I am feeling resentful

[CowgirlJane 14,260]

okay... this is a vent!!!!

I love that both my grown sons are back home with me... such joy it brings! I come from "big family" and living alone just seems so abnormal. My whole life I have been buried in people and had to seek solitude...more recently, I have had to work to seek companionship and it has been hard for me to live alone. I love that they are here. My EX shows up alot because he is very close to his step sons. That is mixed for me because I care for him so deeply but we are NOT good for each other so I often leave when he comes because I want him to have good "man times" with my boys. He often shows them how to do man stuff like replace a light switch..okay, I am being a wimp, but we always had a real division of labor in my world and I miss not having a partner around who can do the little stuff that puzzles me.

I really really value that since their dad is a complete loser and I so appreciate that their step-dad is a real man and steps up to the job of teaching and leading them in their lives. I am blessed that he still shows up even though we haven't been an "item" for a very long time.

But I digress... what I resent is that I can't eat like a man. this is so hard. Suddenly, there is bread, there is delicsious rice blends, there is deep fried, there is pizza, there is beer. There are CARBS!!!! They don't make the male members of my family fat, but they fatten me up like a steer at the stockyard.

I am pissed, annoyed and just plain irrate.

However, I sure as heck like weighing in the 140s more than in the 250-300+++ range.... so, I remind myself of that and persevere even though i feel like I have been eating like a farmhand lately! GRRRRR

Vent over.

[4me4them 381]

Vent heard! Hope that helps a little...

[swimbikerun 1,046]

I can feel for you!! We are here for you.

[I will what I want 271]

I feel you CGJ - it's totally unfair that you/me/us can't eat whatever we want. It really is and I protest with you!!!! I say rant away - get it all out - and then go do something that makes you feel good. How about spending some of that money you aren't spending on food on massages/clothes/manis? Whatever it is that makes you feel valued and taken care of. Also, I want to point out how generous you are with your sons and Ex. It takes a woman of character, love, and generosity to continue to invite an ex into to her life for the benefit of her sons. I Celebrate that woman! Please do the same. Much love, Shellie

[thesuse2000 698]

That was by far the most positive vent I've ever read!!

Sorry to hear of your frustrations. I'm sure in time you'll accept that you just don't participate in all the man food.

So nice to hear that you're enjoying the time with your sons - and I just love that your ex is still involved in their lives - and as mentioned above, that you put aside your own conflicts with that for the sake of their relationships. <3

[MichiganChic 3,262]

First, let me say I totally get that you love having your grown sons around. I also love having my three grown daughters in my house, too! One got married, procreated, and moved back while they are building a house, and I love that even more!

But I had to just laugh at your rant. Actually, not AT it, but with you, because if I think about it like that, I'm pissed, too. So, I just stuff down that feeling because I sure the heck love being thin way more than I love food, and I go shopping instead Seriously, though, it is a struggle. For me, being alone is worse than being with lots of people around. They distract me from thinking about food. If I'm home alone, food always makes it's way to to the top of my thought processes. That REALLY pisses me off even more!

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

For me, it's not my kids, it's the whole world! Everywhere I go people are eating things I can't have. It's hard to "choose not to have it" It's DAMN hard. When Cookies are being passed around, I want to take one too!

When I go to visit friends, and they put a bowl of chips and guacamole out, I want to eat it too! Life is very fattening and it's difficult every single day to have willpower.

[MichiganChic 3,262]

For me, it's not my kids, it's the whole world! Everywhere I go people are eating things I can't have. It's hard to "choose not to have it" It's DAMN hard. When Cookies are being passed around, I want to take one too!

When I go to visit friends, and they put a bowl of chips and guacamole out, I want to eat it too! Life is very fattening and it's difficult every single day to have willpower.

Agreed. What's worse, is I find I don't always have self control to pass things up. It's very hard to have the will power day in and day out....and it get's old. It's hard not to have "dieter's fatigue". I just do the best I can, but it's frustrating when you realize it's the little choices that you make day in and day out that can make or break us, and that's NEVER changing. Then I look at my beautiful small clothes and remember how much better I feel, and I am consoled

[CowgirlJane 14,260]

T he problem for me is not the calories in those little choices it's that eating that way makes me hungry! It's a carb craving cycle. If I eat clean my hunger is quite manageable but when on the carb crazy train I want to eat alot more often than normal.

Agreed. What's worse, is I find I don't always have self control to pass things up. It's very hard to have the will power day in and day out....and it get's old. It's hard not to have "dieter's fatigue". I just do the best I can, but it's frustrating when you realize it's the little choices that you make day in and day out that can make or break us, and that's NEVER changing. Then I look at my beautiful small clothes and remember how much better I feel, and I am consoled

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

I agree Sheryl, it's a very vicious cycle. One bad food leads to another.

I did well on 5:2 because once I started fasting, I didn't want to eat. I think it was from the extremely low carbs.

[lsereno 2,525]

Well I am crazy jealous of those that can have yummy foods around and just leave them. You know, the person with the candy dish on their desk, the people who keep Cookies and cake at home. Ugh. I have to wait to buy my halloween candy till a few days before Halloween to keep myself under control. And I send anything left over home with the kids at the end of the night. Sigh.

Lynda

[MichiganChic 3,262]

Well I am crazy jealous of those that can have yummy foods around and just leave them. You know, the person with the candy dish on their desk, the people who keep Cookies and cake at home. Ugh. I have to wait to buy my halloween candy till a few days before Halloween to keep myself under control. And I send anything left over home with the kids at the end of the night. Sigh.

Lynda

Yep...I'll be buying my candy that day! I've been known (pre-surgery) to eat a bag of it while passing it out. Not proud, but just sayin.

[lsereno 2,525]

Yeah, not to hijack Cowgirls rant, but on Halloween, I eat a big dinner, pop a giant bowl of popcorn, drink sugar free hot apple cider and that slows down the candy consumption. This year, I'm adding snug jeans. Feeling them press against my tummy slows me down.

Lynda

[CowgirlJane 14,260]

I can't have candy around. Boys are under strict orders to hide the crack....er candy.

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

I don't even bother to buy halloween candy.Im not home anyway to pass it out. I'm having a really hard time staying out of the store that carries the really good popcorn balls.

I have a really hard time passing any candy machine. You know, the ones you put a quarter in? I rationalize that I won't get much out of that machine. It still gives me a handful of m & m s though! No willpower what so ever!