To Spank or not to Spank

[anonemouse 1]

Why does the abortion debate leak into everything else?????????

That's what I want to know, too! Apparently, if you believe in a woman's right to choice, you have no right to talk about children at all!

[babygrl1234 6]

Well while the topic is abortion related why does it seem that some who are very pro-life are also pro-spanking. You can't abort a pregnancy but you can hit a kid? They want to tell a woman what she can and can't do with her body and then get all in a huff when someone tells them they can't hit their children.

[tink128 0]

Why does the abortion debate leak into everything else?????????<br /> <br />

I thought this was a thread about spanking. The I don't feel like parenting so I'll whack at you instead.

Stop hitting our children.

You are correct. The abortion issue is for another thread but back to the spanking or hitting as you call it. Please see my above explanation I think it may clarify the difference.

[tink128 0]

Hitting is different than spanking. Hitting is done in anger and out of control and often done more than once. Spanking on the other hand is done once in an area that would not seriously damage the child(the rump) and is never done in anger. It is done controlled and is always followed with the conversation that the child was spanked for the behavior not because of who they are and followed up with many reassuring words and kisses of love.

Here is my previous quote.

[Devana 0]

Hitting is different than spanking. Hitting is done in anger and out of control and often done more than once. Spanking on the other hand is done once in an area that would not seriously damage the child(the rump) and is never done in anger. It is done controlled and is always followed with the conversation that the child was spanked for the behavior not because of who they are and followed up with many reassuring words and kisses of love.

Hit, hit, hurt, hurt (because that's the idea), kiss, kiss.

Am I the only one who sees this as totally bizarre??

[susannah 2]

Well while the topic is abortion related why does it seem that some who are very pro-life are also pro-spanking. You can't abort a pregnancy but you can hit a kid? They want to tell a woman what she can and can't do with her body and then get all in a huff when someone tells them they can't hit their children.

Interesting point Babygrl. Sus

[tink128 0]

Hit, hit, hurt, hurt (because that's the idea), kiss, kiss.

Am I the only one who sees this as totally bizarre??

I am curious to know Devana if you have ever had a strong-willed child? My oldest is the one to push every boundary not do as we ask her and back talk at every turn. That is just the way her personality is. and although I do believe that as an adult some of that rebellious quality will be very useful it is not conducive to the rest of the family's peace nor respectful to us as her parents. She is the one whom we have "spanked" not "hit" on several occasions because reasoning consistent time outs punishment and rewards for good behavior did absoulutely nothing for her. The spanking is always done last not first and is never done out of control or in anger. On the other hand my second child has never been spanked once in his life. Why? differnet personality. He gets it with the other methods. I really do resent it when people accuse those of us who choose to spank of being child abusers. Perhaps you can see it as I do, that every parent has the right to raise their children the way they see fit and I do not want any government telling me I cannot dish out a spanking when its absolutely necessary. Would you allow your children to continue to be outwardly disrespectful to you even after all other attempts at rectifying the situation have been made? If you say yes then you have never experienced the "true" strong-willed child. If you say "no" and have never "spanked" then my reply is the same. You have never experienced the "true" strong-willed child.

[BJean 16]

I've avoided this thread because I figured it would upset me. Sure enough, I had time tonight to read the posts and I am extremely upset.

My parents used to spank my siblings and I. My Dad especially, thought it was right and good to hug and kiss us after he spanked us and explain why he "had" to spank us so that we would understand right from wrong. My sister and I always said to each other afterwards, that here comes the "buttering up" part. We knew that he felt guilty for hitting us, and we were very young when we knew it.

He used to take us, one by one, into another room and "spank" us with his belt. He didn't leave marks. We had to wait through dinner until it was time for us to get our spanking for whatever it was that we did or didn't do that day. Then afterwards we were told how much we were loved and how he didn't want to spank us but that we were bad and we knew we had it coming. This didn't happen often at all, but you can be sure that I remember each and every time that it happened.

It was abusive, it was ugly, and it was totally unnecessary. I did not love and feel any respect my father until he was was older and I was no longer afraid of him. We grew to be very close when I was an adult. My mom died and he really needed me and my love. So I certainly gave it to him. My siblings were unable feel respect toward him for most of their adult lives. Oh sure, they could say they loved him, but they didn't respect the way he raised us - with fear.

Laurend has posted one of the most intelligent and sanest things that I read here. She said that consistency is the answer to raising your children. She's completely right.

Today we are all so busy making a living, attending all the kids' functions, and cramming everything into every day that we think we should, that we are all strung out much of the time. I believe that is why we see so many unruly children. They are begging for our attention. They crave consistency and love and caring and too many times we put them last after all the other chores and activities we feel we must get done.

I never, not once, spanked my daughter or son. I thought I wanted to a time or two, but I was able to get a grip and realize that they were begging for me to listen to them. They seldom misbehaved - only when they were very tired or sick or feeling like we were ignoring them. They did very well in school, they were popular with other children and their teachers loved them. They have become awesome adults. They now have children and they do not spank their own children. I am very proud of how our 3 - four year olds stand out in a crowd of other 4 year olds. They are well-behaved, polite and have lots of sweetness and love in their hearts.

Corporal punishment is not the answer. Children may grow up to be good people in spite of corporal punishment, but I do not believe that children grow up to be well adjusted, happy people because they were punished by spanking when they were growing up.

The answer is consistency and listening to them. When children act out, it is for a reason. If you are a loving, caring parent you will investigate what caused the behavior and then you can address the behavior and correct the problem. You really have to love your children unconditionally and you have to be willing to give up some of yourself and your time to parent them 24/7.

I am shocked that anyone would use an implement to whip their child in this day and age, after all that we know about how negative corporal punishment is for children. The fact that a child will look at you and say that they love you and understand why you had to whip them only tells us that they are scared of you. It doesn't necessarily mean that they respect you or honestly understand why you want to hit them. They know, deep inside, that it doesn't make any sense for someone to be able to hit them.

P.S. To say that someone has to be a parent in order to say how children should be punished is completely ignorant. If you think a non-parent can't understand the proper way to parent, that's telling me that you lose it with your children from time to time, otherwise what's the big mystery?

[BJean 16]

P.S.S. I too find it completely repulsive that on the one hand people say they don't believe in harming an unborn baby, but on the other hand when they're born, it's okay to hit the little people. What tha?

I should post photos of abused children here, or a link to graphic violence against children with photos of their little bruised bodies, burned arms and legs, or dead limp bodies from their mother's drowning them in a bath tub. That would be as relevant as posting a graphic link showing some kind of brutal late term abortion here. Good grief.

[green 6]

Great posts, Bjean!!

[uniqueone 0]

Bjean, I held off from reading this thread also for the same reason you did. I don't have to reply to all this now because both your posts are right on.

Thanks for saving me the time!!!!!!!!

P.S. I'm a parent also - have one daughter and three stepchildren who have all become wonderful, productive adults.

[late 0]

Tink - great response. I too have a very strong willed child. Some times spankings are the only way to get his attention. I used to be a judgemental mom - always policing the way others disciplined their child- until i had my son. It does not matter what the issue is he will challenge us. I have learned not to judge other parents because i have no idea what they may be having to deal with. Our job as parents is to mold our children to be moral, respectful and responsible adults and if that takes spankings that then that is what it takes.

[BJean 16]

late: That's just it, spankings are not what it takes to mold any children to be moral, respectful and responsible adults. It is just the only way you know how to deal with your child.

Think about this, if Jesus had a child, do you think he would ever have hit him? If you say yes, you're dreaming. If Jesus had the patience and love and kindness not to hit anyone, why can't we see it that way?

[late 0]

Bjean - the Bible says in Proverbs 13:24 "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him." So yes i do think Jesus would spank his child. We receive discipline from God in many ways here on earth. What you have to understand is that spankings are not hitting. Hitting is anger out of control. Spankings are a form of discipline done out of love to correct a bad behavior.

[ghettofarm24 0]

I would like to say look at the kids in this and my generation-i'm only 25 many of the parents believe spanking is abuse. It can turn into abuse but if done in the correct way it can help teach your children right from wrong. If you are angry don't spank them right then go cool off and collect yourself. Discipline is not something you do to your child its what you do for your child. Kids in my generation and in this generation they have no discipline in their life there are no limits and they dont understand they have to suffer the consequences for their actions(ex:Paris Hilton). I work with teenagers and believe me they want boundaries and rules but most parents today would rather be there friend. I was spanked as a child and I am not mentally scarred or any of that mess. My dad would spank us with a belt or switch and then afterwards he would come and tell us why he sapnked us-(we already knew anyways) and just let us know the reason he did that was because he loves us. People say ohh if he loved you he would not do that--WRONG. He loved me enough to see that I was making the wrong decisions or just outright rebelling-if he hated me he would not waste his time teaching me the right way. I spank my son-do I hit him-no- but I love him enough to teach him the right way to act because when we are in public he is not screaming or hitting me or pitching a fit he is well behaved because he knows if he acts that way there are consequences. I really hate disciplining my child but thats why God entrusted me to be his parent and not a friend.