Non- Supportive Family/Friends

[NikkiRX 6]

How do you handle unsupportive people?

I have kept the group of people that know about my choice to have this procedure small for several reasons. One reason is that this is all new and I don't have answers for myself, let alone answers others questions and another reason is that it is no one else's business but mine and my choice of those who know.

I have full support from my husband and he will stand by me no matter what I choose to do and will love me no matter how big or small I get. I told my mother about my decision and have been fielding a bunch of unsupportive questions from her. She keeps reminding me that I won't be able to eat fast food again (BTW I hate fast food and it is rare),she keeps asking why I cannot limit my food intake now and loose the weight myself and she commented on how I look thinner after vacation we recently took to Las Vegas (lots of walking in 90 degree heat will do that). I just feel like she is judging me for this choice and my weight. She keeps saying "I just want to see you healthy" but making back handed comments and asking rude questions.

How do you handle peoples reactions or rude comments? I know I am going to have them throughout my life for many reasons but I guess her lack of support shocked me.

[Andrew0929 1,101]

I told a close friend very early in my pre-op stage and he became my worst nightmare, emailing me links to fad diets and ridiculous supplements. He has a lot of weight to lose and has been unsuccessful for many years and has uncontrolled diabetes. I told him I was just investigating surgery options and didn't tell me I'd decided to move forward.

That incident resulted in my telling very few people the truth, including my mother. My wife and daughter were part of my decision-making process. Beyond them, I told my siblings and 2 close friends and am glad I kept this quiet.

Honestly, I'm just not interested in anyone's opinion, good or bad, regarding my decision. When asked how I lost all of this weight, which is a common question, I just say "I eat like a bird and run like a deer", which is true ...

[Bufflehead 6,358]

React as if they are acting appropriately. Keep repeating it until they get the point.

"I appreciate that you are willing to take an interest in my health. Your support means a lot to me."

Eventually they will get the idea that you are not interested in debating with them, that they are, in fact, acting like unsupportive jerks; and that their continued hurtful comments and questions are not going to get them the result or debate that they want. And they'll either shut up or decide that they really *should* be supportive.

[angierue 214]

I made the decision to be very upfront and open about my choice from day one. With anyone and everyone.

Maybe being fat my whole life gave me thicker skin but I honestly don't give a rats ass what anyone thinks. This was my choice made for my reasons, not theirs.

That being said, I've been very fortunate that everyone has been supportive. One coworker, who is also a close friend, tried having a conversion about just eating better and going to the gym. I scientifically explained to him my body is not like his. That process only works temporarily for me not because I give up but because metabolically, I've screwed my system up from years and years of yo-yo diets. This is needed to reset my metabolic set point, so to speak. He now keeps telling me how proud of me he is.

The thing is, whether they know the truth about you having surgery or not, if they are that type of person, they'll judge you regardless. I hope that my being open and honest about my process, I can inspire someone else to make that healthier life decision.

[bikrchk 1,313]

" I appreciate your taking an interest in my health, but my Dr. and I have decided that this is the best way to help me resolve my weight related health problems and maintain a healthy weight long term". I'm asking for your support, but if I can't have it, I'll settle for your silence.

[NikkiRX 6]

Thank you everyone for the great advice. I did address it with my mom and how she came of today and I hope that she can change her tone or stay silent.

[MDB9/16/14 34]

@@NikkiRX

Lean on the people in these forums. They give great advice and awesome encouragement. I haven't told everyone in my family either. Some know and are supportive. I just don't want the constant question : well how much have you lost now..... If I'm in a stall - then they will give me a negative response - so I'm just keeping it to only the ones I've told so far. Stay in here - these people are great ❤