with some issues in my life that I've been able to literally and figuratively "cover up" with eating and being fat. So when Wheetsin says you may "get more from being fat than being thin," I think this is what she's talking about.

[edieparks 2]

Now I "medicate" with activity. Visiting neighbors , friends , shopping (oops) , exercise , cleaning , etc.

I used to think I should go see... but never did.

good luck

edie

[SPOILED ROTTEN 0]

Band Chick~I completely understand what you are going thru. Our emotions do control our eating sometimes. WE need to control the food. With the band you kinda have control what you eat to become healthier.I still find at times when I am upset and emotional I want to go look in the frig and gorge, but I can't. You may want to seek some kind of help like a shrink. I think it helps. I find that as I get older I don't let other people bother me so I don't become emotionally upset and want to run for the food. I find now that I have lost 59 lbs that I do seem happier due to feeling better. I was so big at one point (don't laugh) it was hard to wipe my butt. I was at 314lbs and MISERABLE. My husband is and was supportive saying he loved me no matter what. If you don't have support like this-look in the mirror and remind yourself that you are wonderful, beautiful and you love yourself no matter what. You have you!!! You have to love yourself and remember that you do.