Getting annoyed and being sensitive.

[Sassy Little Redhead 66]

I'll start off by saying, I am a nurse and I obviously work with nurses. Nurses are really judgmental at times, especially to one of their own. It just in most of our natures to have the "suck it up buttercup and quit feeling sorry for yourself. You did this to yourself" attitude. Anyway, for this reason I was trying not to tell anyone other than one close friend/coworker and my nurse manager. Well my nurse manager forced my hand, for reasons I won't bore you with, and I felt the need to own my situation and tell my unit. It's a small 13 person unit and we love/bicker like sisters. Most have been supportive but some keep saying "you're not that big", "you don't have that much to lose, you shouldn't need it". Well let me tell ya ladies, if it was that easy I would have done it when I was 13 and battling it, or all of the other failed attempts, most of which involved weight loss meds. I know I'm "only" 190, but when I have 70lbs to lose it is a lot to me. My joints are wearing from the weight due to my rheumatoid arthritis and I am in a lot of pain. They don't see it because I don't broadcast it. They don't see me fret over my LDL of 186. I just don't need people being flippant and judgmental right now. It was a very difficult decision and I feeling a bit vulnerable.

[It's Allgood 30]

Yeah, I can see how they would get under your skin. My co-workers know and I framed it as a health issue. I weighted 165 the day of surgery, but I have diabetes and high blood pressure. That they understood and they have been very supportive.

Some of them are probably envious that you are doing it so they are needling you. I know it is hard to hear this day in and day out, but can you subtly blow them off?

Good luck!

[Sassy Little Redhead 66]

I tried explaining that is a health issue, but that follows with I should try harder. Some I just have to agree to disagree and let it go. It's always mean hard for me to open up about my weight issue. Thanks for the support!

[steelemagnolia 7]

You're living your life, not theirs. If you can just joke about it. Maybe they are just trying to make you feel better, or maybe they think you look great. Just enjoy your life. For me, I have 1/10th of my thyroid gland. I have a low metabilism. I am 66 and my thyroid cancer happened when I was 36. I learned many years ago that people think low metabolism is a cop out. I just rarely mention it.

[Beni 1,484]

Sassy redhead:

I think, and this is based in a lifetime of experience, diet and exercise work for some people but not for others.

I wonder, and I am sorry for being cheeky (I am in no way poking fun at patients with cancer), if you had cancer and went through all lengths to save your life, would anyone have told you you didn't have too much cancer, it's only a little one you can suck it up and deal with it buttercup. Well, you have a disease, it's called obesity. Your's perhaps is not a very advanced case of it but you know you have it and so do I. What is the cure for your disease? I'm not sure, I am not a doctor. But you and your doctor will have to figure out what is the best way to deal with it. Going home to deal with cancer on your own is not an option, right?

[Sassy Little Redhead 66]

Beni, you are absolutely right. Unfortunately many people they don't look at obesity as a disease but a lifestyle choice. They are sympathetic to what they deem as "real diseases".

[Sassy Little Redhead 66]

Thanks SteelMagnolia!

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

If you could go back in time, would you tell your coworkers?

[Sassy Little Redhead 66]

Probably not. At least not until after. But what's done is done. I did need to tell my own truth before my very gossipy boss shared for me, I wish I would have been able to do it in my own time as opposed to feeling pressured into sharing now.

[steelemagnolia 7]

You are and will be absolutely beautiful. Don't give other people your power. And, you are a powerful woman!

[Babbs 14,681]

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent"

Eleanor Roosevelt

[Waiting4Sleeve 15]

I know what you mean. Since I do not have 100+ lbs to lose people act like I am being lazy in having surgery. They don't live with the struggles I have trying to lose to only gain it back and more.... they don't live with the aches and pains and doubling my blood pressure meds and on and on I could go. Just because I do not complain all the time of my weight doesn't mean I am not suffering from the effects of it. Trust me, I would much rather go on a diet and lose the weight and live happily ever after. But I can't do it without this help.

I too was not going to tell anyone till afterwards, but when you work in an office with people and are with them more than your family, they just find out. Most have been very supportive. I have made it clear when talking about it that I don't really care if others are against me having it done. They don't have to live with the decision I am making.... I do! I say it nicely... but matter of fact. My hubby, parents, and grown kids are VERY supportive of me... that's all that matters to me. My hubby is doing the liquid diet with me starting Monday even. He wants to drop a few pounds and show his support of me and what I am doing. We cleaned out all the food of the house today since we start Monday. I feel so sorry for those on here who's spouses are not supportive at all.

[Miss Mac 6,262]

After thirty five years, I finally retired for Healthcare Envirornmental Management. I have supervised staff in both nursing homes and hospitals and therefore have thirty five years of experience working with / for medical professionals.

In more than one place, I managed my own department's Human Resources as a contractor. The one thing that amazed me most in all of those years is that in spite of HIPAA laws that establish the privacy rights of the patients, those same professionals across the board do not grasp that this same right to privacy should extend to their co-workers.

I had to wrestle constantly with my own staff to remind them that if one of their own co-workers is in a hospital bed, or even confides a medical issue wth them, that information is their personal information and is the "employee patient's" story to tell. Your nurse manager needs some re-training herself to understand that

1) Human Resources is the only place you should have been required to divulge the reason for your surgery - even you even had to tell them that much. Really, all that should be required is a letter from your surgeon stating that you are under his care and will not expected be able to return to work until a specific time.

2) It's nobody's business why you will be absent, and if your nurse manager has forced your hand to get information, she is clearly over-stepping the bounds of her authority.

3)The HIPAA laws are there for you, too.

I wish you good luck and good health.

[Sassy Little Redhead 66]

@@Miss Mac- I went to HR with my concerns and I was told I had to divulge what I was having done to my manager and to DON. Both of which gossip. They even look at the surgery schedule and if they see an employee they call them to ask what they are having done and why weren't they told. They claim it's due to staffing. We are a very small facility and and out unit is short staffed, even one absent person throws a wrench into the gears. I went so far as to schedule around others PTO and tried to find my own coverage to minimize disruption. Don't get me wrong this place is the nicest place I've ever worked and we're all like family here. But I think that is also the biggest down side too.

Edited October 4, 2014 by Sassy Little Redhead

[Jack 855]

re: "It was a very difficult decision and I feeling a bit vulnerable."

understand the sensation, disagree that such is inevitable....having made the decision and then going thru with it, gave me a greater sense of Personal Power, as comments from the Helpful as well as the Clueless really were a form of entertainment more than anything else.

Strongly opinionated people are difficult to sway, and while nurses en bloc are sensitive intelligent and professionally helpful, some of them resemble the Jerry Springer School of Personal Diplomacy.

What they think or 'that' they think at all of your procedure, really has only the power over your feelings that you give them.

*I* felt somewhat 'vulnerable' for a while, and perhaps 'weak' etc resorting to such a contrivance as WLS....however, it was the best rational decision available at the time.

Cheers on your journey.