Petrified and Excited

[lovestoned 0]

Hi everyone! I don't normally join forums like this but once I saw that lapbandtalk existed, I knew immediately that I should join. I am currently undergoing the pre-surgical process for approval for lapband. In fact, my endoscopy is tomorrow :phanvan. I guess I'm a little nervous because I've never had a procedure like that done...I've never been sedated before:rolleyes I'm surprised that I'm having surgery period because I'm usually scared of EVERYTHING and I'm very fatalistic! I always imagine the worst for myself...which is one of the reasons why I'm doing the Lapband and not the Gastric Bypass. However, my life has brought me down this path and now I have to face the consequences. I blame myself for getting this big. I don't have anyone else to blame. I was a child of normal weight and as a teenager I didn't weigh more than 115 lbs. However, I was never satisfied, I always felt like I needed to lose weight...instead I gained 142 lbs. I'm currently 31 years old, 5'1 and weigh 257 lbs. I know ppl look at me like "why did she do that to herself" I couldn't answer that because I don't even know why I did this to myself!! Right now, despite the fear, I know I've made a good decision. I feel comfortable having decided to get the lapband...I can live with that decision. I'm just sad that it had to come to this and I'm frustrated and worried with the things that some ppl say regarding lapband. Just today my boss asked if I remembered an overweight woman that we met a few days ago, so I said "yes" and she goes "well she had the same procedure you're having and look at her, she's still big" :think hearing that sent a ton of emotions through me. I was angered that she would even say that, I felt bad for the woman and all that she's gone through to just have gained all the weight back but most of all, I'm petrified that that could happen to me too It's taking so much emotional and mental strength to just go through the process of having this surgery, that the thought of it failing scares the daylight out of me. Fear #1 is that I'll die :omg: (told you I was fatalistic)...but Fear #2 is definitely that the surgery will be a complete failure...that I'll either have to have the band removed for whatever reason or that I'll either not lose or gain it all back. Even at my initial consultation with my surgeon (in New York) some girl that overheard me talking to my brother about the lapband says to me "you should do the gastric bypass because my cousin did the lapband and only lost 15lbs". ARGH GRRR HMPF!! How annoying is that?? :angry Like I said before...I'm exhausting every bit of courage and strength I have in me to do this and to hear someone say something like that just infuriates me! I hope to read a lot of success stories on this forum so that I can re-build confidence in this procedure. What I have to keep repeating to myself is what my surgeon told me which was basically that ALL weightloss surgeries work the same...the end result is really what WE put into it. He explained to me that essentially there isn't much difference between the bypass and the lapband as far as weightloss. He emphasized that I have to be able to take initiative with making appts for adjustments and basically follow their instructions as far as diet and exercise and that my result can be just as good as having had the gastric bypass :clap2: Maybe I have to have more confidence in MYSELF. It's hard to make myself believe that I can do it when I've tried so many things that I couldn't make work for me. I really need to work on that. If you've read this far, I thank you so very much for taking interest in my story...I know I can be extremely long winded. Thank you!! I welcome any encouraging words any of you may have. I need ALL the support I can get!!! Wish me luck on my endoscopy tomorrow :embarassed: Thanks again!

Ivy (aka lovestoned)

[Wheetsin 714]

Good luck. Never had to have one, but don't think I'd like it much.

It's easy to fail with the band because you're still accountable for what you eat. Not so much with bypass. Bypass is more of a "handout." Lap-band helps, but won't do it for you. Your success will be a reflection of your determination, and your goals.

Welcome to the board!

[tracy226 0]

Congradulations on your decision and good luck! I had the endoscopy performed a few weeks ago. I too was a little scared because I didn't know what to expect. It was nothing!

[lovestoned 0]

Thanks tracy226! That's exactly what I wanted to hear :-D

[SillyWillyMommy 2]

Ivy... I think you are making the right choice, and you will find that most people on thise board (myself included) have many (if not all) of the feelings that you have.

If I've learned anything from this group ... it's that the band is a tool.. and YOU have to be committed to do what it takes to lose weight.

Good luck with everything!

[Big As Life 0]

Ivy,

Welcome to the site...sounds like you are ready to start your journey...You will be just fine...just remember....the band is a tool, not a magic wand....you will have do the work, but your band will help you....You will be healthier and happier....just keep thinking positive...don't think about negative things...and stay away from negative people....you don't need them...

[tracy226 0]

Thanks tracy226! That's exactly what I wanted to hear :-D

LOL I know! Its always good to hear the stories when you don't know what to expect. I love this place! But I promise! I was in and out and couldn't even tell they had done anything. No problems No after effects!