Your response to: "but you aren't 'THAT' big!"

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

"Oh, I'm not? How big am I?"

Just kidding. Nobody ever told me that. But then again I only told five people. A few more later but selectively.

[Bronxmerci 312]

Man oh man am I tired of hearing "you aren't that big" i am a tall female about 5'10 and a half and i am 290. I don't look it to others and at my docs office all the ladies would ask me how did I even qualify. My response would be: "the same way you did, I may not look it but I feel it, and i am it, some of us carry our weight really well but we still aren't healthy"....

[loser2014 73]

One of the most eye-opening moments for me was when no one I told that I was having WLS said I was not big enough for the surgery. I knew I was overweight at 5'7" 260 pounds, but I guess see the old skinnier me when I look in the mirror. It was a revelation that not a single person tried to talk me out of it (not that they would have been successful).

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

One of the most eye-opening moments for me was when no one I told that I was having WLS said I was not big enough for the surgery. I knew I was overweight at 5'7" 260 pounds, but I guess see the old skinnier me when I look in the mirror. It was a revelation that not a single person tried to talk me out of it (not that they would have been successful).

Same here.

[OCSlim 63]

I really relate to this thread, as I've decided to keep quiet about my surgery. I know I would be in for all kinds of berating, as I have a BMI of 30, carry my weight well, and have low blood pressure with normal chemistries. My weight crept up to this level within the past two years, as I could no longer handle the very extreme measures I'd taken since I was a teen to stay thin. For most of my adult life, I looked like the picture of beauty and health. I even spent a few years as a behavioral health educator and program manager in charge of a high-risk obesity treatment program. I was 5'8" 127, ate healthy and exercised regularly. Meanwhile, under that veneer was an ugly, carefully hidden eating disorder, that was consuming my life and feelings of self worth. As years wore on I could no longer hide and "control" my problem.

I'm having counseling as part of my health and healing journey, but it is because of this surgery that I truly have hope that I can look forward to a future where I am no longer food's bit*h! I'm also imagining the energy I'll have for a life outside of work, instead of dragging myself home at the end of each work day, and week, and then sequestering myself inside until it's time to start over again the following Monday.

We still have a ways to go when it comes to understanding all that goes into human health, and even further when it comes to people's acceptance and understanding. So for now, I'm keeping quiet, and appreciate all of you on here who break off little pieces of your life experiences to feed others with your wisdom, support and honesty.

[jacileggs 402]

I was also at 250 lbs. At 5'3" that's at least 110 lbs overweight. I was called a "lightweight" at my initial preop classes. Also the admitting nurse doing my weight etc actually tried to talk me out of having the surgery saying I didn't have that much to loose. I had lost 40 lbs preop and still had 70 more to go. Funny how I was approved for surgery by my insurance and the surgeon and yet the nurse thought she knew better than everyone else. Some people just don't understand.

[Mrs. Reid 392]

This is one reason I'm not telling people about my surgery. At the initial information class at the bariatric clinic, another person told me "You're not that big" I told her I was much heavier than I looked. For me, I just want to avoid the negative vibes. People have their own reasons for saying the things they do. Maybe they think they are giving me a complement when they say I don't look big enough for surgery. I don't care what their reason is, I don't want to hear it. This is my life and I am responsible for my health. This is the way I am going to get healthy and stay healthy for the rest of my life.

[bikrchk 1,313]

I started at a BMI of 37 and I got that a lot. I'd say, thank you for the compliment, (that's what they think it is, you know), and thank you for your concern, but my Dr and I have decided that this is the best course of action to help me work on my weight related health problems. We've decided that the risks of surgery are less than the risks of my continuing a life of obesity and that I need this procedure to prolong my life.

[4LgrLife_53 82]

I like this topic because I can relate to it A LOT. I get a lot of responses from friends similar. "You don't look that big", "you can lose the weight without surgery", "take diet pills", blah blah blah.....

Believe me, I've tried pills, shakes, powders, fancy meals, and expensive gym memberships. The results were only temporary and I packed more pounds on than I lost. I wish I had my insurance long ago and would have done this surgery about 10 years ago. There were a lot of contributing factors to gaining weight, and lack of self-esteem was a major one. It only got worse as I packed pounds on. I put on over 100 lbs after leaving military service. Anyone who is a veteran knows the weight limitations the military puts on you and how physically fit you have to be, so gaining the weight was a major change to my physical and mental well-being (and not for the better, I assure you).

I'm looking forward to my gastric sleeve surgery in November. I have 3 adult children, and currently 5 grandchildren who are still very young. I'm hoping and praying that the surgery will be a success and I can successfully lose weight so I can live a longer and healthier life and hopefully see my grandchildren grow up and have babies of their own.

[Ivanova8 77]

@ Maybe it's all in my head but I so get what you're saying. When I walk into the clinic or a group meeting I feel like people look at me like, what are you doing here? I'm still pre-op and I'm at the bottom of the qualifying BMI with two co-morbidities. But this level of qualification exists for a reason! They even make me feel guilty sometimes. So without the high blood pressure and arthritis in my knees and ankles I wouldn't qualify for surgery. But if I could have done this on my own I would have done it already! But do I want to explain this to every person I meet? Heck no. So like many others here, other than my husband and maybe one friend who will help in my first days home, I'm telling no-one.

I love some of the suggested responses to the awful, "you don't look that big" statement. Stupid stuff really does just fall out of some people's mouths.

[Ginger Snaps 1,323]

I get it a lot --- I was a relative lightweight (BMI 36) with sleep apnea and reflux. I actually had a lady at church yesterday how great I was looking and she asked me what I did. I usually tell people about the surgery when they ask and I did this time. She said "Oh, there was no way you needed that surgery!" How funny complimenting how I look great and then telling me I didn't do it the right way. Oh, and by the way, the apnea and reflux are gone -- not that anybody seems to ask about the health benefits.

I always reply with my standard answer "Thank you, but my doctor and insurance company agreed it was the best way for me to get to a healthy weight."

I think as a culture it is just so common to be overweight that few people know what a healthy weight looks like anymore. Just the other day someone told me that I didn't need to lose any more. As of this morning, I'm 9 pounds off of a BMI of 25 which is considered the top range of "normal". I could still lose another 25-30 and be considered a healthy weight. I'm thrilled with where I am now and I'm still losing at a pretty fast clip, so I'm just gonna see where I end up.

[Ivanova8 77]

I think that's so true Ginger Snaps. I think someone else also said that Americans and I think western society in general no longer recognizes what a normal weight looks like. It can make being overweight "comfortable" because you fit in with all that's around you. But you know that your health is suffering and that you're not participating in activities that you used to enjoy and it generally affects your life style. It's just not sustainable.

She said "Oh, there was no way you needed that surgery!" How funny complimenting how I look great and then telling me I didn't do it the right way.

Yes that is funny. Maybe sometimes people are trying to be nice in their own way not realizing that what they say may be hurtful or strange at the same time.

[gin765 49]

I am glad (and not glad at the same time) to hear I’m not the only person dealing with this issue. I too was publically embarrassed by a nurse at my mandatory information session for being a “lightweight.” She didn’t tell anyone they were too big, too old or too sick to leave so they wouldn’t “waste their time,” just me.

Why are naturally thin people allowed to be happy and healthy, super obese people allowed to choose bariatric surgery and be happy and healthy, but the rest of us in the middle, with ONLY 80 - 100 pounds (or less) to lose are just supposed to suck it up? The more research I do and low-BMI success stories I read, the more confident and excited I am about my decision. My PCP, orthopedic surgeon and husband all support me and that’s enough. This is the first time I’ve felt hopeful in a long time. Be strong everyone… we deserve to be happy and healthy too!!!

[Beni 1,484]

Thank you everyone for putting into words what I couldn't have said better.

[labwalker 1,177]

I wish folks told me that, but with a BMI of over 50 it was obvious I needed the surgery. I would have considered it a compliment... sure beats being called "fatty" and other ugly terms.