Low Self-Esteem Issues

[SwimSlim92 10]

I was heavy since I was 4 years old and was bullied viciously until high school and by that time I had absolutely no self esteem... Whenever I went in public I was given dirty looks for being in the "skinny clothes" stores... People are always saying "you could be gorgeous if you were thin" and I'm thinking to myself so I'm not pretty now ? I just want to ask if anyone can relate or tell me if they got self esteem after the WLS

Edited October 20, 2014 by SwimSlim92

[Jonathan Blue 311]

I am so very sorry to hear that. I am sure we all have stories about being bullied or treated different because of our weight. I remember once in elemtary school being made fun of so badly at recess, I walked right out into the parking lot and hid under a car until the end of the school day and proceeded to walk home sobbing the whole time. I remember another time in high school I worked up the nerve to ask a girl I really liked to a dance. Her response was simply that I was too fat for herI think the hard part for many is the view of beauty. My wife is a bigger girl and I love her as much today as when I met her. I am also as attracted to her today as I have ever been. I know plenty of bigger women that I would say are beautiful. Just because you don't fit in a size 2 doesn't make you ugly. People can be so hurtfuil.

I can tell you that surgery will definitely change you. I will change your body in ways you could only imagine in your wildest dreams. You will be able to do things you only dreamed about or thought you would never do again. Do you have anything like that your are looking forward to?

With the change in your body will definitely come a change in confidence. I remember not long ago I had a close friend tell me that when I was in high school I was larger than life. Anyone who spoke with me believed I could truly take on the world and win. He explained over the years that as I gained more and more weight I withdrew into myself and had no self it looked like I was slowly dying little by little. He told me that now he saw the old Jonathan that he was poud to call his friend. He knew I could take on the world again and he couldn't wait to join me. He has been my running partner ever since.

I can very distinctly remember a few months ago I had a very beautiful nurse where I work slip her phone number into my pocket. I was so beside myself I think I mumbled something stupid and walked away. I felt horrible later because in my shock I forgot to tell her I was married. I did go back later and make things right. This has happened on two other occasionss since. It has been really weird being flirted with and hit on by the girls that wouldn't give me the time of day in high school.

It will be the most amazing journey and I promise you will never regret your decision to do it. I know you will do amazing. If you ever need to talk with someone or have any additional questions feel free to write me at any of the links below.

Welcome to the rest of your amazing life. All the boys will be giving you their number.

[SwimSlim92 10]

Johnathan I'm sorry to hear of your bad experiences too... Sometimes I think that if I had some visible illness like cancer that people would judge me less, but what they don't know is that obesity is just as difficult and deadly as cancer or anything to that degree. I am very happy to hear that low self esteem will go away as well as medical issues because I have quite a bit of physical disabilities that can really make me feel like a freak.

[Jonathan Blue 311]

If you ever need to talk with someone who will understand what you are dealing with feel free to contact me. I am an open book and willing to help in any way that I can. You can also message me for my phone number if you ever need to get a hold of me faster, or talk to a real person and not just a text message.

[SwimSlim92 10]

That is very kind of you ☺️I would love to keep in contact with you. If you have a Facebook then feel free to message me your info and we can reach each other on facebook as well.

[Dhdhshhshd 42]

It's really too bad that society makes people feel so ashamed for being overweight. Kids parrot what they learn, and it's sickening how young it starts. This is one of the worst forms of discrimination out there, yet society endorses and even encourages it. If people only knew the amount of pain that an overweight person carries in their heart.

Edited November 5, 2014 by TinaC

[ready2B 263]

I grew up with a horrible self image from as long back as I remember. SIt began with my family - always referring to my sister as "the pretty one" and I was the klutzy, goofy, homely one. I was teased and laughed at in school for having ugly haircuts, glasses, braces, weird clothes, etc. My first husband was extremely critical of me and even though I was actually 30 lbs UNDERweight at the time, he told me on our honeymoon how fat & dumpy I was! The list goes on - and before long, I didn't need others to insult me, I did it quite effectively to myself. It is still very difficult for me to find anything that I like about myself physically.

I am less than a week away from my surgery and though I hope to look a little more attractive when I lose weight, I am mostly focusing on the things I will be able to DO. I've accepted that I will never look like a fashion model or even someone who will turn a head (in a good way!) but I very much miss being able to do a lot of the things I really enjoyed when I was healthy.

[SwimSlim92 10]

I can sympathize with you because after all the bullying and criticism over my life I can't find anything positive about myself inside or out... I can't even accept a compliment from people, I end up saying thank you but it doesn't go past that. If I find a photo I like of me, the more I look at it the more I find to criticize

[Dhdhshhshd 42]

I grew up with a horrible self image from as long back as I remember. SIt began with my family - always referring to my sister as "the pretty one" and I was the klutzy, goofy, homely one. I was teased and laughed at in school for having ugly haircuts, glasses, braces, weird clothes, etc. My first husband was extremely critical of me and even though I was actually 30 lbs UNDERweight at the time, he told me on our honeymoon how fat & dumpy I was! The list goes on - and before long, I didn't need others to insult me, I did it quite effectively to myself. It is still very difficult for me to find anything that I like about myself physically.

I am less than a week away from my surgery and though I hope to look a little more attractive when I lose weight, I am mostly focusing on the things I will be able to DO. I've accepted that I will never look like a fashion model or even someone who will turn a head (in a good way!) but I very much miss being able to do a lot of the things I really enjoyed when I was healthy.

Good luck with your surgery, and I'm sure you'll be feeling and LOOKING like a million bucks in no time!

[Meintraining 104]

What a wonderful response. I think those of us who have lived this life are the best people sometimes because we can all relate.

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

I can sympathize with you because after all the bullying and criticism over my life I can't find anything positive about myself inside or out... I can't even accept a compliment from people, I end up saying thank you but it doesn't go past that. If I find a photo I like of me, the more I look at it the more I find to criticize

OK, I certainly understand feeling this way, but I've got to question that you can't find ANYTHING positive about yourself inside and out.

You are: alive, you are actively seeking to change your life, you participate on this forum so are helpful to others.

I have never met you and I came up with three things.

I challenge you to come up with three things yourself and write them down.

I also challenge you to ask other people in your life for three positive things about you and write them down (whether you agree with them or not). I bet it won't take long to start seeing some patterns.

Best of luck.

[JCP 619]

Then there are the chipper sales clerks who ask "when are you due?" I wish I had a nickel for each time.

One time my dear mom was sitting on a park bench and a young boy walked over and said "why are you so ugly? You're the ugliest thing I've ever seen." She cried all night.

95% of people are no damn good. You are in the 5% of people with feelings and sensitivity. You are brave for doing this and you are going to do great. We all must try to forget those cruel insults. Hanging on to them only hurts us.

We are going to fly high.