High Fat Diet / Eating Disorders / Taste Buds / My Guilty Secret

[SashaWLS 412]

Sorry for the multi-topic header, but I have a rambly topic to discuss...

My obsessively poor eating, and the massive amounts of guilt I feel about it.

Since getting my band 2.5 years ago, I've lost nearly 100lbs. My life has changed, my tastebuds have changed, everything has changed. Life is grand. But I have a LOT of guilt around my bad eating habits. I'm working on changing it, but I was wondering if anyone else has had this issue and successfully turned their diet around?

I used to love tangy, spicy, salty foods. Hot sauce, artichokes, hearts of palm, balsamic vinegar, mustard, olives, onions, Tomato sauce, etc... But my taste buds have changed completely since my lap band. NONE of that tastes good to me anymore. Some of it gives me heartburn, but mostly it just doesn't seem appealing. What does seam appealing is fatty foods. ALL kinds of fatty foods. Creamy Soups, sour cream, avocados, chicken skin, the fat off the edge of a steak, salmon, anything with a butter sauce, Pasta with creamy tomato sauce, alfredo sauce, etc...

It has officially become a problem. I saw the doctor a few months ago and she said my cholesterol was very high. And since then I've eaten more and more fat. I walk around feeling guilty, and yet I've had trouble changing my habits because nothing sounds good to me. And because I've been "band-binging" on the really bad foods. Meaning I'm not eating huge quantities, but I'm eating ALL my calories from fat...

Today is a good day. I had 1/4 egg sandwich with avocado and veggies for breakfast/lunch and nuts for a snack. But even with that I don't feel like I've done a good job, and I'm not satisfied. I crave eating sour cream with a spoon.

Has anyone broken the cycle? I think I'm also a little depressed, so that may be playing into it. But I'd love any stories of hope. I'm walking around feeling like I deserve to have a heart attack. Which is kinda messed up...

[lisacaron 5,075]

@@SashaWLS I would ask yourself this question, why are these things calling your name? What about eating these foods makes you feel satisfied?

Is it the taste? The texture? The comfort of eating them?

I think to really change our habits we have to understand why we have them and what it is that's in our lives that has us gravitating towards certain things and not others especially the things that are not healthy for us.

For me I know that my nemesis is chocolate anything and salt. I enjoy the taste, and texture of salted caramel or a smooth piece of sugary chocolate. It comforts me and makes me feel like everything is OK. I realized that when my life is upside down or I am in a frenzy. What I need is comfort and relaxation and release of tension and for me a Magnum ice cream bar is like a big comfy hug or a snuggle, and I realized that is what I need in those moments not the extra sugar and calories.

I hope my understanding helps you in some way....

[gbb77901 113]

Congratulations on your massive weight loss! That in itself is quite an achievement. Take pride in your accomplishment. And please don't be so hard on yourself right now. Maybe your body is craving fats for a reason. Do you take supplements/vitamins? Are you getting enough Protein? Drinking enough Water? Maybe you just need to be extra gentle with yourself for a while. I know the tendency is to beat ourselves up and that has to stop. We're only human. Take care.

[SashaWLS 412]

@lisacaron, definitely the texture and feeling are a big part of it... The fats feel good going down, soothing, silky, and I've struggled with heartburn. I did have the band loosened about 2 weeks ago—I was suffering terribly with heartburn and starting to get some reflux, but that's totally gone now and I'm starting to feel better. And actually, until you asked i hadn't put the two together, so perhaps that's as much of it as anything, and maybe the cravings will go away as my esophagus heals.... But I think it's also just comfort food. Kinda like taking drugs. I eat the fats and my body goes "whoosh, relax!" I'm SO stressed out at work and crazed with life that I'm kinda like the rat who presses the button over and over and over again. Thanks for your kind reply, and for asking a question. A lot to think about here...

[MarieMarie 346]

I drink hot flavoured tea to relax. Gives me the warm cuddly feeling and low calories????