Losing patience, where did it go?

[teacherlady2133 258]

I guess this is a rant over not knowing who I am...

In the last couple days I have became so angry and short with others and find myself just tired of people. This is so not like me. I even told off a respected professor yesterday because of the stress... and tired of the college saying one thing and then requiring something else. Is this the diet? Lack of something? The new me? I find myself speaking up when normally I would be quiet.. Normally when I am pushed I would find comfort I guess in eating and shopping which I can't do either...

If this is the new me, how do I reform my relationships? I can't be always saying sorry for my actions when I feel like maybe this is a form of the new me.

[2muchfun 8,927]

If your new me is so abrasive, maybe you should look for ways to communicate in a more constructive manner. I know for me, even on this forum, I've found myself making remarks that weren't constructive and possibly rude and/or degrading. It takes work and patience. And the work and patience never ends for some of us.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

The lower my caloric intake, the lower my threshold for a$5#o/3$. And on top of that I was crabby and had no patience. I realized this pretty early. I am now feeling feelings instead of eating them. And boy do I have feelings.

I'm in OA and CODA. It helps immensely.

[terrydumont46 1,954]

sometimes I wake in the morning and have such a angry brain. it doesn't take much to set me off on those days. it scares my husband to drive with me because I am swearing and tail gateing everyone. I am now wondering if it isn't just diet but hormonal. being through menopause I stopped worring about hormones. but today I swear I was having heat flashes. so next blood work done I am asking about hormones.

[teacherlady2133 258]

I have my 6 month check up on Weds and will be interested to see what the labs say.

I think that some of the issues are the diet. My family is hooking it to the diet. I will be talking and they will ask what time did you eat last? Or when do you eat again? I think the shortness might be hooked to sugar levels.

I am not going to blame the whole thing on diet, I think that hormones play a big role too! 125 pounds gone in a year and 85 of that in 6 months released a huge amount of hormones in my body which have never worked correctly before.

I also think that for more than 30 years everyone and everything was more important than my own stuff. Being raised in a minister's home where everything was about serving others and others needs laid a foundation in my life that sort of got me to the place of weighing 350.

Now that I have chosen me first, my health first, and my own life as important. I think I have issues absorbing other peoples issues and how to cope with them.

I want to find a balance between the old me and the new me.

Maybe I do need to learn communication skills better. Or join some support groups.

I just know I don't want my mouth shooting off and having something ugly coming out even when it is the truth...

[auntjanny 289]

Interesting topic... I find it interesting and amusing that you are speaking up for yourself and recognizing that in the past you would have chosen to eat. I would call that an NSV, for sure. I might also suggest that your replies may not be as harsh as you think. Cruel is never good, but heartfelt and honest is...

As you noted, so many of us have spent so much time energy and focus on the care of others without EVER expecting anything back, and thank God, we have been given the chance to rectify this. Embrace your inner "Tawanda" (Kathy Bates, Fried Green Tomatoes reference), she will mellow out and find her groove!

[teacherlady2133 258]

Interesting topic... I find it interesting and amusing that you are speaking up for yourself and recognizing that in the past you would have chosen to eat. I would call that an NSV, for sure. I might also suggest that your replies may not be as harsh as you think. Cruel is never good, but heartfelt and honest is...

As you noted, so many of us have spent so much time energy and focus on the care of others without EVER expecting anything back, and thank God, we have been given the chance to rectify this. Embrace your inner "Tawanda" (Kathy Bates, Fried Green Tomatoes reference), she will mellow out and find her groove!

I am glad you commented, I have a friend who feels the same way you do. She is enjoying the new me and loves and laughs that I now have a voice. She also sees this as a NSV. She understands this is such an adjustment for me and change from not speaking up to always having something to say..

She does say it is very different to have me make comments on topics or to people who I would never of called out before.

To her this new voice is fun and enjoyable to get to know a different side of me. She doesn't think I am being rude or too harsh and others should deal with it. She believes others are taking it harsh or more shocking because I have never spoken up before, not how I am saying things just that I am addressing issues at all.

Instead of beating myself up over this change, I think I will learn to adjust to it. It will mellow out as you said and I will find a groove.

[MichiganChic 3,262]

I think it probably is a combination of diet, hormones, and maybe a little bit of taking ourselves back because we now feel enabled! Before surgery, I used to feel super hungry and irritable if I needed to eat, especially if I was on a calorie restricted diet. Those hunger hormones are what drove me to eat, eat, eat, and if I tried to ignore them, they screamed at me. Not only did I want to eat, I also was wildly irritable, which is not my normal. Now that those hunger hormones are gone, I think the physical hunger feelings are diminished, but that feeling of irritability is still there, also greatly diminished, but present none the less. I'm sure there other hormones at work, too. But I also wonder about feeling more entitled to be on equal footing with others as we gain confidence in ourselves. It's not only about the way we look, but the fact that we are feeling capable and accomplished as we succeed in weight loss. Also, there's not such a need to "blend in". When I was heavy, I was careful to never give anyone a reason to insult me, and though I've always been pretty direct with people, I would choose my words very carefully.

At about 2 years out, things have leveled off (not actually sure when they did), or maybe I'm just used to the new me. Once in a while I do surprise myself with my ability to say what needs to be said without fear of the backlash. Not to say that I'm unkind or unreasonable, just making my opinion known appropriately when the situation calls for it. Really, being of a normal weight really takes a lot of crap off the table - it's baggage and a barrier that, once gone, is freeing!

[Bandista 7,466]

This is a great thread! Quick side note: When I first saw your name (teacherlady) along with the title, I thought -- well, no wonder. If you are a teacher, you have such a difficult job and this is not an easy time of year. I have lots of friends who teach at various levels and balancing the needs of the students with the administrative BS can be quite a challenge. So pat yourself on the back for not actually throttling some one every day. IT comes to mind, or HR. Really, the hoops we have to navigate these days in our professional lives can make our jobs so much more difficult than they used to be.

But that's not what your post is about.......

WLS has been such an amazingly empowering experience. Pretty early in the process I started to realize that the choice I had made to put myself and my healthy future first was giving me a new kind of fierceness. It's something I didn't really expect -- I suppose I was so consumed by the numbers game and how much weight I would lose by whatever time that it hadn't really occurred to me that there would be changes regarding my strength of character. I stand up for myself now. It was always there before, my backbone (I wasn't exactly Susie Creamcheese if you know what I mean) but I was tamping down my feelings with food rather than laying it out on the line.

I have always been a truth-teller but I am a quiet person, introspective and soft-spoken. These days I find I don't censor myself as much. I am quicker to let people know where I stand on a particular topic and I am especially careful now about not doing things I don't want to do. This was a problem for me -- obligation as a primary motivation rather than desire. I worried about disappointing other people; instead I disappointed myself over and over again. I'm making up for that now, seeing to my own needs. And mostly the people around me really benefit from that. They like it when I'm full of joy -- and the joy comes from putting myself first.

There were things that had to go. No more obligatory socializing. I don't want to waste my time being with people I don't want to be with -- and as an introvert that can mean I am holing up a bit sometimes. That seizing of my time and space is something new. People don't always understand about people who need to be alone for chunks of time. No more putting other people's projects ahead of my own and then feeling like I don't have time for my own creative work. I am my project right now and that feels very important.

I think you should pat yourself on the back for the amazing job you've done in reclaiming your life. It sounds like impulse control might be an issue for all of us -- after all, our impulse was always to go for the food and now we don't do that. I wonder if there is something very simple, like putting the forefinger and thumb together and taking a breath prior to letting loose. Or going to the page. I journal a great deal and good grief if any one ever got hold of the whinging and whining -- but it's a release for me. That's one place where I really tell it like it is. Like it is at that moment anyway.

Which brings up another point. I'm 53 and peri-menopause is really something. There has got to be a lot going on chemically in all of our bodies (male and female) when we have dropped so much weight. Plus we are not taking in what w used to -- think of the work our bodies had to do to digest all the extra food. All the processing systems must be so different now. Our livers, digestive tracks, hormones are all busy in a new way. This makes me want to do some deep breathing exercises. Maybe that's where it's at, the full yogic breaths and all that. I have become a major walker in these last months and I know that the breathing associated with the level of fast-walking I'm doing has helped me with a lot of feelings. I have a friend I walk with and often one of us has a little rant -- it's a great way to blow off steam.

Just know you're not alone -- here we all are undergoing the same changes. Best wishes to you and congratulations on everything. You are doing beautifully.

[MarieMarie 346]

Check hormone levels also

[teacherlady2133 258]

On weds I will make sure to ask for hormone level checked too!

Yes being a teacher right now is very stressful and the demand is difficult. That could be playing into all of this too.

I did like the comments about obligation socializing... I would say that is a huge area I am having to deal with. Bring around people I really don't want to be around isn't happening very often or letting others make me feel like I should do things just because it is the right thing to do. I am finding my own place and who I want to be.

I can say I had a better day today and do believe food and Vitamins are playing apart in this... I think I have eaten enough Flintstones to get my levels back up again.

Hopefully we all find our balance and learn to be who we are no matter our sizes.

[teacherlady2133 258]

Dr appointment went good. Dr thinks moods and no patience is body telling me to feed it. He called me a snickers commercial. He said all labs were great and better than he thought, weight loss is 10-15 pounds ahead of game.

Next time I see my family Dr. I think I will have hormones levels checked but right now going to try to control it with more Protein and better eating schedule... And some of what all you said... Learn to love self and find balance with others...

[bellabill 253]

I am wondering if exercise might help even a 15 min walk to release endorphins that helps us feel better. Even just sitting out in the sun helps a great deal. You can reflect on things while outside. Listening your favorite songs could help the mood. Just saying...

[Suzamundo 51]

I agree with Bellabil. You might have a bit of anxiety which can make you irritable. Exercise and sun help that. You also might just be tired of being pushed around or overlooked and have gotten the confidence to no longer be a doormat.

[teacherlady2133 258]

I am trying to schedule in the exercise I do feel better when I am moving. The sun is an idea too! I felt better during the summer. I am also done being a doormat!! Mainly tired of not being respected. I think for too many years I let others speak to me disrespectful because I didn't want to make a scene. Now I don't care if all eyes are on me. There is a new confidence when you feel like you are in control of yourself. I have proven to myself I can face my demons and win some big battles.