Starting over, leaving baggage behind

[F_it 101]

Hi everyone,

Im a 32 y/o mom of 3 girls, 5'7" currently in a size 16 US at 232 pounds. Ive recently started over after a two year "hiatus". Ive overcome some major life changing events in that time period, but Im no stranger to survival mode. So I finally got back on track with my life priorities, and this time Im leaving my baggage of fears behind. I read through the forums here and find inspiration in most bandsters, so Im grateful for having an online supportive community. For anyone who has stalled, stopped, fallen off the bandwagon etc, I just want to say dont despair and yes its hard to go face your doc feeling defeated but its better than giving in to the defeat, you deserve more than to give up on yourself!

For more curious peeps, heres a lil more (longwinded) background,copy-pasted from my profile:

Fear is my biggest obstacle. It really does its very best to tie me down. And Ive submitted too often, for too long. Afraid of the nos, afraid of the yeses, afraid of endings, afraid of beginnings, afraid of being unwanted and afraid of wanting , afraid of the past and the future, afraid of failures and successes that might lead to unknown pain. I dont mind pain. But Im still afraid of it.

I had a spark of courage in 2012 when I hit rock bottom at my highest weight ever. 275 and I suddenly realized Id just thrown away my twenties. So for my 30th birthday I wanted to give myself my life back. Started losing weight slowly and steadily.. Then at around 35lbs loss a series of events took my focus off weightloss.. I got pregnant with twins, an amazing experience that ended with a loss of one heartbeat (we were blessed with a little sole surviver). My mother moved to another country, and I received news that my estranged grandfather was dying. I was hit with a severe form of bells palsy, which took months of meds physiotherapy and e-stimulation to overcome the paralysis.

Meanwhile I managed to keep the 35 off, but Id lost confidence and felt intimidated, although all I had needed was a little fill to pick myself back up from where Id left off, almost two years ago.

And here I am now.. Starting over, and Ive had enough of the fear. So Im saying get to your green zone already! Get out of your head and up on the elliptical dammit! Stop hesitating and own those heels! Ive changed my workout playlist, and Ive changed my mantra. Im trying fierce on for a change, and so far its looking hot. And whenever that fear starts creeping into my head, I say: F*** It! And Effing it seems to be working so far! :-)

Thanks for reading :-)

[ChelleChi1969 69]

Good kick F_it!! I think it's brave to start again & recommit yourself to YOURSELF!!

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

I want to like this post TWICE!

[F_it 101]

Thanks ladies! :-)

[Bandista 7,466]

Great post -- makes my day. And I had a good laugh over your location listing, "in a state of constant flux." Your ferocity is coming through loud and strong. I feel, it, too -- this new courage; I'm showing up in my life in a whole new way. It feels great! Yes the weight loss, the health and vitality, etc., but for me I think it's about the appetite monster finally being shut up. All that mental chatter about food was making me second-guess myself and the things in my life. Not anymore!

[F_it 101]

@@Bandista thanks for the kind words! when I read your post I was like yes yes yes! Thats the spirit! Haha Im loving the energy Ive noticed in your posts too, you give off positive vibes and have some killer girl power attitude! Heres to shutting up that paranoid mental chatter and shaking off the hesitation for good! :-)

Edited September 29, 2014 by F_it