in laws are coming to town - what to do??

[losingjusme 12]

my in-laws are coming down from Toronto this weekend. they do not (and will never) know about my surgery. we have not told them i have lost any weight. in fact, i have pretty much told my DH i will not be in any pictures he sends to them.

a little background, my DH and i met on the internet ***gasp*** about 12 years ago when it wasnt a scary place ... :rolleyes ... we married without him telling them about me ... i know not a good thing.

when i went up to Toronto to meet them, pretty much the first thing they asked me was how much do you weigh. they are thin Chinese who expected DH to marry a tiny Chinese woman ... i am neither...

i was thinking IF they bring up the weight loss - they may not even say anything, they are "like that" - i will just say a little over 30 pounds and just say it's not something that i really talk about. i dont think i want to admit that i've lost almost 100 pounds cause that will just make me admit i had that much to lose and i obviously need to keep working at it.

can this post be any longer? sorry. i appreciate any feedback.

thanks!

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

You don't think they are going to notice 30# vs. 100#?

Why would you worry about this? Honestly, it sounds like their problem yet you are making it your problem.

[CajunCutie 1]

Losingjusme,

I have a few things for you:

I think it is wonderful that you have lost almost 100 pounds. I have read your blogs and looked at your pictures. I, myself weigh over 400 pounds and see you as a motivation. I haven't been banded yet, but will be in the next few months. To read about all of your exercise accomplishments is also a huge motivation. If you can do it, I can too! Your pictures show the huge difference and you look great! Please keep us updated on your awesome progress.

When your in-laws ask how much weight you lost, tell them that you have lost a significant amount and when you feel comfortable telling them the exact amount, you will.

If they have a problem with you not being a small Chinese female, it is thier problem, not yours. If you and your husband are happy and love each other, that is all that matters.

Thank you for the inspiration and motivation you have given me!

Amy

[losingjusme 12]

gals,

thanks for the comments. and i agree, wabb, i am making it my problem when it clearly isnt.

i dont care if they know its more than 30 lbs, i just dont think it's any of their business. especially based on the (non-existant) relationship they have with us. we see each other about once a year and they rarely even call my DH ...

i think i am going to tell them as CajunCutie has suggested, a good chunck of weight and i am still working on it. if they press for a number, i will just say more than 10 pounds ... they are just relentless and i shouldnt let it get to me but i do.

thanks!!!

[lisah25 3]

i think i am going to tell them as CajunCutie has suggested, a good chunck of weight and i am still working on it. if they press for a number, i will just say more than 10 pounds ... they are just relentless and i shouldnt let it get to me but i do.

thanks!!!

You could say something like "yeah, I've lost some. Not sure how much, I haven't been weighing myself."?

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

If they ask details, return the favor. Ask them why they need this information. Will it improve the quality of their lives?

[Wheetsin 714]

Why tell them any quantity? If it comes up, and you say anything at all, just say, "I'm not really sure, I haven't been weighing because I'm more focused on how I feel than what I weigh."

i dont think i want to admit that i've lost almost 100 pounds cause that will just make me admit i had that much to lose

That was me at one point. And then I realized - it's not like no one knew I was 200 lbs overweight because I never said it. We have similar stats so you're probably in a position similar to where I was.

I tell people how much I've lost and it's funny to see the looks on their faces (undoubtedly some are thinking - Holy crap you fat cow, you've lost more than I've ever weighed!) and hear, That's an entire person!!! Ayup, I know, and I'm not done yet...

[Josette 2]

Sometimes it's easier said then done to tell someone how to react to their inlaws, etc. I have a mother in law who I can barely tolerate but I'm still respectful to her when in her presence because I feel that's the right thing to do. I give her short answers and don't volunteer information to her. I can see where the conflict inside is coming from losingjusme. I really relate. I'd just be friendly and not share too much and get through it and come out a winner!

If I were in your shoes I'd be dying to say "so how much do YOU weigh?" after then asked me anything about my weight. Hard for me to contain myself but I do it.

Good luck and come here to vent! We're all pulling for ya!!!

[maudeispam 2]

Lock the doors and don't let them in? Okay maybe that won't work. If they question the weightloss, just say your eating healthier and exercising, then change the subject. (Hey MIL did you color your hair, I notice it isnt so gray anymore?, Hey FIL did you use botox I notice the wrinkles are gone in your forehead?) LOL

[Danielle2649 0]

I understand how you feel! I don't have the best relationship with my MIL either. She is SUPER skinny and athletic, could eat anything and be the same way! The whole time I have known her my weight or my husbands, weight has been a major issue. We are always "just needing to exercise more!" We even got a nice treadmill for Christmas this year, it makes a lovely place to hang our ironing!

So, I have NO intention of telling her I am doing this! I just can't wait to see her face (and the other skinny beeotches in the family) this year at Christmas! I'll just be like "Oh, yeah, I have lost a few pounds, just eating more and using that great treadmill you bought us!" :biggrin1:

[dotofoz 0]

Lock the doors and don't let them in? ]

My sentiments exactly!

[dotofoz 0]

If they ask details, return the favor. Ask them why they need this information. Will it improve the quality of their lives?

Love this one too!

[METALBAND 0]

Just say....I have lost about the equivalent of one of you and I am trying to lose the other one oh wait did I say that outloud....sorry!

[losingjusme 12]

LMAO Metalband.

now that i think about it i really dont think they will ask ME anything. it will go to DH. i told him to just say we arent really concentrating on numbers, just how great i feel.

thanks so much for your responses. i will keep you posted.

[tonya66 13]

I have a very close relationship with my inlaws, but I still did not tell them about my surgery, nor am I going to tell them.

I like some of the suggestions, the best thing to say is, "I'm not focussing on the scales, I am just eating right and exercising and becoming healthy". Thats all they need to know. ]

I hope you enjoy your visit with them. Maybe it will be a pleasant one after all, and your worrying for nothing. You have to tell us how it went after they leave!