When you can't even be honest with yourself

[Kitt3000 757]

No bs. Just experience with people my entire life, admittedly, small minded, only want to know so they have something to talk about- or make up something- if they actually don't have facts...

My body, my business , don't care what most people think, happy to share with folks here who genuinely come here for info and support.

I admittedly like animals more than most people- because animals are genuine. Which does not mean I I don't have close friends, or people who love me, but, sometimes you are damed if you do, damed if you don't .

Good thread, enjoy hearing both sides, but have to agree with the two post above, one a button down professional work environment , where most things are impersonal, and the other post stating it's a choice each person should make for themselves, based on their truth and circumstance, has need of being respected. We all are doing the best we can, no bs

[Mrs. Reid 392]

@@Kindle I wonder who you are that you believe you have the right to call someone else's decision BS?

I'm only telling a select few people about the surgery...so what? Who are you to pass judgement on that fact? I'm honest with myself. I know what I'm doing. I don't lie to people. If I say I'm following a medically supervised weight loss program, how is that a lie? I feel no shame in what I'm doing. I am proud of myself for making this decision and following through with it. Each person's situation is different. You don't know the repercussions each person on this forum will face if they tell everyone about their WLS. To make a blanket generalization that everyone who does not reveal their private health information is out of line. Who are you to judge?

[auntiemel 275]

I wasn't going to tell people at first, but now I'm blogging it, and I tell most people I meet.

Going out to dinner with people is easier to explain why I'm eating so little and why I usually just eat a few bites off my hubby's or sisters plate.

[Kindle 8,667]

@@Algae . That is a wonderful story and a great idea of how to "pay it forward" without becoming gossip fodder.

[Sleeve_Sistah85 193]

Kindle, your lifestyle and personality are such that you aren't harmed by others' opinions about either WLS in general or your own WLS. Your decision to be transparent about WLS works for you.

But your situation isn't the same as mine. Looking only at our work situations, you work in veterinary medicine, and I work with people who wear suits six days a week.

My clients and yours probably couldn't be more different in terms of what is considered appropriate to discuss when the meter's running. "Buttoned down" only begins to describe how formal my work world is.

It's also a judgmental culture, in the sense that judgment is what my clients pay for and what their clients pay them for. Very few (if any) of my clients and work colleagues are overweight, much less obese. They are fit, fashionable and lead mostly healthy lifestyles. The comments they've made over the years about people who are heavy make it crystal-clear that they have zero understanding or empathy for those who are not like them. And trying to convince any of them that WLS is the proper response to obesity would be like trying to convince them that ... sorry, but I can't even think of a suitable analogy.

One of my motivations for WLS was to be able to become even more successful in my career. I'm not looking to be perceived as even more different from them.

So in response to your thread title, I am very honest with myself. But I do not see any upside for me in being honest with them.

Does this put a barrier between my work colleagues and clients and me? To some extent, yes. Is it possible I could change my mind and become more transparent with them? That option is always available to me.

But while I'm going through all these WLS changes myself and sorting out my own feelings about so many aspects of weight, overweight, health, and other things in my life, the last thing I need or want is to struggle through difficult conversations with people who have no understanding of the problems I have struggled with since I was six years old.

So this is why I think the decision to tell or not tell about WLS will always remain a very personal decision. There is no universal right or wrong about this decision.

In many ways, this ongoing debate about WLS transparency reminds me of my all-time favorite bumper sticker (seen 30 years ago on the back of a San Francisco taxi): "Opposed to abortion? Don't have one."

Well said.

[finediva 979]

@deedadumble. I think this subject comes up because people who choose to tell others about their decision to have WLS appear to be judging those who chose not to tell.

[Sleeve_Sistah85 193]

Here's the thing. I do not think people should lie about their WLS and use other surgeries as a cover up...that just seems like bad Mojo to me.

But when it come to keeping secrets, it's one of the things I could never understand because I am such an open book. For example, I have a good friend who has been SUPER secretive since we were kids in high school and it always drove me nuts. Recently, I found out through a mutual friend that she married some Nigerian guy so he could get his papers and she kept that a secret too! After while I accepted her secrets and realized that it's not really my business to get her to be open.

Truth is, people are gonna have MANY reasons to keep MANY things a secret...and it's our job to mind our own business and love them or stop dealing with them if you can't handle it.

As for me, I decided to keep my WLS a secret until after the surgery. I do think it's important to share my story so others can get help but I will do it on my own time.

No one, within this world and especially under this thread is without flaws. To think otherwise would be BS.

[jjinWA 511]

I am one that chose not to sing the Sleeve surgery success song to anyone that came into my flight path! I have very carefully shared my journey with my immediate family members (mother, spouse, daughters). Since my surgery I have told only one other person, my very close girlfriend. She is overweight also and was so pleased with my weight loss and wanted to know how I was able to drop the weight. I felt it unfair to not be honest with her. She was super excited to learn about the procedure and has decided to have bypass herself! She is scheduled for surgery in Dec! I feel good that I was able to provide her with info that led her to make her own decision on this life changing gift. So I understand Kindle's point of view. My sharing did have a positive influence on another and allowed me the opportunity to be a mentor for another person who is ready to go forward in this journey. But with that said, I am not going to change my decision on sharing this personal part of my life with just anyone. I will make the decision to discuss this topic as the need arises. Many times I will likely decide to not share. If I think it would be helpful to share, I will. This goes along the lines of other personal things in my life. It has nothing to do with being honest with others. It has to do with being private in my own life and what fits in with my own comfort zone.

[teacherlady2133 258]

I think that each person has many reasons for telling or not telling. I have told and been open about my gastric bypass, but to be honest it doesn't change the fear of being judged for my choices.

When people ask what I did or am doing to have my results, first I tell them about my diet and exercise then add in my tool info. Some people give strange looks like you believe what you want, but the surgery is why the weight is gone.

Should I care not really, but I do.

I worked hard before I had the surgery to lose 40 pounds with just diet and exercise and I still work hard just a different way. I still make good choices and limits and Portion Control is needed. Could I have done this without the surgery, I know I couldn't have! Am I blessed to have this chance to change my life, Yes!!! And I hold dear to that blessing!! Still I am always worried about the judgements others have... It does come from bring judged as heavy now judged in a different way.

Have never lied about my weight loss, but why I did it does changed with who I am talking too! If someone who is judging the issue, having to have another surgery and too heavy to have it comes up. If not a judgement then the personal reasons get shared.

One thing I have learned from

Being heavy is to protect myself from others! People can be mean. But they also can be trying to be supportive and just miss the mark.

[Kindle 8,667]

I guess you're blessed, Kindle, I envy you that people around you are open minded.

There were times that I wanted to share with some good friends but I had to stop myself from telling them because I just don't want my personal life to be told to some sort of people. I know that once I tell one of these friends, they will spread it which I cannot stop them or blame them because I gave it away myself. At this age I learnt to say only things that I don't care if people will quote and pass them around.

I haven't told my family yet because I know exactly what they're going to be o say (as I've known them almost my whole life) especially my sister-in-law. I like her well, don't get me wrong but you know some people are naturally ignorant and they just say things without thinking. I noticed that she always criticizes about my eating, it's just annoying. Now she knows I'm losing a bunch of weight and if I told her that I had the surgery, she'd say something like "Oh it's because of the surgery?, I thought you did it yourself" (she's a skinny girl by genetic) I see it coming so I don't see no point that I need to go that way.

You are right, I am very blessed to have such overwhelming support (or rather non-judgemental responses) to my surgery. But of course I didn't know how each person would react when I told them. I guess its easier for me to be open about my surgery because 1) I can't lie. I just wasn't raised that way and even telling a little fib or half truth leaves me feeling uncomfortable. And 2) I truly don't care what others say or think about me. If they want to be judgemental or talk about me in gossip circles, that's fine. That's their flaw, not mine. I am confident, strong and don't need acceptance from others to feel OKabout myself. I have dozens, probably hundreds of acquaintances and casual friends, but only a very few close friends. I just see the fakeness in so many people and choose to only keep "genuine" people close to me.

Ok, I'm really rambling now. I'll shut up. And please, keep the comments coming. I feel strongly about defending my opinions and I think others should do the same. I don't mind being disagreed with. It's only honesty and respect I demand....and probably why I have a hard time respecting dishonesty.

Edited October 20, 2014 by Kindle

[Packerfan61964 293]

@ Kindle.....very well said!!!

[labwalker 1,177]

Kindle, your lifestyle and personality are such that you aren't harmed by others' opinions about either WLS in general or your own WLS. Your decision to be transparent about WLS works for you.

But your situation isn't the same as mine. Looking only at our work situations, you work in veterinary medicine, and I work with people who wear suits six days a week.

My clients and yours probably couldn't be more different in terms of what is considered appropriate to discuss when the meter's running. "Buttoned down" only begins to describe how formal my work world is.

It's also a judgmental culture, in the sense that judgment is what my clients pay for and what their clients pay them for. Very few (if any) of my clients and work colleagues are overweight, much less obese. They are fit, fashionable and lead mostly healthy lifestyles. The comments they've made over the years about people who are heavy make it crystal-clear that they have zero understanding or empathy for those who are not like them. And trying to convince any of them that WLS is the proper response to obesity would be like trying to convince them that ... sorry, but I can't even think of a suitable analogy.

One of my motivations for WLS was to be able to become even more successful in my career. I'm not looking to be perceived as even more different from them.

So in response to your thread title, I am very honest with myself. But I do not see any upside for me in being honest with them.

Does this put a barrier between my work colleagues and clients and me? To some extent, yes. Is it possible I could change my mind and become more transparent with them? That option is always available to me.

But while I'm going through all these WLS changes myself and sorting out my own feelings about so many aspects of weight, overweight, health, and other things in my life, the last thing I need or want is to struggle through difficult conversations with people who have no understanding of the problems I have struggled with since I was six years old.

So this is why I think the decision to tell or not tell about WLS will always remain a very personal decision. There is no universal right or wrong about this decision.

In many ways, this ongoing debate about WLS transparency reminds me of my all-time favorite bumper sticker (seen 30 years ago on the back of a San Francisco taxi): "Opposed to abortion? Don't have one."

Wow, I thought VSGAnn and myself would never be on the same page,. but I have to agree with everything that she wrote. Ann, you hit the nail on the head. Thank you.

[enjoyinglife 313]

I say to each their own.

[McButterpants 2,846]

I think my biggest issue is the subject title:

When you can't even be honest with yourself

Just because I'm telling a bunch of people I don't about something deeply person doesn't make me delusional or dishonest with myself.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,358]

I chose to keep it to myself because of all the things I suffered at the hands of well meaning (NOT) friends and family. I wanted this to be my journey with the help of loved ones and family.

I did tell a couple of friends ( former friends ) who had nothing to do with me after I had the surgery. Another friend was so angry she only spoke to me once after, to tell me to stop losing and that she took a poll on Facebook about it and everyone said I was stupid to do this.

It took time for me to push forward to NOT CARE anymore. I still find myself choosing who I tell straight out. Sometimes it feels like it is a gift I am sharing. No one knows my past. No one knows how much I have in the bank. No one knows what I have gone through totally as it is my life.

I will share my experience with people who need or want to hear it the rest well. We have not come far enough to let ourselves stay open to the wind of chance. We are still a small minority and still have pain over our past abuses.They did not share in my choice to have the surgery. They do not get to share in my decision to have WLS.

When I am ready and when I chose to tell the world will be when I am ready to face whatever anyone has to throw at me.

That does not me me a liar. It makes me cautious. I have had to be to survive this world so far!

Saying that you were not raised to lie is a blank statement and basically name calling. Please remember the rules of Rants and Raves. NO NAME CALLING!

Oh! Did you tell your kids there is no Santa or tooth fairy or Easter bunny! Just asking.

Edited October 20, 2014 by RJ'S/beginning