ARRRGGGGHHHHH! my mother #$)&(*U#)(*

[oolismom 30]

Jessiquoi....

First off, where do you work? I don't wanna be in your way....lolol kidding....It is stressfull and trying to work and deal with our own stuff and our parents starts to ware on a person....When I started this whole journey I had a pretty lucid support person, Mom, and of course dad followed and so on... Now my Mom has the on set of Vascular Dimentia and it's like I'm talking to a 5yr old sometimes....But if your mom is still all good upstairs, set her down just the two of you and explain your concerns for yourself and for her and what the upset does to you especially when you're trying to work....It makes you wanna pull your hair out!!!! Your blood pressure and stress levels need to be normal for surgery or you won't get it...Maybe Mom can help de-stress things for you...Hell, give her a job to do....Have her help prepare for your post op recovery at home, food, books etc....Maybe she wants to be more a part of this with you than you realize...And she could be worried about losing you, if you have lost a dad, shes also lost a husband, she could be scared....ease her mind so things can be all Zen again....lolol

Good Luck

kim

[Ginger Snaps 1,323]

@@finediva -- I've been out of a 15 year bad marriage now for almost 7 years and this is the first time I've dated anybody. My mom thinks I should just stay single and "not get tied down" again. She hasn't met the guy or anything (I live in NJ, she lives in TX) it's just the concept of men and relationships and possible marriage that she wants me to avoid.

Makes me wonder how happy she is in the marriage to my dad -- almost 60 years now. sheessshhh....

[Mommabird 367]

@@Kitt3000, I lost my mom in 1986 and as I was reading this thread, I started wondering just how she would react to my having WLS.You hit it on the head with the "food=love". It very much did with my mom. Four months before she died, when I was about three months pregnant, the doctor told me that if I didn't gain weight in next two weeks, I'd be hospitalized until I did (I had severe morning sickness). My mom and dad showed up the next day with an ice chest full of my favorite foods including seven T-Bone steaks (there was supposed to be eight steaks but their elderly dog helped herself to one)

I don't know how she'd react to the surgery ,but I do know that she would have filled my freezer with tiny meals!

[finediva 979]

@@Ginger Snaps. Yes, she maybe projecting her own disillusionment with her relationship on to you. No matter what she maybe experiencing with her marriage, she should want you to be happy and fulfilled. She chose to stay in her marriage and that's fine. You chose not to. You are also choosing to try a relationship again. As you should. My marriage didn't work out, but I hope my children can experience successful unions. Here's to finding love and companionship again.

[Brandi Nicole 18]

Haha you have a great attitude!

[Forsythia 882]

Ah the relationship between mothers and daughters. I love my mom to death. But she is the family gossip. She told her sister (the other family gossip) that I had surgery which got conveyed as a lap band. At least get the details right if you are going to spread all my private medical business to the entire Stewart/Lynch side of the family. LOL.

[manibeaux 65]

I didn't tell my mom before surgery... I live a couple of thousand miles away and so it was easy to avoid the topic when we talk. I didn't know how she would react and really didn't care but I just didn't want her to worry. Once I told her, she was very happy -- she knows I struggle with my weight and she does with hers too. Now, when we talk, she just asks how much I've lost, how I'm feeling, what the doctor says... all the normal "care about you" stuff.

Funny -- she's very supportive of the surgery but very unhappy I'm in a new relationship. With a new body and improved confidence, what did she expect??? I was going to stay a nun? lol

I'm not telling my parents either until after it's done. My mom would probably freak out and insist on flying to Mexico to be with me to "help." Trust me, this is not a good idea...she flew up to "take care" of me and the kids the last time I had major surgery and I ended up leaving and checking myself into a Holiday Inn.

[finediva 979]

@manibeaux. Lol. No seriously, I laughed out loud. You checked into a Holiday Inn? It was that bad huh? Maybe it is best to wait until you have actually recovered!

[gabbykittyvsg 184]

My mom is still alive but has dementia really bad. So if I were to tell her my surgery she wouldn't remember sure wish I had my mom back.

I take care of a man with Alzheimer's and it's hard for me to watch him struggle. I've only known him for 6 months so I can't imagine the magnitude of the grief you feel over the loss of who your mom was.

[gabbykittyvsg 184]

I'm not telling my parents either until after it's done. My mom would probably freak out and insist on flying to Mexico to be with me to "help." Trust me, this is not a good idea...she flew up to "take care" of me and the kids the last time I had major surgery and I ended up leaving and checking myself into a Holiday Inn.

When I had my gall bladder out the only reason I let my mom come down is because I had to have someone take me home and stay with me for 24 hours. I had had 2 previous surgeries and had done just fine after so I sent my mom home after a few hours. I couldn't rest with her here. I'll probably end up telling her about my VSG after I get insurance approval and have a date. But I am going to be firm and not let her come visit me in the hospital until the day of discharge. I will call her or have my friend call after I'm out of surgery. She was with me when I had my breast reduction and attempted to stay in the room with me for a few hours and I sent her home then too. I don't really want to tell her about the VSG but one way or another she'll probably find out and I think dealing with her before surgery will be easier than dealing with her if she doesn't find out until after.

[Beni 1,484]

I love my mother and we talk at least once a week over the phone but a few years back my mother came to stay with us for 6 months. My father had passed away 5 years prior. I was going back to work and I thought she would help with the kids. I didn't need much help, just someone to be home when the kids got gone from school. Well, I have 3 kids, after she came I had 4. She was terribly lonely and missing her home and friends. Depended on everything from me. I came home and had to entertain her as she would be "so sad and lonely" and she didn't cook at all and her statement was "i'm not used to your kitchen"and what I mean is she didn't even cook for herself, I had elementary age kids, of course our dinners were simple stuff. I had to cook for her as well since chicken fingers, pizza and hamburgers was kid stuff. I must add, my mother was a stay at home mom her entire life, her dinners were elaborate and cooked from scratch. It was a disaster. I wish I had been able to check into the Holiday Inn.

[ProudGrammy 8,322]

tired of having to worry about her feelings when all i can think of is my impending surgery

@@jessiquoi

mom could be critical, tell me to just eat proper and exercise - all the stuff i've heard before

mom always "reminded" me about my weight

when i told her about the WLS, she almost did cartwheels

she was so happy at the prospect of her FAT daughter maybe loosing lots of weight

not in a good way in my opinion

wasn't concerned for me about any possible pre or post op problems with surgery

just happy for her, not having to deal with an "overweight" daughter

always felt she was embarrased (msp) by me

(4 siblings good weight, very active)

agree with OP's comment

i love my mom - i just don't always like her

right now i am sad/tearing - thinking about my past/future with mom

don't worry about me - i am in therapy dealing with food issues and MOM "issues"

thank you my friends for llistening to my sadness/and rant

kathy

Edited October 11, 2014 by proudgrammy

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

@@jessiquoi

mom could be critical, tell me to just eat proper and exercise - all the stuff i've heard before

mom always "reminded" me about my weight

when i told her about the WLS, she almost did cartwheels

she was so happy at the prospect of her FAT daughter maybe loosing lots of weight

not in a good way in my opinion

wasn't concerned for me about any possible pre or post op problems with surgery

just happy for her, not having to deal with an "overweight" daughter

always felt she was embarrased (msp) by me

(4 siblings good weight, very active)

agree with OP's comment

i love my mom - i just don't always like her

right now i am sad/tearing - thinking about my past/future with mom

don't worry about me - i am in therapy dealing with food issues and MOM "issues"

thank you my friends for llistening to my sadness/and rant

kathy

Reminding me about my weight. Yep.

"Oh, thanks so much ! I had actually forgotten I was fat."

[bellabill 253]

Aside from all the stuff we have to deal with the moods have been up and down. I feel I am arguing with my husband more than usual lately. Good thing my mother lives in FL cause I would have strangled her by now! It's tough and lets focus on ourselves. It'll be months later during pre and post surgery that things will balance out. Hang in there. Lisa

[Rena's got this 274]

My mom and I had the very best relationship. Loved her more than I could say. I lost her last year due to complications of diabetes and dementia, and I will miss the person she used to be for the rest of my life. She never ever made me feel bad about my weight, any of my life choices, or anything. For my own kids, I'm going to try to be the mom she was to me.